Ignoring

[thegame]

Ever since my ex broke up with me my life has changed

i cant even approach a girl anymore...i get confused and it just doesnt work

and if i do the girl ends up ignoring me and that bothers, i would rather get a no then nothing at all, which is very rude

 

any suggestions????

[RecordProducer]

Women think that if they ignore you, you will get the picture without them hurting you by blatantly telling you that they are not interested.

 

Try internet dating. You get to know the person a little bit better prior to meeting them in person. You can also state on your profile that women are welcome to contact you and you will be glad to reply to every email.

[EIN]

but by ignoring the guy, they present themselves as inconsiderate. Either way, someone has to get hurt because he/she is trying to impose their feelings to the other and if the feelings are not mutual or reciprocated, its better to just say no in front of that person's face so theres closure. That ignoring thing happened to me and it just brought out the resentment and anger in me to the point that I said goodbye to her and now, after 9 months, I regret that I do not have any kind of relationship with her whether is platonic or more. So I suggest that if you do not like someone, let them know, dont ignore them. That feeling of rejection will pass and eventually when they ge tover it, you guys can be friends. Do not end up with the situation I am living right now.

[thegame]

i even ask them to say no..i'd rather hear the NO better then nothing

but its like talking to my self

[JS17]

i even ask them to say no..i'd rather hear the NO better then nothing but its like talking to my self

 

What? That doesn't sound right. You walk up to a girl and talk to them and they ignore you? What are you saying to them?

[bluechocolate]

It's been what? less than 2 months since your relationship of a few years ended? If so, it really isn't that surprising that you can't

 

even approach a girl anymore... and get confused and it just doesn't work

 

Give yourself more time - any girl you start going out with now is probably just going to be a rebound anyway & those hardly ever work out.

 

What? That doesn't sound right. You walk up to a girl and talk to them and they ignore you? What are you saying to them?

 

gotta admit - that does sound strange.

[RecordProducer]

its better to just say no in front of that person's face so theres closure.

 

Well in order to say "no" there has to be a question to which you can answer with "no." Like "Would you like to dance?" or "May I buy you a drink?" or "Would you like to go out with me?" or "Would you like me to f*ck you?"

 

I've had guys who would sit at my table (they would ask me if they can, but they are always acquaintances of my acquaintances so I have to say 'yes' and they count on that!). I am already in a bad mood cuz I know they will hit on me and they are completely not my type. So questions about my life start. I answer them with a smile, but keep a safe distance by answering shortly and not asking them anything. NOW ISN'T IT OBVIOUS ALREADY THAT I AM NOT INTERESTED?!?!?

 

It obviously isn't... So they ask me if they may come see my studio and I tell them it's closed for public. Or they ask me about the clubs where I hang out or sing and I say I don't know and I don't go out. Then I act like I am not interested, I look at another side, drink my wine, talk to my girlfriend, etc. Then they get it and either walk away completely offended or start attacking me that I am hostile or narcissistic or in a bad mood. So after wasting an hour of my life on people I never even intended to meet, they give me a hard time, because I am not interested in them, although I was totally kind and polite to them.

 

Now at which point should I have said: "I figure that you're making advances at me, but I am not interested in you"? The point is that these guys perfectly understand that they can't have me, but they just want to try their luck and think they have nothing to lose. So I waste my time on people I am not even interested in talking to and it's my fault that I wasn't thrilled about spending time with them. And usually these guys are way beyond any criteria of attractiveness (and I don't mean just physical).

 

I've had nice conversationalists in my company and I liked talking to them. And some of them were really nice guys. But interestingly, those guys would always figure out on time that I don't share the same desire of getting to know them better.

 

I think every guy needs to approach a girl gradually and read her signs; not to put her in a position where she has to say "yes" because otherwise she would be a total bitch. If you approach a girl and say "hi" she has no choice left but to say "hi" back. Then you ask her questions and she can either answer them politely and ignore you in the breaks or pretend that she likes your company (let's suppose that it's not true) and after a while when you ask her for her phone number she says "Sorry I can't give you my number" thinking to herself how you bothered her.

 

I would recommend that you approach a girl and ask her a few questions and say a few things about you. If she seems to be interested (looks you in the eye, smiles, laughs, her eyes sparkle, her body language says "you make me feel like a woman", she asks question and shows great interest in what you're saying...) then you can precede. If she looks around, answers your questions shortly, doesn't ask you anything then she probably isn't interested.

 

If you're not sure then ask her if she would like to join you at some table or let you buy her a drink and if her reactions is basically "you go ahead, I'll stay here" then forget her!

