Is it over for good

[JackA16]

Hi guys. So I'm a gay guy who split up with my boyfriend early November. The relationship was good, it was built completely on connections that we had built together, for example we were friends before we even began to speak in that way - we met in the summer of 2015 and it was nice, although he was with someone else, so until November 2015 when we shared out first kiss we were just friends. This was hard, as he had a boyfriend, therefore when December reached i decided enough was enough, I couldn't hold my feelings in anymore and it was painful. I explained how i felt and cut him out of my life for around a month and a half, until just after my birthday in January 2016 (At this point his previous relationship had ended).

 

In February we decided to go to the next step and make us official, in the beginning we had a few trust issues on my behalf, nothing major just I was extremely worried about cheating. My boyfriend was amazing, he made me comfortable, reassured me and after about a month things were looking up. The whole way up until November 2016 (last month) everything was great, we had our occasional arguments and bickers but honestly, the relationship overall was a happy one, and something which i have never EVER felt before with previous guys I had been seeing.

In late October however we had an argument, a really silly and stupid argument which i wish didn't happen, with time passing i have only just realised this was the day where everything had really changed. 2 weeks later, November 6th 2016 he decided the relationship wasn't working for him at this point in time. He crying a lot, and so was I, at first I agreed but then i thought about living my life without him in it and I couldn't imagine anything worse. As you can imagine, i begged and pleaded we tried again but nothing would change his mind - he was sure this was the correct thing to do, and he is stubborn, there is no changing his mind.

 

The days after this went by so slowly, he was the first to cut me off his social media as he believed it was giving me a false sense of hope, we had both bagged up each others stuff and I wanted it out of my house immediately, but he didn't really mind, we agreed that we would give it to each other the following week after the break up, but he didn't show up as he believed it wouldn't help either of us. This broke my heart, I worked hard on a letter for him which had explained exactly how i was feeling and completed a scrapbook i was working on over the duration of our relationship for this day, as i wanted to go through it with him - as if this was the last time we met i wanted it to be a good one.. but that didn't go to plan.

 

Our stuff was exchanged through parents, as they are very good friends now, and I didn't see him for a while, when there was rumours of him hooking up with a guy soon after he called me immidiatley in order to explain how this was in fact untrue, and when we spoke on the phone that day i explained how if he came back things would be very different, he agreed and we had a nice chat for a few minutes, and when we both hung up he text me shortly after explaining how he enjoyed the phonecall and that it was nice to hear my voice. I didn't run away with this piece of hope but i did feel as if those 5 minutes on the phone really helped me get through to him - but the following day he told me its definitley over and there was no chance of us getting back together.

 

The following week (just under 3 weeks from the break up) we were in the same nightclub, it was frosty, he was with a guy he had earlier met in there and they were dancing together, throughout the night i could see him looking my way to see if i was looking at him with this other guy - who by the way, isn't his type AT ALL. I played it cool, i didn't want to seem jealous and angry, i said hello first as i walked by them both and as the night went on my friend saw them kiss and my ex look my way directly after, again i didn't react. My ex and I have blocked eachother on all forms of social media, and things just seem so hateful and I dont know how it got ot this point, however i am glad it's like this as i don't want to be seeing what he is getting up to.

 

The week after this again we were in the same club, as we are from the same area our friends are mutual so we were in a close proximity. The date was December 2nd 2016 at this point and i was 4 days into no contact (after before being very needy and trying to change his mind). This time there were no guys involved, just dancing - but this time i didn't say hello first as i thought he might make the first move, however he didn't. This night i felt as if he was trying to make me feel uncomfortable by dancing very close, talking to my friends and asking them 'whose side are you on?'.. this is completely out of the blue and not a way my ex has ever acted before - and i should probably add all the times i have seen my ex since the break up he has been completely high on drugs in a way he had never been before when he was with me. Anyway to bring you up to speed I saw him on Dec 16th, and again he was high on drugs, he was still looking at me in the club now and again, almost as if he was seeing if i was there with someone else, and he was this time dancing even CLOSER than before, almost to the point where we would occasionally be touching, and therefore i had to take myself out of the sitiuation. I haven't reacted to any of this as i want to seem the bigger person and I was at this point 18 days into my no contact.

 

Its now December 20th, and just passed 7 weeks from the split, I'm 22 days into no contact and in a much better place than what i was. Its hard, i miss him and things aren't the same anymore, we had plans and things that we wanted to do - Christmas gifts we wanted to buy and ideas to decorate the house, but all of this came crashing down. I have heard that he has been seeing 2 guys since we split, but none of this went much further than a bit of fun, and i believe he has called it off both times, therefore I'm wondering are these just small quick fixes to make him feel good for a while and then does he feel horrible afterwards? I have tried to meet other people too but i have realised its far to soon for me to do so, i didn't like being touched by someone else at all.

 

Its now Tuesday, and its Christmas on sunday, I feel down because i miss him terribly but do i keep up with what I am doing? Am i doing things right, am I right to have a bit of hope that he might realise that he has made a mistake? After all these quick hookups he has had don't compare to connection him and I had and he always said our relationship was much more than just sex. He leaves to go skiing on New Years Eve with his brother and 2 of his brothers friends, and this will be the first time where he will be completely on his own in a sense, as since i have been gone his mother has told me he has practically been living in his best friend's pocket, who isn't really that fond of me.. am i right to think that him being with his best friend 24/7 might set him back in the respect that he hasn't actually spent any time alone? I feel like I am getting used to lonely nights and being independent whereas he has just replaced me?

 

The day he gets back from skiing is his brother's birthday, and he booked this skiing holiday on this paticular date in order to be back for my birthday, the week afterwards, I am going to be seeing him the night he gets back at a friend's birthday party.. I have hope deep inside that maybe this skiing break away from not only me, but social media and his best friend might make him reflect back and feel lonely, and possibly think of me? or even if he is thinking of not me someone else and therefore i will know for sure what to do?

 

Would you guys agree with my plan to continue no contact for as long as i can and see how things develop after his skiing break and see what happens when he gets back? Or judging by his behaviour do you guys think I'm holding onto something that just isn't there? He has made a constant effort to tell not only me when he was talking to me but my friends and plaster over social media how much he is loving life since the split, a bit too much that it seems like an act, however it might not be? Is he truly happy without me? I feel like deep down he is trying to cover his feelings for me in order to fit in with his friends who would call him 'GAY' if he was to be open and honest about is true feelings for me?

 

I'm just not sure, all I know is our relationship was happy, I made a mistake when arguing with him drunk and I do fear I have lost him forever, any suggestions on what you would do in my situation? I have come far but it's so easy to look back and reflect on our beautiful and special journey we have been on - I just wish he could see it too..

 

Thanks Guys for reading

[whatdeww18]

Well, all relationships go through a rough patch and he wanted out as he thinks there is greener grass without the problems. The fight and small things probably got to him. I know the feeling of him being the best and only person you will love like that. Can't help feelings of love. It does seem like he was trying to make you jealous, and he isn't over the relationship. So you were dating for about a year?

 

What you need to do in this situation is CONTINUE THAT FREAKING NO CONTACT. I hope you got the message. You will have to let him go, even if it is in hopes for reconciliation. You have to move on, as well. I think you are in a place where you can see things objectively, so see what parts of the relationship you were at fault for. See what parts of the relationship he was at fault for. Forgive yourself and him for the mistakes, and fix them for any future relationships. Even if you want him back now, what has changed besides the fact that you have been sad, and he has been sleeping around? Not much, right? So the relationship would fail and at best you would just get ex sex.

 

Moving on opens your eyes after a break up. When you think the break up was a positive thing, I think you are on the right track. Learn what it is that you want out of a relationship. Go on a few dates just to see what it is that you look for (WHEN YOU'RE READY, don't rush this)! Find yourself again through interests, and goals. You have quite a bit of alone time, so go explore things you want to do (hiking, playing games, dancing, singing, etc). It seems like you are fine going out with friends and clubbing, but I think you should avoid places where he will be. Get your self-confidence back, KNOW AND FEEL THAT HOTNESS!

 

Lastly, don't analyze and think about him so much. Someone on here posted a quote something along the lines, "they wanted to walk out of your life... SO LET EM F'ING GO." Do realize he could have worked on the relationship and it failing, was because he wanted to leave you and possibly for good. Remember this, because each time I think of my ex, I do this. He broke up with me with the idea that we might be over forever. Of course, in time we can forgive them if they do come back but we have to be in the right mindset if they do. And by then, who knows, do you want him back?

 

You might meet someone that is hot as fire, has the personality that matches you, and is willing to FIGHT, and I mean FIGHT, for the relationship. I'm only 4 weeks post break up but this is the mind set we need to have. I'm wishing you luck and I'll be sure to check back in case you have some questions .

 

Best wishes,

-WhatDEWWWWW

Edited December 21, 2016 by whatdeww18

[JackA16]

Thank you so much for your reply, I have taken some time to read your thoughts and you are right. Yes we have been together for about a year, what i find hardest is that he hasn't given me a direct reason - and I feel as if because he hasn't given me a reason that I can move forward with, it's like he knows that I cannot move on fully without the closure I need, which I won't get until he tells me. Would you agree he might just trying to keep me in the picture for when the grass is revealed not to be greener?

 

I am having a really bad week with coping, it's Thursday and I have cried everyday this week - I know I should put him to the back of my mind but it is really hard, we were best friends and our relationship was so precious to me. I found out this morning that he went to a bar last night where my Auntie works and he didn't acknowledge her, and got his friends to order him a drink instead of getting one for himself and he didn't say hello. My sister walked in too and he blanked her aswell? What is the reason for this rudeness?

 

Is it a good idea to try and reveal the fact I am seeing other people? Not announcing it over social media, but if anyone asks tell them that things are going well and that I am seeing new people? I just want him to know I won't be sitting around forever, although it feels like I'm in his trap and can't escape.

 

He isn't acting the same boy he used to be which breaks my heart, but his best friend is someone who was starting to date one of our mutual friends.. however his best friend broke this girls heart as he said he wasn't ready to commit and wants to have fun with boys and go out drinking all the time - which is the same as what my ex is doing? Is this just a phase for now and do you think he is just enjoying life doing this and not thinking about me? And if so how long do you think this will last before it becomes boring? I know it's naive and he has hurt me a lot, but this boy was my world and it's hard to imagine never being with him again. I'm sticking to no contact and I know better than to ever allow myself to go have have 'ex sex' - that never works, plus if he invited me over I would say no as it shows I'm not going to be someone he can pick and chose when he wants... but I miss him, and I miss the memories too.

 

I guess no contact is my best option at the minute, and he will either get into contact or he won't. But is there an explanation for his rudeness and do you think he still thinks about me and wonders what I'm doing? The hardest part of this break up is believing that he is 10x happier without me like he keeps saying and it hurts to think I might not be given a second thought.

 

Thank you so much!!

[krich1187]

Thank you so much for your reply, I have taken some time to read your thoughts and you are right. Yes we have been together for about a year, what i find hardest is that he hasn't given me a direct reason - and I feel as if because he hasn't given me a reason that I can move forward with, it's like he knows that I cannot move on fully without the closure I need, which I won't get until he tells me. Would you agree he might just trying to keep me in the picture for when the grass is revealed not to be greener?

 

I am having a really bad week with coping, it's Thursday and I have cried everyday this week - I know I should put him to the back of my mind but it is really hard, we were best friends and our relationship was so precious to me. I found out this morning that he went to a bar last night where my Auntie works and he didn't acknowledge her, and got his friends to order him a drink instead of getting one for himself and he didn't say hello. My sister walked in too and he blanked her aswell? What is the reason for this rudeness?

 

Is it a good idea to try and reveal the fact I am seeing other people? Not announcing it over social media, but if anyone asks tell them that things are going well and that I am seeing new people? I just want him to know I won't be sitting around forever, although it feels like I'm in his trap and can't escape.

 

He isn't acting the same boy he used to be which breaks my heart, but his best friend is someone who was starting to date one of our mutual friends.. however his best friend broke this girls heart as he said he wasn't ready to commit and wants to have fun with boys and go out drinking all the time - which is the same as what my ex is doing? Is this just a phase for now and do you think he is just enjoying life doing this and not thinking about me? And if so how long do you think this will last before it becomes boring? I know it's naive and he has hurt me a lot, but this boy was my world and it's hard to imagine never being with him again. I'm sticking to no contact and I know better than to ever allow myself to go have have 'ex sex' - that never works, plus if he invited me over I would say no as it shows I'm not going to be someone he can pick and chose when he wants... but I miss him, and I miss the memories too.

 

I guess no contact is my best option at the minute, and he will either get into contact or he won't. But is there an explanation for his rudeness and do you think he still thinks about me and wonders what I'm doing? The hardest part of this break up is believing that he is 10x happier without me like he keeps saying and it hurts to think I might not be given a second thought.

 

Thank you so much!!

 

I want to focus on the last paragraph. I'm going through a breakup where I was dumped. I did plenty wrong and a change was needed. We are in love and that's clear. It may be salvageable. I think our feelings may be similar in some regard.

 

What I want to say though is the following. No contact is best, you like me, were dumped and its up to them if they want to talk again. It'll make it easier for you to focus on yourself and not the relationship. He could be hurt which is why he's rude and it would be very hard to envision a situation where he isn't wondering about you, but that shouldn't be what you're thinking about.

 

A major issue I have is that he's saying he's 10x happier. My ex is being extremely polite as am I, because we are both hurting quite bad. If he does or did love you, he's acting very immature by trying to push you down even more than the breakup has.

 

Why would you want to get back with someone who is willing to do that? That's something to expect when it high school, but not a sign of a mature person. He seems sort of destructive and hurtful. I would focus on yourself and ask yourself, do you really love him, or are you in a state of mind where you miss the comfort, perhaps the chasing of him, etc.

