greenlights0000 Posted May 20, 2019 Share Posted May 20, 2019 I attended 2 meetup events with the same group in the last month. The second event I saw some new faces and some old ones from my 1st meetup. We are friendly, however on Facebook about the majority of them are Facebook friends and “real” friends other than the app. I would like to be connected to them on social media other than the meetup app because that tells me I’m friends with them and connected to them in real life. I just think it would be creepy on my end if I randomly added some ppl that I chatted with when they don’t even know that I was looking at their profile. How many more events should I go to with the same group until it reaches real friends level? I feel excluded. Should I randomly bring up the Facebook adding to the next event? I don’t want to force it. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Yes I understand your logic on this,and this is a good thread to put up as regards the facebook, can you not simply send them friend requests on the facebook and then they either confirm or not? yes there is actually a certain subtlety in all this, I would find when meeting new people in groups, at what stage do you ask to swap numbers, if there is an activity involved, you are swapping numbers to arrange to meet up for a game sometime etc then that make it easier, when trying to make new friends this can be a sticking point, some people for instance are more guarded and can be awkward about giving their phone numbers Personally I am pretty open and will always be willing to make new contacts swap numbers/ e mails etc, it is a little harder though tbh if you are short of a few friends and seeking new ones, as a rule of thumb I think you need to build a little rapport first, you might have to meet randomly at 2 to 4 meet up events or whatever the group is and chat casually to people, cool and engaging but not too needy either, I am interested in more opinions on this it is a relatively simple problem in theory but can be a little tricky in practice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlights0000 Posted May 22, 2019 Author Share Posted May 22, 2019 It makes me think why even have these “meetup events” if it’s usually the same people/regulars that go that happen to already be friends, and out of 1,000 plus members, most of them aren’t even active on there, so why bother? Seems like a clique to me. Do some guys on there just host these events to meet women or something? Why be active on there, when they hangout with their other meetup friends in their own personal time? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 I waited about 6 months before sending social media friend requests to the members of a bookclub I joined. Every organization has about 5% of the members who do anything or regularly attend. Every group has cliques. It's the nature of humans Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 How many more events should I go to with the same group until it reaches real friends level? I feel excluded. There's no magic number. You keep going until you are actually friends with them. This might take six months or a year or it might never happen. When you are friends with them you will know. Have any of them suggested to you getting together outside of the Meetup group? It's natural for Meetup groups to sometimes be a little cliquey with regulars who all have known each other for awhile. You might also try making friends with some of the other newcomers to form your own group of friends. Don't be so focused on this one group of people. Should I randomly bring up the Facebook adding to the next event? I don’t want to force it. What are your interactions with these people like? Have you "clicked" with anyone specifically on a friendship level? I'll be honest -- your post sounds kind of creepy, like you are trying to prematurely force your way into their group. You have to let it happen naturally. In this scenario, you might be better off waiting for one of them to "friend" you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlights0000 Posted May 22, 2019 Author Share Posted May 22, 2019 There's no magic number. You keep going until you are actually friends with them. This might take six months or a year or it might never happen. When you are friends with them you will know. Have any of them suggested to you getting together outside of the Meetup group? It's natural for Meetup groups to sometimes be a little cliquey with regulars who all have known each other for awhile. You might also try making friends with some of the other newcomers to form your own group of friends. Don't be so focused on this one group of people. What are your interactions with these people like? Have you "clicked" with anyone specifically on a friendship level? I'll be honest -- your post sounds kind of creepy, like you are trying to prematurely force your way into their group. You have to let it happen naturally. In this scenario, you might be better off waiting for one of them to "friend" you. Yes, I keep my eye out for any newcomers-if I see one then I talk to them first before the regulars. It’s my only second meeting, none of them suggested getting together outside of the group, one girl just told me, “hopefully I’ll see you at the next event.” I just feel like a loser going to an event- I mean, are these people genuinely delighted to hang out with me or are they just being polite? Sometimes it feels like a contrived forced environment not when a friend actually calls you up and wants to spend time with you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 Most people do not have the ability to be the social director. They are just as concerned about appearing awkward as you are. There is a whole science behind organizational dynamics that explains why. The simpler solution to your issue is that you just keep showing up & smiling. Understand that you may have to be the brave on & ask the other person to get together outside the group setting. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 22, 2019 Share Posted May 22, 2019 It's a crap shoot, but if you're on Meetup, that site, you can leave comments for the other members right there on Meetup, and that would include if you wanted to leave your Facebook info and invite all members to visit you there, or you can PM one person. Now, I wouldn't do that in my old group because one woman was a loud-mouthed nonstop talker and I wouldn't have wanted to encourage her. But the tools are there for you to use. Then the people will usually get an email with that message and it's up to them what they do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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