Jimmyjackson Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 I go through stages of finding my ex girlfriend attractive, and then sometimes I'll see a picture of her and think she's not very attractive - or average. Is this normal post break up? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 I go through stages of finding my ex girlfriend attractive, and then sometimes I'll see a picture of her and think she's not very attractive - or average. Is this normal post break up? I've been done with my situation that brought me here for awhile now, but i remember this all too well. Its weird how it works...at least for me. As soon as we broke up, I kept seeing pictures on facebook (going against all NC rules) and she would look amazing. Probably the best she would ever look. Pretty sure I felt like that because it was something I couldnt have. Plus she kept caking on makeup (trying to impress the dude she was mashing on at the time) Then I would see other photos and go "wow I was attracted to that?" I'm not saying its normal because it happened to me, but I feel that is something pretty common. Your mind is processing several different things and it will be like a yo yo at times. Sucks, but breaks ups usually do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 I've been done with my situation that brought me here for awhile now, but i remember this all too well. Its weird how it works...at least for me. As soon as we broke up, I kept seeing pictures on facebook (going against all NC rules) and she would look amazing. Probably the best she would ever look. Pretty sure I felt like that because it was something I couldnt have. Plus she kept caking on makeup (trying to impress the dude she was mashing on at the time) Then I would see other photos and go "wow I was attracted to that?" I'm not saying its normal because it happened to me, but I feel that is something pretty common. Your mind is processing several different things and it will be like a yo yo at times. Sucks, but breaks ups usually do. Yeah some photos she looks good, and others not so much. I'm kinda hoping this is a sign I'm getting over it if I no longer see her as this unique beautiful person? Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 I always, to this day, find my ex extremely attractive to me. Physically and in the looks department, she is exactly what I like and what brings out the most passion in me for the physical side of things. She is very unattractive when it comes to personality and when I remember how she treated me at times. I can picture her all day long and fantasize about the great sex we had and then I always remember the unattractive side and it makes me not want her even for the sex. I do not even want to be friends with this person. To me, the whole "attractive" thing is a combination of things and not solely the physical, so when you look at her picture try to also think about some of the things she did and how she treated you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 I always, to this day, find my ex extremely attractive to me. Physically and in the looks department, she is exactly what I like and what brings out the most passion in me for the physical side of things. She is very unattractive when it comes to personality and when I remember how she treated me at times. I can picture her all day long and fantasize about the great sex we had and then I always remember the unattractive side and it makes me not want her even for the sex. I do not even want to be friends with this person. To me, the whole "attractive" thing is a combination of things and not solely the physical, so when you look at her picture try to also think about some of the things she did and how she treated you. To be honest, apart from the break up she treated me really well. Was a couple of minor things that took place but other than that her personality was exactly what I wanted in a person, she was a giver not a taker and it was great. Sometimes I think about the sex we had and her ass (it was great), other times I see a photo of her not looking too good and I think I can get better. Just kinda comes and goes I guess Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 I haven't seen my ex in about a year, and I recently saw him walk by at work. I thought, "d@mn, he looks so old. Did he look that old when I was with him?" I asked someone else, and they said he looks the same. I think he just looked gaunt and haggard, and I don't remember him looking like that. Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 My ex has a snaggletooth. It's been incredibly therapeutic for me to say this out loud post BU. Worked wonders for the "knock him off the pedestal" phase. It seems petty, but seriously, finding petty flaws until your mind clears enough to see the deeper ones definitely has a place in detaching from a broken relationship and coming back to yourself. My ex was self-conscious about his snaggletooth, but I honestly thought it was so endearing. Not every woman will love a man, snaggletooth and all, so that's on him to come to grips with when it hits him. Most importantly, though, my ex is absolutely rotten on the inside. It's what's inside that counts. It's challenging to focus on that sometimes when emotions and sexual tension are running high. It is always what's on the inside that counts... Don't be scared to knock them off the pedestal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 My ex has a snaggletooth. It's been incredibly therapeutic for me to say this out loud post BU. Worked wonders for the "knock him off the pedestal" phase. It seems petty, but seriously, finding