I cant believe I'm back here so soon...

[Chatmonkey]

well, in back. And in pain again.

 

about 2 months ago i met a girl at a bar. We hit it off immediately and the first few nights together. Only issue is i didn't live in the same city. So when i left, we skyped every day. Like 5 hours at a time. We even skyped while we slept in the night... Yup, we skype slept. Everday there would be masses of texts saying i miss you, thinking of you, i like you and little emoticons with love hearts. But then she went to a music festival.. Try not to judge this part. She OD'd and spent a night in a coma. This really traumatized her as you would imagine, and coupled witg the fact she is a grad student and has huge amounts of work to do has causes her to be very stressed. Which i can understand. But this was all horrible timing. Because of 6 weeks we were talking about how much we couldn't wait to see each other again and i was about to arrive in a week. So that week has come and gone, and i saw her twice only briefly, one of those times was when she picked me up from the airport which was nice. Anyway, im actually still here 2 weeks later because i decided to move here (i was already moving here but now just earlier than expected.

 

during that first week though, despite her saying she under a lot of pressure and could only study and sleep, i pushed hard to see her. 6 weeks of anticipation and emotion building, i just had to. Of course, my attempts didn't go over too well and annoyed her and she said i was coming on too strong. Now a week later, i have sent her an apology and she knows i have moved here (i think.. Its all over social media anyway..). I see her around from time to time but don't really say anything because im trying to give her space.

 

i must say though, this is ****ing tortue. I haven't kissed or had sex or even looked at other girls the whole time i was away and i finally get here and 2 weeks later i have barely even be able to hold her in my arms. I have massive butterflies in my stomach constantly, i cant eat as i feel i would throw up. There was so much anticipation for when i would return. And then nothing. I miss he body, holding her and just talking to her.

 

after a few days of not talking i sent the apology yesterday. She did respond with if i was still here and why i was (i told her coz i had a job interview which is true but not really the reason why i stayed).

 

i know you will all say just keep giving her space until she comes to me, but would it be ok to send her a brief message in a few days. Maybe just, "hey, how are you going?" or "missing you greatly" or something rather...

[CaliBabe]

I will be honest here...

 

You are coming off incredibly strong... Needy, clingy and desperate. That is not attractive to a woman. You cannot let her think that she is the center of your universe.

 

You need to have your own life. If things were so great she should be coming after you!

 

You need to disappear and see if she come back. No more messaging her, no more attempts from you. Nothing. I think she knows how you feel.

 

Take a step back and get your life together. Get your identity back. Let her come chase you.

[Chatmonkey]

i realise that's probably true, but I am a very independent person in real life. Im 21 and moved to America by myself fr Australia knowing no one. Only been here 7 months, it was a very scary thing to do. I just am also a lover, if that makes sense. I love being in a relationship and as we've held out for 6 weeks, when i landed i was craving her badly.

 

its incredibly tough.

 

what is annoying is we couldn't talk face to face, it had to all be done via text. Which you know. Makes everything look longer and leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation.

[CaliBabe]

Understood.

 

I just know if it were me...

 

If I saw my man doing his thing, into his own hobbies, not all about me... I would come looking for him.

 

Just sayin.

[Chatmonkey]

I guess you're right. Somehow i have to force my mind off her...

 

I have so much built up emotion and feelings right now. We were waiting for the day I arrived to officially make ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. Well that never happened...

 

This will sound weird but I honestly feel like I just need to hug someone for an extended time... 6 weeks (now 8) of it building and I need some sort of release for all of this that was supposed to be shared with her.

[SoThatHappened]

You and her moved way too fast. I'll never understand when others do this. They over-communicate and smother each other so soon, that the honeymoon period ends faster than it should. The "I love you's" fly too soon, you drown yourself in the other person, then bam... it's over because there's nothing new to declare about it. It's also a strong trait of younger people these days, from my experience.

 

Highly likely another dude stepped into the picture. Her actions are textbook for a cheater.

 

Don't contact her. I'd even move back to where you came from.

 

Even if she did come back, you really want to be with someone who's feelings can change that fast? And someone who OD's on drugs (I'm guessing it was drugs)?

 

Run man. Far far away.

[Chatmonkey]

You and her moved way too fast. I'll never understand when others do this. They over-communicate and smother each other so soon, that the honeymoon period ends faster than it should. The "I love you's" fly too soon, you drown yourself in the other person, then bam... it's over because there's nothing new to declare about it. It's also a strong trait of younger people these days, from my experience.

 

Highly likely another dude stepped into the picture. Her actions are textbook for a cheater.

 

Don't contact her. I'd even move back to where you came from.

 

Even if she did come back, you really want to be with someone who's feelings can change that fast? And someone who OD's on drugs (I'm guessing it was drugs)?

 

Run man. Far far away.

