laughless Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Someone please help me. My ex bf refuses to let me go. He also invades my privacy heavily and I don't feel comfortable with letting him in my life in that way. He listens to my phone calls whenever I have important conversations with people from work, listens to my conversations with my family and even my friends. I find this unnecessary and the fact that he never stops coupled with the fact that I always feel like my every move is tracked, dries my blood out. I require some privacy in my life to gain breathing room, to talk about any personal issues and to freely talk to to my friends without someone reading any irrelevant conversations. He used to spy on me when we were in a relationship to see if I was cheating (I was loyal to the extreme). Now I realize he spies on me for general interest and curiosity, to judge me perhaps or criticize me, trying to know everything about me possible, to see what's up in my life. The effect he has on the violation of my privacy is devastating. Sometimes I feel like crying out of frustration because of the access he has to my personal life, not as a husband or BF even, just a stranger now. Does he feel like he gets control over this? I also don't believe this guy truly loved me because when we were together, he used to treat me bad, disrespect me and eventually called me unattractive. After I left him, he told me he loved me. But I don't believe it. I think he loves me with his EGO, not heart. I fill some kind of void in him so he loves me for that purpose only. It's for selfish reasons why he wants me back and can't let go. I don't know how to regain the privacy I had back in my life. I believe he uses an app called "mobile spy" which is why he was able to gain access to every smart phone, android phone and I-phone I ever had. What do I do? Anyone have any knowledge on technology? His mentality? Why is he like this? Why won't he let go and why would someone be eager to know all about me in such a burdening way? It's draining the life out of me. I can't even make it to work anymore. I'm stressed. I'm doing well in school thank god, at least I got a 98% on my test this morning. By the way, he has access to my laptops and computers at home. Sometimes I get distressed and overwhelmed thinking he probably has access to my parents' laptops, gaining access their financial info and other private matters. I cannot ignore this. I don't want someone to track me my entire life. The worst part is, he has no concern about the way I feel. He thinks what he's doing is nothing wrong. It's perfectly normal to him, even if we're not together. He doesn't give 2 sh*ts about whether I feel devastated about this. It's killing me. I burst out in stress tears sometimes and I never do that. Help Link to post Share on other sites
Author laughless Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Please someone help me. I crying heavily. All this tension has got to me Link to post Share on other sites
lvroflife Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Restraining Order!!! Asap!! Link to post Share on other sites
CadeYeager Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Please someone help me. I crying heavily. All this tension has got to me Give everyone a minute to write a respond, it's only been 10 minutes since you posted. Just breathe, we will try our best to help you. Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Can you explain how it is that he has this kind of unrestricted access to your life? Do you live together? If he is stalking you, you have every right to involve law enforcement (i.e. file a restraining order). Have you actually told him to back off and leave you alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Restraining order is in need, my dear. If he won't leave you alone, invades your privacy, and you made it clear to him not to. To stay away from you, and he refuses; and if indeed he is using a spy app, to spy on you (illegal) he can get in trouble for that too. Get a restraining order. Maybe your mobile carrier can help you with this too. A change in your phone number. A block for him. A root done to your phone, perhaps to get rid of anything bad (if he put something on your phone). Really, I do not know on the tech part. But yeah, restraining order on this creep. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Not sure how you know you are being tracked with an app but google steps to take to see how to fix that. You do need to put it in writing for him to stop. If you will file a restraining order u need evidence you took steps to stop him. Get serious about handling these things. Crying wont help so take action. U only get one life & right now your giving him total control over your job, health, privacy, sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laughless Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Thanks everyone. This guy rips my life in two and he doesn't realize it. It's ignorant and thoughtless We do not love in the same city by the way. I live in Montreal and he lives in NYC. I used to live in NYC for 8 months because I saw a unique opportunity there for career. I moved back to my city after I realized it wasn't for me. I don't have concrete proof but he did call me and told me that he knows I am talking to 3 guys and that he wanted to know whether one of them was someone I was speaking to while we together. I never shared that information with anyone at all and apparently he was one to find out. (It's not true, I signed up for a dating site after we broke up). @lvroflife - I wish I could. But he's very controlling and not a good guy To this day, he still thinks I want to be with him when I don't. When he has an idea in mind about anything, he will become this evil, selfish person. For example, he once had a GF when we broke up before in November. He wanted to be with her and then use me for a baby, since I'm a virgin and I don't smoke or drink at all. So he planned on getting me pregnant and then running off to be with that girl. How could I ever consider this guy for an LTR? Even marriage? I know if I married hin like he wants me to, down the road, he will do what he pleases. Also, he had a very bad past and was abused. On top of this, he had depression. These things stop me from putting a restraining order because I would hate to make his life more miserable. Then again the thought of someone hacking and tracking my life makes me emotionally low and aggravated. He's very ruthless (doesn't see others point of view) so he wouldn't know why I feel the way I do about stalking in general. Some people have an intense need for privacy. @Cadeyeager - Okie @mercury shadow - like I said before, I was living in NYC for career purposes. He