Ranting, mostly.

[tasstears]

So it's been a while since I've posted here. I thought I was cruising through everything, I felt fine albeit a little empty. Nothing I couldn't deal with. I was proud of myself. Then he dropped me a text today out of the blue, asking for one of his stuff back.

 

It absolutely destroyed me.

 

I started hyperventilating. My heart was racing so fast that my hands and feet went cold. I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or I wanted to vomit. That was absolutely stupid. I have no idea why I would react that way to a harmless text. I'd never expect myself to react that way. Seeing his number appear on my screen again absolutely crushed me. Now there is a million (I'm not even kidding) possibilities I've made up in my mind as to why he contacted me out of the blue? And that makes me so annoyed at myself. It's horrible. I'm so annoyed that he still makes me feel that way, that he makes my heart race while I am reduced to nothing in his eyes. At the same time, this sadness is crippling. God. I don't even know what I'm saying. Ugh.

[sowhynot]

If you felt fine before he text'ed you, then you can feel that way again. Keep that fact in your head - there's bound to be ups and downs in the recovery process - this is 'just' a bad 'down' one !

 

Hang on in there.

Edited May 18, 2015 by sowhynot

[tasstears]

Thank you so much for replying. Still feeling horrible and alone since I have no one to really talk to when I'm feeling down. Seeing a reply on the thread makes me feel less alone.

 

It's like I'm back at day 0 of NC again. It hurts so much. I really wish he'd have just disappeared forever instead. How can someone be so cruel. He never wanted to work things out and right now, he's contacting me to take back something that minor. Is he purposely trying to remind me of his existence?

 

This is so difficult.

[heartbreak1991]

well this song is me in a nut shell right now....

 

 

I cry my eyes out every night. she was the love of my life my soul mate my best friend and i know she felt the same towards me.

Long story short im on NC right now hoping she will come back to me.

Im sorry your feeling alone and down right now but im right there with ya . if you need to vent im all ears because i need someone to talk to as well because i dont think my friends are trying to hear it anymore hehe.

[tasstears]

Why did you break up? I didn't find any information under your threads.

 

Feel free to share, its hurting right now and I'm going crazy with the pain. There's no one I can speak to too since most of them don't understand why I am still hurting. To be fair, I don't understand too. I feel stupid for still being so in love with him when he doesn't see me as anything.

[sowhynot]

I'd be tempted to just ebay his stuff or dump it in the nearest charity shop !

 

Do you not have a good friend who could help you out with this to avoid contacting him ? You could then reply with something like ' Hi - my friend ***** , contact number ****** is going to deal with this because personally I can't be *rsed'.

 

 

Then block his number.

[tasstears]

I'd be tempted to just ebay his stuff or dump it in the nearest charity shop !

 

Do you not have a good friend who could help you out with this to avoid contacting him ? You could then reply with something like ' Hi - my friend ***** , contact number ****** is going to deal with this because personally I can't be *rsed'.

 

 

Then block his number.

 

Haha, that sounds like a pretty good way to go about doing it! But I already replied saying that well... I should probably drop his item off at some place for him to collect since I don't have what it takes to meet him right now. I guess I'll just wait for him to reply.

[sowhynot]

I'd certainly do it without meeting him and do it quick. The sooner he's completely out of your life, the sooner you can mentally draw a line under it all and move on.

 

Bit like any clear out - I was keeping silly things from my busted up relationship, tickets to places we visited, a bag of very expensive nougat from a farmer's market, even a bottle of cooking oil left over from a holiday together.

 

Then I thought - 'enough is enough - it's over and it's her loss' and chucked the whole lot out - and felt better for it.

 

 

 

Actually,that's not completely true.

 

 

 

 

I ate the nougat.

Edited May 18, 2015 by sowhynot

[Moley87]

Why did you break up? I didn't find any information under your threads.

 

Feel free to share, its hurting right now and I'm going crazy with the pain. There's no one I can speak to too since most of them don't understand why I am still hurting. To be fair, I don't understand too. I feel stupid for still being so in love with him when he doesn't see me as anything.

 

Hi Tass, hope your ok, so your ex has txt out of the blue for a minor item of his? -- massive Breadcrumb I'm afraid here

 

 

Your reaction is normal , as it was out of the blue it was shock you felt which made you feel sick , however this feeling will easily go with a little time.

