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Unrealistic expectations?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 10th March 2019, 11:43 AM   #1
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Unrealistic expectations?

Every time I meet a girl that I'm super into, they end up not being all that interested in me. They might have sex with me or talk to me for while but can never seem to lock one of these girls down. Are my expectations unrealistic? Should I settle for a girl that is easier to get or continue to shoot for my dream girl?
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Old 11th March 2019, 1:01 PM   #2
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You've got to explain how you are advertising yourself, and how you are interpreting the woman's intentions.


- are you advertising yourself as a great guy just to get the sex?
- is she looking for long term, but you are actually looking for short term?


Then - try to make your intentions congruent with hers.
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Old 11th March 2019, 1:56 PM   #3
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Most women wont have sex with guys that they aren't attracted to...

There is likely something about your personality or status that is a turnoff...but I can't say..Perhaps it comes on later and they lose interest and move on..

TFY
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Old 11th March 2019, 3:49 PM   #4
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I used to have this same problem when I was younger. My guess is, when you are really into a girl, you show it a bit too much. Maybe come off as a little clingy even. When I was really into a girl, I was complimenting the crap out of her, calling her all the time, and just being soooo nice to her. It turns out, that behavior turns a lot of women off.

What you need to do is sit down and really analyze your behavior around different ladies. Know any women that were very into you but you didn't return the feeling? Compare how you act around her as opposed to how you are with those girls you have a huge crush on. You are likely more natural, open, and basically just more yourself around women you aren't all that interested in. If so, start being that guy around the women you are interested in. If I am right here, I think this will help you achieve more success.
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Old 11th March 2019, 4:01 PM   #5
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OP, do a brutal self analysis. Get some friends (preferably female) to give you honest feedback on your personality, career status, physique, sense of humor, etc. It will be hard but you need some brutally honest opinions.

And watch how clingy you get.

Instead of a billion texts between dates gushing over her, how about a simple text like, "Dinner. Sat @ 8." And then go about your day.

You can't be James Bond but you can do your best to emulate. Be direct with your interest but don't fawn.
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Old 11th March 2019, 4:21 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by CantGetEnuff View Post
OP, do a brutal self analysis. Get some friends (preferably female) to give you honest feedback on your personality, career status, physique, sense of humor, etc. It will be hard but you need some brutally honest opinions.

And watch how clingy you get.

Instead of a billion texts between dates gushing over her, how about a simple text like, "Dinner. Sat @ 8." And then go about your day.

You can't be James Bond but you can do your best to emulate. Be direct with your interest but don't fawn.
So I’m supposed to change my personality and sense of humor? What happened to “being yourself”? One of the girls I was seeing that ended things with me said I was too boring. But I really don’t see myself as a boring guy, am I really supposed to change myself?

Last edited by matty145; 11th March 2019 at 4:23 PM..
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Old 11th March 2019, 4:28 PM   #7
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Maybe you are judging 'rejection' - I had a man who thought I wasn't interested in him because I didn't put a love kiss on the text (he didn't either).

When I asked about it he said 'Women (blanket statement) always put love kisses on your texts if they like you'... Rubbish!

Don't judge all women the same. Get to know women and find out what she likes.

Ask and communicate! Most men can't do this so I'm sure this will land you a woman.
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Old 11th March 2019, 4:31 PM   #8
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I know exactly what would impress me:

- Men WHO CAN COMMUNICATE like a grown man
- Ask me questions
_ Listen to me
_PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY
- Don't eye up other woman while with me
- BE A MAN - Ask me on a date, don't wait
- Take a risk - Woman love BRAVE men
- Have ambition in life
- Get educated - read books
- Be polite
- Speak don't text
- Don't get funny if a woman isn't interested move on (like a man) and I might think you were one I let get away.
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Old 11th March 2019, 4:37 PM   #9
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You're probably being too eager with the ones you think are hot, and women know you don't even really know who they are yet and so they know what you're eager about....and they get tired of that because that's the easiest thing to find.
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Old 11th March 2019, 5:08 PM   #10
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You're probably being too eager with the ones you think are hot, and women know you don't even really know who they are yet and so they know what you're eager about....and they get tired of that because that's the easiest thing to find.
I donít think Iím being all that eager
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Old 11th March 2019, 5:19 PM   #11
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So Iím supposed to change my personality and sense of humor? What happened to ďbeing yourselfĒ? One of the girls I was seeing that ended things with me said I was too boring. But I really donít see myself as a boring guy, am I really supposed to change myself?
For many of us, 'being ourselves' can leave us somewhat lacking. People who are successful in life and dating are constantly learning and evolving. They can critique themselves and decide which bits they are happy with and which bits need more work. At the age of 51, I'm nothing like who I was a 21. And thank god for that. Still far from perfect though and I know which parts of my personality still needs attention.

You're getting women into bed, so as TFY said earlier, you're attractive enough. It's something in your continuing dynamic with them which is letting you down.
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Old 11th March 2019, 5:21 PM   #12
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I donít think Iím being all that eager
Ok, then perhaps you're not assertive enough??

The boring comment is interesting. What kind of things did you do with the date who said that? And what were the differences in your conversation style?
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Old 11th March 2019, 6:19 PM   #13
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Okay, I'll bite. So give us a typical day when you don't have a date with her, the communication, how often, what method, what subjects you cover,

and

give us a typical date.

Last edited by preraph; 11th March 2019 at 8:05 PM..
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Old 12th March 2019, 8:05 AM   #14
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Ok, then perhaps you're not assertive enough??

The boring comment is interesting. What kind of things did you do with the date who said that? And what were the differences in your conversation style?
Idk, Iím just a pretty laid back, easy going guy. Iím not super talkative but I wouldnít say Iím antisocial either.
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Old 12th March 2019, 9:01 AM   #15
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Doesn't really matter what you are or anyone else , if the other one isn't keen , they just aren't and changing yourself attempting to create some keenness on their part is just gonna end up with something fake even if it does help and that won't last anyway.
Even my 17yr old daughter will tell you that.
lt's pretty simple basically, none of them have been the right girl for you.
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