 

 

what are other peoples thoughts on this ^... I would be absolutely destroyed.

[Chatmonkey]

Why would she voluntarily pick me up from the airport then and jump into my arms. I even asked her if i was missing the hint she didnt want to be with me.

 

If she was cheating I would know by now. Also her roommate who is a close friend of hers kept telling me how excited she was that I was coming and kept reassuring me.

[SoThatHappened]

Why would she voluntarily pick me up from the airport then and jump into my arms. I even asked her if i was missing the hint she didnt want to be with me.

 

If she was cheating I would know by now. Also her roommate who is a close friend of hers kept telling me how excited she was that I was coming and kept reassuring me.

Not saying she was for sure, just that her actions (as quoted from your first post below) are typically tell-tale signs that someone else came into the picture.

 

So that week has come and gone, and i saw her twice only briefly,

Of course, my attempts didn't go over too well and annoyed her

after a few days of not talking i sent the apology yesterday. She did respond with if i was still here and why i was

She went from "sleep skyping" with you, telling you how much she loved you, to being cold and distant, getting irritated, not making effort to see you.

 

I've been on the receiving end of that, and there was someone else in the picture each time.

[Chatmonkey]

EACH time? Happened to you more than once?

[Chatmonkey]

Now all i can think about is finding out if she's been cheating.... ****

[Chatmonkey]

If i can just somehow get behind the goddam phone and confront her face to face... this is my challenge. I'll give it till the end of the week and then contact her.

[Chatmonkey]

I have so much anxiety right now. These butterflies in my stomach are making me go insane I can even feel it in my throat.

[Chatmonkey]

If i can just somehow get behind the goddam phone and confront her face to face... this is my challenge. I'll give it till the end of the week and then contact her.

 

If i can last that long... its only tuesday night

[Chatmonkey]

I feel like coming on here was a bad idea. Im a wreck.

[SoThatHappened]

EACH time? Happened to you more than once?

I don't know many people it hasn't happened to. I'm also 34, so the odds were in my favor it would at least happen once or twice in the 18 years since I've been eligible.

Happened to me when I was young (around 19), happened to me twice in the last year. Granted, it was the same girl this last two times.

 

First time with the current ex, she was over the moon for me every day for 2 months. Then out of the blue, one day the texts were short and the contact was fewer and further between. Only took a couple days to find out she was reconciling with an ex boyfriend who she was talking to behind my back.

 

Second time she did it is what brought me here. Again, she was over the moon in love with me for 7 months. Then all of a sudden, she was getting annoyed at every little thing I did, she was calling less, and just less emotion to our contact. Found out she was fooling around with a co-worker, less than 24 hours after declaring her undying love for me.

Now all i can think about is finding out if she's been cheating.... ****

Calm down. Breathe. Don't think about it, and don't try to find out. It's better off if you don't know, even if you're wondering. Just put it in your head that she wasn't cheating if that helps you. By NOT contacting her, you likely won't find out either way.

 

Which is my point. It doesn't matter right now. She chose to not be with you. All you can do is respect her wishes, go NC, and improve yourself.

If i can just somehow get behind the goddam phone and confront her face to face... this is my challenge. I'll give it till the end of the week and then contact her.

Again, do not contact her. Most likely any further contact will further annoy her, push her further away from you, and hurt you. NC is to protect yourself, NOT get them back.

I feel like coming on here was a bad idea. Im a wreck.

This forum is one of the best things that can happen to someone who was dumped. Believe me.

 

Stay on here, read others' stories, heed the advice given, and you WILL get over this.

[Mi7522]

Chill dude you are over thinking things. Take some time to yourself not an hour or two but a couple or a few weeks. You have to get yourself together before you contact her you'll just push her further away. I know it's tough but you have to get stronger before contacting her or it will be over before you know it

[CaliBabe]

You are freaking out.

 

This is exactly what I am talking about.

 

It is SO unattractive!

 

You really need help. See a therapist and fast.

 

It is not normal to obsess over somoene like this.

[Simon Phoenix]

If you are going to have a nervous breakdown like you are, this is by far the best place for you to do that. If you act out the stuff you are typing, not only will it completely backfire and put you in a worse place emotionally, but you might get a restraining order or something.

 

You are exhibiting the exact behavior which repelled this woman. Do not double down on the obsessive clingyness -- that's a lose-lose situation.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Harsh truth was you were/are not ready to date, vastly overcorrecting and looking clingy and needy which, again, is the highest of turnoffs.

 

You need to be alone for awhile. Just based on this site alone, you are too co-dependent and she seems weird lol. You need to let this slide.

[Zahara]

Chat, as a woman I will tell you that it is highly unattractive when a man becomes clingy and needy. You exhibited that behavior and she even told you that you were coming on too strong. Then you're still in the area and she's probably wondering why and freaking out about it.