 

 

Intention behind the item is too hard to speculate but I don't know how long you were in NC but I would certainty be mindful of why your ex is txting.

 

 

Question is are you in a position to respond ? from your shock I would say no as it's clear there is still a connection to this person.

 

 

Take the positive here that your ex is attempting contact with you (your still on his mind) but remember this is still about your recovery and unless your 100% in a position to respond then don't.

 

 

Take a breath delete the message or pass the message onto a friend to act on your behalf and re establish your control and you will recover from this blip.

 

 

Moley x

[heartbreak1991]

o sorry im new i just registered like a hour ago. but i broke up with her because she's going through a party phase and toward the end of our relationship she was over doing it a bit and drinking too much and slowly losing my trust. i trust the girl but i was having a hard time trusting her while she was under the influence and i was always really worried that something would happen to her because it has in the past but it was before i knew her. so.... one night i was just kind of fed up with her going out partying and being irresponsible and gave it to her straight up... i told her i cant trust her, that shes acting like a **** girlfriend and it would kill me if something bad were to happen to her again. I told her i deserved better and basically gave her the run down then broke up with her.

I kind of came to my senses the next day and told her it was in the heat of the moment but shes the love of my life and i was stupid for letting her go that easy. she wasn't really having it and she told me that she dosnt love me anymore and shes scared to take me back because ive broken up with her in the past and she dosnt know if the next time she ****s up or dose something wrong its going to be the last and cant take the heart break anymore.

she said she needed a break.. but to me it felt like her saying she needed a break was basically telling me it was done. so i begged for her back and talked her into getting back with me but it wasn't the same. she was distant, didnt really feel the same anymore and it seemed like she was already emotionally checked out. so it lasted about a month and she finally decided that she was too busy and didn't have time to fix our relationship and called it quits. she has a full time job and goes to school full time so shes a busy girl. our last phone call she told me maybe during the summer when she has some time off maybe something can happen but i think she was saying that to shut me up. anyways i went NC for 4 days after that. on the 5th day i texted her not to give up on me and she told me to go away and to get her off my phone plan. i freaked out because her saying she wanted off my phone plan ment she was done for good. so i showed up at her house begging again.... she told me its over for good. she basically yelled at me and i kind of got the picture so i went NC for good. after about 2 weeks she contacted me wondering about the phone and seeing how i was doing. I basically gave her the options of what to do with her phone deal and she said she maybe wanted to keep her number.. so that would mean to keep her on my plan until she found a new provider. another week passes and i called her by mistake because i was buying a new phone and messing around with **** but she replyed with.. did you mean to face time me? and i said no sorry. and now today about 3 weeks of NC its been a roller coaster ride some days are good because i get to spend time with my friends and do the things that i like. but alot of bad days where i just miss her soo much that i break out in tears... sorry for the late reply.. i tried to make it quick but it seems like its taken me a while to write this half ass post . but you kinda get the idea? we were in a 4 year relationship.

Edited May 18, 2015 by heartbreak1991

[heartbreak1991]

posted my story twice oops

Edited May 18, 2015 by heartbreak1991

[tasstears]

I'd certainly do it without meeting him and do it quick. The sooner he's completely out of your life, the sooner you can mentally draw a line under it all and move on.

 

Bit like any clear out - I was keeping silly things from my busted up relationship, tickets to places we visited, a bag of very expensive nougat from a farmer's market, even a bottle of cooking oil left over from a holiday together.

 

Then I thought - 'enough is enough - it's over and it's her loss' and chucked the whole lot out - and felt better for it.

 

 

 

Actually,that's not completely true.

 

 

 

 

I ate the nougat.

 

 

He replied saying that he doesn't desperately need the item and I can just hold on to it when I feel strong enough to return it to him. I just left it at that and didn't reply since I've had enough havoc wrecked on my heart in a day. Oh well....

 

But that nougat though.

 

I had my own mini spring cleaning session. Tore up all the photos of us together and threw everything away including contact lenses, letters and gifts. That helped to wake me up (even though I had to chant "its over"s like a mad woman). Well... except the chocolates which are in my tummy.

 

They came back to spite me in the form of a sore throat. Hah. But it was sure tasted good!

