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Dumped after 3 years of an amazing relationship


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 21st December 2017, 6:28 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by OutKast100 View Post
Yeah i have my own regrets from time to time as well, it's only natural to look back at the situation and see where we could have done things differently but nobody is perfect at the end of the day.

It takes 2 people to make a relationship work and if there was something more which was bothering her then she should have mentioned it to you so that you guys could work on it. Don't be hard on yourself over these things because it is not your fault for why she ended it. She did not put any effort into making the relationship work.

She just felt curious about dating other guys and that is a selfish reason to break up with someone over. She literally said that she wanted to explore other options seeing as how you were her first relationship. She wants to see what it's like with other guys and if she gets bored of them and wants to come back to you then she will take you back. That is such a slap in the face to you man and you deserve better than her. You can't control the fact that you were her first real relationship so don't worry about her selfish reason to walk away.
Thanks for all the replies man they've been really helpful. Yeah you're probably right, but I cant help but feel like if she was happy/content, she wouldn't be thinking about what else is out there. Why else would it come up now after nearly 3 years? I guess thats why I can't help but think about how I should've done things differently; paid more attention to what she was probably trying to communicate, or to the fact that she was feeling unhappy.

I'm mad at myself for not catching these things and not taking action when I should have. And I'm frustrated because of this chicken and egg dialogue in my head: Did she want to see what else is out there because she was unhappy, or was she unhappy because she didn't know what else is out there? It's so damn frustrating.
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Old 24th December 2017, 1:04 AM   #47
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Hey man at the end of the day it's like i said before... don't think of it that you did not do enough, instead, think of it that she gave up on you and walked away since that is the reality of the situation. If she trully loved you then she would not have walked away like that. Her excuse was pathetic too. You said that you were pretty much shocked by the whole thing which to me tells me that there wasn't anything that you did or did not do to effect this breakup. She broke up with you for selfish reasons, she wanted to explore her options. You can't control that. You were just being your normal self until she started to think of selfish reasons to break up with you. Unfortunately these things happen but like I wrote before, you're at least lucky that she did this now while you're not married or having any kids with her. You will get over her eventually. Some days will be worse than other days but if you are ever having a bad day and you are missing her then just remember that there are also good days and you can look forward to those days in your future, and they will happen, trust me.
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:39 PM   #48
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I think about this everyday man, we need to try to let those thoughts go. There are so many reasons they did what they did that we wont ever be able to understand, and at the end of the day its not all on us.

Yes, I couldve loved her more, if I could go back I'd do it all differently. But would have changed the outcome? Sometimes I think it would, but for how long? How long can you strive for perfection, because sometimes life happens and love takes the backseat.
Maybe they are longing for something else, searching for some sort of perfection that they'll never find. Maybe the happiness they are looking for cant be found in someone else, but only themselves. Until they can do that, they can never love anyone.
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Old 9th January 2018, 4:12 PM   #49
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Start looking at it with the reptilian brain. She is new to all this and just found Hypergamy.

Besides, your too young to be taking all this so seriously. Get yourself in check. Solidify your finances and develop your career goals. Then a few years down the road, when all these youngins' start getting old...You will be the flavor of the month for the "good" model. Just have fun now and play it safe.

Best of luck.
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Old 9th January 2018, 4:50 PM   #50
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You should try to forgive yourself for not "knowing" how she felt. This is because, you're not a mind-reader. She has issues if she is unable to communicate, and those issues have little to do with you. A mature, adult, long-lasting relationship relies on good communication from both partners, and if she couldn't share her feelings with you, it's not on you-- it means you will find a better match in the future once you've learned to walk away from romantic partners with that specific weakness.
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Old 9th January 2018, 5:05 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by anthle702 View Post
I think about this everyday man, we need to try to let those thoughts go. There are so many reasons they did what they did that we wont ever be able to understand, and at the end of the day its not all on us.

Yes, I couldve loved her more, if I could go back I'd do it all differently. But would have changed the outcome? Sometimes I think it would, but for how long? How long can you strive for perfection, because sometimes life happens and love takes the backseat.
Maybe they are longing for something else, searching for some sort of perfection that they'll never find. Maybe the happiness they are looking for cant be found in someone else, but only themselves. Until they can do that, they can never love anyone.
Anthle702 - that is probably one of the best if not the best comments i have read on this forum....honestly!
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Old 4th February 2018, 12:31 PM   #52
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How are all of you guys doing lately?
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Old 4th February 2018, 1:38 PM   #53
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I wonder how the op is doing ? He has not updated in a while

I hope we get an update
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Old 8th February 2018, 6:42 AM   #54
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Well I haven't done an update in a while now so here goes. Part of the reason for that is that I've been busy with grad school applications, which have been a welcome distraction, and something to really get excited about for the future, so theres that. I can say that I do have good days now, the trend seems to be upward overall, but I don't think I'm anywhere near the level of happiness I was at pre-breakup and probably won't be for a while. I'm not obsessing or overthinking all of the time about it anymore, but I'm not exactly happy either. I think I've sunk into this general apathy and distrust of other people, and it's really a shame because I used to be pretty optimistic and positive before.

I've been taking melatonin to help fall asleep because I was having trouble sleeping and I've been doing some therapy/counselling to help get through some of the rougher times, and it has helped to some extent. Although at the end of the day others can only do so much for you. I can proudly say I've stuck with no contact this entire time so I'm happy I was able to discipline myself in that respect. Haven't heard from her at all in 5 months now, which is pretty sad. I guess I have to resign to the fact that I won't hear from her again.

