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Consolidated discussion: The No Contact Guide and No Contact process and experience


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 12th September 2017, 5:14 AM   #331
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I am 6 months and a week of NC from almost a 6 year relationship. 3 years lived together and were engaged. He left me 3 months before our scheduled wedding day because his prents did not approve of me and threatened to disown him and said they weren't coming to the wedding.

NC has helped me, it has made me stronger. I am still healing but if I had responded ro any of the breadcrumbs idk where I would be. Probably not where I am at now. I don't cry often and if I start tearing up I stop myself.

To anyone out there the best advice I can give you is the same advice I give myself:

IF YOUR EX CAN BE WITHOUT YOU, YOU CAN BE WITHOUT THEM. IF YOUR EX LEFT YOU THEN THEY OBVIOUSLY DID NOT LOVE OR VALUE YOU ENOUGH. ACCEPT IT AND LIVE YOUR LIFE. WHAT IS MEANT FOR YOU WILL COME TO YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE IT NOW.

The hurt will fade, but if someone hurt you so bad do you really think you could ever get passed how that person treated you and left you?

I don't think so. It all of course depends on the situation. I suffered the worst pain of my life, I thought I couldn't live anymore, I had no purpose, he was my life. BUT I PUSHED THROUGH THE WORST AND SLOWLY SEE THE LIGHT.

Peace and healing to all of you.
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Old 15th September 2017, 6:17 AM   #332
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6 days

Gonna be 4 weeks since the break up day. I did not beg or anything. She contact me few times asking me how am i doing. She wanted to be friends when she broke up with me but well i was not ready for it yet said sure lets be friends. Next 2.5 weeks she contacted me 2 times. Last contact i told her we can't be friends because i still love her. She understood it and said i love you too. I got crazy and said lets talk. She said "things would not work out". I was so scared to get more hurt so i said we can't be friends right now. Maybe in future. We both cried a lot. 2 days later i could not handle it at wrote her again. "We can solve it". She said "Everyday something new happens and it drains my energy. I don't wanna go back to last two weeks of our relationship." I said "it would be new we would talk through stuff".

As you can guess did not work out.

Now it's been 6 days. I did not check any of her social media stuff. I can't. Days go better. I still cry once a day. It hurts a lot.

I know i did everything i can do. Just it was not right time. We could not solve our problems.

I still have some hope left i hope it will go away in time.

Tired so tired. Had some suicidal thoughts but i can't upset people around me. I don't have that right also life is good you know. I don't feel it right now how good life can be but someday i'm sure i will feel, we all will feel.

Life is going on. We can't dwell in past.
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Old 14th October 2017, 4:11 AM   #333
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We are 2 years after the "final talk" which was more of a listing of all my faults trough SMS after a lenghty 3 months period of being cheated on, lied to, and made a fool of.

She couldn't decide wether to leave the comfort of my beta love for an alpha dude as the right solution, and dated the other behind my back while using me.

I asked her to never contact me again, and that i didnt want to "be friends" (which for that girl basically meant you'll be a sex-friend inbetween serious relationships).

For 2 years she stayed true to my demand (most likely, she was happy in her new relationship and didn't care). I blocked her on facebook, removed her phone number, hid all memorabilia of our relationship in a box, and slowly tried to rebuild a sense of self.

And for my recent birthday she sent the apology message. The one to relieve her of the residual guilt she felt from cheating and lying to me. Of course it was nothing more, it was not an offer to meet, it was not regret over our relationship, it was just a catharsis for her own peace of mind.

Somehow even tho i'm over the fact that i dont want to be with her, it still hurts, i really loved her, more than the girls i dated inbetween, more than many girls i dated before.

She was that manic pixie dream girl from the movies, the chicks who was half crazy, half very smart, the girl you wanted as a friend, and a lover.

But in all that manic stuff, there is also a dark side, those girls get easily bored, they need adrenaline shots and butterflies very often , or they go.

So, i didn't answer, and it gave me some power to simply not care about answering, altho i truely only wanted to do what i've done in the past : have some chitchat, maybe a few nights of steamy sex, and then a real goodbye. It was strange, half of me was like "meh, what's the point in talking with that person?" and the other was more like "i miss her".

