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Finding dates at work professionally.


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Garcon1986

I know this is a hot button topic so I'm ready for all the unfavorable responses :cool:

 

 

I've tried to be nice, gentlemanly, professional, well dressed, as attractive as I can be, and not sleazy as in refraining from asking out every other woman I see at work (or be seen making women uncomfortable at work). I've tried to diligently pay attention to "indicators of interest" that women at work are interested in chatting with me. I've achieved a lot of academic praise and loads of new professional and personal friends but not one person is willing to look for a date that might be compatible with me in Mississippi. I'm fully aware that most of the nurses here are dating, and most of the medical students are dating, but there's an invisible glass wall and the threat of being a #metoo statistic preventing me from pushing dating any further. I've interacted with enough medical students to know that almost any one of them is smart enough and funny enough for me to be happy around.

 

 

Why the universal wall of silence towards me in the dating world? The university is my go to place because the smartest people are here (and I admire smart women the most). However, I haven't been able to find opportunities to meet anyone on a personal level.

 

 

Thanks again lads.

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Hi Garcon. What is the age difference between you and students at this point? It's only going to get wider.

 

Are there any committees or social things you can volunteer at within the medical community that might put you in a more social circle? That might be one idea.

 

Have you made friends with any of the men to the point where you might go to happy hour together and socialize?

 

I know it's not easy. And I do think partly because of where you are.

 

Has online dating been a total bust for you?

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The Outlaw

Have you tried online dating or finding someone that maybe single through mutual friends? I had a friend tell me that's the best way to meet people.

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Garcon1986
Hi Garcon. What is the age difference between you and students at this point? It's only going to get wider.

 

Are there any committees or social things you can volunteer at within the medical community that might put you in a more social circle? That might be one idea.

 

Have you made friends with any of the men to the point where you might go to happy hour together and socialize?

 

I know it's not easy. And I do think partly because of where you are.

 

Has online dating been a total bust for you?

 

The age difference is around 5 years. I'm going to invent my own salsa club shortly. I've made friends with lots of guys so far but all of them are married and with families. Therefore, they don't have time to help me. Online dating has had plenty of attractive women showing me universal walls of silence. I've only had brief dating interactions (single dates only) with chain smokers and morbidly obese people here.

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I have a different take on this one. I met both of my serious ex-boyfriends in the professional settings. We started admiring each other’s professionally first (though I was in a more junior position in each case). Then we became curious about each other at a personal level. I’m not sure if I would have agreed to go on a date if we just met and chatted at a work party.

 

It sounds like you’re pretty good at your job. Do you have a medical student, intern or nurse who has worked regularly with you?

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Garcon1986

I've had plenty of medical students who have worked regularly with me but it is a universal wall of silence in reciprocating indicators of interest.

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The age difference is around 5 years. I'm going to invent my own salsa club shortly. I've made friends with lots of guys so far but all of them are married and with families. Therefore, they don't have time to help me. Online dating has had plenty of attractive women showing me universal walls of silence. I've only had brief dating interactions (single dates only) with chain smokers and morbidly obese people here.

 

Yes, do the salsa club, by all means! I think you may have mentioned that before. I mean, how fun, and you'll always be able to just get a partner to dance with and have fun and maybe one will stick or introduce you to her friend or something. My home away from home, favorite restaurant, has salsa dancing after hours Saturday nights. I have never been but was asking about it. They said there are a couple of regular crowds who go between there and another place. A tip from them was they believe the salsa crowd would rather NOT have a live salsa band. You know, live bands like that can be very annoying and you can't talk over them. They said their crowd prefers to just use all the available popular music (couldn't begin to tell you) but I'm sure Ricky Martin is a staple and you'd just have to research it on Spotify or somewhere and find tunes people know. In fact there are probably ready-made salsa lists from other salsa places you could just download there.

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I've had plenty of medical students who have worked regularly with me but it is a universal wall of silence in reciprocating indicators of interest.

 

Things developed organically in my case (and I suspect in many cases in which a couple met professionally). You might start by grabbing coffee together after handling a stressful case. I wouldn’t try asking your co-worker out right away. Focus on someone you have built a rapport with at work. Absolutely do not ask each out one by one, as you don’t want to have a reputation of a sex predator!

 

What did you do to show your “indicators of interest”?

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Garcon1986
Things developed organically in my case (and I suspect in many cases in which a couple met professionally). You might start by grabbing coffee together after handling a stressful case. I wouldn’t try asking your co-worker out right away. Focus on someone you have built a rapport with at work. Absolutely do not ask each out one by one, as you don’t want to have a reputation of a sex predator!

 

What did you do to show your “indicators of interest”?

 

My indicators of interest are smiling, chatting more, and asking about the person's background. I've not asked a single person out because I've not sensed any genuine interest in my background.

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My indicators of interest are smiling, chatting more, and asking about the person's background. I've not asked a single person out because I've not sensed any genuine interest in my background.

 

They didn’t answer your questions? That’s rude :laugh: Perhaps you didn’t catch them at a good time. When did you ask?

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Whether you detect any real interest or not, Garcon, don't be afraid to ask someone a personal question, just something like, Have you got a big weekend planned? if you are steering away from any personal questions they may just think you're not approachable. And it may be up to you to show them that you are. And if you say things like that to both men and women alike, there's none of the me too business. in other words don't limit it just two people you might be attracted to. just be social enough to show that you're generally open to socializing and approachable.

