one week of extreme begging. can no contact still get her back.

[khantom]

so we had a very bad breakup i ended up saying we are done. she is very hurt coz the breakup was something she was not expecting. and she is super angry with me. she says she hates relationships she never wants a relationship with anyone again. we both love each other alot but she is hurt. i have begged her for one week but she said its not gona happen.

can NO CONTACT still help me get her or is it too late ????

[Ash_cad]

so we had a very bad breakup i ended up saying we are done. she is very hurt coz the breakup was something she was not expecting. and she is super angry with me. she says she hates relationships she never wants a relationship with anyone again. we both love each other alot but she is hurt. i have begged her for one week but she said its not gona happen.

can NO CONTACT still help me get her or is it too late ????

 

Go NC with expections it's over .. and don't beg anymore if she loves you enough she will contact you .. but it seems too dramatic so it might take months before you hear anything .. work on yourself and move on ..

[mikeylo]

Why did you break up ?

 

If issues are not resolved, you can do everything under the sun, nothing will make it right. You can NC, beg, plead whatever but these don't resolve the root issue.

 

Giving lip service , rug sweeping , false promises , bread crumbs , they might bring her back for a while but the real issue will creep its ugly head again.

[khantom]

the issue was a fight a stupid fight. thats all. she was angry and i was angry and we were fighting on stupid little things :/

[mikeylo]

Maybe you are not fighting fair.

 

I'm conflicted about the NC thing. It cools you down and brings back perspective but doesn't resolve the issue. You've got to sit down after cooling down and talk. Own up , ego aside and do the right thing.

 

When my wife and I fight , we fight without being disrespectful , without losing love. We focus on the issue.

 

Resolve the cause. Is that particular issue worth losing her ? If not , leave that as something long forgotten dead horse and most importantly, don't justify , minimize or force her to accept that she doesn't want. Some things are beyond compromise.

[khantom]

i will sit with her i am willing to sit with her. but atm she has blocked all means of contact with me. she wont talk or sir. can nocontact atleast make her unblock me ???

[Ash_cad]

i will sit with her i am willing to sit with her. but atm she has blocked all means of contact with me. she wont talk or sir. can nocontact atleast make her unblock me ???

 

You will never know if you don't try .. if she blocked you that's a very clear answer for you she is of welling or not ready to talk now

Let her make the first move before attmemtping anything

Trying to contact her now will push her further away

[basil67]

Posters tell us all the time "we fight/fought over stupid stuff". But when we ask about the fight, the issue is usually significant. At least to one of the parties involved, it's important enough to stand their ground over.

 

Perhaps you think it's a stupid thing but the topic was really important to her? That could explain her animosity towards you.

 

What were you fighting about? What stance did each of you take and why did it get heated?

[Simple Logic]

so we had a very bad breakup i ended up saying we are done. she is very hurt coz the breakup was something she was not expecting. and she is super angry with me. she says she hates relationships she never wants a relationship with anyone again. we both love each other alot but she is hurt. i have begged her for one week but she said its not gona happen.

can NO CONTACT still help me get her or is it too late ????

 

So you loved her so much you easily kicked her to the curb over a stupid arguement? I'd say you poisened your last relationship and she is not coming back. Hopefully you have learned something.

[khantom]

well we were in a cafe and i was telling her to calm down and i was arguing but very softly and politely all i asked why she went out with her mail college for dinner coz i saw her there she said it was nothing etc but i said you could have atleast told me. well she then got hyper coz she said she has not done anything etc etc and then she started to become noisy i asked her to be calm and not to make drama i just want to know but she said how dare you shhh me and stuff and then we were complete drama infront of every one i asked her few times to please dont make noise there are people but she continued to say stuff like she just had dinner she didnt do anythig with him etc etc and i was still calm but then things got on my nerve i stood up and very politely said we are done and left.

[khantom]

Posters tell us all the time "we fight/fought over stupid stuff". But when we ask about the fight, the issue is usually significant. At least to one of the parties involved, it's important enough to stand their ground over.

 

Perhaps you think it's a stupid thing but the topic was really important to her? That could explain her animosity towards you.

 

What were you fighting about? What stance did each of you take and why did it get heated?

 

well we were in a cafe and i was telling her to calm down and i was arguing but very softly and politely all i asked why she went out with her male office colleague for dinner coz i saw her there she said it was nothing etc but i said you could have at least told me. well she then got hyper coz she said she has not done anything etc etc and then she started to become noisy i asked her to be calm and not to make drama i just want to know but she said how dare you shhh me and stuff and then we were complete drama infront of every one i asked her few times to please dont make noise there are people but she continued to say stuff like she just had dinner she didnt do anythig with him etc etc and i was still calm but then things got on my nerve i stood up and very politely said we are done and left. coz somethings that she said were quite ugly that i didnt mention here.