did hack email account there by paying a friend to do it. From there, he gained access to my email and I'm my email, lots of personal info from me; especially my resume. Of course on my resume, he knows my address in Montreal as well as my home phone number. I'm scared he's probably private calling my family or something. From there, he probably sent me a suspicious email and gained access to my entire laptop. For my phone, after I moved back, I'm not sure. It depends how these mobile spy apps work. Sometimes they can waist extract the I.P.address of the phone by a simple suspicious text. I know he has access to my phones and my family's. Both my parents own an android phone. He also knows the password to our Family wifi since he hacked my laptop. I guess he uses a spyware or key logger. I told him many times and he denies any involvement in my life even stalking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laughless Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Restraining order is in need, my dear. If he won't leave you alone, invades your privacy, and you made it clear to him not to. To stay away from you, and he refuses; and if indeed he is using a spy app, to spy on you (illegal) he can get in trouble for that too. Get a restraining order. Maybe your mobile carrier can help you with this too. A change in your phone number. A block for him. A root done to your phone, perhaps to get rid of anything bad (if he put something on your phone). Really, I do not know on the tech part. But yeah, restraining order on this creep. I did speak to my carrier about this issue and they told me any android phone can be hacked really easily. I even got a second phone without his knowledge with a new number while keeping the old one. He found out about the new one by detecting it through the old phone. I guess android phones can be detected easily, as well as any smart phone. I wanted to use the new phone to change my Facebook passwords and even my online banking password as I find it irritating he knows how much money I have. I cannot change these passwords on my laptop or the old phone he hacked. I know about technology too so I always thought of creative ways to get rid of his attention. The hacker can re-write the info on your phone or something and use that on a computer to spy on your phone activity. I once had an iPhone and I am sure he uses apps like mobile spy because apparently he knew when I was at work and when I wasn't. There's a GPS function to track the person and their where abouts. I changed it to a Blackberry z10 now. As of now, he has access to this. Also the battery drains extra fast Edited February 28, 2014 by laughless Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Does he work for the CIA or NSA? Have your family members told you they've heard from him? Seems a bit unlikely. Borrow someone's phone or computer to change Facebook and banking passwords. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 He must have your passwords or something. Have you considered changing ALL of your password to things that he can't possibly guess. Complex letter/number/special character combinations. All of them, do it ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 These things stop me from putting a restraining order because I would hate to make his life more miserable.. I'm sorry but you cannot play the victim anymore. You're an enabler. You enable this behavior and that is why he will keep doing it. So either you don't complain about it or you do something about it. His life is not your concern and if he is choosing to live it this way, if he is choosing to be destructive, then it is choice. YOU HAVE A CHOICE. And that is to be responsible for your OWN life, and that would mean you prioritize your mental and emotional health -- and no one else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laughless Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 I'm sorry but you cannot play the victim anymore. You're an enabler. You enable this behavior and that is why he will keep doing it. So either you don't complain about it or you do something about it. His life is not your concern and if he is choosing to live it this way, if he is choosing to be destructive, then it is choice. YOU HAVE A CHOICE. And that is to be responsible for your OWN life, and that would mean you prioritize your mental and emotional health -- and no one else. I wish you didn't say "enable" because I would do anything to stop him but get the police involved. But I guess you're right. Sometimes I think of changing my name and moving to Africa or something, where I can be free. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laughless Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 He must have your passwords or something. Have you considered changing ALL of your password to things that he can't possibly guess. Complex letter/number/special character combinations. All of them, do it ASAP. I did, Miss. But you know, even if you change your passwords on a device that has a keylogger or spyware, he can still find out the new one. Trust me, I tried many times. The only way is if I re-install the entire Windows 7 and I haven't gotten around to doing that yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I wish you didn't say "enable" because I would do anything to stop him but get the police involved. But I guess you're right. Sometimes I think of changing my name and moving to Africa or something, where I can be free. People have to realize that with action comes repercussions. He will never know that if you keep protecting him from that consequence. The only thing you are doing is teaching him that his behavior is acceptable when you do nothing to stop it. There is no need to tak esuch drastic measures when you can start taking the necessary steps to stop this. Don't change your life around because you're afraid to change his. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laughless Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Does he work for the CIA or NSA? Have your family members told you they've heard from him? Seems a bit unlikely. Borrow someone's phone or computer to change Facebook and banking passwords. That's a very clever idea, Miss. I did that for the banking password but unfortunately sometimes I have to access facebook through my laptop, which has been hacked. The new phone that I got is not a smart phone or android phone at all. So apparently he hacked it by attaining the I.P address of the phone through Facebook from my laptop (this is when it logs the places of where you log in each day). No he's not lol. He's just 22 years old like me. I never introduced him to my family. They know of him vaguely but they never met him. I decided he wasn't an appropriate long term partner so eventually I never told them the details. No he doesn't. If he read this right now, he would be feel grand. His ego is like that. He doesn't feel one ounce of suffering or remorse that I feel now. I have a new boyfriend now and sometimes I just want to weep in his chest for 3 hours straight but I'd rather not bore him with the details of this ex BF drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 People have to realize that with action comes repercussions. He will never know that if you keep protecting him from that consequence. The only thing you are doing is teaching him that his behavior is acceptable when you do nothing to stop it. There is no need to tak esuch drastic measures when you can start taking the necessary steps to stop this. Don't change your life around because you're afraid to change his. Damn, I totally agree with this so much! Good post 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Peanut9330 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 You don't want to make his life more miserable yet it's ok for him to stalk, harass and make your life miserable????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you want this to end you need to get a restraining order he has no regards for your feelings I don't see why you would be considerate of him. Who cares is he's going to be miserable that's not your problem anymore, unless you want to continuously live like this you need to go to the police. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laughless Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 People have to realize that with action comes repercussions. He will never know that if you keep protecting him from that consequence. The only thing you are doing is teaching him that his behavior is acceptable when you do nothing to stop it. There is no need to tak esuch drastic measures when you can start taking the necessary steps to stop this. Don't change your life around because you're afraid to change his. Alright I will do what I can. I don't think he knows what real love is. He loves from his ego, not from his heart. He insists I be with him when I cannot. He finds me unattractive and eventually will look elsewhere. I just feel horrible putting him through pain. Before he met me, he had some void inside of him which I filled. I think I gave him some kind of Maternal love or something. I don't know. I hate coming off like that lol. Especially the current guy I am dating, he just brings up how great we will be as parents. (He has a bit of fatherly quality in him too) But I am happy he ALSO sees me as a lover too, as that's very important! What annoys me is how my Ex thinks we have a chance because i feel bad. No, we do not. I just have too much of a heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laughless Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Damn, I totally agree with this so much! Good post You guys are right but it's not as if I treat him like a boyfriend anymore. I did everything I could to make him stop. I yelled on the phone to him. I never raise my voice. I was taught it was a very disrespectful thing to do. So i yelled, I insulted him, called him a piece of Sh*t, a b1tch, and told him the harsh truth, that there will be no us, which I meant. He has no shame or self-respect to think that what he's doing is hurting me and he should stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Restrain how you feel and push through this. Rather unfair to you and your b/f as of now, to keep this nut and his game in your/his life. Do get that restraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I just feel horrible putting him through pain.. ?????? For some reason, I have a feeling you like that he is affected this way. You like the attention. I cannot possibly understand how someone can feel stalked this way and then moan about how horrible she feels about inflicting pain on him? What pain have you inflicted on him? You have to wonder if you need help with how you're perceiving things as well as your self-esteem because one half of you is crying about being violated and then the other half is feeling sorry for the abuser? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 You guys are right but it's not as if I treat him like a boyfriend anymore. I did everything I could to make him stop. I yelled on the phone to him. I never raise my voice. I was taught it was a very disrespectful thing to do. So i yelled, I insulted him, called him a piece of Sh*t, a b1tch, and told him the harsh truth, that there will be no us, which I meant. He has no shame or self-respect to think that what he's doing is hurting me and he should stop. Still, you enable him to hurt you. Yelling won't work. All you are doing won't work. He is crazy, and will not stop. Narcissistic. Probably has BPD of an extreme. That's why the police are now the only option. Your current BF will certainly get tired of this one day. This creep will only get worse..... Link to post Share on other sites
Peanut9330 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Again he doesn't care about your feelings I don't know why you're so worried about his. If you want this to stop you have to take action take control of your life because right now you're letting him run your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laughless Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 ?????? For some reason, I have a feeling you like that he is affected this way. You like the attention. I cannot possibly understand how someone can feel stalked this way and then moan about how horrible she feels about inflicting pain on him? What pain have you inflicted on him? You have to wonder if you need help with how you're perceiving things as well as your self-esteem because one half of you is crying about being violated and then the other half is feeling sorry for the abuser? Nope, i don't like it. I actually burst out crying and feel disgusted. But i just feel sorry for people who have depression or have been abused. I'm very sensitive to people's sufferings, whether it's an ex or some stranger. If he doesn't stop, I will try to speak to a New York police about the issue very soon. I really don't like my private information invaded for nothing. If it's marriage, sometimes it's ok to check up on the spouse once in awhile, not for too long, etc. But he is just a stranger, when we're not in a relationship anymore. He hacks only to gain or learn more about me. Why so interested in me? I don't understand. Even knows about my family and what kind of house we have. I'm also put-off by the fact he's probably seen our family pictures and that's VERY PRIVATE TO ME. Link to post Share on other sites
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