 

Wish you the best and I'm more than happy to throw in my two cents going forward. Hang in there, I'm with you!

[JackA16]

I want to focus on the last paragraph. I'm going through a breakup where I was dumped. I did plenty wrong and a change was needed. We are in love and that's clear. It may be salvageable. I think our feelings may be similar in some regard.

 

What I want to say though is the following. No contact is best, you like me, were dumped and its up to them if they want to talk again. It'll make it easier for you to focus on yourself and not the relationship. He could be hurt which is why he's rude and it would be very hard to envision a situation where he isn't wondering about you, but that shouldn't be what you're thinking about.

 

A major issue I have is that he's saying he's 10x happier. My ex is being extremely polite as am I, because we are both hurting quite bad. If he does or did love you, he's acting very immature by trying to push you down even more than the breakup has.

 

Why would you want to get back with someone who is willing to do that? That's something to expect when it high school, but not a sign of a mature person. He seems sort of destructive and hurtful. I would focus on yourself and ask yourself, do you really love him, or are you in a state of mind where you miss the comfort, perhaps the chasing of him, etc.

 

Wish you the best and I'm more than happy to throw in my two cents going forward. Hang in there, I'm with you!

 

I genuinely feel we are in the same position.. no contact is my only hope as it seems I have tried almost everything else. It's been almost 8 weeks since the break up, and like people have said the relationship will never work again until you recognise what you have done wrong, and what they have done wrong to you. It seems as time ha gone by if things were to be sorted out the relationship would automatically change as there is so much I was blind too that I no longer am. It's really interesting how much I didn't realise how toxic he and I could've been at times, and looking back it's so frustrating to see things which we would argue and bicker about that only seem pointless now.

 

He did dump me, but I could see behind his eyes that it was killing him too, the bond him and I shared was like no other, and I feel as if RIGHT THEN that decision was right for him but it's not the right decision on the whole. Of course, it's mine and his relationship therefore anyone else is immeterial, however this relationship worked well on all forms, with our parents still keeping in contact. Today I saw his mum for the first time since the break up, and it was like nothing had changed, I know she loves me like her own and I feel like deep down she can see how wrong this is, but she can only stand by and watch and I have to stand by and wait whilst allowing myself to move on.

 

His behaviour towards me is alien, he would never be this rude and arrogant towards me during the relationship and when things ended he was incredibly respectful until after he had been a way from me for a while, and it's almost like instead of allowing himself to love me and be nice he is being completely horrible and trying to hate me - as he has tried to get me to retaliate to many tests in which I have completely blanked them, and I think that is what is driving him even more crazy.

 

I am not sure why I would want to get back with a guy like him, but unfortunately I cannot help the feelings I have, I have had a chat with myself and asked myself is it him I love or is it the memories, the idea and the feeling of being in love. But honestly, his love was projected in such small ways, in things I didn't appreciate and realise, but now I do.

I just would like a simple chat with him, but he won't allow it and it only makes me think it's because he is scared of what might happen and if he lets his walls down, he doesn't open up very often, and when he does it's only with me or his best friend - who is like a brother to him, anyone else is faced with a front which is almost impossible to get past.

 

Thanks for all the advice, I'm glad I'm not alone.

[whatdeww18]

Thank you so much for your reply, I have taken some time to read your thoughts and you are right. Yes we have been together for about a year, what i find hardest is that he hasn't given me a direct reason - and I feel as if because he hasn't given me a reason that I can move forward with, it's like he knows that I cannot move on fully without the closure I need, which I won't get until he tells me. Would you agree he might just trying to keep me in the picture for when the grass is revealed not to be greener?

 

I am having a really bad week with coping, it's Thursday and I have cried everyday this week - I know I should put him to the back of my mind but it is really hard, we were best friends and our relationship was so precious to me. I found out this morning that he went to a bar last night where my Auntie works and he didn't acknowledge her, and got his friends to order him a drink instead of getting one for himself and he didn't say hello. My sister walked in too and he blanked her aswell? What is the reason for this rudeness?

 

Is it a good idea to try and reveal the fact I am seeing other people? Not announcing it over social media, but if anyone asks tell them that things are going well and that I am seeing new people? I just want him to know I won't be sitting around forever, although it feels like I'm in his trap and can't escape.

 

He isn't acting the same boy he used to be which breaks my heart, but his best friend is someone who was starting to date one of our mutual friends.. however his best friend broke this girls heart as he said he wasn't ready to commit and wants to have fun with boys and go out drinking all the time - which is the same as what my ex is doing? Is this just a phase for now and do you think he is just enjoying life doing this and not thinking about me? And if so how long do you think this will last before it becomes boring? I know it's naive and he has hurt me a lot, but this boy was my world and it's hard to imagine never being with him again. I'm sticking to no contact and I know better than to ever allow myself to go have have 'ex sex' - that never works, plus if he invited me over I would say no as it shows I'm not going to be someone he can pick and chose when he wants... but I miss him, and I miss the memories too.

 

I guess no contact is my best option at the minute, and he will either get into contact or he won't. But is there an explanation for his rudeness and do you think he still thinks about me and wonders what I'm doing? The hardest part of this break up is believing that he is 10x happier without me like he keeps saying and it hurts to think I might not be given a second thought.

 

Thank you so much!!

 

READ MY TITLE. DO IT AGAIN. ONE MORE TIME. Got it? This time right now is all about you okay? None of that, I wonder if he misses me? He is probably happier living his life while I am pining away for him.

 

Trust me, I am with you and being dumped for not very clear reasons. But looking back, I can see the reasons for what they were. He was bored and wanted out of the relationship to test the waters. Well, go ahead. And if you did what I did, and begged. He has all the more reason to think we will wait on the back burners and try to come back to this relationship. F THAT! Say it with me: "F THAT!" If he knows that you can't move on without closure, show that fool that you can. And you are right now. Unfriend him on facebook, keep up no contact, and just focus on you right now. He may be hurting and not showing it. He may have thought it was best at the moment. Someone that truly loves you, would not put you through the pain of a break up and simply think you will be there for him when he's done. I don't care if you think it's GIGS and that he will be a better lover and all that when he comes back. (Whether you believe this or not is up to you). Even if he left, they have to realize that whatever it is they thought was wrong with the relationship is something they WANT to work through with you.

 

Nope. And you don't need to let him know anything. Your silence when he texts will be all that he needs to know you're not there waiting. Seriously, if after all this time, you still feel like he is the one, move on. I would suggest the "move on without moving on." So that includes no contact, you're out of his life since he broke up with you, you gain your happiness back through your interests and life goals, and you get HOT AS FFFFFFF*** through some exercise! If you don't really move on, you won't be able to truly forgive him for the pain he has caused you and if reconciliation does ever come around, which it might not, you will not be able to trust him fully and you might break up with him.

 

Please take off your rose-tinted glasses. He's not the same person that you met a year ago. He is changing and he's wanting to experience the single life again. Whether that include short term relationships or hook ups, it's not the person who loves you. He would be with you right now if he did. Take him off his pedestal. He MAY realize that he loves you but just felt that the negative sides of the relationship and the desire to test the other grass was the right decision at the moment but it wasn't. He could have easily communicated his problems with you but he didn't. Remember that. To be honest, no one knows. If you go read some threads on GIGS, it can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. If you aren't a GIGS fan, and are talking about emotional immaturity, it seems like 2 months to 4 months or more. It's up in the air but in the end, it doesn't matter. Don't be counting down the months hoping to get that message from him. YOU WILL NOT RESPOND TO IT ANYWAYS, RIGHT? YOU BEST BELIEVE IT. I WILL SMEAR DOG POO ALL OVER YOUR PHONE. STILL WANNA ANSWER?

 

I am very aggressive in my post but I have found that being aggressive with myself has really helped me in making strides in moving on. I know it's rough, trust me. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think of my ex. And in these cases, where they think they can go check out the other grass and think we will be waiting is not fair to you or me. Find yourself and be happy with your life and yourself. Maybe after that, you can consider another relationship. And if that is with your ex, he better have improved himself as well to make the next time around worth it.

 

Sorry for the long post, but seriously, I'm seeing the benefits of harsh reality on us dumpees. I was trying to be kind, and honestly I feel like I was giving false hope. Get rid of false hope so you don't delay your healing and hurt yourself more. Focus on your healing, and don't expect him to be in touch. If it does come, you can spend that day working on what to do by coming back here haha .

 

Best wishes friend!

-WhatDEWWWWW

Edited December 22, 2016 by whatdeww18

[JackA16]

READ MY TITLE. DO IT AGAIN. ONE MORE TIME. Got it? This time right now is all about you okay? None of that, I wonder if he misses me? He is probably happier living his life while I am pining away for him.

 

Trust me, I am with you and being dumped for not very clear reasons. But looking back, I can see the reasons for what they were. He was bored and wanted out of the relationship to test the waters. Well, go ahead. And if you did what I did, and begged. He has all the more reason to think we will wait on the back burners and try to come back to this relationship. F THAT! Say it with me: "F THAT!" If he knows that you can't move on without closure, show that fool that you can. And you are right now. Unfriend him on facebook, keep up no contact, and just focus on you right now. He may be hurting and not showing it. He may have thought it was best at the moment. Someone that truly loves you, would not put you through the pain of a break up and simply think you will be there for him when he's done. I don't care if you think it's GIGS and that he will be a better lover and all that when he comes back. (Whether you believe this or not is up to you). Even if he left, they have to realize that whatever it is they thought was wrong with the relationship is something they WANT to work through with you.

 

Nope. And you don't need to let him know anything. Your silence when he texts will be all that he needs to know you're not there waiting. Seriously, if after all this time, you still feel like he is the one, move on. I would suggest the "move on without moving on." So that includes no contact, you're out of his life since he broke up with you, you gain your happiness back through your interests and life goals, and you get HOT AS FFFFFFF*** through some exercise! If you don't really move on, you won't be able to truly forgive him for the pain he has caused you and if reconciliation does ever come around, which it might not, you will not be able to trust him fully and you might break up with him.

 

Please take off your rose-tinted glasses. He's not the same person that you met a year ago. He is changing and he's wanting to experience the single life again. Whether that include short term relationships or hook ups, it's not the person who loves you. He would be with you right now if he did. Take him off his pedestal. He MAY realize that he loves you but just felt that the negative sides of the relationship and the desire to test the other grass was the right decision at the moment but it wasn't. He could have easily communicated his problems with you but he didn't. Remember that. To be honest, no one knows. If you go read some threads on GIGS, it can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. If you aren't a GIGS fan, and are talking about emotional immaturity, it seems like 2 months to 4 months or more. It's up in the air but in the end, it doesn't matter. Don't be counting down the months hoping to get that message from him. YOU WILL NOT RESPOND TO IT ANYWAYS, RIGHT? YOU BEST BELIEVE IT. I WILL SMEAR DOG POO ALL OVER YOUR PHONE. STILL WANNA ANSWER?

 

I am very aggressive in my post but I have found that being aggressive with myself has really helped me in making strides in moving on. I know it's rough, trust me. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think of my ex. And in these cases, where they think they can go check out the other grass and think we will be waiting is not fair to you or me. Find yourself and be happy with your life and yourself. Maybe after that, you can consider another relationship. And if that is with your ex, he better have improved himself as well to make the next time around worth it.

 

Sorry for the long post, but seriously, I'm seeing the benefits of harsh reality on us dumpees. I was trying to be kind, and honestly I feel like I was giving false hope. Get rid of false hope so you don't delay your healing and hurt yourself more. Focus on your healing, and don't expect him to be in touch. If it does come, you can spend that day working on what to do by coming back here haha .

 

Best wishes friend!

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

Thank you, i know what you're saying is the harsh reality of the situation. It's just when you're attatched to someone so much in the relationship and they are no longer there.. you have to get used to a life without then there anymore.

I feel like I'm delaying my healing process by analysing things he is doing and saying and it hurts when I do this, it feels like I'm torturing myself, but I'm not sure what I can do to stop this.

 

How do I leave him behind? How do I focus on myself when all I do is think about him? I'm currently in bed, in tears and wondering how the hell im going to get through this!! I feel like I haven't got anywhere, but I must've if I'm trying to recognise the fact he isn't coming back and if I'm doing no contact?

 

I want to move on but I'm scared, and it feels like I can't allow myself, I feel guilty when I feel about being with someone else but I shouldn't, if I could just forget about everything I would - I wish in a way I didn't fall in love as hard as I did. It's so so painful. I just wish someone would come along and show me what love is really about, because this is no longer love. I miss him

 

Our mums went out together today and She got Out of the car just to see me and gave me a massive cuddle and said "hello my boy!!" And then she left, I miss her too, I miss everything and this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Will I eventually get to the place I want to be - happy? How much more suffering and torture have I got to go through. I feel like I'm going insane constantly thinking about him not missing me, him living a happier life and me being on my own whilst he is out with other boys. I wish this would all just end.

[whatdeww18]

Thank you, i know what you're saying is the harsh reality of the situation. It's just when you're attatched to someone so much in the relationship and they are no longer there.. you have to get used to a life without then there anymore.

I feel like I'm delaying my healing process by analysing things he is doing and saying and it hurts when I do this, it feels like I'm torturing myself, but I'm not sure what I can do to stop this.

 

How do I leave him behind? How do I focus on myself when all I do is think about him? I'm currently in bed, in tears and wondering how the hell im going to get through this!! I feel like I haven't got anywhere, but I must've if I'm trying to recognise the fact he isn't coming back and if I'm doing no contact?

