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Merry Zebra's Journal

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Merry Zebra


I am reaching out for help and trying to contact fungrl9 regarding her blog posted on loveshack.org another web site.


I also had an affair with Clifton "Chris" Naivar that began in August of 2009. CCN has done to me everything he did to you.


Fungrl9 I need your help in moving on. Please contact me.




This is the blog that finally made me reach out to you.





"Internal conflict...

Sep 10, 2007 9:36 am


I realize it's a very common thing for women to blame themselves when something goes wrong in a relationship. I've done it countless times...sometimes the problems were my fault, sometimes not, most times it was a little bit of both parties that caused the end of the relationship. But most times, what happens is that the guy moves on quickly, leaving the woman to mourn the loss and wonder what they could have done differently to make the outcome better. This is my story...


I met a really great man on this site about three months ago. We hit it off really well, lots of chemistry, and lots in common. We very quickly became lovers, and soon after became good friends. Neither of us had any desire to see anyone else from this site, so we both changed our profiles to looking for phone/chat only. We agreed that if either of us decided to meet anyone else in person, we would let the other one know beforehand. He is married and doesn't really have the time to see anyone else, and I, well, I was falling in love with him.


Everything was great for a while, but soon he had less time to see me because it was harder and harder to get away from his wife without causing suspicion. It was hard for me to deal with not being able to see him as often as I wanted, but I understood. He suggested and encouraged me to go out and meet guys for a "real" relationship, one that would include getting serious and maybe someday marriage and children, which he knew I so desperately wanted. Reluctantly, I took his advice, knowing it was for the best since he would never leave his wife. I signed up on a "real" dating website, and soon started meeting men with a lot of potential. There were a few duds, but I managed to meet a couple of pretty great guys. All the while, I was still seeing my good friend from DateNation.


Something you have to realize to really grasp this story is that he and I were much more than just FBs or FWBs. We were there for each other in some pretty tough times, we emailed back and forth several times every day, talked on the phone whenever possible, we had become a big part of each others lives. It was about much more than just sex. He has become one of my closest friends. And at this point, it's safe to say that I'm completely and totally 100% in love with this man. But he doesn't love me.


So anyway, out of the blue, he sends me an email saying that he knows I'll be mad, but he has decided to change his profile to look for other women. He emails this to me after he knows I went to bed so I'll get the email in the morning, and he's already changed his profile. Not only that, but he uses some of the things I've said to him in his profile as a way to meet other women. He says that he knows I'll probably get serious with one of the other guys I'm seeing, and that he doesn't want to miss out on other women while he's "waiting around" for me. (He has NEVER waited around for me...quite the opposite!)


So I don't quite know what to do with this. He's the one who urged me to seek out other men to date, and now he's rejecting me because of it. And I can't help but think that if I stop seeing these other men, maybe he'll come back to me. Is it so misguided and naive to want him to love me back? To want him to at least WANT to be with me for real, even though he can't? I would truly do anything for this man, including moving further away from work just to be closer to him. And now I'm left asking myself what went wrong...what is wrong with me?


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Merry Zebra

Posted (edited)

Thank you fungrl9. You gave me the answers I was looking for. I learned a very valuable life lesson. Always, ALWAYS go with that gut feeling.


I "knew" things were not right. The feeling I got every time CCN lied. I don't know how I but I did. A good example is the letter I sent to CCN and his gem of a wife.

In the letter I wrote "Chris stop having lunch and end contact with your former lover "fungrl9".

It's just wrong! How is your wife ever to trust you again if you can not let go of a former lover that you wanted to marry?"


I was not losing my mind. My intuitions were dead on and you validated that for me fungrl9.

I am still having a difficult time wrapping my brain around all the lies that CCN told you, told me and told his wife.

I knew that the two of you had a very special relationship that lasted for two years until Chris had to end it because he could not leave his wife to marry you.

During our weekend away at Laws Cabin in Fredericksburg Chris told me that you remained friends and would meet for lunch once a month.

I always had a feeling that it was more than just lunch. I begged Chris to let me know if he was sleeping with others.

He promised me he was not and even told me that he was deeply hurt that I would doubt him.


Fungrl9 I appreciate your emails and taking time to answer my questions. I only wish I had reached out to you sooner, when I first found your posting on this site.

It would have saved me a ton of heartache, time and money.

I am hurt that this man lied so much when there was NO need to lie.

It was not so much that I believed this man but that I believed IN HIM and the work he did with BACA/Bikers Against Child Abuse.

Fungrl9 you have helped me to clearly see that he is a predator and an emotional abuser that hides behind his patch.

Edited by Merry Zebra
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Merry Zebra


Glad to close this book and start a new chapter. This is one book that will be going in the fire.


I thought that things like this only happens on Jerry Springer or Dr. Phil. A married man having an an affair with a widow while having an affair with his former lover (who is also now married) who he wanted to marry and get pregnant all while feeding his wife, friends and family lie after lie.


CCN has posted on his facebook

"I keep an open mind about everything and believe people should be free to make their own choices, but believe that they also need to take responsibility for their own actions. People do not stop and think of the consequences of their actions anymore or accept personal responsibility. I also believe that if you have an opinion, you better have the courage and conviction to stand up and do something about it."


Chris needs to stand up and take ownership of what he has done. He needs to take responsibility for HIS actions. We all need to practice what we preach! NO ONE CAN RUIN YOU LIFE BUT YOU! CCN should have thought about the consequences of HIS actions before HE started to spin HIS web of iies. What this person did was wrong. Obviously he is not the man he pretends to be. I am glad that I found the courage to finally say goodbye and stand up and do something.

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