Tough Day [updates!]

[Michael 93]

<Link to backstory>

 

Approaching 1 month of strict NC. Whoa didn't think id ever hear myself say that.

 

Feeling really really low today. Is it perfectly normal for me to still think about her all of the time?

 

Feeling much much better in myself. Getting out exploring and spending a lot of time planning and preparing. Eg, learning to cook one new meal per day (quite exciting) , keeping on top of housework (healthy home healthy mind)

 

I'm currently working real hard at achieving my Level 3 in Business at my workplace, however it is just too too difficult for me at work with too many memories so I am looking for another job. Its a real shame because I love this place, but due to being such a small reminder its a huge reminder of my ex which I think is setting me back a bit. Upsetting..

 

I'm getting out and maintaining relationships with other people, purely in a friendly type of way at the moment but it has worked wonders for my confidence and esteem, which has taken a huge huge hit.

 

BTW Chi I have a trip to Venice planned for the 4th of April. Going there with a buddy of mine, place just really appealed to me and ive managed to get flights for £70 pounds return. Will post pics when back if possible Thought you'd be pleased with that!

 

I know I am not far off from the prize here, I know in myself I am much better I just want it all to be over now.

 

Today has been an extremely difficult, still thinking alot about the memories, majority good. The times we shared things like that, they just seem to crop up at random times? Why the hell is this man? I'm making a conscious effort to switch the thoughts when they enter my mind. I will turn it into a negative asap. Although its not always as easy every time.

 

Today I've had an image of her training in my old gym (treated that place like my home!! Literally spent a long long time there.. spit and sawdust type of place) She told me since we've broke up that her and the new guy have been there and trained together, but not to worry she's only been there a couple of times and that we had something more special (joined a gym together and used to train after work before going home)..

 

For all recent dumpees.. This is why NC is just so god damn important.

If a dumper is as horrible as some of you make out then nothing will stop them of informing you of there life, I wish I had gone NC from the off as I probably would have had more chance and at least kept my dignity in tact. If I had of gone NC I wouldn't of known any of this and I certainly wouldn't be thinking about it now!! Please follow advice.

 

 

That seems to be the image that's sticking today and since then all the lies and how nasty she has been to me just keep cropping up. Its like a trigger, one thing will eventually lead me to thinking about a whole host of others..

 

I haven't heard from her, I doubt I ever will. And to be honest I feel at the moment if I saw/heard from her I would be very cold and actually ignore her.

 

But then I have days where I look over the relationship and smile and think don't be sad it ended, be happy it happened, be at peace with what has gone on and don't hold any grudges with her.

 

But now my thoughts and emotions have had chance to entangle, what she has done has seriously hurt me like no other way, for that I don't feel as though I owe her anything. I guess I just needed to Vent.

 

Sorry for babbling and posting once again.

 

I hope you are all doing ok

Edited July 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[fray5]

Hey man, it's all normal. I'm going through the same thing right now. The ups and downs will have you questioning everything. Just don't be too hard on yourself when you're trying to understand. It sounds like you've found some good interests so stay focused on those.

 

If you're like me, it'll take one second for a negative thought to run off into a million reasons why you and your ex should still be together. These thoughts should slow down with time as long as we recognize after that there were reasons it didn't workout- incompatibility, timing, something happened which led to the breakup.

 

Hang in there and know there are many others like us going through this at the moment.

[Michael 93]

She has pulled me from one side to the other, making out like he's such a bad person compared to me and that its not as it seems. Yet hes the one having dinner with the family, in bed with her and enjoying her time.. Not me. Actions speak louder than words I guess.

 

NC is so important, everything that is torturing me to this point has been my own doing, by digging around snooping, calling, texting. the thoughts are getting less frequent but I am still having to deal with them quite a lot.

[Michael 93]

Hey man, it's all normal. I'm going through the same thing right now. The ups and downs will have you questioning everything. Just don't be too hard on yourself when you're trying to understand. It sounds like you've found some good interests so stay focused on those.

 

If you're like me, it'll take one second for a negative thought to run off into a million reasons why you and your ex should still be together. These thoughts should slow down with time as long as we recognize after that there were reasons it didn't workout- incompatibility, timing, something happened which led to the breakup.

 

Hang in there and know there are many others like us going through this at the moment.

 

 

Hey Fray,

 

Thank you man for your views. Totally understood. I agree I have to process the emotions as they come. I know I would be so much better now If I had implemented NC from the start though and that's a bit frustrating.