 

I want to move on but I'm scared, and it feels like I can't allow myself, I feel guilty when I feel about being with someone else but I shouldn't, if I could just forget about everything I would - I wish in a way I didn't fall in love as hard as I did. It's so so painful. I just wish someone would come along and show me what love is really about, because this is no longer love. I miss him

 

Our mums went out together today and She got Out of the car just to see me and gave me a massive cuddle and said "hello my boy!!" And then she left, I miss her too, I miss everything and this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Will I eventually get to the place I want to be - happy? How much more suffering and torture have I got to go through. I feel like I'm going insane constantly thinking about him not missing me, him living a happier life and me being on my own whilst he is out with other boys. I wish this would all just end.

 

You poor thing, I am giving you a virtual hug if it means anything But it's okay, who says you have to make sense of your feelings and how long you are sad for? Pain is pain, and heartbreak is the TOUGHEST type of injury to heal. It's not like you can see it scab over, get smaller, and it hurts less. You can take my word for it, I seriously sympathize with you. After the break up, I literally thought my world came crashing down and had the world ended that night, it wouldn't have made a difference. Now, looking back, boy was I unhealthy.

 

And yes, I have to agree you are delaying your healing by analyzing every little thing. Really try not to do it too much. I was there. I literally don't think I have much of the break up left to analyze that I started reanalyzing things haha. It really doesn't help though. You don't really get any closure and you'll see that dumpers say things that, down the line, don't understand why they said it or why they acted so coldly. It's more along the lines of your ex had been thinking about it for a while, and was emotionally drained by the time he committed the act. He had nothing left in terms of emotions when breaking up with you that it was so cold and harsh (from my observations of dumpers and their points of view).

 

You just got out of a long term relationship. You still have feelings for the heartless-spineless-still hot-amazing yet terrible-douche bag-kind ex. It's how I described my ex haha and I think it makes sense. You won't be able to truly date another person until you get over him, and with the amount of heartache we have, I can assure you it won't be any time soon. But that doesn't mean you have to be so sad and feeling like you have no self-worth. If your ex's mom comes out to hug like that even AFTER the fact that you two are broken up, it just tells me that you are that amazing of a person. There are people that love you, for you. So find yourself again and remind them just how amazing you are

 

No one teaches us how to move on. It's something we learn through trial and error. Haha I know that saying, I wish I could take my love back too! But sadly, we are just left with pain. I can definitely tell you, it's hard. It's the risk we take for letting someone into our heart and holding it. But it makes our love stronger and that much more true when we find the right person. Who knows, it might be someone else or it might be your ex. But we can't be this mopey hot mess until they decide to talk to us, right? Gotta be that sexy, confident, hot stuff that leaves the guys drooling and inadvertently walking our way.

 

So, I think you are at a point where you could just use a bit of motivation. I have read some threads on here that might give you some hope. For me, as stupid as it sounds, I still think my ex is the one. I really do love him and as much as he said hurtful things and dumped for the dumbest reasons.... It's love. Love is patient, kind, and forgiving. I think? We'll see, sometimes I find myself in a bitter rage and ready to step all over his heart if he decides to come back (which I am telling myself he won't so I don't get hurt).

 

I want you to look at a thread on loveshack by blackcat777 titled "My reconciliation story + when & how to apply NC for success." Just some hope but also she shows that when we get to a stage, we don't mind just letting them go. And the other thread I want you to look at is "If you want them back," by LifeGoesOnMan. It's a variation on the no contact rule, but his phrases just give you enough to give you that idea that you now have control. What I think was liberating for me was that I decided I am not going to stay on the back burner for my ex and give him control of me and my emotions. I will take them back, I will not respond to breadcrumbs to relieve his guilt. I personally struggle with ignoring them completely until we hear that they want us back. Sometimes people don't all work like that. But then again, I'm healing to the point where if they can't say something like I want you back, then it's their loss.

 

Good luck, and no more staying in bed wallowing in tears okay? Try and take a stroll, blackcat777 did that until she stopped crying haha.

-WhatDEWWWWW

Edited December 22, 2016 by whatdeww18

[JackA16]

You poor thing, I am giving you a virtual hug if it means anything But it's okay, who says you have to make sense of your feelings and how long you are sad for? Pain is pain, and heartbreak is the TOUGHEST type of injury to heal. It's not like you can see it scab over, get smaller, and it hurts less. You can take my word for it, I seriously sympathize with you. After the break up, I literally thought my world came crashing down and had the world ended that night, it wouldn't have made a difference. Now, looking back, boy was I unhealthy.

 

And yes, I have to agree you are delaying your healing by analyzing every little thing. Really try not to do it too much. I was there. I literally don't think I have much of the break up left to analyze that I started reanalyzing things haha. It really doesn't help though. You don't really get any closure and you'll see that dumpers say things that, down the line, don't understand why they said it or why they acted so coldly. It's more along the lines of your ex had been thinking about it for a while, and was emotionally drained by the time he committed the act. He had nothing left in terms of emotions when breaking up with you that it was so cold and harsh (from my observations of dumpers and their points of view).

 

You just got out of a long term relationship. You still have feelings for the heartless-spineless-still hot-amazing yet terrible-douche bag-kind ex. It's how I described my ex haha and I think it makes sense. You won't be able to truly date another person until you get over him, and with the amount of heartache we have, I can assure you it won't be any time soon. But that doesn't mean you have to be so sad and feeling like you have no self-worth. If your ex's mom comes out to hug like that even AFTER the fact that you two are broken up, it just tells me that you are that amazing of a person. There are people that love you, for you. So find yourself again and remind them just how amazing you are

 

No one teaches us how to move on. It's something we learn through trial and error. Haha I know that saying, I wish I could take my love back too! But sadly, we are just left with pain. I can definitely tell you, it's hard. It's the risk we take for letting someone into our heart and holding it. But it makes our love stronger and that much more true when we find the right person. Who knows, it might be someone else or it might be your ex. But we can't be this mopey hot mess until they decide to talk to us, right? Gotta be that sexy, confident, hot stuff that leaves the guys drooling and inadvertently walking our way.

 

So, I think you are at a point where you could just use a bit of motivation. I have read some threads on here that might give you some hope. For me, as stupid as it sounds, I still think my ex is the one. I really do love him and as much as he said hurtful things and dumped for the dumbest reasons.... It's love. Love is patient, kind, and forgiving. I think? We'll see, sometimes I find myself in a bitter rage and ready to step all over his heart if he decides to come back (which I am telling myself he won't so I don't get hurt).

 

I want you to look at a thread on loveshack by blackcat777 titled "My reconciliation story + when & how to apply NC for success." Just some hope but also she shows that when we get to a stage, we don't mind just letting them go. And the other thread I want you to look at is "If you want them back," by LifeGoesOnMan. It's a variation on the no contact rule, but his phrases just give you enough to give you that idea that you now have control. What I think was liberating for me was that I decided I am not going to stay on the back burner for my ex and give him control of me and my emotions. I will take them back, I will not respond to breadcrumbs to relieve his guilt. I personally struggle with ignoring them completely until we hear that they want us back. Sometimes people don't all work like that. But then again, I'm healing to the point where if they can't say something like I want you back, then it's their loss.

 

Good luck, and no more staying in bed wallowing in tears okay? Try and take a stroll, blackcat777 did that until she stopped crying haha.

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

Thank you for the virtual hug, made me giggle in a moment of sadness before I went to sleep. The thing is I know it will get better, I just don't know how long it will take and Heartbreak is a wound that nobody else can see. I have to be strong for my family as we unfortunately lost my uncle to suicide earlier this year, therefore my parents are very upset this Christmas, however although my ex is still alive it feels like I'm grieving for the relationship and the boy I fell in love with who is no longer around.

 

I know I need to stop analysing things as it can become painful, when I see him having fun I tell myself how he doesn't care about me and never did, and when I see him in a bad way I presume it's because of me. Whenever he is going out now though he is getting so wasted that he throws up or so high on drugs that he is a completely different person, unfortunately I'm not around to take care of him anymore - but I guess that's not something I should worry about anymore, he chose this path I guess I should stand by and watch.

This all made me think that this was a coping mechanism though, because I've never seen him in such a state, but I don't know that's not something I should be thinking about right now.

 

When my exes mum came in and gave me a hug it made me feel so good - as now his mum dad and brother have all interacted with me at some point and act the exact same. His mum was telling me about how she is tiring of his acts recently and how she feels she has no sense of control at him at the minute, therefore I feel like I'm not the only one who is becoming a victim of his really odd and immature behaviour. If anything seeing his mum made me feel good as it showed how much I meant, and still mean to her. Our bond was really great, it's such a shame this has happened and that I met my ex at the time I did - as everything would be perfect and he really is marriage material haha!

 

Moving on is a mental battle and everyone is different. My new thing is trying to push him right to the back of my mind until I'm in a better place. I have lost all the weight I gained in the year of being with him in 7 weeks and I feel like the old me is coming back again. I keep telling myself that people always want what they cannot have, and when he met me when he had a boyfriend he couldn't have me - which is probably what drove him mad. It's time now to bring back the old confidence I had back then and make it seem as if he can't have me anymore even if deep down he could. I need to try and get back the person he met a year and a half ago in order to feel good for myself, whether it be him who comes into my life again or someone else.

 

Like you earlier stated if we got back together now there would be a lack of trust, and things wouldn't be an awful lot different as I would be scared he was going to do this again. Therefore like you said I need to move on from this, and then worry about who I am to venture into a relationship with later, whether that be him or someone else- but until I forgive and move forward neither will work.

 

I definitely do need motivation therefore I'm going to try and be working on myself and reading the suggested threads you have attatched. I have been telling myself I need to be better and not bitter, but then I'm giving myself the hope that he will come back, but when I tell myself he won't I get into a real depressing mood - I need to try and find a happy medium.. therefore I may just try and work on myself not only physically but mentally and think he may come back he may not, but either way I should be projecting how great I am for everyone to see. Because nobody is going to want to date someone who appears to be massive hung up over their ex, and my ex isn't going to want to come back if he thinks I'm in the same mindset I was in when he left me.

 

I will check out those threads now, and thank you SO much for your responses. They have really made me a happier person and put me in a much better place, I could almost cry (happy tears) about the thought of someone out there taking the time to respond to me - thanks so much...

[whatdeww18]

Thank you for the virtual hug, made me giggle in a moment of sadness before I went to sleep. The thing is I know it will get better, I just don't know how long it will take and Heartbreak is a wound that nobody else can see. I have to be strong for my family as we unfortunately lost my uncle to suicide earlier this year, therefore my parents are very upset this Christmas, however although my ex is still alive it feels like I'm grieving for the relationship and the boy I fell in love with who is no longer around.

 

I know I need to stop analysing things as it can become painful, when I see him having fun I tell myself how he doesn't care about me and never did, and when I see him in a bad way I presume it's because of me. Whenever he is going out now though he is getting so wasted that he throws up or so high on drugs that he is a completely different person, unfortunately I'm not around to take care of him anymore - but I guess that's not something I should worry about anymore, he chose this path I guess I should stand by and watch.

This all made me think that this was a coping mechanism though, because I've never seen him in such a state, but I don't know that's not something I should be thinking about right now.

 

When my exes mum came in and gave me a hug it made me feel so good - as now his mum dad and brother have all interacted with me at some point and act the exact same. His mum was telling me about how she is tiring of his acts recently and how she feels she has no sense of control at him at the minute, therefore I feel like I'm not the only one who is becoming a victim of his really odd and immature behaviour. If anything seeing his mum made me feel good as it showed how much I meant, and still mean to her. Our bond was really great, it's such a shame this has happened and that I met my ex at the time I did - as everything would be perfect and he really is marriage material haha!

 

Moving on is a mental battle and everyone is different. My new thing is trying to push him right to the back of my mind until I'm in a better place. I have lost all the weight I gained in the year of being with him in 7 weeks and I feel like the old me is coming back again. I keep telling myself that people always want what they cannot have, and when he met me when he had a boyfriend he couldn't have me - which is probably what drove him mad. It's time now to bring back the old confidence I had back then and make it seem as if he can't have me anymore even if deep down he could. I need to try and get back the person he met a year and a half ago in order to feel good for myself, whether it be him who comes into my life again or someone else.

 

Like you earlier stated if we got back together now there would be a lack of trust, and things wouldn't be an awful lot different as I would be scared he was going to do this again. Therefore like you said I need to move on from this, and then worry about who I am to venture into a relationship with later, whether that be him or someone else- but until I forgive and move forward neither will work.

 

I definitely do need motivation therefore I'm going to try and be working on myself and reading the suggested threads you have attatched. I have been telling myself I need to be better and not bitter, but then I'm giving myself the hope that he will come back, but when I tell myself he won't I get into a real depressing mood - I need to try and find a happy medium.. therefore I may just try and work on myself not only physically but mentally and think he may come back he may not, but either way I should be projecting how great I am for everyone to see. Because nobody is going to want to date someone who appears to be massive hung up over their ex, and my ex isn't going to want to come back if he thinks I'm in the same mindset I was in when he left me.

 

I will check out those threads now, and thank you SO much for your responses. They have really made me a happier person and put me in a much better place, I could almost cry (happy tears) about the thought of someone out there taking the time to respond to me - thanks so much...

 

Haha yay glad I could get a giggle out of you! And I'll take a bottle of wine instead of happy tears, it'll be better for both of us hahaha!

O man, I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle! I am in a similar place with some deaths going on in the family so it's not the most happy of holiday seasons but I guess we just have to look at it like we make the most and happiest with what we do have. At least we have our parents that love us unconditionally, right? Grasping at straws here....

 

Yea I would say not to analyze things and it is freaking hard. Very. I know why people go through drinking and clubbing. It takes your mind off the break up and getting drunk and high gets you not consciously thinking about the break up. It's not healthy but to each his own. I think you and I are better off trying to tackle our emotions in a sober state and getting them over naturally rather than trying to get ourselves numb and not thinking about it until it all hits later. No thanks haha. Although, a couple drinks is always nice, just enough to get me a little tipsy and happy (I did this before the break up and I enjoyed it so not like I am going to stop because of a break up). And yea, taking care of him like that is more of the thought that we still care. Don't punish yourself too much because of it.

