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Your Past reveals your Present and Future.


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 20th March 2019, 11:27 AM   #1
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Your Past reveals your Present and Future.

When I look at my life and I think about the love relationships I have had. Here is what I see.

All Love relationships for me. Be they Long or Short. It all sparks off from women that look at me in a romantic way and make a move on me.

If I make the move or am the driving force. For the most part it does not work out.

So i have concluded that if I want love in my life. it will fall into my lap, when I least expect it and when I am not the driving force.

As for my future. I see myself with a woman that basically makes a move on me and take it from there.

So how about those of you that are single and looking or are in a current relationship. Can you project your love life within the next 5 yrs or so, by looking at your past. I also seem more comparable with women that come towards me romantically as well. My choices are always wrong no matter how hard I try to think thank it.
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Old 20th March 2019, 12:31 PM   #2
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I donít want a relationship. I think as soon as I want one Iíll get one though.

That may sound arrogant but itís not. Itís confident. What Iíve learned from my past is that if Iím interested they are too. Kind of like what youíre saying.
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Old 20th March 2019, 1:55 PM   #3
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For me it was the opposite. I tended to date extremely confident extroverts: trial lawyers, actors, high performing sales people, the BMOC, the guy in the club who had all eyes on him. I have repeatedly acknowledged that I enjoyed dating "players" because they gave great date.


I married a quiet, reserved introvert who hates being the center of attention & who can't sell to save his life. To land him, I had to learn to tone down the more dramatic aspects of my personality.


So your past doesn't dictate your future but you should learn some life lessons from it.
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Old 20th March 2019, 5:24 PM   #4
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The female of our species are the choosers. Men make moves and women choose. That seems contradictory because people think making a move is choosing. Actually making a move is presenting and positioning yourself well for selection. You know, courtship display.

Presently I don't have the same relationship mindset I had 20 years ago so I can't say what the future looks like.
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Old 20th March 2019, 5:33 PM   #5
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Because of marriage not working out, l dunno what to think of the past in those ways.
Feels like the past was a failure anyway because of that.
But l can say anytime someone came to me it never went anywhere because l wasn't interested enough to go after her in the first place.
l don't go for many women only very very special , and the type of person l go for wouldn't usually come to a man anyway , l go for old school.

But there's def' been a pattern in that way and the few very very special women in my life have been much the same scenario, if l really wanted her then l'd go and get her, if she'll have me. and she'd be very very worthwhile.

Last edited by chillii; 20th March 2019 at 5:43 PM..
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Old 22nd March 2019, 9:43 PM   #6
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I'm gonna geek out for a second here... One of my fave books for healthy relationships and dating is "If the Buddha Dated." I highly recommend it. I've read it a few times, I have taken notes, and then life goes on. However, sometimes I find myself getting way off track... like settling for or putting up with things that are definite no ways to me when I'm in the right place and I'm thinking straight. And then I'm reminded of the book. And sure enough when it doesn't work out, I run and look at my notes and realize just how stupid and off track I am. Again. Because love is blind. The need for attention is deceptive. And as the book tells me... that stupid epinephrine high... that "I am soooo in love, EVERYTHING IS SO GREAT" feeling, that "I get so giddy when I see them feeling" is an epinephrine high. The love drug. The book (and my notes in bold letters, lol) remind me that it takes nearly 4 years of a growing, loving, reciprocal, loving union for our bodies to stop creating the silly epinephrine high and secrete oxytocin (the neurochemical of intimate connection which contributes to trust, and intense closeness). The long term. The real.

Why am I replying to your post with this? Because that is what I have to remember for my future. That time is important. Pacing is important. Keeping my own **** together is important. That I've built an empire as a single mother here and just because someone makes me giddy doesn't mean I have to do the "happily ever after" thing with them because I am feeling "soooo in love" at the time. In the end, I usually end up annoyed, feeling crowded, typically with an adult child rather than a partner on my hands (because for some reason I attract the issues that surface over time), wanting my space, and ending it. I have learned that I need an in between relationship and not to get drunk on love and go all the way with the typical dream. It's not for me. Keeping my **** together. Staying on track to find someone who can handle loving each other but having separate lives and space as well.

I don't have a prediction but I have the goal to get better at finding the type of relationship I can be good at. Breaking patterns and growing. I hope.
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