Still harbouring a lot of regret that gets to me sometimes, it's probably still my biggest struggle, at times thinking how I could've done things differently, if only i had done this or that, and the frustration that I can't change anything that comes with that. I find that I'm still really hard on myself for things like that, thoughts that it's my fault and I didn't do enough and wasn't good enough. Just this past weekend I had a bit of a breakdown in a while about it all since it was the 5 month mark of the breakup/no contact, really falling into self blame/regret, but now I'm feeling okay again. Emotions seem to be ebbing and flowing, but with less intensity and frequency.

I really wish life hadn't thrown me this curveball because I was happy with the way things were, and now I have to work at just being content, but I guess thats the way life goes. This has probably been the worst time in my life since my parents divorced and my grandparents died. I hope I can one day put it all behind me completely.
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Old 8th February 2018, 3:00 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by Octavian8 View Post
I really wish life hadn't thrown me this curveball because I was happy with the way things were, and now I have to work at just being content, but I guess thats the way life goes. This has probably been the worst time in my life since my parents divorced and my grandparents died. I hope I can one day put it all behind me completely.
It sounds like you are making progress, and good for you for making it 5 months of NC. That is something to be proud of and will pay off as time goes on. One thing I learned after my big breakup that brought mere here is that life is filled with curve balls. Life is filled with ups and downs. Navigating those ups and downs is a part of life, and the people that find a way to navigate those curve balls without falling into a black hole are the most successful people. We all crave stability, but life doesn't work that way. I read somewhere that life is a series of navigating losses, and that is so true. You will find your way out of this, and it sounds like you already are.
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Old 8th February 2018, 3:04 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by anthle702 View Post
Do you guys have any advice on getting over this hate? After almost 2 months, I find myself still moving back and forth through the grief stages.

There are days I'm still shocked. There are days I hate her.

I hate her for lying to me and running off with someone else. I hate her for giving up on our relationship and never addressing her issues with me.

How can we forgive someone who hurt us so badly, while they dont seem to care. I am honestly praying its GIGS, and one day I can shove it in her face.
I don't know if you are still dealing this this, but I wanted to offer some advice if you still need it. Basically, you are trying to become indifferent to her. Once you become indifferent, you won't feel hate or any other emotions surrounding the breakup. You will be free and able to forgive and move on. Forgiveness is for you, and it just means you moved on. It means you no longer feel the person owes you a debt anymore. You have relinquished the debt so to speak.

You need to stay with NC, and create a new life without her. You gotta do both. Not one of the other. The new life you create without her will be filled with new memories and overtake what you had with her.
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Old 8th February 2018, 11:56 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by Octavian8 View Post
Well I haven't done an update in a while now so here goes. Part of the reason for that is that I've been busy with grad school applications, which have been a welcome distraction, and something to really get excited about for the future, so theres that. I can say that I do have good days now, the trend seems to be upward overall, but I don't think I'm anywhere near the level of happiness I was at pre-breakup and probably won't be for a while. I'm not obsessing or overthinking all of the time about it anymore, but I'm not exactly happy either. I think I've sunk into this general apathy and distrust of other people, and it's really a shame because I used to be pretty optimistic and positive before.

I've been taking melatonin to help fall asleep because I was having trouble sleeping and I've been doing some therapy/counselling to help get through some of the rougher times, and it has helped to some extent. Although at the end of the day others can only do so much for you. I can proudly say I've stuck with no contact this entire time so I'm happy I was able to discipline myself in that respect. Haven't heard from her at all in 5 months now, which is pretty sad. I guess I have to resign to the fact that I won't hear from her again.

Still harbouring a lot of regret that gets to me sometimes, it's probably still my biggest struggle, at times thinking how I could've done things differently, if only i had done this or that, and the frustration that I can't change anything that comes with that. I find that I'm still really hard on myself for things like that, thoughts that it's my fault and I didn't do enough and wasn't good enough. Just this past weekend I had a bit of a breakdown in a while about it all since it was the 5 month mark of the breakup/no contact, really falling into self blame/regret, but now I'm feeling okay again. Emotions seem to be ebbing and flowing, but with less intensity and frequency.

I really wish life hadn't thrown me this curveball because I was happy with the way things were, and now I have to work at just being content, but I guess thats the way life goes. This has probably been the worst time in my life since my parents divorced and my grandparents died. I hope I can one day put it all behind me completely.
Sounds like you are in the same state of mind as me. I don't really have any trust in other women right now either and I dont want to be in a new relationship. The problem is that I don't have that connection that I used to have so I feel lonely sometimes and I miss what I had and how I knew that I had someone who was there for me who was a part of my life. I have my regrets too but what makes me feel better is reminding myself that she was the one who walked away and didnt fight for the relationship. I'm glad that you haven't contacted her, I'm not contacting my ex either and she hasn't reached out to me. It's strange though because Im still friends with her family on facebook, I just unfollowed them so that i wouldnt be reminded of her but none of them deleted me. Maybe one day our exes will reach out to us but Im not here waiting for that day and counting down the days until it happens. Honestly, Ive thought about it and things just wouldn't be the same if she would change her mind and want me back. In the back of my mind I will always have this sort of anger for what she did and how she walked away and I just wouldn't look at her the same way.

I can relate to you in the sense that this has also probably been the worst time of my life too. My grandma passed away about a month before my ex broke up with me and I had an interview for my dream job but I didnt get the position and its very hard to get into this field. But whatever man, let's just keep moving forward. I've had a lot more free time due to being single so I've been jogging like 65 kilometers a week and Im in much better shape now. We can always be happy about other things and we can find things to make us happy which don't rely on other people. At this point im just looking forward to the day when I am indifferent to all this bullsh*t and just happy to put this nightmare behind me. Just one day at a time.
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