 

Well that always makes sense and I am in the same boat, not with his mom, but the rest of his family and friends. It just shows how nice of a partner we are and how great a person we are. Let yourself get that ego boost. You are a good catch. It's a shame that we have to possibly cut these ties, but the fact that his family still cares for you shows a lot. And who wouldn't get tired of their son screwing up his life and doing all these stupid things? It's like get your head on straight and either get over this break up the right way or get back with him, knucklehead.

 

Hey, there you go! You're on the right track. It's going to be impossible forgetting about him like that. Probably never. But at least when he's in the back of your mind, he's not consuming all your thoughts daily. As long as you aren't like some people that have pined over their ex for a year or more, you will be okay. We can't waste so much of our young years spent on one person that doesn't love us. We can reminisce though. Yea! That's the attitude, be that person you were before! As time goes on, maybe you can realize that you're becoming you again not to get him back but for yourself.

 

No, that's completely normal. It's okay, I still find myself in those paralyzing moments. As we move on and forgive, it kind of does mean that we are allowing them to come back with a clean slate. But that is up to them if they come back and are willing to make the new relationship work. For me, that's what it is. But I won't be expecting him to come back and try it, I think. That way I have forgiven myself and him and I won't be crushed when he does move on.

 

The motivation is really nice. It helps us get through the pain and maybe as you move on, you might realize that he really is not all that important for your future. It's hard not to be bitter, I know haha. I'm still struggling with it. But right now, it's helping me to not focus on him a lot. Take what you need to help you move on, is what I'm really trying to say.

 

I'll be here for you, wish there was an easier way to PM. But take care and happy holidays

-WhatDEWWWWW

[JackA16]

Haha yay glad I could get a giggle out of you! And I'll take a bottle of wine instead of happy tears, it'll be better for both of us hahaha!

O man, I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle! I am in a similar place with some deaths going on in the family so it's not the most happy of holiday seasons but I guess we just have to look at it like we make the most and happiest with what we do have. At least we have our parents that love us unconditionally, right? Grasping at straws here....

 

Yea I would say not to analyze things and it is freaking hard. Very. I know why people go through drinking and clubbing. It takes your mind off the break up and getting drunk and high gets you not consciously thinking about the break up. It's not healthy but to each his own. I think you and I are better off trying to tackle our emotions in a sober state and getting them over naturally rather than trying to get ourselves numb and not thinking about it until it all hits later. No thanks haha. Although, a couple drinks is always nice, just enough to get me a little tipsy and happy (I did this before the break up and I enjoyed it so not like I am going to stop because of a break up). And yea, taking care of him like that is more of the thought that we still care. Don't punish yourself too much because of it.

 

Well that always makes sense and I am in the same boat, not with his mom, but the rest of his family and friends. It just shows how nice of a partner we are and how great a person we are. Let yourself get that ego boost. You are a good catch. It's a shame that we have to possibly cut these ties, but the fact that his family still cares for you shows a lot. And who wouldn't get tired of their son screwing up his life and doing all these stupid things? It's like get your head on straight and either get over this break up the right way or get back with him, knucklehead.

 

Hey, there you go! You're on the right track. It's going to be impossible forgetting about him like that. Probably never. But at least when he's in the back of your mind, he's not consuming all your thoughts daily. As long as you aren't like some people that have pined over their ex for a year or more, you will be okay. We can't waste so much of our young years spent on one person that doesn't love us. We can reminisce though. Yea! That's the attitude, be that person you were before! As time goes on, maybe you can realize that you're becoming you again not to get him back but for yourself.

 

No, that's completely normal. It's okay, I still find myself in those paralyzing moments. As we move on and forgive, it kind of does mean that we are allowing them to come back with a clean slate. But that is up to them if they come back and are willing to make the new relationship work. For me, that's what it is. But I won't be expecting him to come back and try it, I think. That way I have forgiven myself and him and I won't be crushed when he does move on.

 

The motivation is really nice. It helps us get through the pain and maybe as you move on, you might realize that he really is not all that important for your future. It's hard not to be bitter, I know haha. I'm still struggling with it. But right now, it's helping me to not focus on him a lot. Take what you need to help you move on, is what I'm really trying to say.

 

I'll be here for you, wish there was an easier way to PM. But take care and happy holidays

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

Merry Christmas Eve! And again, thank you for responding. I have a small update. I went out last night to a club with my friends and this had been planned quite a while. Anyway, I'm not 100% sure if my ex knew or not but he somehow managed to get himself a ticket to enter and decided to come on the day when he had been planning against it as he went out the night before. Anyway, he was there. Again, no sign of him wanting to communicate. I stayed away from him. I went to the clubs smoking area where I bumped into 2 girls and a guy, the girl was crying over her ex who was in the club, so as always, I thought I would give it my best efforts to comfort her. Anyway, one of my friends was with me and she realised that the guy who was with the crying girl was gay, and she practically forced us to exchange numbers. I was really hot so wanted fresh air, but my friend was cold so I asked the guy and his friends if they would mind if I waited with them.

 

Long story short, I spent the whole night with this guy and his 2 friends, I'm not going to lie it felt great to be the one with another guy infront of my ex rather than the other way around.. I was really thinking about him too much though. I had a really great night, however at one point my ex came and was dancing really close to me and this guy almost as if he wanted to make his presence clear, but I didn't acknowledge him therefore I'm not sure if he kept looking at us or not.

 

At a later point in the night one of my exes best friends came up to me and asked me if I had spoken to my ex, my response, obviously was no - and he went on to tell me that he had earlier had a chat with him on the way to the club and my ex revealed that he "realises that he had been acting like a complete c**t towards me and he would like to become civil" - however this is something I have found really hard to come to terms with. If he hated me as much as he said and if he really didn't care why would he want to be civil? Why would he even be thinking about me? This has sort of messed my head up slightly as I'm wondering if my ex is truly being sorry and wants to just be CIVIL or if he is just panicking now because I haven't contacted him in the last 25days and therefore he might want to mess with my head again.

Exes can't be friends, it's impossible, and in a blog I had read it revealed how the 'dumper' usually feels the pain of the break up and reality hits between 6-8 weeks, and this is the 7th week almost 8th.

 

I'm left wondering if you agree with me in maybe thinking he is actually realising how much of a complete tit he has been, and therefore perhaps does feel bad, but maybe also he may be having seconds thoughts about his decision? I'm not sure but when I looked at him at one point in the club last night I saw something I have never seen before. He was in his favourite club, with ALL of our favourite friends, I wasn't around as I was with this guy I had met, but he was stood in the corner looking bored and just on his phone? I'm left wondering if this is because he might not like the thought of me being with another guy? My ex loves going out, he loves dancing more than anything and he is always the wild and crazy one in the group who loves to be the loudest voice in the room - so why was he being like this? My friend told me he was sober as he was driving. But this isn't something that ha effected him before and it never usually would? There's a chance he wasn't feeling the vibe at this point in time but it is extremely coincidental don't you think?

 

Thanks again for all your responses and replies. They have helped me an awful lot, and I went out last night feeling confident and sexy and I think that projected to anyone around me. Have a fantastic Christmas my fellow dumped friend, you're a star and you deserve it. Thank you

[whatdeww18]

Merry Christmas Eve! And again, thank you for responding. I have a small update. I went out last night to a club with my friends and this had been planned quite a while. Anyway, I'm not 100% sure if my ex knew or not but he somehow managed to get himself a ticket to enter and decided to come on the day when he had been planning against it as he went out the night before. Anyway, he was there. Again, no sign of him wanting to communicate. I stayed away from him. I went to the clubs smoking area where I bumped into 2 girls and a guy, the girl was crying over her ex who was in the club, so as always, I thought I would give it my best efforts to comfort her. Anyway, one of my friends was with me and she realised that the guy who was with the crying girl was gay, and she practically forced us to exchange numbers. I was really hot so wanted fresh air, but my friend was cold so I asked the guy and his friends if they would mind if I waited with them.

 

Long story short, I spent the whole night with this guy and his 2 friends, I'm not going to lie it felt great to be the one with another guy infront of my ex rather than the other way around.. I was really thinking about him too much though. I had a really great night, however at one point my ex came and was dancing really close to me and this guy almost as if he wanted to make his presence clear, but I didn't acknowledge him therefore I'm not sure if he kept looking at us or not.

 

At a later point in the night one of my exes best friends came up to me and asked me if I had spoken to my ex, my response, obviously was no - and he went on to tell me that he had earlier had a chat with him on the way to the club and my ex revealed that he "realises that he had been acting like a complete c**t towards me and he would like to become civil" - however this is something I have found really hard to come to terms with. If he hated me as much as he said and if he really didn't care why would he want to be civil? Why would he even be thinking about me? This has sort of messed my head up slightly as I'm wondering if my ex is truly being sorry and wants to just be CIVIL or if he is just panicking now because I haven't contacted him in the last 25days and therefore he might want to mess with my head again.

Exes can't be friends, it's impossible, and in a blog I had read it revealed how the 'dumper' usually feels the pain of the break up and reality hits between 6-8 weeks, and this is the 7th week almost 8th.

 

I'm left wondering if you agree with me in maybe thinking he is actually realising how much of a complete tit he has been, and therefore perhaps does feel bad, but maybe also he may be having seconds thoughts about his decision? I'm not sure but when I looked at him at one point in the club last night I saw something I have never seen before. He was in his favourite club, with ALL of our favourite friends, I wasn't around as I was with this guy I had met, but he was stood in the corner looking bored and just on his phone? I'm left wondering if this is because he might not like the thought of me being with another guy? My ex loves going out, he loves dancing more than anything and he is always the wild and crazy one in the group who loves to be the loudest voice in the room - so why was he being like this? My friend told me he was sober as he was driving. But this isn't something that ha effected him before and it never usually would? There's a chance he wasn't feeling the vibe at this point in time but it is extremely coincidental don't you think?

 

Thanks again for all your responses and replies. They have helped me an awful lot, and I went out last night feeling confident and sexy and I think that projected to anyone around me. Have a fantastic Christmas my fellow dumped friend, you're a star and you deserve it. Thank you

 

Merry Christmas Eve! Haha you don't have to keep thanking me, we can consider each other virtual buddies! Aww that was kind of you! O jeez, she found out her ex was gay? That is quite a blow... Well at least you made another friend and had some friends that waited for you

 

Well, it is nice to flaunt around and try to make your ex jealous... Not good, but it is fun I will have to admit haha. Can't deny that one, check! But yay, he came close. What it tells me is that he confirmed what we were talking about, he hasn't really confronted his feelings about you and has been thinking about it and distracting himself. Not really coming to terms with the finality of the break up, I guess. Just think that he was looking at you, get that self confidence back from it, cause I mean, I am assuming you are hot in his eyes and I'm sure losing weight and focusing on yourself was some eye candy for him hehe.

 

Well, I know what article you're talking about. The one by Dr. Weill or however you spell her name? It's actually really fast that he is realizing how poorly he treated you, but it's mostly his guilt. His attempt to be "civil" is to appease the overwhelming guilt that he is feeling and to help him ensure that he made the right choice. I am counting down the days until I can be at the 8 week mark, I need to be normal and for my ex to realize the void I left, not to sound egotistical but we were both a very large part of each others' lives in a positive way, in my opinion.

 

Hmm, well you are observing a change in behavior, and you know him best. I think you answered your own question. But my take on it, I wouldn't get your hopes up just yet. He may be starting to realize the void you left. He may just be bored of going out. I am sure he is thinking and you know how alcohol can you make you sad. I've found myself on my phone in a club just because the alcohol had got me down and a little tired and I needed a break. What my friend and I have been discussing is, we have to stop analyzing all the small things and things they said. They will make it clear that they miss us and want us back, if they ever do. And it's not our job to do that. We already did our job by making a big impact on their life when we were in the relationship. For now, our job is to focus on us and realize we are happy without a shred of doubt. If they want to be a part of all this awesomeness and amazing stuff that we're bubbling out, they can make it known.

 

I have just been telling myself, and to my friend, I am going to make this next couple months all about me. Going to do some singing covers, make a whole new instagram account, focus on school, read self-improvement and relationship books, and be the hottest and sexiest me ever! I am going to be so freaking amazing I will poop karats of gold and fart rainbows. By that point, I will be someone who I love and am capable of having someone that will be able to truly love me. Best part, I get to choose who hehe

 

You bet my friend! You know why? BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL THAT HOT STUFF AND SOME, mmmm. Hahaha you get the point, first step is believing it and don't be afraid to have friends remind you of that!

 

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas and let's hope our love lives are exponentially better in the new year haha Awww you are too sweet, we're both stars!

 

Sincerely,

-WhatDEWWWWW

[JackA16]

Merry Christmas Eve! Haha you don't have to keep thanking me, we can consider each other virtual buddies! Aww that was kind of you! O jeez, she found out her ex was gay? That is quite a blow... Well at least you made another friend and had some friends that waited for you

 

Well, it is nice to flaunt around and try to make your ex jealous... Not good, but it is fun I will have to admit haha. Can't deny that one, check! But yay, he came close. What it tells me is that he confirmed what we were talking about, he hasn't really confronted his feelings about you and has been thinking about it and distracting himself. Not really coming to terms with the finality of the break up, I guess. Just think that he was looking at you, get that self confidence back from it, cause I mean, I am assuming you are hot in his eyes and I'm sure losing weight and focusing on yourself was some eye candy for him hehe.

 

Well, I know what article you're talking about. The one by Dr. Weill or however you spell her name? It's actually really fast that he is realizing how poorly he treated you, but it's mostly his guilt. His attempt to be "civil" is to appease the overwhelming guilt that he is feeling and to help him ensure that he made the right choice. I am counting down the days until I can be at the 8 week mark, I need to be normal and for my ex to realize the void I left, not to sound egotistical but we were both a very large part of each others' lives in a positive way, in my opinion.