 

I still miss her an awful amount but I am slowly beginning to see the women she turned out to become, which is crazy as I've always had her on a pedestal.

 

It has badly affected my confidence though as she was the only person that I thought genuinely loved me.

 

I hope I can one day look at a women and feel the way I did with her.

 

Thanks Fray

[shoegal4]

Michael 93 - I am approaching one month of NC, too. My God it's hard. I never thought I would hear myself say this either. It's TOTALLY normal for you to feel this way. I bet you feel a lot better today than you did 30 days ago, right? I don't know if you feel the same but I find myself having good days but bad moments.

 

I think you are doing all the appropriate steps to move on and live a happy life. Revamping your self-esteem, maintaining relationships, traveling, remaining comfortable within yourself and above all, going NC. These are all solid things to move on and better yourself, so bravo to you. Just takes time.

 

Everything you're feeling is totally normal. It straight up SUCKS but it happened for a reason. When you least expect it, *she* (whoever she may be) will come along and show you the way it's supposed to feel. Knock this ex right off the pedestal you have her on and put YOURSELF there for once. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and are doing all the necessary things to move on. Don't give up.

[Michael 93]

Apolgies!!

 

I meant Venice 4th AUGUST****

[Michael 93]

Michael 93 - I am approaching one month of NC, too. My God it's hard. I never thought I would hear myself say this either. It's TOTALLY normal for you to feel this way. I bet you feel a lot better today than you did 30 days ago, right? I don't know if you feel the same but I find myself having good days but bad moments.

 

I think you are doing all the appropriate steps to move on and live a happy life. Revamping your self-esteem, maintaining relationships, traveling, remaining comfortable within yourself and above all, going NC. These are all solid things to move on and better yourself, so bravo to you. Just takes time.

 

Everything you're feeling is totally normal. It straight up SUCKS but it happened for a reason. When you least expect it, *she* (whoever she may be) will come along and show you the way it's supposed to feel. Knock this ex right off the pedestal you have her on and put YOURSELF there for once. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and are doing all the necessary things to move on. Don't give up.

 

 

@shoegal4

 

Thank you very much for your kind works. Extremely nice of you.

To know you have the support when feeling low is really really nice and you have cheered me up this afternoon.

 

I shall continue to try and carry on. It is literally pointless for me to even try and reach out to her any more as it wouldn't benefit me in any way.

 

I have tried literally everything I can so my head will be held high.

 

I shall take the rough with the smooth I guess and try to carry on. I admire your belief and I really hope that one day I do find that woman.

 

I have so much love to offer and I want to be able to feel that way about somebody again I really do

 

However I know how important it is to find happiness within myself first.

 

Thank you

[somecamel]

Approaching 1 month of strict NC. Whoa didn't think id ever hear myself say that.

 

Feeling really really low today. Is it perfectly normal for me to still think about her all of the time?

 

Feeling much much better in myself. Getting out exploring and spending a lot of time planning and preparing. Eg, learning to cook one new meal per day (quite exciting) , keeping on top of housework (healthy home healthy mind)

 

I'm currently working real hard at achieving my Level 3 in Business at my workplace, however it is just too too difficult for me at work with too many memories so I am looking for another job. Its a real shame because I love this place, but due to being such a small reminder its a huge reminder of my ex which I think is setting me back a bit. Upsetting..

 

I'm getting out and maintaining relationships with other people, purely in a friendly type of way at the moment but it has worked wonders for my confidence and esteem, which has taken a huge huge hit.

 

BTW Chi I have a trip to Venice planned for the 4th of April. Going there with a buddy of mine, place just really appealed to me and ive managed to get flights for £70 pounds return. Will post pics when back if possible Thought you'd be pleased with that!

 

I know I am not far off from the prize here, I know in myself I am much better I just want it all to be over now.

 

Today has been an extremely difficult, still thinking alot about the memories, majority good. The times we shared things like that, they just seem to crop up at random times? Why the hell is this man? I'm making a conscious effort to switch the thoughts when they enter my mind. I will turn it into a negative asap. Although its not always as easy every time.

 

Today I've had an image of her training in my old gym (treated that place like my home!! Literally spent a long long time there.. spit and sawdust type of place) She told me since we've broke up that her and the new guy have been there and trained together, but not to worry she's only been there a couple of times and that we had something more special (joined a gym together and used to train after work before going home)..

 

For all recent dumpees.. This is why NC is just so god damn important.