[Ash_cad]

well we were in a cafe and i was telling her to calm down and i was arguing but very softly and politely all i asked why she went out with her male office colleague for dinner coz i saw her there she said it was nothing etc but i said you could have at least told me. well she then got hyper coz she said she has not done anything etc etc and then she started to become noisy i asked her to be calm and not to make drama i just want to know but she said how dare you shhh me and stuff and then we were complete drama infront of every one i asked her few times to please dont make noise there are people but she continued to say stuff like she just had dinner she didnt do anythig with him etc etc and i was still calm but then things got on my nerve i stood up and very politely said we are done and left. coz somethings that she said were quite ugly that i didnt mention here.

Based on my experience when someone blow up like that over a question

Then usually they are guilty of something .. so there is something else behind the story

[khantom]

Based on my experience when someone blow up like that over a question

Then usually they are guilty of something .. so there is something else behind the story

 

the question is what should i be doing ????

[elaine567]

So you accused her of cheating on you with her male colleague as they went out to dinner and she got huffy and caused a scene in the cafe and you said we're done and walked away.

That is NOT just stupid little stuff.

 

If you are just a guy asking his gf why she is going out to dinner with another man then her overreaction is decidedly suspicious.

MY guess is that your intuition is correct and she is cheating and she doesn't want to get back with you as she has the new guy lined up. If it doesn't work out with him, you will most likely find her back at your door.

I would think very carefully here, do you really want to get back with a woman you cannot trust?

 

BUT

If you are a very jealous guy who is always accusing her of cheating and the dinner was actually a work thing, then maybe she was right to go off the deep end. Paranoia will annoy her and as you have found will chase her away.

[Ash_cad]

the question is what should i be doing ????

 

You have your answer loud and clear .. she blocked you

You sit down and do nothing .. stop everything and stick to NC

And wait for her move .. if she doesn't make a move then move on

Contacting or attempting to do anything will ruin any chance for anything

And trust me they usually make a move when you leave them alone sooner or later.

[mikeylo]

I can't believe how many people on this planet try to gaslight their partner by saying 'it's nothing ' while spending time with a person of opposite sex.

 

Stay broken.

 

People who need opposite sex friends, are deal breaker people for most people who are looking for a serious relationship. You can't argue with them. It's waste of your energy. They will always have some justification to minimize you.

 

I've read this countless times on various boards.

 

Once you let go, there will be another Harry. Then there will be Patrick. Then someone else. Before you know it , the entire closet is full of others and they all are ' nothing '.

[Lostandconfused12]

You are going through withdrawl. Stop obsessing. Don't drag this out. No contact is to help you move on. Out of sight out of mind. If you have to manipulate someone to be with you, why would you even want that? Man up. No one wants clingy. You attract people by being inheritable. Take a few months to yourself. Your brain is powerful you have to learn to control it.

[mikeylo]

On another note , she is angry because she got caught. She wasn't expecting to get caught.

 

Since it was straight in the face and there wasn't much room for denial or excuse,she hasn't got anything to cover herself up with.

 

The reason she doesn't want relationship with anyone is because no one else will put up with her clandestine meetings. She knows that.

 

People who need outside validation, have

Tom -- to praise the hair

Harry to praise the butt

Patrick to salivate over the boobs

And others for other stuff.

 

You dodged a bullet.

[Life lessons]

so we had a very bad breakup i ended up saying we are done. she is very hurt coz the breakup was something she was not expecting. and she is super angry with me. she says she hates relationships she never wants a relationship with anyone again. we both love each other alot but she is hurt. i have begged her for one week but she said its not gona happen.

can NO CONTACT still help me get her or is it too late ????

 

If you've begged for a week, and nothing from her, I would definitely go NC. Give her time to process her thoughts.

[Been]

She got loud because she wasn't expecting to get caught and when she did being loud was her only defence.

If your in a serious relationship with someone and you go out to dinner with someone of the opposite sex and never mention it why would that be?

Because they weren't suppose to find out.

[khantom]

You have your answer loud and clear .. she blocked you

You sit down and do nothing .. stop everything and stick to NC

And wait for her move .. if she doesn't make a move then move on

Contacting or attempting to do anything will ruin any chance for anything

And trust me they usually make a move when you leave them alone sooner or later.

 

After 3 days of no contact she has unblocked me on whats app out of no where as i can see her dp. now what does this mean ???? like if she wanted to contact me she should have but she didnt. just for the info i have blocked her on whats app.

[Abhainn]

In either case, whether you might be overly jealous or whether she was cheating on you or was leading up to it, and was giving you true cause to be suspicious (and you know in your heart of hearts, likely, which is probable. If you have a jealousy issue, you probably deep inside have some idea of that. If you know that you don't usually within relationships, than the latter becomes more likely).

 

But that's the thing. In either case, it is easy to see from this side of things that no contact is the best way for you to heal. In the former, you need to take some time to gain the confidence and trust within yourself, to read up on attachment style and what yours might be, and see how that might be playing in to it, and working on yourself to ensure that you are healthy enough to be in a relationship.

