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My Girlfriend, The love of my life left me after 5 years..


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 1st November 2008, 11:33 PM   #1
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Unhappy My Girlfriend, The love of my life left me after 5 years..

Hi ,
This is my first post, alittle scared but i have to get my feelings out there somehow and i need to keep my mind distracted. I don't usually do Forums, but this one has been helping me alot, Just from reading them and what other people are also going through lets me know im not alone out there and that other people can relate to what i am feeling. I am 20, i have been with her since i was 15, she was kind of my high school sweetheart, i know i am young but this is the life i want/wanted.

My girlfriend left me on Sunday, its Saturday now (6 days ago). Everything was great in our relationship, i love her so much with everything in my heart and just last friday before she went out of town to hang out with her friends and have fun she was telling me things like, "lets get married - when we have a daughter lets name her this" and i just pictured my whole life with her, we have been living together for over 3 years of this relationship and i couldn't have been happier, just the small things like, waking up next to her every morning, seeing her smile, just kissing and hugging her was the best feeling ever.

She came home that Sunday after the weekend out of town and i could tell she had been thinking about something and my buddy was over at the time so i asked him to go home, because i could tell something was wrong.

I asked her about her weekend and everything was good, but then she said she doesn't think she wants to be in a relationship anymore (i don't think she cheated on me, and she said she never would or has and i believe her). things just went down hill from there.

I am way more mature then most 20 year olds and i am really relaxed in life now, i don't go to bars its just not who i am. She doesn't really like bars, but she has been wanting to go more and more out with her friends, and i was absolutely fine with that, i trust her with all my heart. Now i am Single, not a young teenager anymore that likes to get drunk and party at bars. i settled down with her because thats what she wanted in our relationship together and i wanted to do that with her also, settle down and have a life, not rush in and get married and have kids but i mean atleast enjoy the life with her until we wanted to move onto bigger things in life, such as getting married or having kids. i am just so confused because i tried to do everything that she wanted in our relationship, to make it work for the better. I thought i was doing the right things. i don't know if i am putting to much blame on myself?

She left and has been staying at her parents house since that night, and i don't have anywhere to go, i am kind of alone in the world when it comes to places to go atleast thats how it feels. I have family that is there for me but i can't just get up and go live with them to get out of this place we have together, they have there own place. so i am stuck here in our place looking at the things we have together.

She says she wants to stay friends and keep in touch and even hang out maybe in time, but for now she just wants her space. she says she wants to be single and have a free life again. this hurts me so bad because she wanted this serious relationship, it seemed like this is what she wanted from me and now i want it too, and she got scared and just left it all in the dust like it was nothing.

She says she still loves me, and she's not sure if we will get back together, and says only time will tell. She seems to be moving on fast though. I am not sure how to take this but on Tuesday (3 days after) she went to a movie already with a "Family Friend" and my buddy from work saw them out. Would she have told me if he didn't see them out?

I want her to come back to me so bad, i have changed, i can admit that i have my flaws and so does she but i thought thats what you work on in a relationship? and not give up! she said she would never give up on us. after all we been through. Her parents not talking to us for 3 years then things got perfect and i was hanging out with them and even sleeping over at there farm in the country where they go on the weekends. things were just getting perfect. I miss and love her so much, im not sure what to do, i feel so alone, i don't want to do the "NC" but if thats what i have to do. i don't know. i can't stop hurting and crying i am so confused on what happened, i love her... and i always will.

Thank you for listening, can anyone give me advise please

Last edited by Redmeda; 2nd November 2008 at 12:07 AM..
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Old 2nd November 2008, 12:16 AM   #2
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No Contact, sorry about how you feel I was in your shoes jsut a while ago. Go No contact, delete her number don't contact her stay away.
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Old 2nd November 2008, 12:25 AM   #3
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man thats so hard, thats like putting my heart in the garbage i really really don't want to give up on her, do you think NC will work?..

she might come back?! i hate this, i feel so alone, i sleep on the couch every night because i can even think about waking up in our bed without her next to me, it would hurt so much.

i feel like throwing up when i think about her never coming back to me, i can barely type this without crying over her, 5 years!!!! it just doesn't seem worth giving up over.

oh yeah... and sunday (only 7 days later) tomorrow, she is coming to pick up her things from here, so i have to see her and her move all her things out, that is going to be probley the hardest part, im so worried about tomorrow.

but thank you for replying, i need all the help i can get right now. i live alone and i don't do much right now, so i need people for comfort.