If a dumper is as horrible as some of you make out then nothing will stop them of informing you of there life, I wish I had gone NC from the off as I probably would have had more chance and at least kept my dignity in tact. If I had of gone NC I wouldn't of known any of this and I certainly wouldn't be thinking about it now!! Please follow advice.

 

 

That seems to be the image that's sticking today and since then all the lies and how nasty she has been to me just keep cropping up. Its like a trigger, one thing will eventually lead me to thinking about a whole host of others..

 

I haven't heard from her, I doubt I ever will. And to be honest I feel at the moment if I saw/heard from her I would be very cold and actually ignore her.

 

But then I have days where I look over the relationship and smile and think don't be sad it ended, be happy it happened, be at peace with what has gone on and don't hold any grudges with her.

 

But now my thoughts and emotions have had chance to entangle, what she has done has seriously hurt me like no other way, for that I don't feel as though I owe her anything. I guess I just needed to Vent.

 

Sorry for babbling and posting once again.

 

I hope you are all doing ok

 

Good man:) You're making the right steps:)

 

I think you've just entered the Anger stage:P Keep it up and you'll get to the acceptance.

 

I'm not there yet, the last few days cant seem to get her out of my mind, havnt seen her for nearly 7 months now and god knows how long NC, probably similar to you.

 

I remember feeling this this with my previous ex 10 years ago, broken, cant function but I did meet someone else and had on the whole a good time with her I suppose for 7 years.

 

I know I'll get over it and I know you will too:)

[BC1980]

You're completely normal. Everyone around me was asking why I missed him so much and wanted him back when he had treated me so badly at the end. When he has pretty much gone back on his word. If anything, it makes you want someone more. You can't just forget someone you formed a deep attachment to, especially if you were dumped because you have the added shame of that. Of being the one left behind.

 

It's a long, hard road. I'm a little over 6 months NC at this point, and I can tell you that it does get easier, but there are some trying times ahead. There will be times when you want to make contact. You are still at the beginning, so you will have a lot of emotions still to sort through. You are doing everything right though.

[fray5]

Hey Fray,

 

Thank you man for your views. Totally understood. I agree I have to process the emotions as they come. I know I would be so much better now If I had implemented NC from the start though and that's a bit frustrating.

 

I still miss her an awful amount but I am slowly beginning to see the women she turned out to become, which is crazy as I've always had her on a pedestal.

 

It has badly affected my confidence though as she was the only person that I thought genuinely loved me.

 

I hope I can one day look at a women and feel the way I did with her.

 

Thanks Fray

 

I hear ya man, I had mine on a pedestal the whole time too. Take this as a learning lesson not to do it again with future matches. When we do this we see things in a different light and ignore our own needs/wants. It will make you twist things to fit her and that's not usually healthy.

 

Hang your head when you have to, but pick yourself right back up and get busy. It will eventually balance out for us. Focus on getting yourself right in all areas- mentally, physically, spiritually, whatever that might be. I know it's hard bc you have this lingering thought of your ex in everything you do, but try to focus entirely on the task at hand. I believe you, me, and the countless others will both will get there.

[shoegal4]

@shoegal4

 

Thank you very much for your kind works. Extremely nice of you.

To know you have the support when feeling low is really really nice and you have cheered me up this afternoon.

 

I shall continue to try and carry on. It is literally pointless for me to even try and reach out to her any more as it wouldn't benefit me in any way.

 

I have tried literally everything I can so my head will be held high.

 

I shall take the rough with the smooth I guess and try to carry on. I admire your belief and I really hope that one day I do find that woman.

 

I have so much love to offer and I want to be able to feel that way about somebody again I really do

 

However I know how important it is to find happiness within myself first.

 

Thank you

 

Michael - YOU WILL! I promise you, you will find someone else. Reaching out to her is tricky - you don't know the response and it could set you back tons. You want to stick to where you're at and move forward. If SHE comes back, she comes back and you deal with that when it comes. Otherwise, keep focusing on you and what you want in your life. People will take notice of that. And women love a man who has his **** together LOL.

 

I went out last night (something I hardly ever did with my ex) and realized I was more open, smiling more at people, checking out other men. I never did these things with my ex because he was the end all be all in my eyes. I am laughing to myself right now LOL. Sounds so pathetic when I think back. The world has so much more to offer than our past relationships. Take that vacation and make the most of it. I hear Italians are rather good-looking and fun

[ProcessingThisBU]

Hi! I'm near 2 months of NC, and yes, I still have very bad days, when I want to contact her, most of all I ask myself why she does not contact me. Actions speak louder than words. I understand your pain, because I'm there too. Let's take it day by day. Today is a bad one, but we're going to get through. Just this day, just for now. If you're going through hell, keep going.

