Heartbroken feeling suicidal

[seethrewthebs]

Ten relationship gone. We have two children together. I tried to saved my family but she said no. Long story short, she cheated multiple times and we seperated. I was hoping she would come to her senses and realize what we where throwing away but it failed to play out that way. I kind of blame myself for her cheating, not giving her enough attention or going out enough. She is my first and only love, I don't know what to do. I have work in a couple of hours and here I am in tears as I type this post. I just feel like killing myself.

[iMissHerSoSoMuch]

I blame yourself ??? That's just shameless of you! She cheated , be happy that she's GONE. U don't want someone who cheats on u , she must have undermined U.

[Raena]

Let her go... she isn't worth beating yourself up over. If she was willing to cheat, multiple times, then she isn't the woman for you. You deserve better than that and you'll find it when you are ready. It's ok to feel upset but don't take it too far and blame yourself for HER actions. The only person you can control is you. So go ahead and feel sad, it's a normal reaction to walking away from someone you love, but don't blame yourself for what she chose to do.

[notserene]

It is not your fault that she cheated. It is 100% her choice and her decision. She might try to make you feel as if you drove her to it, but that's something cheaters do to try to justify cheating to themselves and others.

 

Please try to take a deep breath and relax, and talk to someone about what is going on. I guarantee you that she is not worth suicide and you have two children who need you.

[TaraMaiden]

Ten relationship gone. We have two children together. I tried to saved my family but she said no. Long story short, she cheated multiple times and we seperated. I was hoping she would come to her senses and realize what we where throwing away but it failed to play out that way. I kind of blame myself for her cheating, not giving her enough attention or going out enough. She is my first and only love, I don't know what to do. I have work in a couple of hours and here I am in tears as I type this post. I just feel like killing myself.

I truly feel for your desolation, but allow me to ask you some questions:

 

1. What method would you use for suicide?
   
2. I mean, bear in mind someone would have to clear up the mess...
   
3. How do you know your children wouldn't find you first?
   
4. Would you leave a note, or post a message on FB, maybe?
   

 

 

They seem like harsh, cold and accusative questions, but I would suggest that although you feel as if you have reached the very bottom of your personal hell - actually, you are coping better than you think.

 

Suicide is probably much further from your thoughts than you make it seem.

Which would denote that however much this is a tragedy for you, actually, you have a better hold on yourself than even you believe.

 

Skip work.

ring in sick, and take it easy today.

 

or maybe working is exactly what you need.

 

If you have a HR department, tell them immediately what your situation is, so that they understand your position.

 

But for your sake, and that of your children - dismiss these ideas of 'suicide'.

[seethrewthebs]

It is not your fault that she cheated. It is 100% her choice and her decision. She might try to make you feel as if you drove her to it, but that's something cheaters do to try to justify cheating to themselves and others.

 

Please try to take a deep breath and relax, and talk to someone about what is going on. I guarantee you that she is not worth suicide and you have two children who need you.

 

I love my kids so much. I just hate that they have to live in a broken home. I won't always be around to protect them when they are with her or make them laugh when they are distressed. This part hurts more than anything.

[seethrewthebs]

I truly feel for your desolation, but allow me to ask you some questions:

 

1. What method would you use for suicide?
   
2. I mean, bear in mind someone would have to clear up the mess...
   
3. How do you know your children wouldn't find you first?
   
4. Would you leave a note, or post a message on FB, maybe?
   

 

 

They seem like harsh, cold and accusative questions, but I would suggest that although you feel as if you have reached the very bottom of your personal hell - actually, you are coping better than you think.

 

Suicide is probably much further from your thoughts than you make it seem.

Which would denote that however much this is a tragedy for you, actually, you have a better hold on yourself than even you believe.

 

Skip work.

ring in sick, and take it easy today.

 

or maybe working is exactly what you need.

 

If you have a HR department, tell them immediately what your situation is, so that they understand your position.

 

But for your sake, and that of your children - dismiss these ideas of 'suicide'.

 

I will be leaving for work shortly. In two days I have had about three hours of sleep. I can't stop the tears. I will try to talk someone. I don't want to do anything stupid. I don't understand what i did to deserve this.

[seethrewthebs]

Let her go... she isn't worth beating yourself up over. If she was willing to cheat, multiple times, then she isn't the woman for you. You deserve better than that and you'll find it when you are ready. It's ok to feel upset but don't take it too far and blame yourself for HER actions. The only person you can control is you. So go ahead and feel sad, it's a normal reaction to walking away from someone you love, but don't blame yourself for what she chose to do.

 

I will try to let go. I wish I never had to see her again, but that will be impossible since we have two children.

[seethrewthebs]

I blame yourself ??? That's just shameless of you! She cheated , be happy that she's GONE. U don't want someone who cheats on u , she must have undermined U.

 

I just feel like I waited too late, I could have done more. All those txt msgs I sent, I just feel so stupid and used.

[TaraMaiden]

I love my kids so much. I just hate that they have to live in a broken home. I won't always be around to protect them when they are with her or make them laugh when they are distressed. This part hurts more than anything.