But not with that one, she dug very deep inside me, and talking to her is dangerous for my peace of mind.
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Secret things happening behind your back = cheating

Last edited by Alamo657; 14th October 2017 at 4:14 AM..
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Old 6th November 2017, 10:05 AM   #334
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Follow up

My situation is basically in this link and I am no contact Why is my ex so mean to me? and I feel absolutely no temptation to contact this man. My only fear is that he will contact me again and I want to be strong enough to ignore, but I know I won't be.
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Old 8th November 2017, 3:13 AM   #335
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recently broken up ...holding hope

first of all about me ...Im 53 years old work in the trades and am employed sporadically throughout the year doing shutdown work . Ive had a number of relationships since breaking up with my ex wife 20 years ago , It has been kind of an on-going joke between my friends that I am commitment-phobic as I seem to lose interest in a relationship in a short period of time . Ive been with some very nice ladies and had some mutual breakups with some and dumped some in hurtful circumstances ( hurtful to them and a relief to myself ). Ive been a real prick and I carry that with me but I do regret the pain Ive caused as I dont WANT to hurt anyone !
last fall I met a 47 year old girl on-line who was a mutual friend of a couple people Ive known in the past . I thought she was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen . not model / actress beauty but down home girl beauty and I pursued her . we lived 3 hours apart so it was a lot of effort to meet up regularly . we met on a number of occasions over a month and our relationship grew quickly . she would come to my town for a day or two every 2nd week , I would go to hers every second week , after a couple months that seemed to turn to a mutual meeting two or three times a month in an area kinda halfway between us . Life and my work schedule was starting to get in the way . we still messaged and texted 30 or 40 times a day and talked for extended periods on the phone at least once a day sometimes 2 or 3 times . the spark was still there for at least 6 months . I felt her falling in Love with me and this was unmistakable in my heart and mind . I know I was falling in Love with her but found myself backing away from her . I sincerely did not want her to get hurt I didnt want to be the cause of any pain to her .
I have to give her a name here . lets say her name was Natalie .
Anyway to progress this story ... Natalie was living with her Mom after being laid off from her job in another location so she moved home and was staying with family . she was coming off a not so good relationship and had taken a lot of time to herself to gain strength or cope or whatever and was doing well in that regard . she was fortunate to get a very good job in my location . and made the move to my town staying with an elderly couple that treated her like gold , this all took place while I was working in an area away from home for a month and a half . I was so excited for her but also kinda apprehensive as I was still concerned that this could blow up into a bad situation and I would end up hurting her . I spent a bit of time with her on my one day home from my work every week , we would go out for dinner or just go for a drive maybe have sex every now and then ... being so tired from 72 hour work weeks and a long drive back and forth to home for a short stay , I really didnt have much energy to fit alot of time in for her while I was home . had to visit my Son and grandkids etc . so the Love making was not a regular occurance at this point . I generally have a very strong sex drive , especially with her . but fatigue does come into play .
On my last day at work and on my drive home . I did a lot of thinking and felt it best to break up with her . I was running scared and felt I was doing the right thing for me . I really wasnt thinking of her . I also felt that this would be temporary. I did not want anyone else . I was just feeling backed into a corner and thought I was going to be smothered with her living in such close proximity to me . I was being selfish , but at that time I honestly thought I was doing the right thing . she was really upset when I called and told her . I didnt hear from her again . I contacted her about a month later and we met for a coffee . she seemed fine with that and after us both conveying that we had both missed each other alot we spent a bit of time together . dinners , walks , drives . I tried to instigate sex a few times and was shut down . She stated that she felt I only wanted her around for sex . I was convinced that this was the girl I wanted in my life for the rest of my life so I stopped trying to have sex with her . I didnt try after that point until she gained her trust back in me . we had dinner a few more times and just met to say hi , I dropped her off coffee at her work a few times and we continued our messaging texting etc . she also reconnected with a few of her friends from her hometown that were now living in this area . she also connected with a girl she worked with and I found this very healthy as she would have a life in this area that didnt totally involve me . I still feel she needed other friends until I got my head on straight and decided if I was ready to totally commit my life to her . this is all while we are again texting and messaging at least 20 times a day , sometimes more sometimes a little less .
about 5 weeks ago I decided I could not live without and wanted to move her into my house . I was working a shutdown on night shift , she was working nights at her job that week . when I got off I went to a coffee shop that was beside her work place . I messaged her and told her I was waiting and wanted to have a quick coffee with her when she got off ( at this time I was going to surprise her and present her with an engagement ring and express my Love and desire to spend my life with her ) . she responded about a 3/4 of an hour later that she had a very hard shift and was just going home . I was Pissed , Hurt ... I went home and went to bed . she sent me a message that she had got home and sent me a funny joke later that day and then nothing . I waited for 2 weeks after that and tried getting ahold of her and couldnt . I crept on her facebook and saw a posting that she enjoyed a visit to a close rural area and spent the day (? ) with some guy . I was very jealous and hurt . I then sent her a message that I felt she obviously done with me so I was done with her . and that I saw her fb posting and it was very hurtful so I dropped her from FB . not a nasty message but just a " to the point " message to get her thinking . I received no reply from her . I waited another week or so and sent her a number of messages with no response , I tried to contact her on the weekend and couldnt . I sent her 20 or 30 messages through FB messenger ( even though
we were no longer FB friends I could still message her ) proclaiming my Love for her this past Sunday and my intentions with the ring etc and that I knew in my heart that she had fallen in Love with me last spring . I received one response stating she felt we were done after I originally broke up and that our relationship was not very good as the lack of time we spent together . she did acknowledge "she had very deep feelings for me while we were together " , she then blocked me from fb messenger after I sent a few more messages within about 10 mins of her response . I sent her 4 or 5 more messages through text message on her phone wondering why she blocked me and begging her to reconsider what she was doing by having zero contact with me . I havent sent her any more messages since . I Love her and feel I have broken her trust in me , I neglected her , and I hurt her . I honestly believe the initial month apart right after we broke up was something I needed to come to the realization just how important she is to me . Ive hurt her . I just dont know what to do . I know some people will say Karma sucks and I deserve it . maybe thats true . I dont think that is what she is doing , she really doesnt have a mean bone in her . I think I just drove her away from me and she is lonely . I was borderline suicidal over the weekend . Ive gotten my head on straight since then . I am just hoping that she can come to the conclusion that I really do Love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her and I also hope that she really does Love me the way I felt she did all along . I dont think I have ever told a woman in my life that I Loved her and I never told Natalie . until Sunday . Now I have to say I have never ever cheated on her , I never went out with anyone else at anytime since Ive met her a year ago . Ive had a lot of girlfriends previously but after alot of years under my belt . I know this is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with and cherish , Love unconditionally and live out my years with . Im in Hell right now wondering if its over before it really had a chance

