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Old 13th March 2019, 1:06 AM   #31
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Hi hotpotato, what do you mean by this? Why is it hard for you to keep a boyfriend?
Im sure the trying to control men mindset doesn't help.
Trying to control men won't get you anywhere. If they are good men you don't need to control them and if they aren't, well controlling them or trying to will just bring stress and anxiety in your life. That mindset is how resentments and unhealthy relationships are born. I would say the same thing about men trying to control women.
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Old 14th March 2019, 1:34 PM   #32
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The thing is, with some people, it doesn't matter what you do, they aren't gonna care. If someone you don't find remotely attractive or interesting brings you a pie, you might appreciate the gesture but still won't wanna have sex with them, will you?



Why do you think you will struggle to keep a guy around? Statistically, women end relationships over 70% of the time, so keeping a guy should be a piece of cake compared to keeping a woman around.
I must be a statistical anomaly bc every man I have attempted to date dumped me.

I totally get what you're saying. It's not fair to expect someone to date you because you made a nice gesture.
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Old 14th March 2019, 1:48 PM   #33
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Hi hotpotato, what do you mean by this? Why is it hard for you to keep a boyfriend?
Im too weird and quirky. Honestly, at this point the joy of dating is gone.
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Old 14th March 2019, 1:51 PM   #34
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Im sure the trying to control men mindset doesn't help.
Trying to control men won't get you anywhere. If they are good men you don't need to control them and if they aren't, well controlling them or trying to will just bring stress and anxiety in your life. That mindset is how resentments and unhealthy relationships are born. I would say the same thing about men trying to control women.
I'm not trying to control anyone. I learned long ago that I can't anyway.
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Old 14th March 2019, 3:16 PM   #35
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Im too weird and quirky.
You need to learn to play to your strengths. If you are weird & quirky find a man who celebrates that about you, not one who doesn't understand or who is trying to suppress that aspect of who you are.

If you can't cook, don't worry about it too much. Do learn how to make a few things. Anybody can make spaghetti -- heat up the water, drop in the pasta, pour on a jar of sauce. Viola! dinner. Part of it is making the effort to offer comfort & sustenance to your partner. Buy something called a vertical roaster (google it). Impale a whole chicken on it, bake approximately 2 hours at 350F until the juices run clear when you pierce the meat. Around the 1 hour mark throw 2 potatoes in next to it to bake. Open a can of vegetables & heat them up (it's like boiling water). Just like that you have a roast chicken dinner worthy of Sundays at Grandmas's house.

Since you bake, a homemade treat should go a long way.

To meet a compatible guy, shut down your computer & stop with all the swiping business. As a unique individual you can't expect to find a mate in a conventional way. Go do whatever it is that fills your heart with joy; while you are engaging in that activity look around to see who else is participating. If he's cute, hit on him.
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Old 14th March 2019, 3:53 PM   #36
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If you can't cook, don't worry about it too much. Do learn how to make a few things. Anybody can make spaghetti -- heat up the water, drop in the pasta, pour on a jar of sauce. Viola! dinner. Part of it is making the effort to offer comfort & sustenance to your partner. Buy something called a vertical roaster (google it). Impale a whole chicken on it, bake approximately 2 hours at 350F until the juices run clear when you pierce the meat. Around the 1 hour mark throw 2 potatoes in next to it to bake. Open a can of vegetables & heat them up (it's like boiling water). Just like that you have a roast chicken dinner worthy of Sundays at Grandmas's house.

Since you bake, a homemade treat should go a long way.
I love love love food and cooking but even I realize that now a days the options for prepared food are so long you don't need to cook...there is take out, GrubHub, delivered meals, etc. The way to a man's heart is still thru his stomach but the meals just come from different points of origination ()
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Old 14th March 2019, 4:07 PM   #37
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Im too weird and quirky. Honestly, at this point the joy of dating is gone.
The advice Donnivain gave you is absolutely on point. I kinda just want to say that I agree with her, especially when it comes to finding someone that celebrates the fact that you are weird and quirky. I know exactly how you feel since I run into the same problem myself. Find yourself a weird guy that gets you.
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Old 14th March 2019, 8:28 PM   #38
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You need to learn to play to your strengths. If you are weird & quirky find a man who celebrates that about you, not one who doesn't understand or who is trying to suppress that aspect of who you are.

To meet a compatible guy, shut down your computer & stop with all the swiping business. As a unique individual you can't expect to find a mate in a conventional way. Go do whatever it is that fills your heart with joy; while you are engaging in that activity look around to see who else is participating. If he's cute, hit on him.

OF COURSE!!!!!!!!! COMPATIBLE GUY THIS REALLY MAKES SENSE TO ME NOW. I'm not actually going out ever anymore. In my writing group is a cute guy but I am Terrified of hitting on him...because I think Can I not just be friends with a guy? I have only met him the once. I honestly think that I am looking Too Hard and I can't relax then I think... I know the answer is LOOK WITH FRESH EYES...A NEW WAY OF LOOKING AT AN OLD PROBLEM...
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Old 15th March 2019, 12:48 AM   #39
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Im too weird and quirky.
Being different is interesting and exciting. Some people seek this.