[tasstears]

Hi Tass, hope your ok, so your ex has txt out of the blue for a minor item of his? -- massive Breadcrumb I'm afraid here

 

 

Your reaction is normal , as it was out of the blue it was shock you felt which made you feel sick , however this feeling will easily go with a little time.

 

 

Intention behind the item is too hard to speculate but I don't know how long you were in NC but I would certainty be mindful of why your ex is txting.

 

 

Question is are you in a position to respond ? from your shock I would say no as it's clear there is still a connection to this person.

 

 

Take the positive here that your ex is attempting contact with you (your still on his mind) but remember this is still about your recovery and unless your 100% in a position to respond then don't.

 

 

Take a breath delete the message or pass the message onto a friend to act on your behalf and re establish your control and you will recover from this blip.

 

 

Moley x

 

Yeap, it was a massive breadcrumb and I gobbled it all down. Told him that I don't have what it takes to meet him right now and he gives me the maybe next time reply.

 

NC has been on for a little over a month (or was it two?) but it doesn't matter. Feels like nothing has been achieved when my heart instantaneously bred a whole herd of reindeers when I saw his name. UGH.

 

Message deleted but now it's going to take forever to feel indifferent again.

[tasstears]

o sorry im new i just registered like a hour ago. but i broke up with her because she's going through a party phase and toward the end of our relationship she was over doing it a bit and drinking too much and slowly losing my trust. i trust the girl but i was having a hard time trusting her while she was under the influence and i was always really worried that something would happen to her because it has in the past but it was before i knew her. so.... one night i was just kind of fed up with her going out partying and being irresponsible and gave it to her straight up... i told her i cant trust her, that shes acting like a **** girlfriend and it would kill me if something bad were to happen to her again. I told her i deserved better and basically gave her the run down then broke up with her.

I kind of came to my senses the next day and told her it was in the heat of the moment but shes the love of my life and i was stupid for letting her go that easy. she wasn't really having it and she told me that she dosnt love me anymore and shes scared to take me back because ive broken up with her in the past and she dosnt know if the next time she ****s up or dose something wrong its going to be the last and cant take the heart break anymore.

she said she needed a break.. but to me it felt like her saying she needed a break was basically telling me it was done. so i begged for her back and talked her into getting back with me but it wasn't the same. she was distant, didnt really feel the same anymore and it seemed like she was already emotionally checked out. so it lasted about a month and she finally decided that she was too busy and didn't have time to fix our relationship and called it quits. she has a full time job and goes to school full time so shes a busy girl. our last phone call she told me maybe during the summer when she has some time off maybe something can happen but i think she was saying that to shut me up. anyways i went NC for 4 days after that. on the 5th day i texted her not to give up on me and she told me to go away and to get her off my phone plan. i freaked out because her saying she wanted off my phone plan ment she was done for good. so i showed up at her house begging again.... she told me its over for good. she basically yelled at me and i kind of got the picture so i went NC for good. after about 2 weeks she contacted me wondering about the phone and seeing how i was doing. I basically gave her the options of what to do with her phone deal and she said she maybe wanted to keep her number.. so that would mean to keep her on my plan until she found a new provider. another week passes and i called her by mistake because i was buying a new phone and messing around with **** but she replyed with.. did you mean to face time me? and i said no sorry. and now today about 3 weeks of NC its been a roller coaster ride some days are good because i get to spend time with my friends and do the things that i like. but alot of bad days where i just miss her soo much that i break out in tears... sorry for the late reply.. i tried to make it quick but it seems like its taken me a while to write this half ass post . but you kinda get the idea? we were in a 4 year relationship.

 

Woah woah woah. That sounds pretty horrible. It must have been tough on you but I wouldn't understand. Have never been through a party phase. I guess I'm your standard kind of nerd.

 

Four years though! Mine was only three and the pain when I see his name is enough to send me into a tailspin. And that's given a few months of being neglected towards the end of our relationship. 3 weeks of NC must be hard but like what the cliches say, time heals all wounds (hopefully!). I saw a few threads here where it's been years and they still miss their ex. I'm crossing all my fingers hoping that that won't be me in a year's time.