Last edited by Redmeda; 2nd November 2008 at 12:35 AM..
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Old 2nd November 2008, 12:42 AM   #4
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lol, she wants to bed other guys while she keeps you as a friend.

Don't be a sucker, don't be her "friend".
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Old 2nd November 2008, 12:46 AM   #5
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Just some advice.

When people pull away from you, the very best thing you can do is pull away from them as well. She's unsure of what she wants. If you chase, if you pursue, you will push her farther away from you.

Focus your time not on her, but on yourself. Heal up as best you can. Work out, hang out with friends, dive into new hobbies. Your silence will speak volumes to her.

If she is to come back to you, if ever, it will be on her own accord. Nothing you do or say will bring her back, but everything you do or say can (and will) push her away.

The funny thing about relationships? The one who wants it the LEAST has the most power over it. Being her friend is the LAST thing you should do.
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Old 2nd November 2008, 12:47 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sks View Post
lol, she wants to bed other guys while she keeps you as a friend.

Don't be a sucker, don't be her "friend".
i guess thanks for the comment? .. but i don't really want to be thinking about her and other guys at this moment.

Last edited by Redmeda; 2nd November 2008 at 12:50 AM..
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Old 2nd November 2008, 12:54 AM   #7
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you don't really need to hear how to handle this. you already know what you need to do, you know your relationship better than anyone who reads it here, you know this girl, you know where you stand.

no amount of advice will really change your mind - you'll do what you need to. and eventually, after a lot of pain (either way), you'll be okay again. with OR without her.

it is right though - you being at her beck and call makes her the most important person in your life, not you. try and think of all this objectively - if she could walk away after five years, she must have her own reasons, her own problems, her own grievances. but the bottomline is, she's not letting her emotions get in the way of her rationality. you try and do that.

and even though it is sooo bleak right now, and even though there's no shortcut through this - you need to take it a day at a time. start investing in yourself, start thinking of things you can look forward to (it may be a pathetic list right now, but as time passes, you'll find your adding more to it, because you are only 20 and you have your heart in the right place and an entire life left to live.)

always remember that your friends and family, however alienated htey are right now, want to see you happy. reach out to someone, anyone, who you know cares about you unconditionally and open up to them. this might even help you repair some old relationships that faded.
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Old 2nd November 2008, 12:54 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliGuy View Post
Just some advice.

When people pull away from you, the very best thing you can do is pull away from them as well. She's unsure of what she wants. If you chase, if you pursue, you will push her farther away from you.

Focus your time not on her, but on yourself. Heal up as best you can. Work out, hang out with friends, dive into new hobbies. Your silence will speak volumes to her.

If she is to come back to you, if ever, it will be on her own accord. Nothing you do or say will bring her back, but everything you do or say can (and will) push her away.

The funny thing about relationships? The one who wants it the LEAST has the most power over it. Being her friend is the LAST thing you should do.
i know, but like i said... i have to see her tomorrow when she comes to get her things. that is going to be so hard for me then i should just not talk to her? i need to get out of our place and get a new place soon or this will just kill me being here, i try to get out as much as possible and when i am home, i come on here now because it helps me alot! and i thank all of you for ur support. I am just still confused, it just happened this past Sunday i can't even think straight. i don't know what to do.
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Old 2nd November 2008, 12:59 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by zooey22 View Post
you don't really need to hear how to handle this. you already know what you need to do, you know your relationship better than anyone who reads it here, you know this girl, you know where you stand.

no amount of advice will really change your mind - you'll do what you need to. and eventually, after a lot of pain (either way), you'll be okay again. with OR without her.

it is right though - you being at her beck and call makes her the most important person in your life, not you. try and think of all this objectively - if she could walk away after five years, she must have her own reasons, her own problems, her own grievances. but the bottomline is, she's not letting her emotions get in the way of her rationality. you try and do that.

