I just want it to make more sense.

[B345T]

I dated her for about a year and a half, I did things for this girl I hadn't done for anyone else. I can genuinely admit I know what love feels like now because of this girl. She made all my previous relationships seems worthless. I think it was all related to that feeling I got inside when I laid my eyes on her for the very first time.

 

When I initially met her she was a very damaged and abused person. Two months prior she had just gotten out of an awful relationship where this man would abuse her and take her money and do various hard core drugs. I was at my happiest moment when I met her.

 

Before I knew it I was texting her a week later and she moved in with me. We were talking for about a month and a half before we made things official. I really appreciated the fact that we didn't get intimate until we became an official couple (I really respected it).

 

After two months I began to realize that she was very content with her comfortable life. I never judged her but to sum it up she was a highschool dropout, loved to get high everyday and practically had no drive or ambition to do anything great in her life. My family was not okay with this and didn't want her around me as I come from a wealthy and successful family that frowns at such bad habits. I helped her rekindle her relationship with her mother and move back in to her home.

 

Before me... her and her mother would argue everyday and she was constantly asking when she is leaving her home for good. After 5 months of being together I found out she had been cheating on me for a month. I was so blinded by it because I trusted her completely and never questioned what she was doing or anything when I was not around. I think what hurt the most was that out of all the text messages the guy she cheated on me with sent me, I found the message where on my 23rd birthday, while she was having drinks with me she messaged him saying "I wish I was with you right now."

 

This put a huge scar on our relationship but she begged and cried and called herself names and even had her mother call me and I ended up forgiving her and rekindling our relationship. I did plenty of nice things for her and even when I didn't have money to spend on her I still surprised her with an expensive bag for her 21st birthday. Let alone on my most recent birthday she didn't even buy me $70 jeans, she paid 40 and made me pay the rest on my one special day out of the year. I did so much and even helped her save up $6000, while I barely had $500 to my own name.

 

After I did all this she ended up leaving me over the phone and did it all in 15 minutes flat. Never cared to call to give me closure or give me anything. Everyone is happy that she is gone because they all claim she just wasn't the right one for me as she had no respect for me when she cheated and most importantly she was a very selfish person that couldn't be mature enough to give a mutual feeling. Everyone agreed I treated her way too well and she had practically hit the "lotto" when it came to a relationship with me.

 

She claimed I was controlling and she felt trapped, even though I always gave her freedom and she asked me to hangout always. She didn't have a car or transportation, which in return out of love I did everything for her. She lived 30 minutes away and I would get out of work at midnight and go and pick her up from her home and bring her over to my house and then wake up at 8 am the next day just to take her to work to be able to spend time with her. I am still confused how someone could be so rude and give me the cold shoulder.

 

It has been a month now some days I do great and some days I have to sleep early to get away from the bad feeling I get mentally and emotionally. I was her longest relationship and she was mine, I have had plenty of girls come around wanting to try and spark something but I just can't seem to completely move on. I do great with not looking at her social media but somehow she always finds a way in to mess with me. I have her best friend on social media and I knew this person before her so it just doesn't seem right to cut ties with her over my ex but she will post pictures every now and then to remind me she is still around.

 

I find it very immature but I still find myself wondering if she will ever care to call or try to mend things at the least. I try to not hope for it but I always wonder if she was grateful for anything I did I literally I did everything for her and expected nothing in return really other than motivational support to keep me going. The idea of getting married and having kids were all discussed and she even cried when I didn't know how I felt towards her at one point and begged for me to stay.

 

How could someone change so drastically? I should be happy but I just can't seem to fill this void in my life and it really annoys me that she can have this kind of power, I wonder if its the company that I miss or something else after all she was always around in my life practically 5 days out of the week for the most part. According to mutual friends she isn't doing anything differently and karma hit her the hardest and she lost her job, which I feel horrible about nobody deserves to lose their job. They say all she does is gets high and uses some guy I never knew of for rides and that he is a joke compared to me.

 

I just want thoughts and input I really love this community and I have been reading posts for the past couple of days and they really help me gain insight in other peoples problems and makes me feel like I am not alone. Any input is greatly appreciated. Normally I would never do this but I feel like there is a lot brilliant people with great advice, which is why I am here. To end it she did have father issues, he was an alcoholic and now he has been sober for years but during our one and a half years together I think she saw him a total of five times. Her father is great guy and I wonder if that could be part of her problems.

Edited May 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[sinalittlebit]

She seems like she going through some things that probably why she so reckless. The lack of drive and motivation is probably due to the fact she doesn't care much about life. When you feel like that and someone too nice you'll push them away because you feel you dont deserve that or you simple cant handle that its too much pressure. Your story kinda reminds me of a similar relationship i had. I wasnt in the best place he kept trying to fix me it didnt work i just ended up feeling like a project and not someone he cared for. Perhaps you didn't do that just a thought. First relationship are always intense. Though its better for yourmental health to be out of such a relationship. Try remember all the reason it didnt work dont put on rose coloured glasses and get back with her if she changes her mind it will end similar. I dont think there much closure she could of given you since you didnt want it to end, you still would be confused and full of whys and what if. Its the heartbreak of relationship and the issue with not being able to read people minds (that would make life much easier if you ask me ). Anyways i hope that helps a little.

[JohnFDoe]

She used you as a rebound, you provided her shelter, helped her financially, got her on her feet, picked up her emotional baggage for her. You fixed her.

 

Now shes got more money and knows youre hooked, she branched up to a higher branch knowing youll chase her and she can fall back on you at any moment.

 

Do you really want a cheating user drug addict as the mother of your children? Come on mate, she used and abused you, move on.

 

Understand that women primarily use men for utility and finance where as men use women for sex, that's the basis of all relationships. Also understand that they aren't controlled by logic and reason but instead by feeling and emotion. Trying to decode a woman's emotions is a complete utter waste of time. Love yourself, better yourself, dont ever get attached to a women, they are like cats that come and go. Once the right one comes along she will want to stay, you wont have to change or do anything. Have a take it or leave it attitude.

Edited May 7, 2016 by JohnFDoe

[B345T]

After a month of NC I finally made the biggest move for my healing process. I blocked her on social media and got rid of her best friend my social media so they can't intervene anymore. I got tired o hearing all the negative things she was saying about me and all the hate that I was getting so I finally did it. I had enough, I'm hoping this will open her eyes in the future and make her understand that it's a better choice to be civil. I just don't care to talk to her anymore I don't need that bs in my life.