 

Hmm, well you are observing a change in behavior, and you know him best. I think you answered your own question. But my take on it, I wouldn't get your hopes up just yet. He may be starting to realize the void you left. He may just be bored of going out. I am sure he is thinking and you know how alcohol can you make you sad. I've found myself on my phone in a club just because the alcohol had got me down and a little tired and I needed a break. What my friend and I have been discussing is, we have to stop analyzing all the small things and things they said. They will make it clear that they miss us and want us back, if they ever do. And it's not our job to do that. We already did our job by making a big impact on their life when we were in the relationship. For now, our job is to focus on us and realize we are happy without a shred of doubt. If they want to be a part of all this awesomeness and amazing stuff that we're bubbling out, they can make it known.

 

I have just been telling myself, and to my friend, I am going to make this next couple months all about me. Going to do some singing covers, make a whole new instagram account, focus on school, read self-improvement and relationship books, and be the hottest and sexiest me ever! I am going to be so freaking amazing I will poop karats of gold and fart rainbows. By that point, I will be someone who I love and am capable of having someone that will be able to truly love me. Best part, I get to choose who hehe

 

You bet my friend! You know why? BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL THAT HOT STUFF AND SOME, mmmm. Hahaha you get the point, first step is believing it and don't be afraid to have friends remind you of that!

 

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas and let's hope our love lives are exponentially better in the new year haha Awww you are too sweet, we're both stars!

 

Sincerely,

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

I'm pretty sure I was looking good that night, and he used to tell me when I was and I was wearing one of his favourite T-Shirts and the best part is I didn't even know he was going. My friend asked me if he was okay in the club and he responded "I am just not feeling it" and that he would rather be sober tonight - this is so odd as he does love to either get drunk or high on drugs - and in the club we were in almost everyone (not me!) but almost everyone is on drugs, all his friends were and this was his new hobby???

 

I wasn't really in my exes face which is what I am proud about, I didn't do what he did when he did this, I kept my distance and danced in a different side of the club, which is why I don't understand why he came closer, he was that close that you can even see me in the background of one of his friends snapchats... weird.

 

With the civil comment should I just forget about it but maybe tell myself it's a guilt thing? I will not be civil if it's going to lessen his blow towards the situation, I feel as if he should be feeling guilty and if he is then maybe that's the only way he is hurt in the situation. It's 8 weeks today believe it or not, Christmas Day, the one day in which we had a routine set out for. My mum gifted his mum a present which he will watch her open today, I guess that's a good thing as I might pop into his head for a few seconds haha.

 

I am trying to not allow what his friend said to me get into my head. For a split second it did get my hopes up, but at the end of the day I don't know what was really said and if it was taken out of context, and in my opinion actions speak louder than words so until this is made clear I think I should just block it out. I went to a pub last night with all of my friends, all of our mutual friends and some of his close friends turned up too but no sign of him at this point. I was talking to the girl who my exes best friend had recently told "he doesn't want to commit - having too much fun with the boys.." and she listened to what had happened the night before and I explained about my ex wanting to be civil.

She listened and then told me how this was really strange as she is lead to believe he is seeing someone and had someone round his house last weekend, WHAT!!!! This girl is a storyteller sometimes and I had told her at this point how much happier and positive I was, and as she wasn't at this stage yet there is a chance she might be trying to set me back, and I don't know how she would know this as her and my ex don't get on at all.

I don't believe this is true, but I'm unsure, it did keep me up for most of the night last night overthinking and it's currently 9am Christmas morning and I was woken by a bad dream.. about him.

 

If this is true and my ex is seeing someone and is having someone else around his house would I really be given a second thought? And why would he want to be civil when we never see eachother unless it's in a club where we don't really talk anyway. I'm so confused, all these mind games and mix signals are getting on top of me.

 

My ex showed up at the pub in the end, i didn't give him any of my attention, I just looked the other way, I looked nice and I had gained many compliments off his friends who I haven't seen in 2 months explaining how slim I was looking. As I hugged one of them to say goodbye, as I was going to leave a but early as I didn't want to spoil his night and I had been there almost 2 hours she whispered in my ear "we all miss you" as in all of the 8girls who I used to party with when I was friends with my ex... how sad

[whatdeww18]

I'm pretty sure I was looking good that night, and he used to tell me when I was and I was wearing one of his favourite T-Shirts and the best part is I didn't even know he was going. My friend asked me if he was okay in the club and he responded "I am just not feeling it" and that he would rather be sober tonight - this is so odd as he does love to either get drunk or high on drugs - and in the club we were in almost everyone (not me!) but almost everyone is on drugs, all his friends were and this was his new hobby???

 

I wasn't really in my exes face which is what I am proud about, I didn't do what he did when he did this, I kept my distance and danced in a different side of the club, which is why I don't understand why he came closer, he was that close that you can even see me in the background of one of his friends snapchats... weird.

 

With the civil comment should I just forget about it but maybe tell myself it's a guilt thing? I will not be civil if it's going to lessen his blow towards the situation, I feel as if he should be feeling guilty and if he is then maybe that's the only way he is hurt in the situation. It's 8 weeks today believe it or not, Christmas Day, the one day in which we had a routine set out for. My mum gifted his mum a present which he will watch her open today, I guess that's a good thing as I might pop into his head for a few seconds haha.

 

I am trying to not allow what his friend said to me get into my head. For a split second it did get my hopes up, but at the end of the day I don't know what was really said and if it was taken out of context, and in my opinion actions speak louder than words so until this is made clear I think I should just block it out. I went to a pub last night with all of my friends, all of our mutual friends and some of his close friends turned up too but no sign of him at this point. I was talking to the girl who my exes best friend had recently told "he doesn't want to commit - having too much fun with the boys.." and she listened to what had happened the night before and I explained about my ex wanting to be civil.

She listened and then told me how this was really strange as she is lead to believe he is seeing someone and had someone round his house last weekend, WHAT!!!! This girl is a storyteller sometimes and I had told her at this point how much happier and positive I was, and as she wasn't at this stage yet there is a chance she might be trying to set me back, and I don't know how she would know this as her and my ex don't get on at all.

I don't believe this is true, but I'm unsure, it did keep me up for most of the night last night overthinking and it's currently 9am Christmas morning and I was woken by a bad dream.. about him.

 

If this is true and my ex is seeing someone and is having someone else around his house would I really be given a second thought? And why would he want to be civil when we never see eachother unless it's in a club where we don't really talk anyway. I'm so confused, all these mind games and mix signals are getting on top of me.

 

My ex showed up at the pub in the end, i didn't give him any of my attention, I just looked the other way, I looked nice and I had gained many compliments off his friends who I haven't seen in 2 months explaining how slim I was looking. As I hugged one of them to say goodbye, as I was going to leave a but early as I didn't want to spoil his night and I had been there almost 2 hours she whispered in my ear "we all miss you" as in all of the 8girls who I used to party with when I was friends with my ex... how sad

 

Haha just know you were looking good and even better! Got his favorite shirt on haha. Bam bam bam! Well again, try not to analyze it too much. There could be a lot of reasons for not feeling it. But I do agree, if he likes drinking and doing a lot of drugs, it can be hitting him that the drunkeness and drugs aren't going to allow him to escape the feeling of missing you forever. He also may be conflicted if what you stated later may be true.

 

Good for you! And keep it that way, don't need to be all up in his face to make him miss you. And he's already trying to get closer to you. Just continue doing what you did and don't give in. Will probably only lead to ex sex and that's it.... Back to square one with his feelings probably. And I'm in the same boat somewhat, it's 4 weeks for me today so it's like I'm halfway there haha! But haven't really let it come into my head too much, kind of just let it come and go. The civil thing, it sounds a lot like he is just trying to appease his guilt. It's good to be civil, you don't want someone back out of pity. Whatever he does, just do what you would do to a friend. Cordial and short. If he comes back, it's because he loves you, not from feeling bad about what he did. That's the essence of failed reconciliation. And bad communication haha. He's already probably thinking of you so the present is just another reminder.

 

It's great to be near mutual friends and get things straight from the source. If he said that he is enjoying being single and having too much fun, just take it for that. Don't think that he's trying to make you jealous or whatever. It will only get your hopes falsely, may not be false, but it will only hurt in the end. Take the brunt of it now. Even if she is a story teller, it may be true. He is bound to get into another relationship, whether it be now, in a month, or a few months. We have to move on where it will not bother us. It is going to hurt, that's a given. But we can't let our own healing get bumped by the fact that they left to go see the pastures and now they are testing it.

 

This kind of goes into the rebound area which is really grey. We don't know how they are feeling. To be honest, they could be the type to think they are completely over us and jump into multiple relationships. They might just be in a rebound to distract from their feelings. Who knows? I think just accepting the fact that he will be dating other people helps a lot. It's what I'm doing and I just assume he is or will be in another relationship. It's always a worry in my head that someone will be able to replace me and if so, we weren't meant to be. O well, means there is someone who will love me and I will be able to give this undying love to. It hurts a lot but it's part of the healing I guess.

 

What I think helps the most in this case is COMPLETE no contact. No texts, no social media (unfriend if you are strong enough not to be tempted to check and if not block, delete instagram, every social media outlet). I won't find out about his other relationships and sometimes, ignorance is bliss. I will be focusing on myself. Try to keep your surroundings to be a conducive environment to focus only on yourself. I've been finding that I can shift my focus back to myself now that I completely cut him out. He may take it as harsh and childish, but it's for me. Sorry but not sorry that you broke up with me and I am cutting you out of my life to gain myself back. We're put in a situation where we have nothing left but to look at ourselves and make us freaking awesome. Being friends is not an option, don't work like that.

 

Break ups are final. You want me to stay in your life? Don't break up with me and work it out with me while we're together. Needed a break? Then go work it out and figure out why we didn't work and come back and ask me. Of course, sometimes a break is needed for perspective. And I can understand a dumper that just felt like the break up was the best decision. It was your choice and it's my choice to respond to you while you figure things out.

 

Hopefully this helps and don't get yourself in a rut too much. It's Christmas!

-WhatDEWWWWW

[JackA16]

Haha just know you were looking good and even better! Got his favorite shirt on haha. Bam bam bam! Well again, try not to analyze it too much. There could be a lot of reasons for not feeling it. But I do agree, if he likes drinking and doing a lot of drugs, it can be hitting him that the drunkeness and drugs aren't going to allow him to escape the feeling of missing you forever. He also may be conflicted if what you stated later may be true.

 

Good for you! And keep it that way, don't need to be all up in his face to make him miss you. And he's already trying to get closer to you. Just continue doing what you did and don't give in. Will probably only lead to ex sex and that's it.... Back to square one with his feelings probably. And I'm in the same boat somewhat, it's 4 weeks for me today so it's like I'm halfway there haha! But haven't really let it come into my head too much, kind of just let it come and go. The civil thing, it sounds a lot like he is just trying to appease his guilt. It's good to be civil, you don't want someone back out of pity. Whatever he does, just do what you would do to a friend. Cordial and short. If he comes back, it's because he loves you, not from feeling bad about what he did. That's the essence of failed reconciliation. And bad communication haha. He's already probably thinking of you so the present is just another reminder.

 

It's great to be near mutual friends and get things straight from the source. If he said that he is enjoying being single and having too much fun, just take it for that. Don't think that he's trying to make you jealous or whatever. It will only get your hopes falsely, may not be false, but it will only hurt in the end. Take the brunt of it now. Even if she is a story teller, it may be true. He is bound to get into another relationship, whether it be now, in a month, or a few months. We have to move on where it will not bother us. It is going to hurt, that's a given. But we can't let our own healing get bumped by the fact that they left to go see the pastures and now they are testing it.

 

This kind of goes into the rebound area which is really grey. We don't know how they are feeling. To be honest, they could be the type to think they are completely over us and jump into multiple relationships. They might just be in a rebound to distract from their feelings. Who knows? I think just accepting the fact that he will be dating other people helps a lot. It's what I'm doing and I just assume he is or will be in another relationship. It's always a worry in my head that someone will be able to replace me and if so, we weren't meant to be. O well, means there is someone who will love me and I will be able to give this undying love to. It hurts a lot but it's part of the healing I guess.

 

What I think helps the most in this case is COMPLETE no contact. No texts, no social media (unfriend if you are strong enough not to be tempted to check and if not block, delete instagram, every social media outlet). I won't find out about his other relationships and sometimes, ignorance is bliss. I will be focusing on myself. Try to keep your surroundings to be a conducive environment to focus only on yourself. I've been finding that I can shift my focus back to myself now that I completely cut him out. He may take it as harsh and childish, but it's for me. Sorry but not sorry that you broke up with me and I am cutting you out of my life to gain myself back. We're put in a situation where we have nothing left but to look at ourselves and make us freaking awesome. Being friends is not an option, don't work like that.

 

Break ups are final. You want me to stay in your life? Don't break up with me and work it out with me while we're together. Needed a break? Then go work it out and figure out why we didn't work and come back and ask me. Of course, sometimes a break is needed for perspective. And I can understand a dumper that just felt like the break up was the best decision. It was your choice and it's my choice to respond to you while you figure things out.

 

Hopefully this helps and don't get yourself in a rut too much. It's Christmas!

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

He is usually always on drugs in this club, it is just very coincidental, butthsn again that could be right. I just hope it shook him a little bit, he knows I'm a catch but he knows I lack confidence which was probably what was reassuring him that I wouldn't find anyone quick but there we go, all going well I will be spending New Year's Eve with this guy too!!