and even though it is sooo bleak right now, and even though there's no shortcut through this - you need to take it a day at a time. start investing in yourself, start thinking of things you can look forward to (it may be a pathetic list right now, but as time passes, you'll find your adding more to it, because you are only 20 and you have your heart in the right place and an entire life left to live.)

always remember that your friends and family, however alienated htey are right now, want to see you happy. reach out to someone, anyone, who you know cares about you unconditionally and open up to them. this might even help you repair some old relationships that faded.
i know, but i moved to the city 3 years ago with her so we could be together, and i don't know to many people out here, and my father lives 2 hours away from me and i don't have a car, my mom is close but she is leaving the country for the winter with her boyfriend tomorrow, and i have my brother across the city and some friends around here but i don't like bugging everyone everyday for something to do to keep my mind off things, i don't know if i am bugging people or not. I just feel like **** all the time and lonely
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Old 2nd November 2008, 1:06 AM   #10
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oh honey, i've been there. the last two months were the lowest i've been in my life. it was just a constant ominous feeling of dooooom, dooooooom that went on in my head. i couldn't get out of bed, i stopped reading, writing, watching tv. i'd play music for hours, crying over lyrics written by depressed musicians. i'd wait miserably for him to call... i was committing emotional suicide.

i live alone in a country away from my home. i have two flatmates - you could call them "friends" but we are distant. i alienated the two or three real friends i had while i was in a relationship and when it came crashing down, i didn't know where to turn.

it was horrid, and i know where you are right now. but one day, i woke up and realized i didn't feel THAT badly. i started having good days again, days when I felt like picking up on my hobbies, or calling friends in other countries to talk, or skyping with family or whatever. Of course, I still have bad days, I still feel absolutely alone. But you have to start believing in yourself. And the sooner you start, the better.

Call your brother up, do some stuff together. You needn't talk to him about her if you don't want to, but being around people will force you to put on a brave face and get on. If for nothing, then to just stop from getting embarrassed. Trust me, it'll get better. It ALWAYS does.
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Old 2nd November 2008, 1:19 AM   #11
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i know life goes on, but i don't want to have this sh**ty life for a long time till it gets better, i don't want to wait for another relationship that it could just happen again, i know i have to move on in time and everything, but its hard when i don't have that many people in my life anymore, i was fine with that while i was with her, i didn't make plans for the "what if" we weren't together anymore because i didn't see it happening so i didn't mind not having that many friends because i seemed complete with her. So its going to take me a long time to get started again with my life. i need to find people that are like me or something, but how can i find people like me? when i don't go out much im used to being at home with someone. thats me now. maybe when i get my own place i will learn to go out more and possibley go to bars? ew. lol i just don't like the whole bar environment. small town my whole life, i like the relaxing life.. thats why i was so happy with settling down kind of early and she made me feel like she wanted to also. she kind of rushed things in my view, and got scared and instead of working on it, she left

Last edited by Redmeda; 2nd November 2008 at 1:21 AM..
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Old 2nd November 2008, 5:24 AM   #12
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Redmeda I feel your pain ... I truly do. Its been just over a year since the love of my life walked out on me.

I've been coming to loveshack eversince - every single day : S

I very rarely post, but your story called out to me ... the situation reminds me of the one I found myself in a year ago.

Redmeda you must change ...

I presume your ex is of a similar age to yourself?

Sounds to me she got bored of the life you two shared - Intially the idea of settling down and being in a secure loving relationship sounds good, but after a while EVERYONE at that AGE will become bored with that philiosophy to life.

The two sayings "You're only young once" and "You're a long time dead" spring to mind ... it sounds to me like your ex has realised these things ... she wants to have fun.

Now this doesn't necessarily mean she's going to be sleeping around with every Tom, Dick and Harry, and it doesn't necessarily mean it's game over for you guys.

It does however mean if you want a second chance of getting her back YOU'VE got to change. I'm almost certain, you are very different to the guy your ex first fell in love with, dare I say it ... a guy not half as exciting as the one she fell in love with.

Although It will be the most difficult thing you've ever been through I believe if alongside strict NC and other changes to your life you will have a chance of getting this girl back ...

DO NOT CHASE, DO NOT BEG, DO NOT CRY, just let the girl be.

