language barrier / does she like me

[jon doe]

Let me give a little background information about myself first. I have been shy all my life until recently. I could not talk to anyone let alone girls. When I began working at my job 2 years ago I slowly came out of my cage and I can now speak freely with other guys, but I still have a problem talking with girls. The longest conversation I've ever had with a girl to this day was probably 2 minutes long. I have never been on a date.

 

Now, I RARELY like a girl. NO, I'm not gay, it's just that if I see a really nice looking girl I dont automaticaly have interest in her if ever. I'm going to be honest here...most of the guys I know judge which woman they want to date by simply how much pleasure they think their body will give them in bed. I am NOT like that at all. Looking back at my life now, I can only think of 4 girls that I ever truly liked.

 

Recently I was moved to work in the same area as this girl. I found out in time that she is 21 I am also 21. I had seen her months before and thought she was interesting but nothing big. Then slowly, after working closer to her my feelings grew for her. It got to the point where it was overwhelming so I talked with a fellow male workmate about my situation. He turned out to be some big club hopping know it all about women guy. So he told me to approach her and say hello etc etc. But I was just way too shy an didnt want to embarrase her in front of workmates etc. So my male friend suggested I write a note to give her. He wrote it out for me. It went like this:

 

Hello Jane,

My name is John, blah blah I would like to get to know you, heres my # 555-8890(Not a real phone number). Smile

Thanks

 

I wanted to give her the note myself but I just could not find the opportunity to do so without embarrasing her. So my male friend went ahead and gave it to her for me.

 

When he came back he said "I dont think she knows English."

 

I knew that was going to cause major problems. I guess I should have not expected a call that evening and I didnt get one. Did she not call because she doesnt know English and can't speak it. After all, how could we talk if she doesnt know any English? Or maybe she couldn't even read the note? Or was she simply not interested? I couldn't tell and it was eating me up.

 

After that Friday and the weekend on Monday she started staring at me like crazy. It was at the point where she would look at me so long that I would look at her for a bit then I would have to turn away because it was too embarrassing for me. And for the first time she wore her hair down, which looked real nice.

 

Now I want to know did she do that because she thinks I'm a jerk or something or is she curious or does she just like the idea that a guy likes her?

 

Everyday for about a week we would constantly make eye contact all day long. Then recently one of her friends helped me out for 2 days straight. She came over and talked with her. She came over as often as possible. She would hurry and complete her work and come over to just talk and help out her friend. I would estimate she spent 5 of the 8 working hours those 2 days being by me and helping her friend. She would talk to her friend in a way where she was in clear view of me, looking straight at me, just about 8 feet away. Does that mean anything? I wish I knew. When I talked to the two of them her friend would speak but she wouldn't. She would slightly put her head down. I don't know if she was embarrased because she couldnt understand or what. I can't tell and I wish I could.

 

So in time we had a few minutes by ourselves. Whenever I helped her she wouldn't make eye contact with me and wouldn't say anything . When she would make a mistake she would giggle. I don't know what all this means. I wish I could know whether she thinks I'm a jerk or if she is embarrased for not being able to speak English.

 

One day I did a test...I saw her walking towards me so I pretended I didnt see her and looked a certain way, watching her in the corner of my eye. As she got closer she started looking at me and then I looked back and we both turned. What does this mean? I wish I knew. Everytime she walks by me she looks at me after I gave her that note.

 

So now a few days later we both still exchange glances over the course of the day. It still bothers me that language may be the only thing between us. Or she just may not be interested? Even if the truth is the latter, I think I would be better off knowing what the truth is for sure. You should see how sad both of us look sometimes...

 

So my questions are

 

From the behavior described, is she not interested in me period, or does she just like the idea somebody likes her, or is language getting in the way?

 

And if you think language is getting in the way, what do I need to do???

 

Any help is appreciated, thank you.