 

Then go for full or equal custody.

 

I will be leaving for work shortly. In two days I have had about three hours of sleep. I can't stop the tears. I will try to talk someone. I don't want to do anything stupid. I don't understand what i did to deserve this.

Get it through your head.

See through the BS.

You did NOTHING to deserve this. Tragically, it happens. We are not fully or completely aware of the full ins and outs of your marriage, but one thing's for sure. She made a decision. Now, assuming it's irreversible, you must make all your future decisions based on the logic and common sense required when also dealing with the future of your children.

 

I will try to let go. I wish I never had to see her again, but that will be impossible since we have two children.

 

Read the No Contact Guide (link in my signature) and apply Limited Contact (LC). Make sure that all discussions you have with her from now on, focus purely on the logical practicalities of ending this marriage legally, and the interest of your children.

 

Do not get hauled over hot coals and let your heart be ripped up by resorting to emotional dialogue. Time for that later.

[seethrewthebs]

Then go for full or equal custody.

 

 

Get it through your head.

See through the BS.

You did NOTHING to deserve this. Tragically, it happens. We are not fully or completely aware of the full ins and outs of your marriage, but one thing's for sure. She made a decision. Now, assuming it's irreversible, you must make all your future decisions based on the logic and common sense required when also dealing with the future of your children.

 

 

 

Read the No Contact Guide (link in my signature) and apply Limited Contact (LC). Make sure that all discussions you have with her from now on, focus purely on the logical practicalities of ending this marriage legally, and the interest of your children.

 

Do not get hauled over hot coals and let your heart be ripped up by resorting to emotional dialogue. Time for that later.

 

Thanks for your words. They mean so much to me right now

[Jiivy]

I don't really mention this because it's something I'm trying move past -

 

When my fiancée left me I had to take a couple weeks out of work and see a professional. I ended up getting in to self-harm in order to cope and made plans to end my life.

 

I'm still working on the self-harm thing, and I never went through any scuicide attempts...in fact, even 6 weeks on from then I feel as though those emotions are worlds away. We have this imediate sense of complete and utter CRASHING of our worlds.

 

I gave up my life, my family and my friends in order to be with the girl because I loved her that much. Now I see that I relied on her too much for my happiness...I'm working on it. Heck, she's working on another man already(!)

 

If this is too much for you right now, there's no shame in seeking medical help. You owe it to your kids to get that support.

[TaraMaiden]

She has to be accountable for her actions, and see there are consequences.

 

How old are the children?

 

As soon as you can, find a lawyer/solicitor and file for divorce, citing her adultery (do not 'name' him; it will merely complicate matters 100fold....) and have her served.

 

You have to think straight; you have to face the situation: She is a serial cheater, and she would have been no matter who she was with. I suspect down the line, she will cheat again, on whoever she is with....

 

She may well have been your 'first love'.

 

Don't give up on yourself. Be the man you know you are, because you're worth a huge amount. And you'll be fine.

Edited April 21, 2014 by TaraMaiden

[seethrewthebs]

She has to be accountable for her actions, and see there are consequences.

 

How old are the children?

 

As soon as you can, find a lawyer/solicitor and file for divorce, citing her adultery (do not 'name' him; it will merely complicate matters 100fold....) and have her served.

 

You have to think straight; you have to face the situation: She is a serial cheater, and she would have been no matter who she was with. I suspect down the line, she will cheat again, on whoever she is with....

 

She may well have been your 'first love'.

 

Don't give up on yourself. Be the man you know you are, because you're worth a huge amount. And you'll be fine.

 

With your help I didnt answer her call or txt msg. She tried to call me on the work phone, but I hung up both times. I will no longer allow her to have any part of me unless it's about our children. It's hurts but, I gotta man up and stop acting like a whimp. Thank you so much Tara. I will take some otc sleep aid when I get off and hopefully I can get some rest. It's hard to function in this state.

[nightbird101]

This is sad to read. I feel so sorry for you :'(

 

I myself am going through a hard time accepting my break up of a 7 year relationship. Its hard, it really is hard. Hearing friends and family saying "give her up" or "don't bother with her" my sound like their helping (which they truely are trying). But doing that is another story.

 

If your gonna cry, do it. And I'm not talking about just sitting there holding your head in your right hand cover your eyes. I mean just let it all go. Scream it out if you have to. I mean its pain after all.

 

Though don't do anything silly. Look at your kids, they need you. and you may not realize it...but you need them. They are your family after all

 

I wish you the best of luck

[seethrewthebs]

This is sad to read. I feel so sorry for you :'(

 

I myself am going through a hard time accepting my break up of a 7 year relationship. Its hard, it really is hard. Hearing friends and family saying "give her up" or "don't bother with her" my sound like their helping (which they truely are trying). But doing that is another story.

 

If your gonna cry, do it. And I'm not talking about just sitting there holding your head in your right hand cover your eyes. I mean just let it all go. Scream it out if you have to. I mean its pain after all.