 

I don't wanna be disrespectful like he was to me therefore I felt no need to drag a boy infront if his face, besides - if I'm that much of a catch he should know it already he should need to see it Well done by the way, you seem to be in a really good mindset in order to give advice like this? You are genuinely making my break up a lot easier for me!!! The present was good, just wanted something there to ensure he thought of me you know, but he probably already did.. we had plans so I was thinking about him too

 

His mutual friend is contacting me quite a a bit since I last saw her, I believe her 50/50 - my sister said she was pretty sure she saw a Snapchat of him and a boy in his Snapchat last week with a love heart and she said she didn't recognise the boy before, however none of my friends said they had seen it, so unless he took it off immediately after then I guess it's probably untrue as it could've just been one of his friends, who knows, but yeah it does hurt. It just hurts because I don't wanna seem like the down ex who is still upset, still not over it whilst he is there having fun with someone else - but I just can't imagine it? He loved me 8 weeks ago how could this move so quickly? I hate the thought of him removing it out of respect because he might pity me, I dunno I guess this is just what overthinking does to the brain.

 

I have already blocked my ex on everything and vice versa, but Instagram is such a great app that apparently even when you block someone it will show their name on someone's photo likes occasionally, which isn't great. There's no way my ex and I could be friends, and as nice and better as it might be to be civil I just can't do it, like it would be ideal in his world, but for me it's all or nothing - I fell hard it just wouldn't be fair.

 

I guess what you're saying is true, he did leave with the intentions that him and I may never ever speak or see eachother again, that's a hard thing to think about, though it's true. I just can't work out what went wrong, and this is as a result of having no closure, and if he is now seeing someone else that makes it all the more harder as I'm wondering what he might have that I don't...

No contact is the way forward, he didn't wish me merry Christmas and nor did I, which I guess is kind of a big deal as I had planned to until I joined this website and listened to you.

 

I received a text from someone I went on a date with a week ago as he saw me shopping in town, he had been ignoring me before this as I think he wanted a kiss but I wasn't feeling it - he saw me and text me immidiatley after a really flirty text which made me feel good - it must mean I'm looking good more and more!

I also have been talking to this boy for the last week, we have mutual friends and it's sort of been on and off, I had text him first all but one time which was when he messaged me, anyway I text him slightly drunk at Christmas Eve and he replied Christmas morning and we were talking for over 12 hours, he explained how he did think I was nice, his type and we have arranged to meet hopefully some point over the next week. It's exciting and he does make me excited when I see his name pop up on my phone, not rushing in. But maybe a distraction for now? I have fed this back to our mutual friend in the hope it will get back to him too, all this attention is making me feel good

 

Hopefully I will get there soon, less than 3 weeks till my birthday!!

 

Merry Christmas!

[whatdeww18]

He is usually always on drugs in this club, it is just very coincidental, butthsn again that could be right. I just hope it shook him a little bit, he knows I'm a catch but he knows I lack confidence which was probably what was reassuring him that I wouldn't find anyone quick but there we go, all going well I will be spending New Year's Eve with this guy too!!

 

I don't wanna be disrespectful like he was to me therefore I felt no need to drag a boy infront if his face, besides - if I'm that much of a catch he should know it already he should need to see it Well done by the way, you seem to be in a really good mindset in order to give advice like this? You are genuinely making my break up a lot easier for me!!! The present was good, just wanted something there to ensure he thought of me you know, but he probably already did.. we had plans so I was thinking about him too

 

His mutual friend is contacting me quite a a bit since I last saw her, I believe her 50/50 - my sister said she was pretty sure she saw a Snapchat of him and a boy in his Snapchat last week with a love heart and she said she didn't recognise the boy before, however none of my friends said they had seen it, so unless he took it off immediately after then I guess it's probably untrue as it could've just been one of his friends, who knows, but yeah it does hurt. It just hurts because I don't wanna seem like the down ex who is still upset, still not over it whilst he is there having fun with someone else - but I just can't imagine it? He loved me 8 weeks ago how could this move so quickly? I hate the thought of him removing it out of respect because he might pity me, I dunno I guess this is just what overthinking does to the brain.

 

I have already blocked my ex on everything and vice versa, but Instagram is such a great app that apparently even when you block someone it will show their name on someone's photo likes occasionally, which isn't great. There's no way my ex and I could be friends, and as nice and better as it might be to be civil I just can't do it, like it would be ideal in his world, but for me it's all or nothing - I fell hard it just wouldn't be fair.

 

I guess what you're saying is true, he did leave with the intentions that him and I may never ever speak or see eachother again, that's a hard thing to think about, though it's true. I just can't work out what went wrong, and this is as a result of having no closure, and if he is now seeing someone else that makes it all the more harder as I'm wondering what he might have that I don't...

No contact is the way forward, he didn't wish me merry Christmas and nor did I, which I guess is kind of a big deal as I had planned to until I joined this website and listened to you.

 

I received a text from someone I went on a date with a week ago as he saw me shopping in town, he had been ignoring me before this as I think he wanted a kiss but I wasn't feeling it - he saw me and text me immidiatley after a really flirty text which made me feel good - it must mean I'm looking good more and more!

I also have been talking to this boy for the last week, we have mutual friends and it's sort of been on and off, I had text him first all but one time which was when he messaged me, anyway I text him slightly drunk at Christmas Eve and he replied Christmas morning and we were talking for over 12 hours, he explained how he did think I was nice, his type and we have arranged to meet hopefully some point over the next week. It's exciting and he does make me excited when I see his name pop up on my phone, not rushing in. But maybe a distraction for now? I have fed this back to our mutual friend in the hope it will get back to him too, all this attention is making me feel good

 

Hopefully I will get there soon, less than 3 weeks till my birthday!!

 

Merry Christmas!

 

Hmm that is interesting and sometimes it just takes some things to happen for him to realize drugs and clubbing can only go so far. It gets to be the same and you'll meet some hot people but not everyone is relationship material for us. Takes some people. At least for long term. Right right, sometimes the confidence is gone after we beg and things like that and they see us moving on, can kind of suck.... But glad for you, got someone new!

 

Look at you making them strides in healing! You are a catch and you are right there is no need to flaunt it off right in front of him. You can show that you're a catch by not doing all that! Haha I have really been focusing on my emotions and rationalizing them. I'm at a point where I have moments where I don't really miss my ex and other times I really do. I'm beginning to get to a place where I don't mind if he comes back but we would have a lot to work on if he comes back. So glad I could be of help for you to move on! Sometimes we just have to have someone going through it with us and help us see that it's not all about our ex. I was definitely not like this two weeks ago, I would have moved Heaven to get back with him haha.

 

I would just believe it 100% and help yourself move on. Pondering about it and finding out he isn't dating someone else gives you assurance but it'll happen down the road again. Can't be going through the emotions again. Just kind of get it in your head now so you won't be as phased by it. I have no idea what my ex is doing but I have already assumed that he is dating/slept with others, pictured it, got sick, but now when I do, which is rare, it doesn't bother me as much. Try not to deduce whether it is true, again just going to make you crazy.

 

Right, I unfriended everywhere and he only has my phone number. So it's up to them to contact me. And I agree, I wouldn't ever be friends with my ex. However, I wouldn't mind being civil with him. If he texts or sees me, just going to acknowledge and say hi. But nothing more. I am also getting to a point where I can see that my feelings are slowly slipping away and I could try to be friendly haha. It's weird. Didn't think I would ever be like this.

 

Yea my ex and I didn't wish each other merry Christmas and I don't plan to message him for his birthday. It won't help him thinking that I will stay in his life, I don't want to if I'm not with him. Try to not to view no contact as a mind game, but I'm just doing it to really distance myself. I'm reaping the benefits now that I don't have this constant urge to talk to him. I'm learning to be an individual and don't need anyone to wish me or talk to me to make me happy. He can make me happier, but happiness is from me!

 

Haha aww I'm so glad you're going on dates now and can boost your confidence! Yea everyone will say don't rush into things but just do with what you're comfortable. And you're already excited with someone else texting. It's that new exciting phase of meeting someone. It's always nice haha. I'm in the same boat and reconnecting with older flames/friends. It's actually really nice and I'm starting to see traits that I like and dislike from all this.

I think we're both getting to be in better places. Doesn't mean we won't be getting into slumps here and there but keep trying to move forward! If our ex's come back, we get to decide haha! It'll be nice to hear how we are in a couple more months and what happens! And distractions are more than welcome at this point, I love them actually. Been thinking about the break up TOO much....

 

Looking forward to hear more

Hope you had a great Christmas!

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

[JackA16]

Hmm that is interesting and sometimes it just takes some things to happen for him to realize drugs and clubbing can only go so far. It gets to be the same and you'll meet some hot people but not everyone is relationship material for us. Takes some people. At least for long term. Right right, sometimes the confidence is gone after we beg and things like that and they see us moving on, can kind of suck.... But glad for you, got someone new!

 

Look at you making them strides in healing! You are a catch and you are right there is no need to flaunt it off right in front of him. You can show that you're a catch by not doing all that! Haha I have really been focusing on my emotions and rationalizing them. I'm at a point where I have moments where I don't really miss my ex and other times I really do. I'm beginning to get to a place where I don't mind if he comes back but we would have a lot to work on if he comes back. So glad I could be of help for you to move on! Sometimes we just have to have someone going through it with us and help us see that it's not all about our ex. I was definitely not like this two weeks ago, I would have moved Heaven to get back with him haha.

 

I would just believe it 100% and help yourself move on. Pondering about it and finding out he isn't dating someone else gives you assurance but it'll happen down the road again. Can't be going through the emotions again. Just kind of get it in your head now so you won't be as phased by it. I have no idea what my ex is doing but I have already assumed that he is dating/slept with others, pictured it, got sick, but now when I do, which is rare, it doesn't bother me as much. Try not to deduce whether it is true, again just going to make you crazy.

 

Right, I unfriended everywhere and he only has my phone number. So it's up to them to contact me. And I agree, I wouldn't ever be friends with my ex. However, I wouldn't mind being civil with him. If he texts or sees me, just going to acknowledge and say hi. But nothing more. I am also getting to a point where I can see that my feelings are slowly slipping away and I could try to be friendly haha. It's weird. Didn't think I would ever be like this.

 

Yea my ex and I didn't wish each other merry Christmas and I don't plan to message him for his birthday. It won't help him thinking that I will stay in his life, I don't want to if I'm not with him. Try to not to view no contact as a mind game, but I'm just doing it to really distance myself. I'm reaping the benefits now that I don't have this constant urge to talk to him. I'm learning to be an individual and don't need anyone to wish me or talk to me to make me happy. He can make me happier, but happiness is from me!

 

Haha aww I'm so glad you're going on dates now and can boost your confidence! Yea everyone will say don't rush into things but just do with what you're comfortable. And you're already excited with someone else texting. It's that new exciting phase of meeting someone. It's always nice haha. I'm in the same boat and reconnecting with older flames/friends. It's actually really nice and I'm starting to see traits that I like and dislike from all this.

I think we're both getting to be in better places. Doesn't mean we won't be getting into slumps here and there but keep trying to move forward! If our ex's come back, we get to decide haha! It'll be nice to hear how we are in a couple more months and what happens! And distractions are more than welcome at this point, I love them actually. Been thinking about the break up TOO much....

 

Looking forward to hear more

Hope you had a great Christmas!

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

I went out to a club last night and for once he wasn't there! I went with all of my friends and bonded with some new people I haven't really spoke to before. My night was okay, I mean, I didn't drunk text him or anything - I was actually talking about this new boy a lot and I sent him the drunk text. I'm just trying to be careful and make sure things are moving slowly, I don't wanna rush in and ruin everything nor do I want to upset myself by moving on before I am ready.

 

The thing is I think I could be civil, but I don't really want to be. I don't want to say hello to someone who not only broke my heart but actually stamped on it too by getting with people infront of me and writing things about me on social media, it makes me really upset. If I'm honest, I just cannot believe he has treated me like this when he genuinely used to treat me like his entire world, it's so upsetting and I don't know how he cannot feel awful for his actions.

 

I am not going to wish him happy new year, a good time skiing if anything. I want him to think that talking to him is the last thing on my mind. The only problem is prople knkw I am seeing someone new, would that slow/sway his decision about coming back? He would hate to get rejected. But then I suppose if you love someone you would just speak your heart. I am finding this very hard, but I can see the benefits of no contact. I'm better.

 

This new boy is a great distraction and as I have body confidence issues I'm always anxious about showing people my Body, but he was so lovely about it that it really didn't matter. And that's something my ex never made me feel like.

 

I have woken up this morning, and I'm not sure if it's the drink last night and just a little hangover but something is lingering ontop of my chest, making me want to cry although my situation hasn't changed and I haven't seen him? I'm not sure whether this might just be a reality thing sinking in that he is with someone else now potentially? I'm not sure. I guess I have to take the good days with the bad, just hope that soon I'll be in an even better place, I am starting to feel even better than I was a few days ago.

 

Thanks for you help!!

[whatdeww18]

I went out to a club last night and for once he wasn't there! I went with all of my friends and bonded with some new people I haven't really spoke to before. My night was okay, I mean, I didn't drunk text him or anything - I was actually talking about this new boy a lot and I sent him the drunk text. I'm just trying to be careful and make sure things are moving slowly, I don't wanna rush in and ruin everything nor do I want to upset myself by moving on before I am ready.

 

The thing is I think I could be civil, but I don't really want to be. I don't want to say hello to someone who not only broke my heart but actually stamped on it too by getting with people infront of me and writing things about me on social media, it makes me really upset. If I'm honest, I just cannot believe he has treated me like this when he genuinely used to treat me like his entire world, it's so upsetting and I don't know how he cannot feel awful for his actions.

 

I am not going to wish him happy new year, a good time skiing if anything. I want him to think that talking to him is the last thing on my mind. The only problem is prople knkw I am seeing someone new, would that slow/sway his decision about coming back? He would hate to get rejected. But then I suppose if you love someone you would just speak your heart. I am finding this very hard, but I can see the benefits of no contact. I'm better.