 

Once you go down this road, it is hard for to turn it around. I hate to say this but I think you killed it.

 

Please don't reach out to her and tell her you miss her greatly. You're going to dig yourself a bigger hole.

 

While you both may have created an image in your head over technology, it could possibly be that in the end, at least for her, the reality didn't match up with the virtual fantasy.

[Chatmonkey]

Ok guys here is part of the story I guess I didn't mention. Technically we were never bf and gf, we were waiting till I arrived (which I think I said) so I came here thinking that would happen. Anyway, obviously no. But, we never 'broke up' too, so let me fill you in on the past few days...

 

We bumped into each other when I was going for a walk and she was walking back from the gym. We had a long chat face to face (finally) and things got sorted. Bit of science thrown in here (obviously she didn't say this but it's a fact) that when you OD your serotonin levels basically get depleted and it takes months for them to return to normal. So every time her body creates a little bit, she uses it instantly, and therefore she rly doesn't have much. This is adding to why her emotion has been a bit all over the place.

 

Anyway, we had a chat, and the end result is we're not in a relationship but she says she still likes me, wants to hang out and that we can also hook up (make out, sex). That was the end result of the whole convo. Anyway, we talked again face to face briefly the next day and since we're not in a relationship, obviously that means we can hook up with other people. That I didn't like, but... You know.. Gotta deal with it I guess. She asked me if she should tell me when if she does and I decided after a day of thinking that I didn't want to know.

 

Anyway, I walked past her on the way to the gym again (for ****s sake) and we exchanged a nod and looked away. Safe to say that ruined my gym session. I've send a text or two her way since we last spoke but I am going to FORCE myself not to ***in text her anymore.

 

I know I feel that way now (and I did well yesterday too until night time which is when I get weak..) and I seem to experience such rapid change and multiple emotions each day. One moment I'll be depressed another ill feel mentally strong and at I can handle it.

 

Right now I feel I can handle it obviously, but you know what ****ing sucks now? My 2 closest friends here who I usually golf with on Friday (today) have asked if they can just go golfing with their girlfriends this time and without me. ****ing thanks way to make me feel good.

 

Anyone know what I can do to help distract myself while I'm alone? It's halloween obviously and I live at a college. Would going out help or would that make me feel worse? I've never had a rebound before... Should I try get a one nig stand or something? I want to keep my mind in its strong state but struggle to.

[Chatmonkey]

Chat, as a woman I will tell you that it is highly unattractive when a man becomes clingy and needy. You exhibited that behavior and she even told you that you were coming on too strong. Then you're still in the area and she's probably wondering why and freaking out about it.

 

Once you go down this road, it is hard for to turn it around. I hate to say this but I think you killed it.

 

Please don't reach out to her and tell her you miss her greatly. You're going to dig yourself a bigger hole.

 

While you both may have created an image in your head over technology, it could possibly be that in the end, at least for her, the reality didn't match up with the virtual fantasy.

 

I think pretty much this is spot on, unfortunately everything she experienced in the past is much more ME than who I am rite now when I'm dealing with this. I'm just a little wuss right now.

[Chatmonkey]

Harsh truth was you were/are not ready to date, vastly overcorrecting and looking clingy and needy which, again, is the highest of turnoffs.

 

You need to be alone for awhile. Just based on this site alone, you are too co-dependent and she seems weird lol. You need to let this slide.

 

Hey bud, you helped me wi my last issue like a year ago haha. Hope you're well. I'm actually a very independent person and have been single the past year. Its just I don't 'like' a girl often so when it happens I struggle to let go. I know I need to handle these things better, it's just such a rarity that I like someone.

[Chatmonkey]

I've seen people use their thread as a diary. I think I might give that a try.

 

First entry, right now I feel strong and distracting myself by playing the drums and piano/listening to music. Seeing her made me feel like crap, and I have made contact with her today via snapchat/text which was a ****in stupid idea. I'm going to take it one day at a time. I'm going to abuse coffee, energy drink, whatever it takes to keep my mood up and also take sleeping pill to get me to sleep quick before I make anymore stupid mistakes like last night. That's my plan of attack at the moment. Thinking of possibly trying to get a one night stand I don't know. Keep thinking about how she was talking before I arrived about how we wouldn't even leave the bedroom and all of it suddenly changed. Makes me very sad.

 

The weirdest thing this almost feels harder than when my year long relationship ended. Because this was long distance and there was so much anticipation over the 6 weeks and then suddenly anticlimax soon as I arrived. Devastating.

 

Oh and when we spoke - she said don't try to hook up with other people, but also don't not try. And I told her I wouldn't hook up with anyone else because I didn't want to. So now I feel if I TRY to hook up with someone I will feel guilty.

Edited October 31, 2014 by Chatmonkey