 

In the latter, you need to be far away from her, so that you can heal and find someone who will be as loyal as you are.

 

However, it is so easy to say and it sounds like you don't feel ready yet to go no contact for the purpose of ending the relationship and healing. What would it be like for you to consider no contact for the purpose of ending the relationship completely and what feelings does that bring up in you?

 

Also, if you project yourself into a future where you and she are back together again, would you ever be able to trust her? Really trust her? (and not the fantasy future where everything is perfect like you want it, but the likely reality of what being back together with her would bring).

 

I can really hear that this relationship was really important to you. However, I can also hear that there were significant trust issues between you and I'm wondering if those are giving you doubts about getting back together with her?

 

 

 

 

well we were in a cafe and i was telling her to calm down and i was arguing but very softly and politely all i asked why she went out with her male office colleague for dinner coz i saw her there she said it was nothing etc but i said you could have at least told me. well she then got hyper coz she said she has not done anything etc etc and then she started to become noisy i asked her to be calm and not to make drama i just want to know but she said how dare you shhh me and stuff and then we were complete drama infront of every one i asked her few times to please dont make noise there are people but she continued to say stuff like she just had dinner she didnt do anythig with him etc etc and i was still calm but then things got on my nerve i stood up and very politely said we are done and left. coz somethings that she said were quite ugly that i didnt mention here.

[khantom]

In either case, whether you might be overly jealous or whether she was cheating on you or was leading up to it, and was giving you true cause to be suspicious (and you know in your heart of hearts, likely, which is probable. If you have a jealousy issue, you probably deep inside have some idea of that. If you know that you don't usually within relationships, than the latter becomes more likely).

 

But that's the thing. In either case, it is easy to see from this side of things that no contact is the best way for you to heal. In the former, you need to take some time to gain the confidence and trust within yourself, to read up on attachment style and what yours might be, and see how that might be playing in to it, and working on yourself to ensure that you are healthy enough to be in a relationship.

 

In the latter, you need to be far away from her, so that you can heal and find someone who will be as loyal as you are.

 

However, it is so easy to say and it sounds like you don't feel ready yet to go no contact for the purpose of ending the relationship and healing. What would it be like for you to consider no contact for the purpose of ending the relationship completely and what feelings does that bring up in you?

 

Also, if you project yourself into a future where you and she are back together again, would you ever be able to trust her? Really trust her? (and not the fantasy future where everything is perfect like you want it, but the likely reality of what being back together with her would bring).

 

I can really hear that this relationship was really important to you. However, I can also hear that there were significant trust issues between you and I'm wondering if those are giving you doubts about getting back together with her?

 

I have started no contact its my 3rd day of it. but one thing is confusing she blocked me on every where and didnt want me contacting. well today i saw that she has unblocked me on whats app i can see her dp. i as well have blocked her but i was wondering why did she unblock me. she knows that i have blocked her. but whats the point of unblocking and if she wanted to contact she could have done that by texting or call whats the point of unblocking after 3 days. what kind of games is she playing

[bluefeather]

well we were in a cafe and i was telling her to calm down and i was arguing but very softly and politely all i asked why she went out with her mail college for dinner coz i saw her there she said it was nothing etc but i said you could have atleast told me. well she then got hyper coz she said she has not done anything etc etc and then she started to become noisy i asked her to be calm and not to make drama i just want to know but she said how dare you shhh me and stuff and then we were complete drama infront of every one i asked her few times to please dont make noise there are people but she continued to say stuff like she just had dinner she didnt do anythig with him etc etc and i was still calm but then things got on my nerve i stood up and very politely said we are done and left.

 

Wow, I was going to give you crap for breaking up with the poor girl and then coming here for advice on using NC to manipulate her into getting her back, but I think you did the right thing here by walking out. She sounds really immature.

 

Never use NC as a tool for manipulation of others. It will be bad for you. NC is is a tool to heal yourself.

[Samhain]

I don't think there's enough information about the relationship, the OP, or the girlfriend for anybody to assume she is definitely cheating on him. Reacting with anger to a simple question would be a red flag in a normal relationship, but it would also be an understandable reaction if she's constantly being accused of things.

 

The man she had dinner with was a work colleague. There is just as much chance it was an innocent work lunch as there is of it being anything shady or dishonest. Obviously the OP found out somehow.. Probably told after it had already occurred.

 

As someone who has had experience with a jealous insecure ex who had no reason to constantly question me about the opposite sex, I can factually say that it gets tiresome and increasingly irritating over time until the relationship reaches an explosive end.

 

That being said, if her reaction did come from just an innocent question and not an ongoing interrogation, it IS a definite red flag, in which case you should be using No Contact in the correct way. That is as a means to heal. NC is to help the individual enforcing it, not to manipulate actions out of the ex partner.