 

This new boy is a great distraction and as I have body confidence issues I'm always anxious about showing people my Body, but he was so lovely about it that it really didn't matter. And that's something my ex never made me feel like.

 

I have woken up this morning, and I'm not sure if it's the drink last night and just a little hangover but something is lingering ontop of my chest, making me want to cry although my situation hasn't changed and I haven't seen him? I'm not sure whether this might just be a reality thing sinking in that he is with someone else now potentially? I'm not sure. I guess I have to take the good days with the bad, just hope that soon I'll be in an even better place, I am starting to feel even better than I was a few days ago.

 

Thanks for you help!!

 

Aww glad you could go out and finally just get some alone time! It's always nice to meet new people haha! Well that was good that you didn't drunk text him Hopefully we can stay strong for new years too. As long as you did that and you're slowly moving on, you're good!

 

No, I know exactly what you mean... I'm sure my ex is willing to talk to me and stay in some form of contact. But I do not wish to whatsoever. He's done a lot of things and said some things that really hurt, I'd rather not talk to him at all. But yea we can't play the victim game, just makes go into that spiral of pain. More so, we are still in love and it's simply just going to take time to truly forgive and forget. If he does come back, we can't hold onto those feelings. For all we know, it might be their coping mechanism to do what they have done to accommodate their feelings. Who knows?

 

I think that's okay to think for now but we will hopefully get to a place where we will just be mostly indifferent. It won't even affect us no matter what we do. I think if you truly do want to move on, even if it's hope for a reconciliation, you can't be thinking of you talking to someone and its effects on him. This is for you and for your future. If talking to this new guy is giving you the feels and you want to try it, do it for you. I'm sure you are genuinely interested in this guy, you even said you're taking it slow. He's doing things that make you feel comfortable about your body, and you will have to find someone in the future that makes you feel comfortable about your body. But just be careful, like you said, you want to give this guy a chance. And if you aren't ready, you will only hurt him and yourself. To be honest, your ex might not even care or he might text you as you slip away. But do you think your ex truly wants you back when you're slipping away? A successful reconciliation would only work if, no matter who you're with or not with, still wants you. And you are able to truly forgive and trust him.

 

I've been reading about dumpees and the progression of their moving on process. It seems a lot go through this slump once more after feeling good. A lot contribute it to the fact that we realize we are doing better and can actually move on from someone we wanted so badly. It's almost like guilt that we are seeing past them. It's like we're sabotaging our own healing. Weird right? I am exactly there as I'm actually realizing my life is still happy without him and can get feels from other people. I try to just acknowledge the feeling and let it pass. It stays sometimes but what can we do? I guess we just have to let the feeling pass and know we'll be okay. And trust me, I regress ALL the FREAKING TIME. I have been messaging my friend who is also going through a break up and he assures me it's going to be okay and we just have to keep moving on.

 

Hope you had a fun time going out! If you need to cry, cry. But don't stay in bed and do some chores around the house and get moving. The feeling passes and I feel much better after haha.

 

Talk to you soon!

-WhatDEWWWWW

[JackA16]

Aww glad you could go out and finally just get some alone time! It's always nice to meet new people haha! Well that was good that you didn't drunk text him Hopefully we can stay strong for new years too. As long as you did that and you're slowly moving on, you're good!

 

No, I know exactly what you mean... I'm sure my ex is willing to talk to me and stay in some form of contact. But I do not wish to whatsoever. He's done a lot of things and said some things that really hurt, I'd rather not talk to him at all. But yea we can't play the victim game, just makes go into that spiral of pain. More so, we are still in love and it's simply just going to take time to truly forgive and forget. If he does come back, we can't hold onto those feelings. For all we know, it might be their coping mechanism to do what they have done to accommodate their feelings. Who knows?

 

I think that's okay to think for now but we will hopefully get to a place where we will just be mostly indifferent. It won't even affect us no matter what we do. I think if you truly do want to move on, even if it's hope for a reconciliation, you can't be thinking of you talking to someone and its effects on him. This is for you and for your future. If talking to this new guy is giving you the feels and you want to try it, do it for you. I'm sure you are genuinely interested in this guy, you even said you're taking it slow. He's doing things that make you feel comfortable about your body, and you will have to find someone in the future that makes you feel comfortable about your body. But just be careful, like you said, you want to give this guy a chance. And if you aren't ready, you will only hurt him and yourself. To be honest, your ex might not even care or he might text you as you slip away. But do you think your ex truly wants you back when you're slipping away? A successful reconciliation would only work if, no matter who you're with or not with, still wants you. And you are able to truly forgive and trust him.

 

I've been reading about dumpees and the progression of their moving on process. It seems a lot go through this slump once more after feeling good. A lot contribute it to the fact that we realize we are doing better and can actually move on from someone we wanted so badly. It's almost like guilt that we are seeing past them. It's like we're sabotaging our own healing. Weird right? I am exactly there as I'm actually realizing my life is still happy without him and can get feels from other people. I try to just acknowledge the feeling and let it pass. It stays sometimes but what can we do? I guess we just have to let the feeling pass and know we'll be okay. And trust me, I regress ALL the FREAKING TIME. I have been messaging my friend who is also going through a break up and he assures me it's going to be okay and we just have to keep moving on.

 

Hope you had a fun time going out! If you need to cry, cry. But don't stay in bed and do some chores around the house and get moving. The feeling passes and I feel much better after haha.

 

Talk to you soon!

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

I should be okay New Years as I'm going with another one of my gay friends all going well..

Yeah I guess you're right, I'm not going to play on it and try and make everyone feel some sort of like sympathy for me. But at the same time I'm just not sure I could stand there and watch him bring another guy into our friendship group. And it could be his way of dealing with it, I really don't know!

 

This new guy made me feel so great, and confident and special - but unfortunately he hasn't come out to his family, therefore he told me last night he wouldn't be ready for a relationship so we have stopped talking as he doesn't want me to get attatched. I know that he does like me and he enjoys talking to me but I feel like he is just looking for fun right now, but I kind of believe that's something he is scared of, we planned to go on a date and meet multiple times and when I couldn't text him at work he revealed that he kind of missed me. Surely he can't miss me if he didn't care for me a bit more than a cheap hook up? Who knows, I'll give him some space for a while and hopefully he will come back, I really like him!!

 

I feel like I'm at that stage, but right now I'm just down in the dumps about this new guy, he gave me something to be excited about and look forward too - and now that's gone I don't know how I'm feeling? I guess this might be good as it might take my mind off my ex.

Also, on the topic of my ex he added one of my gay friends James on Snapchat, which is weird because he knows James is one of my close friends, as he commented on one of my pictures on Instagram, and when he did that a few weeks ago my ex followed him straight away, weird right? Why do you think he is doing this - is it more stuff just to get at me?

 

I could've stayed in bed all day but instead I'm going to go out shopping with my friends for some retail therapy!!

[whatdeww18]

I should be okay New Years as I'm going with another one of my gay friends all going well..

Yeah I guess you're right, I'm not going to play on it and try and make everyone feel some sort of like sympathy for me. But at the same time I'm just not sure I could stand there and watch him bring another guy into our friendship group. And it could be his way of dealing with it, I really don't know!

 

This new guy made me feel so great, and confident and special - but unfortunately he hasn't come out to his family, therefore he told me last night he wouldn't be ready for a relationship so we have stopped talking as he doesn't want me to get attatched. I know that he does like me and he enjoys talking to me but I feel like he is just looking for fun right now, but I kind of believe that's something he is scared of, we planned to go on a date and meet multiple times and when I couldn't text him at work he revealed that he kind of missed me. Surely he can't miss me if he didn't care for me a bit more than a cheap hook up? Who knows, I'll give him some space for a while and hopefully he will come back, I really like him!!

 

I feel like I'm at that stage, but right now I'm just down in the dumps about this new guy, he gave me something to be excited about and look forward too - and now that's gone I don't know how I'm feeling? I guess this might be good as it might take my mind off my ex.

Also, on the topic of my ex he added one of my gay friends James on Snapchat, which is weird because he knows James is one of my close friends, as he commented on one of my pictures on Instagram, and when he did that a few weeks ago my ex followed him straight away, weird right? Why do you think he is doing this - is it more stuff just to get at me?

 

I could've stayed in bed all day but instead I'm going to go out shopping with my friends for some retail therapy!!

 

Aww yay for a new guy! Hopefully things work out well with him! And yea others may sympathize for a little but after a while it gets old for them... Gotta do our best to be the fun, usual, outgoing selves that we always are! Yea I don't think I'd be ready for him to have a new person but what can we do... Just gotta tough it up and hope them the best... No matter what.

 

Well that was nice of him and straight forward! If he's not ready don't push it! There's no need. Ouch that sucks, and I'm sorry! But sometimes things work out in weird ways... Well no one really knows right? If he misses you and doesn't want a relationship, I don't think that's what you need. You need someone that will want a relationship with you and support you through all of this mess. Aww glad you could find someone you like! But yea don't rush things but sounds like you are moving on with your feelings a bit hehe.

 

That's true it's something new to worry about. Just make sure you actually like the guy for who he is. And it's okay to be a little sad about it, definitely have to welcome a new distraction haha. I actually have no idea... Your guess is as good as mine. My ex's best friend sees all my snaps on my story and it kind of makes me raise an eyebrow. I say we just not dig too deep and just let it be. It's our ex that has to come out and tell us that breaking up was not for the best. Let's see how that goes...

 

I know that feeling of wanting to stay in bed all day hahaha! But glad you could get out and do some shopping! Stay strong and let's keep this momentum going

 

Talk to you soon friend!

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

[JackA16]

Aww yay for a new guy! Hopefully things work out well with him! And yea others may sympathize for a little but after a while it gets old for them... Gotta do our best to be the fun, usual, outgoing selves that we always are! Yea I don't think I'd be ready for him to have a new person but what can we do... Just gotta tough it up and hope them the best... No matter what.

 

Well that was nice of him and straight forward! If he's not ready don't push it! There's no need. Ouch that sucks, and I'm sorry! But sometimes things work out in weird ways... Well no one really knows right? If he misses you and doesn't want a relationship, I don't think that's what you need. You need someone that will want a relationship with you and support you through all of this mess. Aww glad you could find someone you like! But yea don't rush things but sounds like you are moving on with your feelings a bit hehe.

 

That's true it's something new to worry about. Just make sure you actually like the guy for who he is. And it's okay to be a little sad about it, definitely have to welcome a new distraction haha. I actually have no idea... Your guess is as good as mine. My ex's best friend sees all my snaps on my story and it kind of makes me raise an eyebrow. I say we just not dig too deep and just let it be. It's our ex that has to come out and tell us that breaking up was not for the best. Let's see how that goes...

 

I know that feeling of wanting to stay in bed all day hahaha! But glad you could get out and do some shopping! Stay strong and let's keep this momentum going

 

Talk to you soon friend!

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

My friend has just had the same thing happen to her bless her - so I am currently giving her all the best advice I can, but in some ways it helpful as I'm friends with the both of them (dumper and dumpee) - and the dumper is telling me everything that her ex has done that's pushed her away, and I'm not going to lie she has done some really bad things, things that I never did, which gives me some kind of confidence that actually I just acted the way that is normal - therefore I wasn't too crazy

 

When I was shopping yesterday with one of my friends she was on a date with one of my exes friends and he was asking questions about me - and he asked how I was doing, my friend didn't give much away but made it look as if I was throwing myself back out there, and he said that my ex didn't really seem at all phased by the break up how is this even possible?? I really hope if that's the case when he is out with friends behind closed doors he gets upset because although I shouldn't be thinking about his feelings that makes me so angry.

 

I have got to a stage now, after talking to that boy where I'm just wanting to find someone, anyone who will distract me for a while, I am pretty sad things didn't work out my way but this boy did say that he would text me now and again to make sure I'm okay and if he is ready for a relationship at some point and wants to give it a go - and I'm still around he will tell me, he is new on the gay scene so he just wants to have some fun! To be honest, it feels good to be sad over someone who isn't my ex, but I would be lying if I didn't have like thoughts about my ex - for the first time in a while I really don't know what he is up to.

 

Have a great day!

[whatdeww18]

My friend has just had the same thing happen to her bless her - so I am currently giving her all the best advice I can, but in some ways it helpful as I'm friends with the both of them (dumper and dumpee) - and the dumper is telling me everything that her ex has done that's pushed her away, and I'm not going to lie she has done some really bad things, things that I never did, which gives me some kind of confidence that actually I just acted the way that is normal - therefore I wasn't too crazy

 

When I was shopping yesterday with one of my friends she was on a date with one of my exes friends and he was asking questions about me - and he asked how I was doing, my friend didn't give much away but made it look as if I was throwing myself back out there, and he said that my ex didn't really seem at all phased by the break up how is this even possible?? I really hope if that's the case when he is out with friends behind closed doors he gets upset because although I shouldn't be thinking about his feelings that makes me so angry.

 

I have got to a stage now, after talking to that boy where I'm just wanting to find someone, anyone who will distract me for a while, I am pretty sad things didn't work out my way but this boy did say that he would text me now and again to make sure I'm okay and if he is ready for a relationship at some point and wants to give it a go - and I'm still around he will tell me, he is new on the gay scene so he just wants to have some fun! To be honest, it feels good to be sad over someone who isn't my ex, but I would be lying if I didn't have like thoughts about my ex - for the first time in a while I really don't know what he is up to.

 

Have a great day!

 

I am sending some blessings your friends way too! Good lord, it's break up city.... Aww look at you, now you get to give some advice! I think it really helps though because you get to see your own progress and it's comforting to actually have a person go through it with you. Hmm so she did things during the relationship or after that pushed her ex away? And if it was during the relationship, and it pushed her away, why didn't they communicate? (also gay or did I read it wrong)?