Last edited by 202man; 8th November 2017 at 3:22 AM.. Reason: forgot some important points
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Old 15th November 2017, 12:35 AM   #336
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Only a short but intense relationship (3 months)... going to hit 3 weeks of NC now.
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Old 17th November 2017, 4:36 AM   #337
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Eight year relationship, two weeks into NC. Feels like an eternity though, especially since I miss the txts and calls I used to receive. She sent me a message about a week ago to ask about some items she needs to collect. I had to reply, but that's it.
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Old 23rd November 2017, 6:22 PM   #338
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It's been something around 18 months that I'm NC.

It's normal to be NC. It wasn't easy in the first 2-3 months of the break up and I messed up a few times. But since june 2016 I've never heard of her anymore, never seen a pic of her and don't even know if she is alive.

I've met a lot of girls in this period. I'm even on the point that I'm starting to forget with how many girls I've been to bed.
I've never felt the feeling anymore that I had with my ex. I gave a couple of girls the chance to get really close into me. But I never had the spark anymore. I keep on comparing to my ex, and well my ex has some cruel negative points, she also has some perfect points.
She seems irreplaceable. She was larger then life but with a lot of problems.

I don't feel the need to contact her ever again. But still I wonder what she is becoming, how uni is going, how her parents and siblings are doing,... Sometimes I don't think about her fer weeks, maybe a month. But other weeks I think about her daily. Wonder how it would have been if she was still with me. So many things have changed in the last 18 months.

I really hope that one day I'll find a girl that gives me that spark again.
Right now I'm done with dating and flirting. I'm just taking life as it comes. I'm relatively happy with my life.
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Old 26th November 2017, 10:22 PM   #339
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I didnt believe in NC before but I am a believer now. I dated a girl for 6 months, then she broke up with me. The day after, I of course did all the wrong things by begging, pleading, etc. Didn't work. Sent her a long email the following week trying to change her mind and projecting my love for her, she replied but said, she needed to find herself, needed to get her head on straight so she can get to where she needs to be..all that typical stuff girls say. Then I said screw it, and stopped all contact from there on out. Unfriended her on FB and instagram. Then a month later, she tried to add me back on instagram, i accepted without saying a word. Then a week later, she began to like some of my posts. I didnt say anything. Then about 2 months went by she texted me one night out of the blue acting as though she texted the wrong person (yea right). We briefly texted back and forth a few lines, then nothing. I started dating a new girl about 6 months after the initial breakup and I guess she saw the picture of her, then a week later she emailed me saying merry xmas, happy new year and reached out...saying that she was in south africa where they have this glowing algea that reminded her of us while we were in the bahamas....I responded by telling her that I've missed her and would love to see her. She agreed and she came after a few weeks later and we started dating again. Well, she broke up with me again 3 weeks ago..so I'm going back to NC again. Probably wont hear from her ever again, seems final this time, but still maintaining NC.
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Old 7th December 2017, 7:34 PM   #340
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Finding NC difficult at the moment 1 month in as it was a situation I stumbled into rather than deliberately initiated, and as such I've had no real closure or formal breaking of contact. I'm weakening abit at the thought of reaching out partly because the unrealistic part of my brain misses her, and partly just to try and satisfy all the urge to say things that I never got to say and questions in my own mind about how I've contributed to the situation, which I feel I've been dealt slightly harshly with. Thats probably a bad idea though, and negative responses would set me back I think. Its all pointless now anyway, I understand, but I overthink and it doesnt help. Hopefully I will make progress soon, but I see alot of positivity reading on here about other people who have been in NC longer than me in longer deeper relationships than me, so thats a hopeful thing
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