[JCD]

She likes you but I think she is just shy. The best you can do is to be initiator, meaning start everything first with her. Talk to her first, say hello/goodbuy first, etc. Try to be available for her and not play games with her because I think that she might be the kind of girl that gets easily upset when she sees you talking to another woman or ignoring her trying to get her interest level up, etc. The lang. thing can be a barrier but it really depends on you and how dedicated you are to her. You might even try to get her know better by offering to teach her some english. Good luck!

[jon doe]

She likes you but I think she is just shy. The best you can do is to be initiator, meaning start everything first with her. Talk to her first, say hello/goodbuy first, etc. Try to be available for her and not play games with her because I think that she might be the kind of girl that gets easily upset when she sees you talking to another woman or ignoring her trying to get her interest level up, etc. The lang. thing can be a barrier but it really depends on you and how dedicated you are to her. You might even try to get her know better by offering to teach her some english. Good luck!

 

Thank you very much for the info and advice!

 

Now that you mention it she did look at me with concern when the boss' daughter spent a day helping me. That was the first time I really noticed that she cared about my actions. I thought to myself I hardly even know this girl and she doesnt like me being around another woman. I thought that was pretty cool. I'm sure I would be the same way towards her if a similiar situation arose.

 

I will take your advice and be the initiator, but should I say hello/goodbye etc in her language (at first) or do you think that will offend her?

 

As for the language being a barrier, I am willing to be very dedicated. My mother didn't speak any English when my father met her. Eventually offering to help her to learn the language is an excellent way to get to know her better.

 

Thanks again

[lil_angel]

i wouldnt start talking in her language until you know if she wants you to. some girls would be flattered that you could speak their language, others would think you were being condescending or be embarrassed about their lack of english. find out for sure if she speaks english. try to have an actual conversation with her, or ask someone she knows, whatever, i find it hard to believe shes there without at least some very rudimentary english skills though, at least enough to say hi/bye/yes/no type of thing

[Guest]

i wouldnt start talking in her language until you know if she wants you to. some girls would be flattered that you could speak their language, others would think you were being condescending or be embarrassed about their lack of english. find out for sure if she speaks english. try to have an actual conversation with her, or ask someone she knows, whatever, i find it hard to believe shes there without at least some very rudimentary english skills though, at least enough to say hi/bye/yes/no type of thing

 

I have spoken to her friend and she said that she only knows the hi/bye/yes/no type of thing that you mentioned and she mentioned she knows a little bit more if you talk real slow.

 

I will take you advice and use English

 

Thank you very much

[lil_angel]

what language does she speak btw? depending on what country she's from that may also be part of why she's so quiet. in many asian countries, for instance, calling attention to oneself is considered rude

[JCD]

Her shyness is compounding the problem for her but I think she will open up to you and speak more english. For me it's the pronouciation of words that makes me shy and once she understands that she can mispronounce them without feeling like an idiot then she'll talk more to you. I realized that people just wanted to talk and didn't mind how my words came out as long as it resembled something they could understand. After that fear went away, I began to feel more at ease and speak more often. Actually, it helps if you make jokes about her english in a good natured way because that brings laughter out of you both and creates bond. I remember when I said to a girl that I was on a rooftop instead of roof and she called me a santa and we had a good laugh about that. Or instead of saying that the gift shop was open I said it was operational. We laughed at that too. Then I knew I could be myself with her and I was purposely making mistakes to see her make fun of me.

[clandestinidad]

I'm curious what country she is from.

 

Not only are females from some Asian countries more submissive, it also applies to many Middle Eastern cultures (where women are not supposed to look any man other than her SO or family members straight in the eyes, because 'women are sexual temptresses'...as well as other significant cultural variations from the US)---but remember that even if someone is from such regions, it doesnt automatically mean that they hold those same views.

 

 

Or, perhaps she is as shy as you.....in which case, you'll probably be the one who needs to find SOMEthing to talk to her about. Start w/ simple a "Hi" and shy little smile when you see her. You dont have to have a big conversation yet.....work up to it by doing small things

[jon doe]

She speaks Spanish

 

Update- This Monday work started as usual. Then suddenly I look up and I see her learning up against a cabinet just sitting there looking at me. I look back for a few seconds but I get shy and I have to look away. There was a couple of long stares just a little bit later on. This is the first time that I can really see that she is noticing me, and maybe even likes me.

