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She is seeing someone else


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 30th September 2017, 10:00 AM   #151
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That's gonna happen. They're going to move on and find someone else. They're going to live the rest of their lives. Right now, you aren't living. This person who doesn't even have the ability to live you robbed you of it. This isn't someone who died. It's someone who decided you were not right for each other. And if they can't appreciate you and all the awesomeness you are, they are right. If someone doesn't love you and leaves you behind they are NOT right for you. You shouldn't want someone like that.


But emotions overtake reason a lot of the time. The emotions are too strong now. Time and new experiences are really the best healer for this situation. It wil fade the emotions and give you more perspective. Do everything you can to stop googling sht. Stop stalking, looking at pics, etc. you're prolonging your suffering that way.
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Old 30th September 2017, 2:24 PM   #152
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It's normal to feel this way, but I can almost guarantee that your desire to be friends is subconsciously just you wanting a romantic relationship with her.

Once you are able to boost your self-esteem and figure out why you accepted such poor treatment from her, it's likely you won't have any desire to be in her life, romantically or as a friend.
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Old 30th September 2017, 6:15 PM   #153
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Once you are able to boost your self-esteem and figure out why you accepted such poor treatment from her, it's likely you won't have any desire to be in her life, romantically or as a friend.

Perhaps I just deserved it. Maybe she was the 'normal' one and I messed everything up, who knows. The venom with which she tells me she never wants to speak to me again is usually, I thought, reserved for those people who've cheated on someone or done something particularly nasty. Not people who just don't want to be broken up with.

I'm in NC but I don't feel any better. I've tried going online to chat to other women and for the most part it's OK. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all the effort-making and start crying because I don't have my ex anymore. Have to make all this effort to appear interesting, fun, sexy - I hate this. And I feel like it's pointless talking to these women. Will THEY dump me, too?
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Old 30th September 2017, 6:19 PM   #154
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You don't feel any better because you're still somehow convinced that you deserved the mistreatment. It's a classic, vicious pattern for the emotionally abused.
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Old 30th September 2017, 6:57 PM   #155
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Perhaps I just deserved it. Maybe she was the 'normal' one and I messed everything up, who knows. The venom with which she tells me she never wants to speak to me again is usually, I thought, reserved for those people who've cheated on someone or done something particularly nasty. Not people who just don't want to be broken up with.

I'm in NC but I don't feel any better. I've tried going online to chat to other women and for the most part it's OK. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all the effort-making and start crying because I don't have my ex anymore. Have to make all this effort to appear interesting, fun, sexy - I hate this. And I feel like it's pointless talking to these women. Will THEY dump me, too?
Yo! Clist! I'm about to drop some mad reality check with you and you need to watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ABVRvJ4Sjg . You better prepare yourself for this knowledge bomb. Listen to his words carefully
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Old 30th September 2017, 10:25 PM   #156
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That video was really good. Worth the watch! Cheers
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Old 30th September 2017, 10:29 PM   #157
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awesome vid
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Old 1st October 2017, 10:38 AM   #158
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Originally Posted by CeciliaCylara View Post
Yo! Clist! I'm about to drop some mad reality check with you and you need to watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ABVRvJ4Sjg . You better prepare yourself for this knowledge bomb. Listen to his words carefully
Thank you. I really enjoyed listening to him talk and he makes a lot of sense.
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Old 6th October 2017, 8:33 AM   #159
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Having a really tough time with a few things/people in my life and feeling like reaching out to my ex as she'd always offer advice, etc. Really want to just hear her voice or even see her.

(We're both female, no BE ALPHA comments here please)
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Old 6th October 2017, 9:09 AM   #160
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Honestly, it really does just take time and NC to get over someone. For me, the emotional devastation caused by my ex-wife's infidelity and divorce threw me for a loop and the depression over the situation was what drove me to thinking about her. So I wasn't necessarily missing her; I had tunnel-vision and thought that talking to her would help pull me out of the funk caused by the situation.

My first step in moving forward was when I realized this fact and took action. That is when I went COMPLETELY NC; I blocked her on social media and her phone number. I kept in touch with her about various divorce issues over email and that was it.

And, I started keeping myself busier than I ever had before; I took on extra responsibilities at work, I joined a competitive billiards league, and I spent as much time away from the house as possible. I'm pretty introverted so this was hard for me to do but the alone time I used to treasure was driving me insane as I had too much time to think.

I know this is all easier said than done but it is possible.
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Old 6th October 2017, 10:40 AM   #161
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It's been 5 months since we split, and it's been 4 months without any messages and 1 month full NC with social media and what not blocked.

