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Did I Lose Her For Good


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 6th June 2017, 9:22 PM   #16
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You posted in relationships and I understand that's your pain right now. But for someone like me, who doesn't know you, I see the med addiction as a much bigger issue than the girl. It's like you told me you had a heart attack and missed your flight, and you worry if the airline will let you reschedule. I would think the heart attack is more important!!!
You get well for yourself, take care of yourself. The rest will follow.
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Old 6th June 2017, 9:33 PM   #17
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Y It's like you told me you had a heart attack and missed your flight, and you worry if the airline will let you reschedule. I would think the heart attack is more important!!!
You get well for yourself, take care of yourself. The rest will follow.
Great analogy, thank you for putting that in perspective
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Old 30th January 2018, 11:02 PM   #18
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-UPDATE-

So I ended up taking care of my problem and we began talking again, which ultimately led to dating since August until the beginning of the new year. However, I think I was too quick to move back and jump into everything again. I broke my addiction, but never really found my old self again nor totally regained my confidence. The relationship was constantly on and off and I always felt like I was walking on eggshells or had the need to do whatever I possibly could to make up for the past.

Ultimately this led to me acting really needy and clingy, and that's not who I am at all. The most recent ending she stating she lost attraction to me. I have gotten her back multiple times before, but want to keep her this time. I know I need to take a few months and become the person I was when I first met her and really be thriving and ambitious again. I guess I'm just worried it might be too late, any thoughts?
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Old 31st January 2018, 12:58 AM   #19
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Ouch, when a woman loses attraction its VERY hard to build that back up. Just the comment you made of wanting her back already is very needy. What you should want is your own life back and your own identity and confidence. Then the relationship with her is secondary. The neediness and codependency is very unattractive. I would start working on that first. Maybe get a therapist and work on yourself. You need to shift the focus off of her and the relationship and on to you. Once YOU love yourself, someone else will follow suit by your example. Good luck.
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Old 31st January 2018, 2:00 AM   #20
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What type of recovery program are you in?
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"Everybodys got a plan till they get hit in the mouth"- Mike Tyson
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Old 31st January 2018, 5:20 AM   #21
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-UPDATE-

So I ended up taking care of my problem and we began talking again, which ultimately led to dating since August until the beginning of the new year. However, I think I was too quick to move back and jump into everything again. I broke my addiction, but never really found my old self again nor totally regained my confidence. The relationship was constantly on and off and I always felt like I was walking on eggshells or had the need to do whatever I possibly could to make up for the past.

Ultimately this led to me acting really needy and clingy, and that's not who I am at all. The most recent ending she stating she lost attraction to me. I have gotten her back multiple times before, but want to keep her this time. I know I need to take a few months and become the person I was when I first met her and really be thriving and ambitious again. I guess I'm just worried it might be too late, any thoughts?
Mate, TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK INTO YOUR OWN HANDS!, this woman or any woman doesn't complete you, she or anyone can't solve your problems, you think she can and you can only be calm when you've got her back, that is the goal you set out to achieve for the past few months, which you did achieve but now you can see it's futile.
There was an analogy here about a heart attack and a missed flight, you are concentrated on the missed flight.
Try to move on, concentrate on getting your mind and health back, not back to the times before you met, but to a totally new person, stronger, willful and independent.
Stop adding her as your goal, stop trying to be better to impress her, she's moved on and so should you.
Do this for yourself and you will never regret it
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Old 31st January 2018, 2:22 PM   #22
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Thank you for the responses. I know that I needed to give everything more time and improve myself and find my own happiness before reconnecting, I guess I just jumped at the opportunity prematurely.

I also know that I need to move on entirely from this relationship and that it is over. I guess I just wish I met this person at a different time in my life or hope that months or years down the road that we cross paths again.
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Old 5th February 2018, 6:57 PM   #23
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So today is the 10th day of no contact, and over the weekend I checked my email and there it was, a message from her that was nothing of importance, just seemed like a way to start a conversation.

I decided to not respond after thinking about it for a few days, realizing that I needed to get myself completely together and heal before ever reconnecting. I still would like to someday reconcile, but only under the right conditions and most importantly when I am happy with myself. Did I handle this situation correctly?
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Old 6th February 2018, 2:08 AM   #24
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Yes, I think you handled it exactly right. Stay strong; take care of YOU right now.
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Old 7th February 2018, 9:26 PM   #25
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Today I decided to respond with asking her to not contact me unless she was looking to get back together. Her response was "I was just trying to be friendly. Jesus." I responded by saying that I am still hurting, but that I want to still be with you, and do not need friendly messages and to please respect my decision to only communicate if you are open to getting back together.

I know that I will never reach out in the future, and that only time will tell if she ever wants to come back. At the same time I am proud of myself for standing up for my own best interest and not accepting anything less than I feel I deserve.

For anyone reading this that is feeling heartache just know that you are not alone, but from the beginning of January to now I know that personally I feel a lot better, and I know that in time you will as well. Stay strong and only accept what you feel like you deserve and nothing less.

Previously I ended up back together with this person and if you have read the thread it is easy to see that the time was not right, and that I had plenty of my own issues to work through before that could realistically happen. I also believe in my heart that this is the person that I will eventually end up with, but realize now that we both have a lot to work on as individuals.

Also previously, as soon as reconciliation began to occur, I disappeared from this thread until heartbreak struck again. This time around I want to give myself a 100-day promise to be active on this thread. I am here to listen to your stories as well as share my day-to-day progression on my own situation and healing process. At times everyone needs someone to talk to, and people on this thread have been kind enough to be there for me; I would like to return the favor and give anyone insight that could be beneficial from someone whom truly hit rock-bottom and began to rebuild themselves back into the person they knew they could be.

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Old 7th February 2018, 9:55 PM   #26
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Actually i think your responding to her this way was fine. You laid it out there and now, since you did that, you have to adhere to it. No bread crumbs from her and no contacting her. Good for you and hopefully this gives you some piece. Just remember, she knows how you feel. She knows what you want. Going forward do what is only best for you.

FWIW, I had to do this same with an ex one time after we got back in contact. After about another 4 months of dancing around and right after she sent me an very nice, complimentary email, I had her call me and I told that if we aren't getting back 100% to try again, then we should no longer be in contact. That was over 2 years ago and I'm now in a fantastic 10 month relationship that is 100 times better. I haven't heard a word from my ex.
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Last edited by dumbass2; 7th February 2018 at 10:00 PM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 8:32 PM   #27
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FWIW, I had to do this same with an ex one time after we got back in contact. After about another 4 months of dancing around and right after she sent me an very nice, complimentary email, I had her call me and I told that if we aren't getting back 100% to try again, then we should no longer be in contact. That was over 2 years ago and I'm now in a fantastic 10 month relationship that is 100 times better. I haven't heard a word from my ex.
It's good to hear that our similar method of handling the situation led to being happier in the long-run, and I have no doubt that in the future I will look back at this and have the same outcome. However, at this time, part of me is wondering 'what if' I just played it cool and went with the flow.

I think it is normal to have these type of thoughts immediately afterwards, did you as well? And for how long? I'm going to follow through with my words no matter what regardless.
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Old 8th February 2018, 8:34 PM   #28
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I have began another thread here, would love to have support throughout this process:

First 100-Days Of No Contact - Day-By-Day Progress
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