 

I don't know. One part of me says she likes me the other part says she don't despite the obvious facts that she probably does. I'm ripped apart. The best way to describe it is from the lyrics of 'all these things that i've done'

 

I wanna stand up,

I wanna let go,

You know, you know no, you don't, you don't know

 

One part of me wants to stand up and say something to her because I think she may like me.

 

But another part of me wants to just 'let go' of her. It's the part that thinks she doesnt like me and I am wasting both of our time.

 

You know, you dont know as in nobody can really understand what I'm feeling...

 

It's terrible sometimes. We can look at eachother forever from a distance but when we get close we act like we've never seen eachother before. At first I thought she didnt say anything because she really didnt like me then I realized I was acting the same way. We're both outgoing around our friends but together we just freeze up.

 

But that changed a little bit today. First there was the early mourning eye contact that always ended up with me turning away from shyness. This has become our way of saying 'im thinking about you' without talking to eachother I guess. I don't know. But a little bit later on going down a hall we were going to pass eachother. She was looking at me, I looked at her and nodded my head and said 'Hello' in a very soft voice. She didnt say anything and went on. I don't know what this all means. Again later in the day more eye contact for extended periods of time.

 

What do I do next? Help. Does she really like me? Does her behavior seem to point in that direction or am I just bothering her? meh I'm so confused

[JCD]

I suggest you go right up to her and start talking to her to get to know her. You do not want to continue staring at her like that and go thru a whole set of emotions and start analyzing everything she had done. What could happen is that after while she might get bored or change her mind and you'll later find out she has a new boyfriend. There are some girls that if they like you they will come over and start talking to you. That happened to me too but there are some girls that are shy and will mistake your lack of effort towards them ie. your shyness as offputting and will go with someone more out going. She seems to be the latter type, shy and terrified So she probably will go out with someone who isn't scaring her.

 

About your shyness, well sometimes when you feel the butterflies in your stomach, it could mean couple of things. Maybe your gut is telling you talking to her is not a good idea. Then again your gut might be wrong. What I did, is I got the butterflies but I went ahead and I got my girl a red flower on mother's day and when she received it she thanked me and was very happy that she got it. I made her very happy and I realized at that point that she really appreciated it. She was very nice to me for next couple of days. So having the guts to do something can pay off. Just muster up your courage and go and talk to her.

 

I think you will like the chase and she the chasing. Guys like me used to think that we just want a girl that would come to us and initiate everything but I tell you that the chase is very addicting and when you have such a high interest then you'll appreciate her more and do things for her that make her happy. When she's happy you're happy. There is a difference between talking to a friend and a potential gf material. So that's why you have butterflies inside you because you care about her more than your friends and don't want to screw up. She matters to you more, basically.

 

Also, take it easy. Don't rush into sex or anything. Enjoy the chase, the flirting, the intimacy and then once you've known her for at least four months or more then start something serious like sex. The reason is that you should enjoy those things because once you develop romantic feelings for her, I mean deep ones, then you and her changes in that you will act towards her differently. At least that's what happened to me and we broke up and it's been hard to return to friendship with her because things are not the same anymore. I miss the flirting though. We've gone thru fights, silent treatments, etc. the whole bit so it's not innocent like in the beginning. Don't let that happen while you're both staring at each other because you can too go thru whole set of emotions and break up and never speak a word to each other the whole time. That happened to me also with another girl. But she was jealous and possessive type so good riddance.

[iron_m]

She speaks Spanish

 

 

If she speaks spanish and you speak any spanish at all I'd say:

 

Try to speak to her in english, very slowly, OPENING your mouth (hahaha) and use spanish words to clarify. Try to show that you are making and effort to comunicate. If you are very bat at spanish, much better!

then offer to trade english by spanish lessons. This is means that you do not want to be only a teacher, but also a student. It is a nice gesture to a person that is from abroad (been there done that)

It will work, guaranteed.