petty flaws until your mind clears enough to see the deeper ones definitely has a place in detaching from a broken relationship and coming back to yourself. My ex was self-conscious about his snaggletooth, but I honestly thought it was so endearing. Not every woman will love a man, snaggletooth and all, so that's on him to come to grips with when it hits him. Most importantly, though, my ex is absolutely rotten on the inside. It's what's inside that counts. It's challenging to focus on that sometimes when emotions and sexual tension are running high. It is always what's on the inside that counts... Don't be scared to knock them off the pedestal. Yeah she is coming off that pedestal no doubt, but other than the way it ended I thought she was wonderful on the inside and out. No complaints really during the relationship itself until the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 I know this is old news and I don't want to bore people but someone at work today brought up my past relationship and it really got me thinking about it again. She emotionally cheated on me and is adamant she didn't physically do anything, she came back from her trip and dumped me for the guy she'll never see again. I hate her for what she did to me, for uploading photos on her facebook of them holding hands and stuff. It annoys me that I still have feelings for this girl even though all this has happened. How does she sleep at night? surely these people have a guilty conscience. It's been 3 months, how/when do I become indifferent? I keep having these days dreams of me just seeing her for the first time in 3 months, her approaching me and me just telling her how I'm too good for her, that she ruined the best guy she ever met etc... Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 3 months isn't nearly enough time to heal. If your day dreams ever materialize into reality - do NOT tell her anything. Don't even talk to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 3 months isn't nearly enough time to heal. If your day dreams ever materialize into reality - do NOT tell her anything. Don't even talk to her. Just kind of have this conversation in my head where she approaches me and asks why I seem disinterested, and then I basically make her feel like **** haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Just kind of have this conversation in my head where she approaches me and asks why I seem disinterested, and then I basically make her feel like **** haha. We all have these fantasies! It's one of my pastimes after a breakup - but I would never act upon it. Speaking from personal experience, I think the best interaction is the one where it doesn't even faze you that they're there, and you continue on with whatever you were doing, completely unaffected. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 We all have these fantasies! It's one of my pastimes after a breakup - but I would never act upon it. Speaking from personal experience, I think the best interaction is the one where it doesn't even faze you that they're there, and you continue on with whatever you were doing, completely unaffected. Yeah I know, even though we spoke about it and she was honest about everything (or so she says) still feel like I need to just yell at her and tell her how much of a bad person she is. But you're right, it won't help and I would be best to just ignore her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Also, I'm currently resisting the urge to smoke right now, I've been given up for two days and I only started again because of this break up (no excuse I know) Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Yeah I know, even though we spoke about it and she was honest about everything (or so she says) still feel like I need to just yell at her and tell her how much of a bad person she is. But you're right, it won't help and I would be best to just ignore her You can always journal, it seems like you have a lot of pent up energy/emotions (which is obviously normal). Writing has put things in perspective for me, once it's written, it's released from me. It's something to think about. I hope you're also maintaining a healthy lifestyle (exercise, proper diet, sleep, etc.) focusing on bettering yourself as much as possible. It will make you feel a lot better, and it will provide you with a nice, and productive distraction. Edit: Don't smoke! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Yeah I know, even though we spoke about it and she was honest about everything (or so she says) still feel like I need to just yell at her and tell her how much of a bad person she is. But you're right, it won't help and I would be best to just ignore her Find a healthy way of feeling your feelings and externalising them. Write a really nasty letter, but don't send it. Go somewhere where nobody can hear you, and shout out your angry thoughts. Hit a punch bag until you can't punch anymore. Break something and then take the broken pieces and break them. Anger is a very physical thing so physically expressing it can work very well. As regards her? No contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 My ex had some very attractive points both physically and with her personality, but like all people she wasn't without her flaws. I find that I breath a sigh of relief that I didn't end up with her as she has some pretty glaring negative aspects to her personality that now seem so much more noticeable than when we were together. I guess I'd call it being able to look at her more objectively because I just don't feel emotionally connected to her anymore. I think it has more