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Can't get a date..


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 22nd March 2019, 2:27 PM   #16
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I have a crazy idea. Set up a channel or a blog to share your weight loss experience and tips. Reply to comments left by your audience. This will be a wonderful way and first step for you to “meet” people and improve your social skills.
It was a weight loss surgery. My doctor said I was his first patient to go from a BMI over 50 to under 25. He invited me to speak at one of his seminars. I'm a very good public speaker and just winged the speech. Afterwards, we did like a little meet and greet and I struggled in the one on one. I'm not good at mingling or small talk.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 2:36 PM   #17
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See I thought nerds were in. Maybe I watch too much of The Big Bang Theory. I have one Pic of me with other people but it's poor quality. My other pics are full body pics. I bought a new wardrobe and they are slim fit and fit pretty well. It's hard to pose with my cat because he doesn't like to be held. I have a great Pic of the cat alone.
Nothing sexy about anyone on Big Bang Theory!
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Old 22nd March 2019, 2:49 PM   #18
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Nothing sexy about anyone on Big Bang Theory!
That's disappointing. I now have the build of Sheldon Cooper with the social skills to match. I do sometimes sing soft kitty to my cat.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 3:23 PM   #19
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It was a weight loss surgery. My doctor said I was his first patient to go from a BMI over 50 to under 25. He invited me to speak at one of his seminars. I'm a very good public speaker and just winged the speech. Afterwards, we did like a little meet and greet and I struggled in the one on one. I'm not good at mingling or small talk.
Then you should volunteer to speak more often and mingle with people to practice!
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Old 22nd March 2019, 3:50 PM   #20
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Tonight I will rewrite my profile and just keep it simple. I'll try for new photos. What exactly should I be doing in these photos? I can go to a park but I'm afraid of setting up my tripod as someone will come and swipe my phone.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 6:02 PM   #21
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It's so hard coming up with a profile that stands out since I won't stand out on looks alone. Plus using different platforms makes it harder. Match I can write an entire essay but Bumble is limited to 300 characters.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 9:58 PM   #22
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I shamelessly stole some part of the suggestion here for my profile. I'll see what tractions I get.

"I once drove to Kentucky on a whim to see if the grass is really blue. I enjoy urban planning, my cat Mr Fluffers, and am a self proclaimed soda aficionado.

I'm looking for a fun person with an offbeat sense of humor who enjoys cycling, Detroit Lions, bowling, game nights or horror movies. Message me if you think you'd be willing to hold my hand during the scary parts (of Lions games)."
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Old 23rd March 2019, 7:30 AM   #23
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Hm if you are afraid of someone stealing your phone, just find some remote place I suppose?
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Old 23rd March 2019, 10:14 AM   #24
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Less than 12 hours with the profile I shared above, I received a like on Match and Bumble and a message on eHarmony. The like on Match is worthy of a response. Not sure the other two are good matches. The ironic part is the one on Match is a Disney fan and I never mentioned my working for Disney. I'll just have to use that as a conversation piece if it advances towards a date.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 10:39 AM   #25
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I like the revised profile. Do give each of the ones who expressed interest in you some consideration. Not everybody presents well on line. I did e-Harmony for a short time. Although my matches didn't make my heart go pitter pat, they were quality people. Plus you need the dating "practice."

Social skills like at meet & greets are learned behaviors. The skills that can get you a date will also get you a better job or a raise so there are added incentives to master them. If you have the $$ seriously consider something like the Dale Carnegie classes. Public speaking is scarier then one on one but the latter can be intimidating. It's all about confidence & some sociology -- learning to read body language.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 11:37 AM   #26
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I like the revised profile. Do give each of the ones who expressed interest in you some consideration. Not everybody presents well on line. I did e-Harmony for a short time. Although my matches didn't make my heart go pitter pat, they were quality people. Plus you need the dating "practice."

Social skills like at meet & greets are learned behaviors. The skills that can get you a date will also get you a better job or a raise so there are added incentives to master them. If you have the $$ seriously consider something like the Dale Carnegie classes. Public speaking is scarier then one on one but the latter can be intimidating. It's all about confidence & some sociology -- learning to read body language.
I don't want to date someone just for practice. I wouldn't want a woman to date me solely for practice. I'm on the fence about the eHarmony one so I responded back and we'll see where that goes. The Bumble one doesn't have much of a profile. I can always swipe right. Bumble forces the woman to start the conversation so I can always see where that one leads.

