Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Transitioning > In Search Of...

someone for everyone, not true

In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

Like Tree9Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 1st January 2019, 10:55 AM   #1
New Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 4
someone for everyone, not true

Why do people continue to perpetuate this myth? Most people can find someone if they try but not everyone.
If you think any woman is going to go for a 34 year old geek who’s never been in a single relationship or had sex who has poor social skills and is balding you’re out if your mind.
fredfub is offline  
Old 1st January 2019, 12:18 PM   #2
Established Member
d0nnivain's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 34,049
No I don't think she's going to go for you, as is but what are you doing to improve your social skills? Have you talked to a real life coach (not some PUA scammer)? Have you joined a group like ToastMasters? Have you updated your wardrobe?

What are you doing to find somebody to date? OLD doesn't work. The idea that you will find somebody while in your PJs is a myth.

What are your hobbies & interests? Do any of those activities afford you the opportunity to meet new people? Are you willing to expand your horizons?
d0nnivain is offline  
Old 1st January 2019, 12:26 PM   #3
Established Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: God save the Queen.
Posts: 1,863
Fred you have to make yourself the most attractive version of yourself. If you don't want to change your ways, you are right, nobody will go for you.

What are you doing to increase your attractiveness?
Garcon1986 is offline  
Old 1st January 2019, 12:40 PM   #4
Established Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: God save the Queen.
Posts: 1,863
My dating started out as an angry Asian dude protesting poor treatment by women.

I've now had more spectacular dates with stunning women than I could have ever dreamed of. But that came through long years of dating people who I was not compatible with. You have to be determined to change or at least improve to be the best version of yourself you can be.

The only way to fix this is to devote yourself to the training like a religion. Being more extroverted is the first step and it can be trained.

1. Step one - portray yourself at all times in the most well dressed, fashionable man you can be. Ask your salon's advice on what is the most physically attractive haircut that will go with your head. Use gel if needed. Physical attraction cuts both ways. You may be able to attract a hot girl, but you must accept that certain hot girls will never date you no matter what redeeming qualities you have because you are NOT THEIR TYPE.

2. Step two - portray yourself socially amongst women as a relaxed and easygoing man, who is willing to have a fun conversation. You must beat the stereotype that you are shy, and can only have certain kinds of conversation, regardless of the fact that women unfairly apply the stereotype through no fault of yours.

3. Step three - surround yourself with hobbies that you enjoy, which women simultaneously enjoy.

4. Step four - spend at least 1 month of solidly talking to a different woman every day, and get over the "stagefright" of approaching a woman you like. You should also spend time getting friendly with women, solely for the friendship, without worrying about fighting the friendzone. The idea behind doing this is to be comfortable in your own skin around attractive women. Failing to do this step proficiently will result in you losing your opportunity once a spectacular woman comes your way, because you will be rejected for being weird. If you are a consumer of porn, it needs to stop right now. It will be like trying to come off heroin - but if you choose to continue porn, a real relationship will be like trying to taste Italian spice after eating tacos with spicy red hot sauce - like an effing candle compared to a blowtorch. You will have such distorted views of women that dating will be meaningless.

At this point, you stop and pause for a moment - you are about to jump into dating. If you were not totally comfortable in stage 4, you need to spend an additional month doing it until you are comfortable. Secondly - women will operate in the dating scene based upon what feels right - not based upon what logically is correct or what a man's internal rubric says they should do. Women will do irrational things to you based upon what feels right or wrong at the time, it's a fact of life.

5. Step five - take notes on women around you who show you indicators of interest (playing with their hair around you, a sustained smile, sustained eye contact, asking to be with you, etc etc). Focus initially on the women who like you, and now ask a few of them out on a date. If that particular woman likes you a lot, go ahead, be a man, and kiss her on the way home. Focus on the difference between an interview, a date, normal conversation, and flirting conversation. Focus on the fact that you are getting experience. Don't go for your favorite spectacular woman just yet. Take a step back, smell the roses, and congratulate yourself on some good dating experiences at this point. If you have sex, wonderful. Mentally step back and take in the experience.

6. Step six - now go ask out your favorite woman and see how it goes. If it fails, rinse, repeat, try again. Never fail in your determination, and try not to get too depressed from rejection. It happens to everybody - keep your head up and use Loveshack as a sounding board.

That's the summary of thousands of dating coaches advice. That's really all there is to it. Hot guys have it easier because women's defenses are lowered, they have lots of charm, and less hoops need to be jumped. But for everybody else - we follow steps 1-6.
Garcon1986 is offline  
Old 1st January 2019, 1:19 PM   #5
Established Member
Cersei's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 449
Originally Posted by Garcon1986 View Post
Fred you have to make yourself the most attractive version of yourself. If you don't want to change your ways, you are right, nobody will go for you.

What are you doing to increase your attractiveness?
I agree. How are you fixing things?

Pssssst, if you are balding consider a shaved head instead. I find this feature much more attractive than balding. Bald is a great look in my opinion.
Cersei is offline  
Old 1st January 2019, 1:35 PM   #6
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 257
When you sound the way you do, of course no one will notice you. There are many times when someone will like or love you as you are, but only because some other aspect of you is amazing to them. Girls are all about personality (the ones that really matter anyway).
If you say you’re not social, then how the heck is someone meant to know you?
Finches are known for their beautiful mating chirps. Each one composes it’s own unique song to attract their mate. It has been discovered that some of these birds stutter and thus cannot compose a song. These finches do not get the opportunity to mate as they cannot attract a female.
You are 34, which is young. Go to the gym to help you with your confidence. Look up youtube videos to help you improve your social skills. Use a chatting service to talk to random people. You can accomplish many of these things within 3 months. Improve yourself to improve your chances.
Giraffe-A is offline  
Old 1st January 2019, 1:58 PM   #7
Established Member
Elswyth's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 27,293
Of course not. Do you want to be with a homeless, drug addict 250 lbs woman with two assault convinctions who hasn't showered since 2017?
~Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.~ -Spiritofnow-
Elswyth is offline  
Old 1st January 2019, 4:52 PM   #8
Established Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 1,212
l think there's more than one someone , 4 or 5 more like it . They'll all be different and if you could find and be with each the relationships would each be different but still possible to be equally your someone.

Most of the time you need to be alike and like minded at least some and roughly on the same page.
You look for roughly the female version of yourself and there's plenty of them around only a small percentage of the population are anything like all hype but if your still going for models that's probably just gonna get you more of what you've got .

And listen to what people are saying here too and give yourself some renovating. You'd be amazed at what a difference some changes and work on ourselves can make.
chillii is offline  
Old 1st January 2019, 7:20 PM   #9
New Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 8
Garcon1986's step 4 in the post above is the most important thing you can do.
Tonk is offline  


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Does everyone deserve a chance, or is this chance just wasting everyone's time? Contrecoeur Dating 8 7th August 2012 8:50 PM
Finding True Love - Tips to find true love online yheyhe24 Dating 0 20th May 2010 12:02 AM
What is true love? Does true love exist? nori General Relationship Discussion 2 31st August 2007 3:28 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 8:18 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.