Major life simplification as a result of disappointment in dating

[EthanBlack]

2 years ago, a relationship ended. It was the final nail in the coffin sorta thing. A disappointment in a long string of disappointments. At the same time, my guy friends were all getting engaged and married.

 

I wouldn't say I went through a nervous breakdown but there was a radical internal shift. I felt a need to simplify my life.

 

First thing I did was get out of social media. Like completely. I had a small number of friends I kept in touch with via whatsapp and text and that's it. I couldn't take being bombarded by other people's happiness anymore. It just sent me into a tailspin of despair.

 

I also stopped hanging out with my regular social circle which mainly involved activities like drinking. I decided these weren't my real friends and that I had nothing really in common with them.

 

After work, I would instead practice guitar for hours and hours in the evening. Playing until the pain numbed. I took up new hobbies like ballroom dancing which is also a great workout. The thing is though, you'd think dancing would be a great way to meet women.

 

But I wanted to get out of that environment. I signed up for REAL ballroom dancing, as in, the **** you see in old european movies and stuff, waltzes and stuff. Not club dancing. Nothing associated with young people. I wanted to get away from young people and that whole scene. I wanted to be insulated from all that and just focus on the technical physical perfection.

 

I've made wonderful ballroom friends, none of which are dateable, but that was never the point. That supportive environment with people I would NEVER have met otherwise was therapeutic.

 

It's now 2 years since my self-imposed social isolation. And I am enjoying my life so much that I fear it may be permanent.

 

I focus on my career. I play guitar in a band and we do shows once in a while. I do ballroom dancing and occassionally train for competitions. None of these activities involve a young social scene where dating can occur and I'm fine with that. I almost want to completely disassociate from youth dating culture like bars, clubs and things like that because I never belonged and that scene only brought me disappointment and pain.

 

My fear is that I like my current life too much that I'll be permanently off the grid and never get back into the mainstream. But I also know that I don't belong in the mainstream.

 

I just do what I want to do and live my life day to day and that's it. People tell me I should be "putting myself out there" but I did that before and all that happened was bring me pain. My life right now in the past 2 years, it's the happiest and most peaceful I've ever been.

 

A part of me realizes I am getting older and that I should be actively trying to find someone but all I can remember is the disappointments when I was doing that and it just makes me want to embrace my current life on society's fringes.

[Chilli]

l know exactly what your sayin, also replied to your other thread just this morning, hard to explain.

anyway , l divorced 6yrs , spent 3 alone, just me,my daughter , or me.

No life , didn't care,needed time and it was all l felt like but l worried too , like you.

but low and behold , l somehow still met gf, most mind blowing thing ever. but sadly, nother story, so l was back to no life.

finally decided to buy this house to stay close to my daughter, 2 yrs now. work from home, still didn't care about other life,renovated,music, few drinks with my bro, seein my daughter, bout it, alone 99% of time.

but , again, it's all l felt like but yet low and behold, someone new, weird. l did know she was coming felt it.

even more mind blowing than the first, didn't think it poss especially at this age and living how l was.

 

Sooo, stay cool about all that because if your being true to you, that's all that matters somehow the gods still find a way.

Good luck

Edited October 20, 2018 by Chilli

[Rotn'roses]

You sound like you need to shatter the glass ceiling. Dont let your present circumstances define the potential to go even further in life, if you so choose. You obviously have the determination and skill to be someone great. You already proved that to yourself. I can picture you on dancing with the stars or celebrity ballroom dancing. Maybe you could move to a place big enough to match your bigger than life personality and push yourself to even greater heights. Or maybe visit broadway, a live taping of dancing, or visit a country or city that incorporates your interests into their history or everyday lives. You could research where ballroom dancing came from, or whatever else may pertain to your interests and meet someone in that fashion. Think outside of the box! You maybe crave a new adventure. Although you have come a long way from the person you perceive yourself to have been to where you are now in life, you crave softness to match all the hard work you have completed. When we are born, none of us is given a guarantee that we will have a life of fulfillment. It sucks but you can choose to dance your way to brighter days or put your dancing shoes away and start a new project. Smiles for you and hugs.