 

So guys say women are inconsiderate, but I often feel that guys are inconsiderate when they approach me, bug me, waste my time, and pretend to not see that I am not interested. Moreover, if a woman is talking to every guy who wants to talk to her, how will Mr. Right approach her? Will he stand in a line and yell "Hey, hurry up, there are more of us who want to talk to her? Are you done yet?"

 

Finally, how would you feel if every time you go out, girls that you find totally unattractive approach you and want to talk to you, dance with you, buy you drinks, not let you talk to other women (cuz they are around all the time) and finally get completely offended when you refuse to go out with them?

[thegame]

i make a normal convo nothing that has to be answered by a yes or no

but i just get missunderstood as usual by them

[Jayhawks]

I agree with RP in that you should approach women that seem interested in you before you start talking to them. Then you can ask her questions and find out if you even want to ask for her number.

 

Finally, how would you feel if every time you go out, girls that you find totally unattractive approach you and want to talk to you, dance with you, buy you drinks, not let you talk to other women (cuz they are around all the time) and finally get completely offended when you refuse to go out with them?

 

Something to think about guys. I know as men we can approach any women but if women we weren't attracted to approached us and hounded us and made us feel bad, if we told them to get lost would we call ourselves a bitch?

 

Better to go for a gal that gives you interest before you approach.

[RecordProducer]

I know as men we can approach any women but if women we weren't attracted to approached us and hounded us and made us feel bad, if we told them to get lost would we call ourselves a bitch?

 

Right. We are not paid to play social workers and entertain anyone who wants our time. Our time on this earth is limited! Now when I am waiting for my turn at the drug store (wasting time anyway) if someone bugs me with his disease, I will be considerate and listen to them. If my neighbor stops me for two minutes, I'll talk to them.

 

But I have to draw the line at some point. I am not going to dance all evening with a guy I am not interested in just to be kind. So guys make sure you help the girl say "No" before she starts yawning.

[Chipmonk]

I've had guys who would sit at my table (they would ask me if they can, but they are always acquaintances of my acquaintances so I have to say 'yes' and they count on that!). I am already in a bad mood cuz I know they will hit on me and they are completely not my type. So questions about my life start. I answer them with a smile, but keep a safe distance by answering shortly and not asking them anything. NOW ISN'T IT OBVIOUS ALREADY THAT I AM NOT INTERESTED?!?!?

Actually, it looks like you're having a bad day, you need some cheering up, and asking about your life is a quick and easy way to get you talking. Would you prefer a cheesy pick-up line?

 

Now, as I guy, I have two choices. I can talk to that flirt over by the bar, who will treat me like the most interesting thing in the world for ten minutes then forget I ever existed, or I could get you talking and have a much better chance at ending up with something - because face it, you're more intriguing than the flirt.

 

It obviously isn't... So they ask me if they may come see my studio and I tell them it's closed for public. Or they ask me about the clubs where I hang out or sing and I say I don't know and I don't go out. Then I act like I am not interested, I look at another side, drink my wine, talk to my girlfriend, etc. Then they get it and either walk away completely offended or start attacking me that I am hostile or narcissistic or in a bad mood. So after wasting an hour of my life on people I never even intended to meet, they give me a hard time, because I am not interested in them, although I was totally kind and polite to them.

I'd call you rude, and that's from YOUR description. Sorry. Why do I think you're so rude? You assume I'm only trying to get in your pants, you make just enough conversation that it forces ME to be the jerk who has to walk away from it, and you're offended because I wasted your time? Yeah, narcissistic and self-centered.

 

THIS ISN'T PERSONAL - I don't think YOU are narcissistic and self-centered at all - in fact, you try really hard to be polite. But you can come across very rudely when someone doesn't interpret your actions the way you expect them to be interpreted. I expect I'll get in trouble for this... a lot of feminists like to shrill loudly about how rape is never a woman's fault? When a scantily-clad woman wanders through dark alleys in a dangerous part of town at midnight, I think she has some of the blame. And in your case, I think you share some of the blame too - you sit somewhere looking sad where a guy can walk up and hit on you, you don't bring any friends (male or female) to run interference and keep guys off you, and the strongest hint of disinterest you give is a wimpy "I give short answers to his questions". If you don't want a guy hitting on you, well, you aren't trying very hard to avoid it!

 

Finally, how would you feel if every time you go out, girls that you find totally unattractive approach you and want to talk to you, dance with you, buy you drinks, not let you talk to other women (cuz they are around all the time) and finally get completely offended when you refuse to go out with them?