[Chi townD]

VENICE!!!! That's awesome, dude! I've only been to Rome, so you'll have one up on me! Let me know how it is! I want a full review!

 

 

Now, this first trip, she might pop into your head a couple of times. Can't help but think that she would have liked this or that about the place. So, be mindful about that and push her out the moment she pops in!

 

 

Good job on NC too! I know it sucks and makes you feel like crap, but I promise you it does get better! One month down! Pat yourself on the back dude!

[Simon Phoenix]

Congrats on going a month. I know this has been hard for you, so it's awesome to see that you have been able to keep it. As for "thinking of her" all the time -- completely normal at your stage. Your breakup process basically was delayed for several months because you kept in contact, so what you are feeling is completely normal for being at a month NC. So don't feel bad about that or feel that your recovery is "too slow". You're doing fine, and I'm glad you are planning trips and getting out of your comfort zone. That will help.

 

You'll have some ups and downs along the way and it will suck ass at times. But the longer you stick with NC, the downs will become less powerful and less frequent over time.

[Michael 93]

@Simon Phoenix @Chi townD @ProcessingThisBU @BC1980 @somecamel @shoegal4 @fray5

 

Thank you all for the postive words and responses. Without you all I would of been a lot worse off right now and for that I am grateful. You continue to help me still even now..

 

Bit of positivity. Just came back from the gym and got my PB ON deadlift and bench so will sleep well tonight.

 

I shall continue to follow your advice and keep going. Thank you.

 

I am sure you will hear from me again. Whether negative or not you are definately due to hear about Venice!!! Chi first time for everything eh.

 

Enjoy your evening all.

[Griesfootball]

Same here as well. Yesterday I was home a lot and the day went by slow, thought about my ex all day. Today went out with my family the whole day barely thought about my ex. You will feel both sides the best thing is to stay even keel my friend

[Michael 93]

Hi All,

 

Just came on for a bit of advice really I hope you are all doing ok,

 

Still doing extremely well within myself at the moment and pleased to say that my flights to Venice have now been booked for August 4th!! Let the Europe Travel commence. I plan to hit one major city a month

 

Just need your help in preparing for a potentially difficult situation. As you are aware I am in FULL NC with my ex girlfriend at the moment, haven't spoke, searched, smoke bombed, stalked not anything at all for just over a month now and MY GOD how much better do I feel for it .

 

Of course I still think from time to time but I am expecting that and I am 100% sure I have improved as a person which i'm really pleased about. 1 step at a time.

 

This is where the bad news comes.

 

My manager had planned in a departmental planning meeting that was due to take place at our head office in just over a weeks time. I was looking forward to it and preparing my agenda for the meeting. However Unfortunately, the room availability in this office has become limited and she has now rearranged the appointment for our other office..

YEP you guessed it, its where my ex works!!!!!

 

she asked if this would be a problem and I explained that it wouldn't (purely to maintain my credibility)

But I just cant help admit that I think it will be a problem. I automatically felt anxious and nervous as soon as she asked and I'm not looking forward to it at all. Even thinking about the situation makes me feel sick and weird...

 

MY first thought was to call in sick and avoid it, not attending and this is still how I feel at the moment but I'm slowly beginning to think otherwise... but still not sure..

 

Now there is no guarantee I will see her at all, its a 50/50 chance as the office isn't the biggest, But I'm extremely nervous and anxious that even the sight of her car could backtrack my progress and I really don't want that, I don't want to see anything to do with her again, I'm scared that I will be reset to day one.

 

I realise I sound like a complete Muppet but you have to understand just how difficult it has been for me to even get this far!!

 

Can any of you share your thoughts please?

 

Do not take this as a cry for help but more of a don't want to reset my progress.

 

Thanks all

 

Mike

[erklat]

I would evade the meeting as long as possible. If you can skip without consequences, do so.

[Chi townD]

When your Manager asked you if the new meeting place was going to be a problem, you should have been honest with her. Obviously, she knows what's going on and I don't think she would have held it against you if you would have said, "Ummm.... to be honest, that does make me feel a bit uncomfortable." Even if there's nothing she could do about room availability, she would be aware on how uncomfortable you are with the situation and possibly make arrangements to minimize any possibility of running into her. Even your manager talking to her direct supervisor and having him or her have your Ex doing projects that would take her out of the general area while the meeting is happening.