In 5 months I have been to the gym and dieting, and that has lead me to loose a stone in weight and go down a trouser size, so it's been lovely working on me, and seeing women pay attention to me more. Also rather than having bad days, I now have bad weeks instead.

As much as I would love to go back on the dating scene, just to meet people and enjoy some female company (I'm not looking or ready for a relationship yet), I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want my ex seeing me back on Tinder or POF (she went back on there after 3 odd months), because I don't want to upset her, I think.

I dunno man, that sounds so F'd up, but it's true. The fact I dumped her because of her behaviour, and even now I think about her talking to me, and not wanting to hurt her, maybe I'm having a hard time of admitting to myself that it's over and it's time to move on and find new happiness. Last week I was on fire, happy being a single man and loving myself, this week, its been a downer.

I'm hoping for a better week, next week I have a faint twinge of wanting to message her and talk, but I know it won't cure anything, and just ruin both of our moving forward and healing. I do miss her.

Last edited by MarvelFan1; 6th October 2017 at 10:50 AM..
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Old 8th October 2017, 4:13 AM   #162
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@OatsAndHall - I think thatís really impressive, doing all of those things as an introvert. Iím a bit like that tooÖ Iíve started university but when Iím with people I just feel overwhelmed and have nothing to say, really. I canít do small talk, and something that doesnít help is I get a bit flustered talking to people so I say the wrong thing and they get confused so I just donít say anything. It all just makes things so much harder.

NC is horrible. The longer I donít speak to her the more likely it is that sheíll forget about me and end up moving on with someone else. I donít see NC as something thatís helping me, at all. I just see it as giving her space to move on. This is the worst thing in the world.
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Old 8th October 2017, 4:16 AM   #163
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I'm still in NC. I don't have access to any of her social media and I don't look, anyway. I'm finding this to be the hardest thing in the world, to be honest. I'm finding it a difficult concept to understand. I'm finding it scary, too. The longer I don't contact her is the longer I'm out of the way so she can forget about me.

I tried going on a date last week and I really liked the woman but she said after the date she just wanted to be friends - that really stung more than it should have and I just ended up feeling sad about my ex. Sad because I knew that I didn't have to impress my ex on a date, I already know her.

I really miss my ex. I wish none of this was happening. I don't feel like NC is helping but everything I read says it gets better although I don't feel like that. I feel empty and I miss her and just want to see her. I really hate this. I'm very tempted to just message her or call her even though I know what kind of response I'm likely to get.
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Old 8th October 2017, 4:41 AM   #164
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I find myself really thinking about what I'd say if I contacted her, and Googling really crazy things like "text to make your ex want to see you again" - I know it all sounds obsessive, but I'm really freaking out. I have no idea why I want to speak to her but I'm feeling really tense and I have non one to talk to about any of this.

What's annoying is that my therapist keeps taking breaks - I'm not seeing her for about two weeks now - I don't get how it can be helpful when it's not consistent. There doesn't seem to be a point, I can't even remember the last time I saw her.

I mean, I feel like just saying "f*** it, I'll just send her one message" - I really can't envision this getting any easier.

Another thing that doesn't help is that sometimes she DOES agree to seeing me (as she did last time when we saw each other) it feels like sometimes she calms down and agrees to talking or meeting up. She never seems to disappear entirely. Even when she's said everything like it's over, etc etc. She comes back.

Last edited by clist8511; 8th October 2017 at 4:44 AM..
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Old 8th October 2017, 6:45 AM   #165
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Nc is about you. In healing and moving on. You were in a toxic relationship, why on earth would you want to be with her again? So the same pattern can happen again and again. So you went on a date, and it didn't go as plan. Great. Look at it as a learning experience. Look ast it as what you want and need in a relationship. My relationship was similar to yours. As I said in my coping post I contacted my dumper to let him know of the game he was playing. He denied it, still put the blame on me and still called me a cun#. This is 5 mths of nc. But I am ok with it. Because I know finally he wasn't for me. I know that I don't want someone to call me names, and make me feel like I have to walk on egg shells. Your relationship is like mine. So ask yourself again why on earth would you wan to be with her? You saw her, you slept with her and she left you. When are you going to stop torturing yourself and start thinking with your head and not your heart? If my ex were to call me today and say sorry blah blah blah I think I'd laugh an Hang up. Why? Because I deserve better and so do you. It hasn't been easy for me. Like a lot of folks here. But at the end of the day again by reading posts here and taking people's advice I'm getting to know my value. And that is I deserve someone awesome, because I'm awesome and so are you.
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