Flattered I can handle people I'm not interested in. I don't feel obliged to hang out with said person/people because of the complement, though. And I'm rather distressed that some people feel they are.

 

 

But I have left the original question ...

 

i cant even approach a girl anymore...i get confused and it just doesnt work

and if i do the girl ends up ignoring me and that bothers, i would rather get a no then nothing at all, which is very rude

 

any suggestions????

Girls ARE rude. And don't realize it - witness the above conversation (and profound apologies to RecordProducer, whose post I targeted simply because it was the longest). My personal theory is that they think that if they are rude to everyone who isn't their personal Prince Charming, then they'll stay single and attractive until Prince Charming does walk up and she can live happily ever after. Translation: she's ready to give about 0.01% of the human population a chance (starting with Johnny Depp), and hasn't grown up enough to realize that her Prince Charming (possibly you) is actually in that 99.99% she ignores.

 

Suggestions? Get your friends involved - have your friends push you at women. They probably have a better (read: more recently practiced) eye about who is approachable, and when you do get rejected (as will happen many times!), they can jump in and cheer you up right away. And you will have to get rejected - the fundamental problem is you are too atuned to your ex and that clashes with other women, and it will take many attempts to get your romantic side unattached from her and open to more people. It will hurt, yes; best advice is have friends who are willing to stick with you through that process.

 

(edit: too long, snipped less impt parts)

[Art_Critic]

Translation: she's ready to give about 0.01% of the human population a chance (starting with Johnny Depp), and hasn't grown up enough to realize that her Prince Charming (possibly you) is actually in that 99.99% she ignores.

 

while I don't agree with most of what you posted.. I do totally agree 100% with this statement.

 

I did this test on match where I took the stats from my profile ..

about 5 women a week hit on me and I hit on or contact about 10 a week and of the 10 I will get maybe 1 response normally not a favorable one.

I think I'm a favorable guy with a great profile.. I've never had any trouble meeting drop dead women before.

 

I then created another profile and took a stud muffin pic of my brother and put crap in the profile about sports and just general garbage making him sound like a jerk. By the way he is Hott

 

The results .. 10 women per day hit on him and 100% of the 10 I contacted responded favorably.

 

So you are right .. They are only interested in that .01 percent that doesn't include what she is really looking for.

[Jayhawks]

The Conclusion: women are just as shallow as men when it comes to looks.

[JS17]

The results .. 10 women per day hit on him and 100% of the 10 I contacted responded favorably.

 

So you are right .. They are only interested in that .01 percent that doesn't include what she is really looking for.

 

I think the theory applies just as much to men as it does to women. How many men are interested in beautiful women? I mean we all know that men are far more visually inclined than women.

 

Aside from all that, how many of those women that contacted "your brother" wanted a relationship? I'd put money on 8 or 9 of them not really being interested in "really getting to know" brother. They are interested in his looks. That one woman that contacted the real you is interested in YOU.

 

Personally I'd rather be you than your brother. It would be nice to know that a guy is interested in ME for a change instead of my looks or just sex.

[Jayhawks]

Personally I'd rather be you than your brother. It would be nice to know that a guy is interested in ME for a change instead of my looks or just sex.

 

Yes, JS but would you pick to be less attractive to get your wish? Before you say yes consider how much attention you get because if your looks and because of that you can be selective in who you choose to date. Unattractive people generally have less choice and they settle on whoever shows them some attention. It tends to be a catch-22; damned if you are, damned if your not.

 

I also would like to have someone who wanted me for me. It is nice to have the attention but it is also great to know that they really want to be with you because of who you are.

[JS17]

Yes, JS but would you pick to be less attractive to get your wish? Before you say yes consider how much attention you get because if your looks and because of that you can be selective in who you choose to date. Unattractive people generally have less choice and they settle on whoever shows them some attention. It tends to be a catch-22; damned if you are, damned if your not.

 

I also would like to have someone who wanted me for me. It is nice to have the attention but it is also great to know that they really want to be with you because of who you are.

 

Well Jay, I'm one of those fortunate people that got to see both sides. Due to medical reasons I ended up 30lbs heavier than I am now for a few years. When I was heavier I got less attention from males than I do now but I never once questioned whether someone liked me for me rather than my looks. I never felt used, I trusted people, and I was a heck of a lot less cynical. Since I've lost the weight I've been used by 2 maybe 3 men that I really trusted. I lost a friend because apparently he was only after one thing. So when it comes to relationships, he!l yeah I'd give my looks up. I know that I would be happier with myself though at my current weight and that's far more important so in the end, no, I would not give it up.