 

Let's just believe that every thing happens for a reason. Wait, actually, it really is best that things ended up this way. For me, I wouldn't want to spend more years of my life begging for his attention, hoping that he'd actually treat me as a girlfriend instead of... i don't know, someone to find only when he is bored. I guess I grew sick of being a toy but I really did love him with the entirety of my soul. And that's probably why they say, sometimes love just isn't enough.

 

Wishing for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon too!

[heartbreak1991]

im still waiting for her to come back to me. shes the love of my life and my best friend and vise versa. until i feel it in my heart that she truly dosnt love me anymore i will wait forever for her.

[heartbreak1991]

you were with him for three years and he only hung out with you when he was bored... and left you feeling like a toy... you sound like a smart girl and theres no doubt in my mind that you will find someone that will be there for you through the ups and downs, and make you feel like you were the most beautiful girl in the world.

[Moley87]

Yeap, it was a massive breadcrumb and I gobbled it all down. Told him that I don't have what it takes to meet him right now and he gives me the maybe next time reply.

 

NC has been on for a little over a month (or was it two?) but it doesn't matter. Feels like nothing has been achieved when my heart instantaneously bred a whole herd of reindeers when I saw his name. UGH.

 

Message deleted but now it's going to take forever to feel indifferent again.

 

Month is still a short period of time and understandable that the name will make you feel indifferent but No contact is no contact until you can see the name and feel fine by it.

 

 

Your best looking at it as just an attempt to get into convo with you, just delete it and just think it's not achieving anything anymore and focus on the next month of NC

 

 

I don't believe people switch of feelings even in NC but more a defence for the heart to refocus.

 

 

You have done the right thing and that's the important thing from this, your strong enough to keep going for you be proud

[imbax]

Problem is once you start making girls feel like they are the best thing in the world they start to get bored and distance themselves against you leaving you putting all the effort into the relationship. Next minute you know they are wanting some "space". Wish I can find a nice girl in the future who will appreciate my efforts for her. You sound like a nice girl ^^^ where do I find girls like you

[aloneinaz]

Yeap, it was a massive breadcrumb and I gobbled it all down. Told him that I don't have what it takes to meet him right now and he gives me the maybe next time reply.

 

NC has been on for a little over a month (or was it two?) but it doesn't matter. Feels like nothing has been achieved when my heart instantaneously bred a whole herd of reindeers when I saw his name. UGH.

 

Message deleted but now it's going to take forever to feel indifferent again.

 

It's sounds like he was just curious if you'd even reply to him since you have left him alone. What would of been nice is if you'd ignored him. He would have no idea if his number has been blocked, you think so little of him you didn't reply or any other reason.

 

Personally, you just simply mail what it is of his to him or have someone dump it at his place. This gives him no futher reason or excuse to contact you. I know you're still in the fresh BU stage but you need to really consider blocking his phone number until seeing his number doesn't bother you. You should also go full NC and ignore him next time so you can keep working on your healing and moving onto your next great relationship.

[tasstears]

im still waiting for her to come back to me. shes the love of my life and my best friend and vise versa. until i feel it in my heart that she truly dosnt love me anymore i will wait forever for her.

 

That sounds like a pretty tough road to choose but sending positive thoughts your way!

 

you were with him for three years and he only hung out with you when he was bored... and left you feeling like a toy... you sound like a smart girl and theres no doubt in my mind that you will find someone that will be there for you through the ups and downs, and make you feel like you were the most beautiful girl in the world.

 

I'm a little scared of relationships right now so just taking a break and giving myself time to heal. Thank you for reminding me that there may be some one out there in the world for me. I just have to find him (though it's daunting when there's so many people in the world!).

 

You sound like a pretty nice guy too, if your girl comes back, do share with us!

Edited May 18, 2015 by tasstears

[tasstears]

Month is still a short period of time and understandable that the name will make you feel indifferent but No contact is no contact until you can see the name and feel fine by it.

 

 

Your best looking at it as just an attempt to get into convo with you, just delete it and just think it's not achieving anything anymore and focus on the next month of NC

 

 

I don't believe people switch of feelings even in NC but more a defence for the heart to refocus.

 

 

You have done the right thing and that's the important thing from this, your strong enough to keep going for you be proud

 

 

Yeap, the message is deleted from the phone but my brain seems to have photographic memory for the things that least deserve it. I don't seem to remember my studies as easily as I remember nonsense like this. Sigh.