You WILL without doubt get very STRONG urges to some how make contact with her. These urges will however subside when your body releases seratonin - So work out - as much as your body will let you.

CHANGE YOUR LIFE, move out of the flat - If you cant move redecorate, move around the furniture, do anything you can just to make it different. Buy new clothes, get a new haircut, go out with friends. Take up hobbies, not only will they take your mind of things but they will add a string to your bow.

Now ... this isnt a short term plan nor is it full proof. It is however your best chance. It might take 3 months, 6 months, who knows. Just follow the NC rule as long as it takes - Don't worry about her forgetting about you - she won't - You not being in her world WILL make her think about you.

Remember Redmeda "The faster you chase after a horse, the quicker it shall run"
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Old 2nd November 2008, 6:31 AM   #13
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This post might seem harsh but I feel it's needed.

Reading that post I couldn't help but think "How pathetic". Yeah, 5 years is a long time to be together with someone and your probebly going to be feeling like this for a long time. But you can either submit to the pain and sulk about it or get out there and fight it. Easier said than done ofcourse and I can guarantee that for the next 6-12 months (possiblly longer) you will constantly be feeling like this. So the best thing you can do is self-improve! Bury yourself into little pursuits i.e learn a new sport, subject, driving, get to a gym, go to clubs, volunteer, go on holiday, go to a foreign country. How does this help? It takes your mind off her...and don't start with the "but I can't, I love her too much" track of thinking That is a defeatist attitude (I just reliased someone posted much of the same above but I took a long time to write that so balls to it)

Honestly mate, I wasn't joking when I said that I thought your post was pathetic, it seems to me that this girl is your whole life. Don't you have a life of your own? I know this is going to be hard for you buddy, I imagine your feeling like something valuable has been snatched away, afterall 5 years is a long time but try a see this break-up as a good thing.

Quote:
She says she still loves me, and she's not sure if we will get back together, and says only time will tell. She seems to be moving on fast though. I am not sure how to take this but on Tuesday (3 days after) she went to a movie already with a "Family Friend" and my buddy from work saw them out. Would she have told me if he didn't see them out?
Yeah, you may get back together but your goal should be to get over her completely before you even think about getting back together. Your relationship ended for a reason, personally I think its because you were too comfortable with your situation and being comfortable things got too routine? I mean its funny you should mention that your 20 and apparently more mature than most 20 year olds? Maybe she isnt? Come on 2 years of adulthood and your wanting to "settle down"? Fair play but you must have understood that you guys were going to miss out alot. She may have reliased this?

NC is a good way for getting over someone. It will be a hard road but you can take it and become stronger for it. Anyway I really think you need to work on yourself mate, hell it can't hurt?

Good luck
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Old 2nd November 2008, 8:23 AM   #14
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i know, i have to do the NC at all after she moves her things out Today. I may have a roomate that i talked to this morning ( i just got up, bad dream woke me up) (yes about her).. (and another guy) i shouldn't be thinking like that, but i just couldn't amagin that right now. it would kill me. i need to stop hurting and move on if this is the end. i have to get out of this place of ours.
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Old 2nd November 2008, 2:49 PM   #15
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She said she was coming today early in the morning to get her stuff and i been waiting all day for her to call and say she is coming to get it. So i called her and asked her whats up? and she says "i will be there maybe after 5PM" i told her no because my mom is leaving for the winter tonight so then she says i guess i will come over tomorrow after work. This is so messed up, and she went out of town last night and now she is like "busy" or something on her day off... im thinking its another guy, i don't want to care but i really do so much and it hurts, this website is helping me just try and forget but it was only 1 week ago today. Should i let her just come and get her stuff when she has time?! i don't know what to do. i still don't get how she sounds so... like nothing is wrong on the phone and almost like a "whatever" voice. when she tells me she still loves me when we did talk a couple days after the break up. Was she just being nice about it? i am alot stronger now then i was before i came on here, but it is still very very hard any answers with the things i am saying here? is she seeing another guy? she says she would never and didn't do this to look for other guys. what can i believe?! so many things playing the Cycle GAME in my head, over and over and over again, what if?! how come?! why?! does she not care at all?!

Last edited by Redmeda; 2nd November 2008 at 2:57 PM..
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