[Art_Critic]

Yes, JS but would you pick to be less attractive to get your wish? Before you say yes consider how much attention you get because if your looks and because of that you can be selective in who you choose to date. Unattractive people generally have less choice and they settle on whoever shows them some attention. It tends to be a catch-22; damned if you are, damned if your not.

 

I also would like to have someone who wanted me for me. It is nice to have the attention but it is also great to know that they really want to be with you because of who you are.

 

You calling me ugly ? Thems fightin words

 

I do agree that men suffer from the same affliction.. but I don't..now I do have my limits though as I won't contact people that I consider unattractive.

 

And JS you are right about that 1 person.... But dating is a game of numbers the higher the numbers the better chances of finding someone to click with.

 

and if women are so shallow that my numbers plummett then my chances go down..

I would like to add that when I meet women in person the numbers go up to around a 50/50 average.. But online you are only looking at looks or mostly looking at looks ..

[Art_Critic]

I've been used by 2 maybe 3 men that I really trusted. I lost a friend because apparently he was only after one thing.

 

JS.. Maybe it wasn't your looks as much as theirs and how you viewed their looks. Maybe if you had dated them for reasons other than looks ( I'm stretching here ) then maybe they would still be around ?

[JS17]

I don't date people for their looks. I'm far less shallow than that.

[Art_Critic]

I don't date people for their looks. I'm far less shallow than that.

 

 

 

told ya I was stretching it ..

 

Good.. Then you are one of the .01 % keepers .

[Jayhawks]

You calling me ugly ? Them fightin words

 

 

God, no Art. I would never call someone ugly, except maybe my ex who is ugly on the inside.

 

I was just saying to JS to be careful for what you wish but she is a level headed girl and there are precious few of them anymore.

[JS17]

told ya I was stretching it ..

 

Yeah, that was pretty insulting. I've dated up and down the scale lookswise. Those guys aren't around because I'm naieve.

[Art_Critic]

God, no Art. I would never call someone ugly, except maybe my ex who is ugly on the inside.

 

I was just saying to JS to be careful for what you wish but she is a level headed girl and there are precious few of them anymore.

 

Relax...I was pulling your teeth

 

and you are right.. JS is a keeper

[RecordProducer]

When a scantily-clad woman wanders through dark alleys in a dangerous part of town at midnight, I think she has some of the blame. And in your case, I think you share some of the blame too - you sit somewhere looking sad where a guy can walk up and hit on you, you don't bring any friends (male or female) to run interference and keep guys off you, and the strongest hint of disinterest you give is a wimpy "I give short answers to his questions". If you don't want a guy hitting on you, well, you aren't trying very hard to avoid it!

 

So we came to the point where I should carry a gun and when a guy approaches me, I should tell him "Back off or I will pull the trigger without thinking twice!" How should I try to avoid it? YOU teach me, please!

 

Besides, if I am single and you can't make me interested by talking to you then what do you expect? To change my criteria and date guys who bore me?

Rape is rape, regardless of whether the woman did something or not. It's violence not sex. If you have/would rape a woman walking alone in a dangerous area and you think it's your excuse - it's not! Anyway I don't think it's relevant to the subject.

 

I get hit on by LITERALLY EVERY MAN I MEET. If I were polite to everyone, I should spend two shifts every day pleasing their egos. They don't stop when I tell them I have a BF or fiancé - which makes me think they think I am a whore (if I am in love with my guy but would f*ck them just for no reason). They are usually ugly, low class, uneducated, sometimes married. Now call me a narcissist again, but I don't think if you're an ugly loser you can be offended if a beautiful, sexy woman turns you down. It doesn't make me rude. It makes you turned down and hurt. So should I f*ck you because you can't stand being rejected? What am I suposed to do?

[Chipmonk]

I get hit on by LITERALLY EVERY MAN I MEET. ... They don't stop when I tell them I have a BF or fiancé - which makes me think they think I am a whore (if I am in love with my guy but would f*ck them just for no reason). They are usually ugly, low class, uneducated, sometimes married. ... What am I suposed to do?

I don't know what crowd you hang around with, but if every man you meet is hitting on you, then YOU have a problem. Because that doesn't describe people I know. If the guys around you act that way and you don't like it, maybe you should go somewhere else?

 

If you have/would rape a woman walking alone in a dangerous area and you think it's your excuse - it's not! Anyway I don't think it's relevant to the subject.

Wow, first time I've been called a rapist for simply being male. But if mention of rape offends you, pardon me; I made the comment for shock value. I hoped I could shock you into wondering if it was your own behavior that was causing guys to hit on you, instead of blaming the guys. Apparently I failed.