to do with getting to know everything about a person, then seperating yourself from the relationship. You now have intimate knowledge about that person, things that you didn't know before which now that they have become known, turn you off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 You can always journal, it seems like you have a lot of pent up energy/emotions (which is obviously normal). Writing has put things in perspective for me, once it's written, it's released from me. It's something to think about. I hope you're also maintaining a healthy lifestyle (exercise, proper diet, sleep, etc.) focusing on bettering yourself as much as possible. It will make you feel a lot better, and it will provide you with a nice, and productive distraction. Edit: Don't smoke! I go to the gym 4 times a week and I've been eating a lot recently as I'm trying to bulk up, I know I deserve better I just go through stages of anger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Find a healthy way of feeling your feelings and externalising them. Write a really nasty letter, but don't send it. Go somewhere where nobody can hear you, and shout out your angry thoughts. Hit a punch bag until you can't punch anymore. Break something and then take the broken pieces and break them. Anger is a very physical thing so physically expressing it can work very well. As regards her? No contact. there is a punch bag in the gym that I may start using when I feel angry, it's always late at night like now when I'm bored my mind wanders! Yeah I haven't contacted her for about 2 months now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 there is a punch bag in the gym that I may start using when I feel angry, it's always late at night like now when I'm bored my mind wanders! Yeah I haven't contacted her for about 2 months now. My experience of expressing anger in a healthy way is that it leaves you feeling fresh and clean on the inside, like a really good workout and shower does for the outside. Connect to your power and feel how strong you are. Be awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 My experience of expressing anger in a healthy way is that it leaves you feeling fresh and clean on the inside, like a really good workout and shower does for the outside. Connect to your power and feel how strong you are. Be awesome. It's 12am here in the UK, finding it difficult of ways to express my anger at this time of night haha Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Why have my two threads been randomly joined together? Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Yeah I know, even though we spoke about it and she was honest about everything (or so she says) still feel like I need to just yell at her and tell her how much of a bad person she is. But you're right, it won't help and I would be best to just ignore her Question for you. Seems that your break up was pretty one-sided. Did you or have you ever expressed the anger/hurt she caused you or did you just stuff it up insided and try to be the bigger person and not say anything? I ask because I suffered through a one-sided breakup that came out of the blue. I sucked it up and tried to be the "bigger" person and take the high road. I took it for about a year and half and I finally one day totally unloaded everything onto the ex. Totally expressed and got everything off of my chest. I can say to you that was probably one of the biggest turning points of my "recovery". I might be wrong and many people likely wouldn't agree with me but I am relating to you what really helped me out. Maybe you should write everything down in a letter but not send it. See if that helps to release some of the anger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jimmyjackson Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Why do we spend so much time thinking about those who hardly think of us in return? I'm desperate to move on, it's been three months and I still think about her daily. I do think she's great and stuff still as I wouldn't have dated her if I didn't but I do now see her faults and have removed her from this pedestal I had her placed on. Why is it we spend so much time thinking about the dumper? I mean they're probably having fun, dating, traveling etc...not thinking about us at all. Whereas us dumpees spend so much time over-thinking everything, everything reminds us of the past, we want to move on but find the rejection difficult. Is it just purely because we were rejected? Will certain exes always have 'something' over us because they are the ones who did the dumping? Since my break up I have turned into someone I don't like, I do go out and spend time with friends, I go to the gym and I work but when I'm at home and alone I spend most of my time dwelling on the past and wondering why I'm not moving forward. I want to move forward but I don't know which path to take, I feel like I'm at a crossroads - I feel confused. Not really a question but more of a rant I guess... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Why do we spend so much time thinking about those who hardly think of us in return? Is it just purely because we were rejected? Will certain exes always have 'something' over us because they are the ones who did the dumping? Yes. Always if you do not move on and allow them to have 'something' over you. Let go and make yourself a better person. You don't need them in your life as much as you think you do. How were you before you met them. Think of those times and how much happier you were 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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