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A unified theory of dating dynamics. The balance of looks and personality.



I posted this in the dating forum first.


The following Points explain 90% of dating behavior of men and women. Tell me what yall think.


1) People are attracted first by looks and second by personality but both are of equal importance in getting a date.


2.) People are on average sexually attracted to universal signs of good health and fertility (i.e. good teeth, healthy build).... Then to signs of gender. A strongly masculine or feminine man or woman...who has sings of bad health (i.e. obesity, missing or rotten teeth) will not be attractive.


3.) There are as many attractive personality types as there are persons. If one person is not attracted to a specific persons personality.... the rejected person is better served by moving on and not thinking they need to change.




1.) This rule of attraction is really basic. All humans are visual if they can see. We are attracted or repelled first by the look of a man or woman. Then once we get close enough to them to talk to them for a bit we are attracted or repelled by their personality.


They are two forces of equal strength. Looks can keep a couple together for a while. Personality can keep a couple together for a while. For a long term stable bonding both forces have to be acting for mutual attraction.


2.) This is supported by various scientific studies. Google the terms, beauty symmetry, attractiveness masculinity, attractiveness femininty, and attractiveness fertility.


We are all programmed by natural selection to notice sings of good health fertility and vitality in a mate. This relates to the first point as these sings are what make someone physically attractive. Why do women want strong muscular men...or men who are trim and toned....but not weak men or flabby men? It's not because of culture or the media's images of men. Why do men want women who show sings of being able to bear healthy children, wide hips, full breast and a narrow waist? Also not because of the media. Along with a high degree of symmetry these things are attractive.


3.)This is probably the only radical thing I have said in this post. Everyone is different. We each have different personalities.


We have different outlooks on life. We handle conflicts differently. We are of different religions. We have differing political views. We have different energy levels. What one person thinks is exciting...the other would be bored by.


In dating no matter who does the asking out... eventually a personality conflict will tell and can lead to a break up. That does not mean that one person or the other needs to change their personality.


The shortest path to a LTR is not the one that takes fundamentally changing your personality. The shortest path is one that takes least personality conflict. One accomplishes this by determining if you have a compatible personality sooner rather than latter and being willing to walk away.


TLDR Summary:


1.)The forces of physical attractiveness and personality are of equal strength.


2.)Physically healthy people are physically attractive people.


3.)The shortest path from point A (being single) to point B ( a LTR or marriage) is the path of least personality conflict.

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Hi mrlonelylone....


Again, I disagree with you. If people are attracted first by looks, have you never seen an extremely hot woman with an "ugly" guy?


Have you never in your life been inexplicably attracted to a large woman?


I don't think looks have to matter at all.


especially when it comes to women's attraction to men.



Women PREFER buff tall handsome men... but it's not a requisite...


In the same way that men PREFER big breasts and butt... but does that mean you'd never find a flat chested woman hot?


Paris Hilton is considered very hot.


Even still tall buff guys who lack the core masculine energy that women find attractive are in a big bind. Their muscles and height can even work against them... (not always)


because there's nothing more unattractive than a buff wussy.

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