 

Interesting! Please, do keep me posted about the things that he does! I'm using you as my future reference haha. Well, remember Dr. Weil's book that you talked about? It takes 2 months to start registering the break up for the dumper after the relief. Some dumpers have said it's almost like a honeymoon period after dumping. He may simply be starting to get curious and the reality of the void you left is hitting. Try not to think like that... Remember what we talked about? What he does and feels is not up to us, nor should it be on our minds. We have to heal and if you really do love him, you will be wishing him the best and a happy life. And you're going to be doing everything to make the best you that you can, gaining valuable communication tools, learning more about yourself, about love, and if he does come back, you're going to be the best partner ever. If not, you're going to be the best partner that anyone else gets the pleasure of having!

 

Oof just be careful of going into rebound territory, okay? I know you want some distractions and having someone else takes your mind off things. Everyone copes differently. If that's how you'd like to do it, just do it. (try to be nice to your rebounds and let them know you're not looking for anything serious though). It's not fair for them to fall head over heels for you, and you're not emotionally available. Yea your friend sounds like he just wants to sleep around for a bit. What a shame hahaha...

 

So an observation I've noticed in a lot of success stories that I have been reading through is the dumped person really takes time to introspect, even when they dated. I've only gone on one date and found it too soon for me, but I did find myself able to identify traits that I like and dislike. I'm going to be finding a couple books for relationships like the 5 languages of love, I've seen a lot of dumpees recommend it. Some people say it's really worth the read, even if you dislike reading, it gives you the perspective you need to gain the tools to make you a better person to date. Looking back on my relationship, I don't think I was a good partner, I know I was kind and passionate, but I didn't communicate well and was jealous a lot of it. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA. Working on that haha.

 

But to be honest, I am finding myself find a lot more inner peace than I ever thought possible. Addressing certain issues, finding better ways to communicate, and wanting to be a better person. Just thought I would give you what I've been doing and maybe you can try it too!

 

Have a fun day buddy!

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

[JackA16]

I am sending some blessings your friends way too! Good lord, it's break up city.... Aww look at you, now you get to give some advice! I think it really helps though because you get to see your own progress and it's comforting to actually have a person go through it with you. Hmm so she did things during the relationship or after that pushed her ex away? And if it was during the relationship, and it pushed her away, why didn't they communicate? (also gay or did I read it wrong)?

 

Interesting! Please, do keep me posted about the things that he does! I'm using you as my future reference haha. Well, remember Dr. Weil's book that you talked about? It takes 2 months to start registering the break up for the dumper after the relief. Some dumpers have said it's almost like a honeymoon period after dumping. He may simply be starting to get curious and the reality of the void you left is hitting. Try not to think like that... Remember what we talked about? What he does and feels is not up to us, nor should it be on our minds. We have to heal and if you really do love him, you will be wishing him the best and a happy life. And you're going to be doing everything to make the best you that you can, gaining valuable communication tools, learning more about yourself, about love, and if he does come back, you're going to be the best partner ever. If not, you're going to be the best partner that anyone else gets the pleasure of having!

 

Oof just be careful of going into rebound territory, okay? I know you want some distractions and having someone else takes your mind off things. Everyone copes differently. If that's how you'd like to do it, just do it. (try to be nice to your rebounds and let them know you're not looking for anything serious though). It's not fair for them to fall head over heels for you, and you're not emotionally available. Yea your friend sounds like he just wants to sleep around for a bit. What a shame hahaha...

 

So an observation I've noticed in a lot of success stories that I have been reading through is the dumped person really takes time to introspect, even when they dated. I've only gone on one date and found it too soon for me, but I did find myself able to identify traits that I like and dislike. I'm going to be finding a couple books for relationships like the 5 languages of love, I've seen a lot of dumpees recommend it. Some people say it's really worth the read, even if you dislike reading, it gives you the perspective you need to gain the tools to make you a better person to date. Looking back on my relationship, I don't think I was a good partner, I know I was kind and passionate, but I didn't communicate well and was jealous a lot of it. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA. Working on that haha.

 

But to be honest, I am finding myself find a lot more inner peace than I ever thought possible. Addressing certain issues, finding better ways to communicate, and wanting to be a better person. Just thought I would give you what I've been doing and maybe you can try it too!

 

Have a fun day buddy!

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

Hello!! I've just got back from a little gathering at my friends house where we have all shared a few drinks. My exes brother was there and that was interesting to say the least. He revealed that my ex wasn't there (at home) for Christmas Day - and instead went to the pub instead of spending the day with his family - weird right?

 

His brother just drove me back to my place, and honestly the evening I had with his brother was so special. We did some reminiscing, talked about festivals we are both going to and mentioned how we would go together for old time sakes, this meant a lot to me - it made me realise that actually I was a good and nice person to be around, after all his brother didn't have to give me a lift home and in fact he offered.

 

Him and my ex are going skiing early hours of tomorrow morning, after the lift home I said to him in the car "i hope you have a really lovely time skiing, not only you but Conor too" with Conor being my ex. He said "I will do, see you when I get back, and I will let him know you said that" - we are seeing eachother the day he gets back skiing as we are going out to a club for his birthday.. was I right for wishing him and his brother a nice time away? Is this good alongside no contact?

Tonight has made me realise a lot of things, not only my love for my ex but how many memories we have - not only with him but his family too, as me and his brother but a song on the jukebox which reminded us of the 'good ol days'.. which was when we were together back in July.

 

I miss him, I know I'm kind of drunk right now but my god I really do miss him. It feels like it's over, but with it actually being over, I feel as if there is still something three keeping us alight - but maybe that's just my mind overthinking.

 

I will definitely check out the book you have mentioned, this time away from my ex has made me realise that actually I wasn't the perfect partner either, but in actual fact I now feel as if I could be a much better one, I was just afraid of getting hurt and tried to protect myself too much and tried to make every last detail of my relationship perfect, when all my ex wanted was for me to sit back and enjoy the ride - which is all he ever used to say to me

 

For now I will just wait it out, let him have this trip away with his brother and see what happens, it's good that I left a nice taste in his brothers mouth though isn't it? As if I do come up in conversation whilst they are away skiing I know his brother will only have good things to say about me.

I have moved on from what has happened and I'm ready to accept the reality of him coming back or maybe not coming back, I just wish I could know which one it was. I'm going to remain strong, but I really hope this trip (week) away makes him realise a lot of things and speeds up the process of his choice, whether it be me or someone else, this not knowing is reallt killing me.

 

And yes my friend is a lesbian, she had been doing dramatic things since the break up like threatening to overdose etc since it's happened - and this is something I never did, or never got close to doing, which gives me the confidence that maybe I won't actually have pushed him away that far. I hope the 8 week dumper remorse thing is true, as in 2 days it will be exactly 8 weeks and he will be away with his brother skiing without the influence of his ****ty best friend who never liked me. Who knows what will happen, I will sit tight and keep you posted.

 

While I'm here I want to take this opportunity to thank you so much for all the advice you have given me, I honestly have no idea what I would have done without it. You give me a reality check and inspire me to keep on doing what I'm doing - and without you I'm not sure what I would've done, whither that means self harm or just ruin everything for good. You're a real caring, kind and special person and I hope soone enough your ex realises that. If I ever have the fortune of meeting you I will certainly make this up to you - you're an absolute star. Thank you for everything

[jamili]

Sometimes losing the family/friends connected to the ex is just as hard as losing the ex themselves.

[whatdeww18]

Hello!! I've just got back from a little gathering at my friends house where we have all shared a few drinks. My exes brother was there and that was interesting to say the least. He revealed that my ex wasn't there (at home) for Christmas Day - and instead went to the pub instead of spending the day with his family - weird right?

 

His brother just drove me back to my place, and honestly the evening I had with his brother was so special. We did some reminiscing, talked about festivals we are both going to and mentioned how we would go together for old time sakes, this meant a lot to me - it made me realise that actually I was a good and nice person to be around, after all his brother didn't have to give me a lift home and in fact he offered.

 

Him and my ex are going skiing early hours of tomorrow morning, after the lift home I said to him in the car "i hope you have a really lovely time skiing, not only you but Conor too" with Conor being my ex. He said "I will do, see you when I get back, and I will let him know you said that" - we are seeing eachother the day he gets back skiing as we are going out to a club for his birthday.. was I right for wishing him and his brother a nice time away? Is this good alongside no contact?

Tonight has made me realise a lot of things, not only my love for my ex but how many memories we have - not only with him but his family too, as me and his brother but a song on the jukebox which reminded us of the 'good ol days'.. which was when we were together back in July.

 

I miss him, I know I'm kind of drunk right now but my god I really do miss him. It feels like it's over, but with it actually being over, I feel as if there is still something three keeping us alight - but maybe that's just my mind overthinking.

 

I will definitely check out the book you have mentioned, this time away from my ex has made me realise that actually I wasn't the perfect partner either, but in actual fact I now feel as if I could be a much better one, I was just afraid of getting hurt and tried to protect myself too much and tried to make every last detail of my relationship perfect, when all my ex wanted was for me to sit back and enjoy the ride - which is all he ever used to say to me

 

For now I will just wait it out, let him have this trip away with his brother and see what happens, it's good that I left a nice taste in his brothers mouth though isn't it? As if I do come up in conversation whilst they are away skiing I know his brother will only have good things to say about me.

I have moved on from what has happened and I'm ready to accept the reality of him coming back or maybe not coming back, I just wish I could know which one it was. I'm going to remain strong, but I really hope this trip (week) away makes him realise a lot of things and speeds up the process of his choice, whether it be me or someone else, this not knowing is reallt killing me.

 

And yes my friend is a lesbian, she had been doing dramatic things since the break up like threatening to overdose etc since it's happened - and this is something I never did, or never got close to doing, which gives me the confidence that maybe I won't actually have pushed him away that far. I hope the 8 week dumper remorse thing is true, as in 2 days it will be exactly 8 weeks and he will be away with his brother skiing without the influence of his ****ty best friend who never liked me. Who knows what will happen, I will sit tight and keep you posted.

 

While I'm here I want to take this opportunity to thank you so much for all the advice you have given me, I honestly have no idea what I would have done without it. You give me a reality check and inspire me to keep on doing what I'm doing - and without you I'm not sure what I would've done, whither that means self harm or just ruin everything for good. You're a real caring, kind and special person and I hope soone enough your ex realises that. If I ever have the fortune of meeting you I will certainly make this up to you - you're an absolute star. Thank you for everything

 

Hmm that's really interesting, not sure how I would have gone through drinking with my ex's family haha. But wow look at you carrying yourself well! And that is very odd of him, I think he is really going through a complete change and, if he was even somewhat a family guy, that is crazy! Hope he's okay... For his sake and yours.

 

It's okay I really miss my ex too... It's sad... And definitely read the book! You're a great person and no one is a perfect partner, even after all that we do during the break up. But we will be better equipped to work out a great relationship with whoever it is meant to be with!

I'm actually really excited to read the book haha, nerding out!

 

Of course, sometimes you just need reminders when you're down to realize this! So glad you could talk with your ex's brother and realize, you are a great person! You deserve this happiness and the nostalgia of all the good memories

 

Aww that was very nice of him to give you a lift. I think, as you can tell, his family thinks he is being a little out there with all of this. It seems like that to me, and if I were in his family, I think I would have done the same. And yes, you definitely did the right thing. Hell, that just showed a lot, in a lot of ways. Showed how mature you are to the family, shows you know how not to self-destruct with a break up, that you still care for him, and you are a genuine and good person at heart. Major thumbs up! No contact is for you, remember. Having run into your ex's boyfriend is just something that you can't control and you did the best thing in the situation. As long as you are healing, you didn't break no contact.

 

Haha honey, I don't think you are really ready for whatever happens. You sound like you still really want your ex, don't lie to me. I can read it! But it's okay, I'm still really wanting my ex. It's only been two months, we can't expect to really be fully moved on yet. But try not to think that your ex's brother will help in getting your ex back. He will say good things, he will try to persuade your ex, but it's ultimately up to your ex. He has to think all this through and get all this bull stuffs through his head before he can think clearly and get back to you. Just remember, try to keep at least half of your thoughts about you. Half of your day thinking about your ex is okay, and as you move on, and with time, that will go down a lot. Yea, it kills me to be in this limbo. But I have just really cut my ex out of my life, so I have no idea what will be going on his life. It helps me to assume he will not come back and I can just move on.

 

O jeez, I'm sure you have been learning a lot about yourself and this whole healing process after the break up. Just help her out and so she doesn't seem desperate to her ex. Gotta stay strong so we look good even after the break up. Mature and confident even after a break up is attractive. I have no idea why I asked if she was... I was thinking and no matter what type of relationship, the fundamentals are mostly the same. Communication. Hope she can pick herself back up, no more drugs for her for a bit. Let's help her get back on her feet, she has got to be that sexy, less drug or drug-free, mama!

 

Of course we can nurse the 8 week hope, like babycat did in her post. But I think it's false hope and really just try to focus on moving on. I think 2 months after a break up is when they begin to notice the void so give it more time. And even then, he may not come back. So, just guard your heart okay? Don't want you to come back with a heart that is further broken!

 

Aww I want to thank you too! You've been an amazing soul through all of this and helping me understand a break up and myself better. You're an inspiration and I can see that what I do will benefit me in the long run as well. You're an inspiration for how strong you've been through all this, and I can only thank you for being a kind soul on the internet. I think you're getting all the validation that you need to know that you're a wonderful person and your ex is missing out. For real. You're too sweet and I just hope the best for you! That would be awesome for us to thank each other sometime. The next time I get something good happen to me, I'll send you a quick mental thank you and prayer haha!

 

Your appreciative friend,

-WhatDEWWWWW