Oh, and by chance if you're the nerdy type, there is a SEVERE shortage of nerdy women who present themselves as such within the online dating services. I literally came across one in 750 to 1,250 profiles.
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Old 18th March 2019, 11:31 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
You need to learn to play to your strengths. If you are weird & quirky find a man who celebrates that about you, not one who doesn't understand or who is trying to suppress that aspect of who you are.

If you can't cook, don't worry about it too much. Do learn how to make a few things. Anybody can make spaghetti -- heat up the water, drop in the pasta, pour on a jar of sauce. Viola! dinner. Part of it is making the effort to offer comfort & sustenance to your partner. Buy something called a vertical roaster (google it). Impale a whole chicken on it, bake approximately 2 hours at 350F until the juices run clear when you pierce the meat. Around the 1 hour mark throw 2 potatoes in next to it to bake. Open a can of vegetables & heat them up (it's like boiling water). Just like that you have a roast chicken dinner worthy of Sundays at Grandmas's house.

Since you bake, a homemade treat should go a long way.

To meet a compatible guy, shut down your computer & stop with all the swiping business. As a unique individual you can't expect to find a mate in a conventional way. Go do whatever it is that fills your heart with joy; while you are engaging in that activity look around to see who else is participating. If he's cute, hit on him.
Good advice, but I'm at the point where dating is no longer pleasurable.

Most of the things I do that make me happy are solitary activities.

Sometimes I'll see a man and think about talking to him, then I see his girlfriend. I'd have to start mate poaching.

Frankly, cooking for men has done nothing. One man I baked for often ghosted me. He hurt my love of baking.

Maybe I'm not meant for dating. Maybe it's time for me to be myself even if it means being by myself.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 11:33 AM   #41
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Hotpotato. I don't even think about sex with a woman, and verbalize it, until we are basically BF/GF. I would never think to be like that at all. Some guys are very brash. I don't get that.

Women for the most part are not going to just jump into sex off the bat. Unless they know the guy for a while. Even then.

Sex is really only happening for me and a woman, once a we established. Sometimes I wish that some of us could just let go of trying to mate/hook up. Life would be so much easier than it really is.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 11:38 AM   #42
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Hotpotato. I still think you should be open. Maybe just let men in your social circle make an effort toward you. I almost think that some of us just have to let love fall into our laps.

I was seeing a band last night and I was going to go talk to a woman, but my instincts kicked in and I waited and the Bassist or guitarist came up to her and gave her a kiss. So she was taken anyways.

I seem to do better when the woman comes to me, more than when I go out on the hunt. So keep open, but don't let things get you down. Its a long life.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 6:39 PM   #43
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Hotpotato. I still think you should be open. Maybe just let men in your social circle make an effort toward you. I almost think that some of us just have to let love fall into our laps.

I was seeing a band last night and I was going to go talk to a woman, but my instincts kicked in and I waited and the Bassist or guitarist came up to her and gave her a kiss. So she was taken anyways.

I seem to do better when the woman comes to me, more than when I go out on the hunt. So keep open, but don't let things get you down. Its a long life.
Usually, i would feel more open to dating. I've been single for 3 years, and the feeling hasn't come back. I'd like to think if I met someone I liked, the feeling would come back. I'm not so sure.
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Old 24th March 2019, 1:33 PM   #44
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Usually, i would feel more open to dating. I've been single for 3 years, and the feeling hasn't come back. I'd like to think if I met someone I liked, the feeling would come back. I'm not so sure.

IMO, dating is what you make of it. I learned to enjoy dating when I started viewing it as spending time with some of the opposite sex, enjoying each other's company and where it went. Nothing more and nothing less. If the dates stopped being laid back and enjoyable, for whatever reason, then it is time to tap out. Maybe they aren't that into me or vice versa; it doesn't matter. It's just time to move on.



When I first started dating, I was treating it far more seriously than I should have and it made things uncomfortable and stressful. My first priority was looking for a long-term partner and that set the stakes and standards too high. I'd have a few good dates with someone, get overly involved and then be upset when things didn't work out. Or, my expectations would be set too high (especially via OLD..) and I'd feel let down when the woman didn't live up to the thought I had of them in my head.



This is one of the pitfalls of OLD; it seems like fewer and fewer people are using it to meet people and have a good day or evening out. I'm not talking about sex; I'm talking about just getting out with someone. It's "read the profile, weigh and measure, meet them, weigh and measure some more and maybe meet again."



I would suggest that you just step back, go out on a few dates and enjoy the time. I do know where you're coming from; I'm a solitary creature myself. But, that's my measuring stick for dates; would I rather go out with a woman a second or third time or just hang out at home and relax?
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