 

 

Sounds like your manager is in your corner and would try to make your work day AND your focus on your work a priority.

 

 

On a side note, can't wait to hear about your trip!!!

[Michael 93]

When your Manager asked you if the new meeting place was going to be a problem, you should have been honest with her. Obviously, she knows what's going on and I don't think she would have held it against you if you would have said, "Ummm.... to be honest, that does make me feel a bit uncomfortable." Even if there's nothing she could do about room availability, she would be aware on how uncomfortable you are with the situation and possibly make arrangements to minimize any possibility of running into her. Even your manager talking to her direct supervisor and having him or her have your Ex doing projects that would take her out of the general area while the meeting is happening.

 

 

Sounds like your manager is in your corner and would try to make your work day AND your focus on your work a priority.

 

 

On a side note, can't wait to hear about your trip!!!

 

 

 

Thanks for your response Chi!

 

I know man I am ecstatic for it cannot wait for it to come. Thing is, its totally spontaneous. I'm going with a couple of my friends out of the army. Totally crazy though I've only booked a one way ticket at the moment to Treviso airport for £28 pounds!!! Havent booked hotels or return flight haha. Cross that bridge when I get there I suppose. That about $14 your terms! . That's cheaper than getting to London man!

 

Anyway back to the topic at hand....I think my manager was more concerned about how id get there when she said "will it be a problem".. at least I think thats what she meant else I would of accepted it and been straight there and then.

 

I really don't want to reset my healing so I feel that I may call in and explain I wont make it in that day. Its funny because a couple of months after we broke up I was looking for "any" excuse to go there. Whereas now I'm looking for any excuse NOT to go. Just shows how things can go..

 

I hope to god I find someone over there how is going to knock me silly btw :p.

 

Do you know anything about Venice anyone? And is it possible to post pictures in threads?? Thank you

[Mary Oak]

I have to work with my ex, and when we do run into each other, it breaks my heart every time! It is awful, please avoid if possible.

[Michael 93]

I have to work with my ex, and when we do run into each other, it breaks my heart every time! It is awful, please avoid if possible.

 

@Mary Oak

 

Thank you Mary. Just the bit more push that I needed. I am strongly thinking to not attend at the moment.

 

If this is still the case with you could you not ask for a transfer? Or In a more serious situation look for a new job?

 

Hope you feel better soon.

 

Mike

[Lyn77]

I say continue with the meeting, as planned.

You have been strong enough, up to this point.

You will do just fine.

Looking for a new job because of this, would be ridiculous.

 

This will be a stepping stone to your continued progress of moving on.

Get rest the night before, eat a healthy breakfast. Spend time doing something you enjoy.

 

Talk to yourself in the mirror. Feel the feelings as they come.

Avoidance will just prolong the hurt and healing.

You should be responsible and fulfill your job obligations.

 

Best of luck to you, let us know how it goes!

I've been there (there right now actually) and I feel so much better not ignoring my feelings. I still love my ex, and don't try to block that Love I have for him. I appreciate it and truly want to see him succeed, even if not with me.

[Mary Oak]

Mike,

I have been at my job for nine years. I can't leave it. I waited for a year to just get in. I just try my best to avoid her, and I usually do a pretty good job. Sometimes I may not run into her for months, but it is always something it seems... probably why it has been two years and I still hurt...

 

But, I have to fight through it, and I will... I hope...

 

But seeing her does hurt my heart.

 

I wish she would leave this job...

[Chi townD]

Well, if you call in, that's fine. But, if you decide to go; well, you have the tools now to stay strong. She might not even realize you're in the building. Therefore, less chance of running into her. If she does run into you and tries to engage you in a conversation. Remember to be nice and only give one to two word responses and politely excuse yourself. Will it hurt if you see her? Probably, but I think it will not be AS BAD as you think. If you get in and out unseen, but she learns that you were there. You might get a text from her like, "Hey, I heard you were in the office today, how come you didn't stop by and say 'Hi'?" You know what you do with that text, right? DING DING!!!! You're right! You ignore it! Dude, you got this, you know what you have to do!

 

 

As for Venice, like I said, I've only been to Rome so you got one up on me. Go home and research different places you want to see there or restaurants you want to eat at. Or seeing you're going over blind, hotels or hostels that would be the cheapest. How long are you going to be there for?