 

Though don't do anything silly. Look at your kids, they need you. and you may not realize it...but you need them. They are your family after all

 

I wish you the best of luck

 

Thanks! I nearly broke down at work reading this. Thanks for the kind words

[seethrewthebs]

text her: tell her straight:

 

"I will not discuss anything with you, other than the well-being of our children and what is best for them right now. Unless you want to talk to me about them, and only them, do NOT contact me again."

 

However, whatever she tries to message you or write in emails, keep them. do not delete.

She may be stupid enough to shoot herself in the foot by writing something ill-advised and reckless.

 

Keep it all.

 

This is so painful. She claims my kids wanted to talk to me. I will just have to wait to see them tomorrow.

[seethrewthebs]

How old are they?

 

Try to not be too emotional with them, and keep it neutral. Don't explain anything by apportioning blame or responsibility. Just answer their questions as simply and neutrally as you can.

 

And make sure you stick to your guns with her.

it's all about the kids, and nothing else.

 

And find a lawyer/solicitor, and file for divorce, but don't on any account tell her you're doing this.

 

She expects you to capitulate as you always have done, and be ready to take her back as, when and if she's had enough of this latest 'fling'....

 

My son is 2 and my daughter is 7, almost 8. My son cried for me as I left yesterday.

[STM206]

First and foremost, you're running on basically no sleep at all - which can exacerbate the intensity of your thoughts.

 

The fact that you're on this site pretty much clarifies that you don't really want to end your life - people who commit suicide just do it.

 

I'm terribly sorry you're dealing with this, but with time you will start to see a shimmer of hope again. Suicide is a permanent problem to a temporary situation.

 

"I will get through this, I will survive" repeat that to yourself. I know it's a stigma, but perhaps co side getting in touch with a therapist... You shouldn't have to deal with this alone.

[iMissHerSoSoMuch]

I just feel like I waited too late, I could have done more. All those txt msgs I sent, I just feel so stupid and used.

 

Lol I also sent my ex dozens & dozens of txt msgs , there's this day I sent 5msgs in a row! I felt like crap months after relizing she's gone for good but now its been a year I don't care.

[KaliLove]

My mother committed suicide. I have never fully recovered from it. To this day I can't help partially blaming myself for not being enough for her to live for.

 

Please, for the sake of your children, do not do anything stupid. You will mess them up for life. Also, children of suicides are more likely to commit suicide themselves.

 

I agree with the poster above who said that it's unlikely that you will actually do anything because you are posting here, which means you WANT to be talked out of it..but it's also possible to work yourself into a frenzy and do something hastily.

 

Please, I am begging you, do not do to your children what my mother did to me. I am horribly scarred by it. It is a pain that will never fully go away.

[seethrewthebs]

Thanks everyone. I'm still distraught, but feeling a little better today. She has now called me over 14 times and i didn't answer. I believe she wanted to keep me close as a plan b option, but I will no longer allow myself to be that. Today will be tough since I will have to see her, but I promise I won't say a word. I got about 9 total hours of sleep yesterday with the help of otc sleep aid so i will take some more today. I can't say honestly that i haven't been thinking about suicide, but its not as bad as it was. Thanks for all your help.

[seethrewthebs]

My mother committed suicide. I have never fully recovered from it. To this day I can't help partially blaming myself for not being enough for her to live for.

 

Please, for the sake of your children, do not do anything stupid. You will mess them up for life. Also, children of suicides are more likely to commit suicide themselves.

 

I agree with the poster above who said that it's unlikely that you will actually do anything because you are posting here, which means you WANT to be talked out of it..but it's also possible to work yourself into a frenzy and do something hastily.

 

Please, I am begging you, do not do to your children what my mother did to me. I am horribly scarred by it. It is a pain that will never fully go away.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know your mother never intend to hurt you or make you feel like it was your fault. I hate that life can be so cruel and spontaneously evil. You are living proof of your mother's greatness. Thanks for your words.

[ladyrunner21]

My only suggestion (having come from a broken home) is DO NOT let her use the kids as pawns. Your kids are young and probably resilient, so don't let her bully you into backing off with some kind of bit like "This is really stressful for the kids. Maybe you should stay away for a little while". Doesn't matter what your reasons are -- a kid will remember you not being there, no matter how honourable your intentions. Don't let her bully you into that. It'll only make it worse, I promise you.

[KaliLove]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know your mother never intend to hurt you or make you feel like it was your fault. I hate that life can be so cruel and spontaneously evil. You are living proof of your mother's greatness. Thanks for your words.

 

This thread is upsetting me so I'm going to stop reading it, but I will say this:

 

It wasn't spontaneous evil that did this to me. That would be illness or murder. My mother CHOSE this. Suicide is the most selfish, cowardly, cruel thing you can do to those who love you. I have never recovered and I never will. Not fully.

 

She also planted the seed in my head that death is an option. Luckily I was old enough to know better, but your children are not. They would likely see suicide as a viable option when their lives got difficult because you would have taught them that. You think they would remember any of the good things about you? Nope. All they would think when they remember you is that you killed yourself.

 

I'm glad things are getting easier for you. Face your problems, don't run away from them. We are all going through difficult times right now, that's why we're here. If we can all handle it, so can you.