I'm a pretty good interviewer as I just got a job promotion. My problem is starting conversation and small talk. People like to talk about the weather a lot. That was one of my pet peeves when I was in Florida. It was unseasonably cold and when people found out I was from Michigan, they were like oh you're used to this. I wanted to say we are still warm blooded mammals and we still get cold like everyone else. Instead I just nodded and said yeah and moved on. I couldn't transition from the weather conversation to more small talk.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 11:44 AM   #27
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Redo your profile. I wouldn’t do all the sites at once then you sound desperate.

Your profile is sarcastic. Just be yourself. Post at least 1 full body pic I would put in your profile you are focusing on your health and weight loss that will likely trigger the attention of a woman going through same thing.

Put some of your real interests in there.

Congrats on the weight loss that’s awesome. I have lost 20 lbs lol 5-10 more to go that was tough too. I can’t imagine 250.

Good luck
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Old 23rd March 2019, 11:48 AM   #28
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Practice isn't the perfect word but think about what a date is . . .

It's an outing where two people talk & enjoy some pleasant conversation. It's a try out to see if it's worth doing again worth trying to pursue something.

I do understand the downside of a date with somebody you already know is unsuitable. All 3 of my dates from OLD were that but there were upsides to the outings too. I learned things. I discovered new restaurants. I better understood myself. Mostly I learned that what I thought I knew about a person from the profile wasn't necessarily true.

After we started dating having met IRL, I made a fake profile to check out the profile my husband had up on another site. Honestly, I never would have looked at him twice based on that profile & picture. So OLD vs RL . . .take a chance.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 4:03 PM   #29
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Hi Quagmire have been wondering how things are with you.

Ok, I know you feel discouraged but i think you are still making progress. Just keep in mind it's little steps (probably much like your weight loss, pound for pound) that will take you toward your goal of having a relationship.

For the profile, i thought it was cute. Fine enough as it shows personality, which will be right for the right person as long as it reflects who you are. I almost always agree with Donavin who is great advice giver but I also don't think you should talk about your weight loss. It's just a part of who you are and wouldn't want to make it a focus or baggage in any way (which i would say if we were talking about drinking, drugs or anything one-note that was overcome). The only thing I think might help amp it up is putting in something that shows your confidence or passion, create some excitement. Basically your profile, says something about who you are now and where you came from as a person (past and present) but doesn't offer much in regard for where you are heading. For a person to get excited about a potential boyfriend, i think they need to see a bit of where his future is going to take him as that is where she will be heading too (metaphorically) if things work out. It's a selling point basically. Aspirational.

And keep working on taking new photos. Actually the fact that you use photos taken with a tripod (at home?) to me is the part that i think may be turning girls off. You need to show that you have and are living a life that is attractive. I don't think it needs to be over the top but definitely more candid photos, doing activities or with friends, even family in lieu of friends.

Ok, about those "friends", pretty sure my advice last threads you had was encouraging you to develop friendships and hobbies. I strongly believe that is your next step (concurrently with trying to date). The reason why is that you need to keep developing and utilizing social skills that it seems like you haven't had much of a chance to. Otherwise you could have great photos and a perfect profile and freeze up on a date with the total right girl for you. It's all practice for the life you want. And the little steps will take you in the right direction and prepare you for success. Plus it will give you more confidence, more passion for something besides a girlfriend you hope to have, which ironically will make it easier to get a gf. Lastly, you may have better luck finding a girlfriend through real life endeavors rather than a dating app. So you should approach your life in a multi-pronged way. Ideally try to create your ideal life now and "what you want" will be a product of living that way now. Rather than trying to acquire things and relationships to have the ideal life. You will become the person who attracts who you want by living your ideal way right now. It will be more difficult to have it fall into place just from getting the right girl to be your girlfriend. Am i making sense ?

You've come a long way, it's just hard to tell when you are "in" it. AND you actively need to do the next steps so you don't falter on a date. Good luck
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Everybody's like: He's no item,Please don't like em, He don't wife em, He one nights em,I never listened No. I shoulda figured though. All that sh*t you was spittin',So unoriginal, But it was you. So I was with it. Then tell you the truth, Wish we never did it. If you was really the realest, Wouldn't be fightin' it.I think your pride is just...In the way

Last edited by Versacehottie; 23rd March 2019 at 4:06 PM..
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Old 25th March 2019, 1:14 PM   #30
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Looks like the Match one may be moving to an in person meeting. She responds quickly to my messages and in detail. The eharmony one kind of faded. I had three Bumble matches but they never messaged. It's seems pretty quick to arrange a meeting on the Match one but it's about 4-5 messages. I've even been delaying my responses to give it a little time.
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