 

Really the first rule of even friendship is you must pretend that you're interested or curious about the person. In general people like to talk about themselves.

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Garcon1986

They just say oh cool, you've been to so many places. Then the conversation stops. I can tell between polite smiles and genuine smiles that show peeps are really thrilled to hear something, and I usually get polite smiles only =)

 

 

I ask personal questions but get terse responses and an immediate sixth sense that they are feeling uncomfortable. I can however do that with my own fellow colleagues just fine.

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I don't think you know how to dance. And I don't mean salsa. I mean interpreting women's cues and pushing their buttons to stimulate on a sexual level.

 

We'd have to have a whole science of conversation thread about that, but it's probably a bad idea to ask anyone out at work unless you know for sure they're interested. And not the kind of person to retaliate if it doesn't work out.

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They just say oh cool, you've been to so many places. Then the conversation stops. I can tell between polite smiles and genuine smiles that show peeps are really thrilled to hear something, and I usually get polite smiles only =)

 

 

I ask personal questions but get terse responses and an immediate sixth sense that they are feeling uncomfortable. I can however do that with my own fellow colleagues just fine.

 

If you work together, you should take advantage of the common profession and and the cases you have handled together and chat about related stuff to build some rapport. Not sure how many times I have repeated, but please absolutely don’t try to show off your list of accomplishments on paper. They (and we) all get that you’re an over-achiever okay? One of the ex-bfs I just mentioned is currently holding an endowed chair position in an Ivy league university and his department currently ranks #1 in his field according to US News. But it would have been off putting if he told me about all his accomplishments when we’re trying to get to know each other personally.

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I don't think you know how to dance. And I don't mean salsa. I mean interpreting women's cues and pushing their buttons to stimulate on a sexual level.

 

We'd have to have a whole science of conversation thread about that, but it's probably a bad idea to ask anyone out at work unless you know for sure they're interested. And not the kind of person to retaliate if it doesn't work out.

 

Good post. That’s why it’s even more important to read your co-worker’s body language and cues. You want to focus on the one who genuinely admires you.

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Garcon1986

My conversation points are the Mississippi life, what it’s like growing up here, and their family lives. Its a struggle to get a conversation going even with these apparently safe topics.

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Don't talk about you. Just ask them friendly questions about their life, things that absolutely any employee can ask any other employee. Do anything fun over the weekend? Not yes or no questions. Questions trying to get them to open up a little.

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My conversation points are the Mississippi life, what it’s like growing up here, and their family lives. Its a struggle to get a conversation going even with these apparently safe topics.

 

Did you give off the vibe that you dislike Mississippi? Because these ladies may want to stay their whole life there.

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Safe topics are boring topics. If you like a woman then you have to get inside her head and figure out what she might find interesting to talk about.

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Don't talk about you. Just ask them friendly questions about their life, things that absolutely any employee can ask any other employee. Do anything fun over the weekend? Not yes or no questions. Questions trying to get them to open up a little.

 

Haha, sorry Garcon we’re giving you vastly different opinions on this. My opinion was based on workplace romance which I had experience with. It’s different from dating in other contexts.

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Garcon1986
Did you give off the vibe that you dislike Mississippi? Because these ladies may want to stay their whole life there.

 

I always have a hard time controlling the vibe I give off around dating prospects, and am practicing as much as possible.

 

I don’t have the skill to eyeball someone and figure out what they find to be romantically stimulating conversation in 10 seconds. If anyone knows a YouTube video showcasing this I would be grateful.

 

I never willingly share my accomplishments unless asked.

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I always have a hard time controlling the vibe I give off around dating prospects, and am practicing as much as possible.

 

I don’t have the skill to eyeball someone and figure out what they find to be romantically stimulating conversation in 10 seconds. If anyone knows a YouTube video showcasing this I would be grateful.

 

I never willingly share my accomplishments unless asked.

 

If you guys have worked together for a while, you already know each other far far more than 10s. That’s why I kept saying finding romance in the professional setting takes a different strategy compared to other settings.

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Garcon1986

The woman I am interested in is making my efforts quite difficult by responding quite tersely and without much detail. I never asked her out but have repeatedly been given the cold shoulder. Hence why I am trying to brainstorm what’s wrong. Even trying to get to know her is meeting resistance. What I do know is essentially only worth 10 seconds hehe.

 

I do know that country music and football and horses get these ladies really truly happy, but I can’t bring myself to be genuinely interested in these things. I can try but it is a facade that people easily see through.

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Garcon, you don't have to figure it out in 10 seconds. And it's a skill you develop like any other. You're around these women on a regular basis, no? What do they do all day? What information are they exposed to?

 

For example, if there's a situation at the hospital that you know she's aware of or might be thinking about you can make a witty comment about that. If she is thinking about it that could open a whole conversation. That she actually finds interesting.

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I would guess, just from having known you on here, that "getting to know her" probably means asking her a lot of questions she doesn't find interesting, and you might have even missed her more subtle cues about that at first, to the point she was so annoyed she felt she had to give you a massively obvious cold shoulder.

 

If you don't want to learn about country music, horses and football there are more universal topics she might be able to relate to. Seinfeld was such a good show because it harped on themes everyone found interesting.

 

Honestly though, if you want to date this woman you'll probably end up doing something related to those three things. So you might as well get it over with. I'm so hot for my wife that if she told me her new hobby was watching paint dry I'd be ready the next day with 5 interesting topics of conversation involving paint for our paint drying date.

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