 

But well, trying to stand up on my feet again and everyone on LS has been more than awesome so far! I wouldn't have known what to do or how to cope with this madness without the people here.

[tasstears]

Problem is once you start making girls feel like they are the best thing in the world they start to get bored and distance themselves against you leaving you putting all the effort into the relationship. Next minute you know they are wanting some "space". Wish I can find a nice girl in the future who will appreciate my efforts for her. You sound like a nice girl ^^^ where do I find girls like you

 

What?! Where do I find guys like you instead? I've only been on the receiving end of the "space" talk. I was starting to think that maybe I am the one being too clingy since most of the guys I was with end up telling me that they want their own space. Then again all I wanted was a stray text at any point in the day telling me that they're okay, or that they're busy instead of disappearing for the entire day (but still having the time to nap, to game, to gym, to play sports and hang out with friends).

 

I think I just have the luck of choosing guys who are unbearably sweet in the beginning but lose their patience when time passes

[Moley87]

Yeap, the message is deleted from the phone but my brain seems to have photographic memory for the things that least deserve it. I don't seem to remember my studies as easily as I remember nonsense like this. Sigh.

 

But well, trying to stand up on my feet again and everyone on LS has been more than awesome so far! I wouldn't have known what to do or how to cope with this madness without the people here.

 

 

What the forum is designed for and LS has helped me as well so only repaying the favour.

 

 

The key is finding the trick to switch from the past to the now , once you over come the shock/past and find what works for you in the future all becomes slightly easier.

 

 

My key was to get a calendar and look at what gaps I have and where I am likely to be alone or open to think of the ex.

 

 

Fill the gaps and take each day one at a time, amazing how quick weeks go past

 

 

It's hard but you will see as time goes past how far you will come.

[tasstears]

It's sounds like he was just curious if you'd even reply to him since you have left him alone. What would of been nice is if you'd ignored him. He would have no idea if his number has been blocked, you think so little of him you didn't reply or any other reason.

 

Personally, you just simply mail what it is of his to him or have someone dump it at his place. This gives him no futher reason or excuse to contact you. I know you're still in the fresh BU stage but you need to really consider blocking his phone number until seeing his number doesn't bother you. You should also go full NC and ignore him next time so you can keep working on your healing and moving onto your next great relationship.

 

I actually entertained that thought. What if he actually still does care about me and wants to get back together. It lasted probably 30 seconds before I realized my stupidity. By then, I was in shock and my non-existent brain at that point in time had sent him a reply. Thankfully I had the basic sense to be civil but curt. Else I'd probably be digging a hole in the floor right now.

 

I did suggest to send his stuff to him through mail but he refused, saying that I probably shouldn't. I'd love to have someone to dump it at his place but right now, that doesn't seem like a choice. Every one is bored of hearing his name out of my mouth and I really don't want to be a burden. He did offer to have his friend collect it from me but I just don't have the strength to do so. Anything that has the slightest bit of relevance to him just tears down at the flimsy hut I call "healing". Yikes, I sound like a mess right now.

 

I'm back to NC, having ignored his last message (something that I'd never have done in the entire three years) so that's a small victory for me. I think I'm a little too scared right now for the next great relationship. I can't imagine going through this entire rollercoaster again but with a new guy.

[tasstears]

What the forum is designed for and LS has helped me as well so only repaying the favour.

 

 

The key is finding the trick to switch from the past to the now , once you over come the shock/past and find what works for you in the future all becomes slightly easier.

 

 

My key was to get a calendar and look at what gaps I have and where I am likely to be alone or open to think of the ex.

 

 

Fill the gaps and take each day one at a time, amazing how quick weeks go past

 

 

It's hard but you will see as time goes past how far you will come.

 

 

My key has been LS

 

I've been checking back every time I feel down or alone and seeing new threads with new advises makes me feel like every thing will be fine in the end. Just got to tough it out and breathe. LS is amazing because it makes the loneliness go away. You sound like you're in a pretty good place right now and man, I am envious.

 

I can't wait for the day when the ex texts me and I'll just be brave and say "yeah, I'm giving you just 30 more seconds in my life to take your things and leave me the hell alone". That said, I can't understand why it's taking me so long when a huge majority of the people around me do not like this ex at all.