Dodgersfan11 Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 I already how its going to end, a guy will meet me, lost interest in me, then find somebody else. I'm not viewed as a "diamond" to any guy I meet. Why bother investing emotional time in someone and then being depressed/down for months dwelling on how bad it went and why the guy didn't like me? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Dodgersfan, I am saying this with kindness... You really need to take a break from dating. Find your own happiness, and then see what happens. Speaking as one who has been down this road and learned the lesson, your self-esteem should not be tied to whether you had a good/bad date. You have such unrealistic expectations about dating/men (see the post, "will I meet someone at a concert" as if you can go to a concert and the perfect man will somehow magically appear on demand). It just doesn't work that way for most people... And then, to be so emotionally reactive "I'm giving up. He has rejected me. I'm never doing this again..." It's not healthy for you. It's not reflective of an emotionally healthy person. My advice, step away from dating for a while and gain a little more perspective on dating and life. Just my opinion, I do wish you well... Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Everyone's a diamond to their own personal diamond when they eventually meet them, it just takes the two right diamonds . Chin up meantime and don't forget to live life and enjoy it while your waiting. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 I already how its going to end, a guy will meet me, lost interest in me, then find somebody else. I'm not viewed as a "diamond" to any guy I meet. Why bother investing emotional time in someone and then being depressed/down for months dwelling on how bad it went and why the guy didn't like me? what age range of men are you dating Dodgersfan11? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Everyone's a diamond to their own personal diamond when they eventually meet them, it just takes the two right diamonds. So true. My friend used to tell me this, all the years while I waited to find the right person. "There is a lid to every pot" she would say. I thought it was so condescending. So dismissive of my feelings. I didn't believe it. I had lost all hope. And then, I found my lid... And now, I wonder how I every questioned that old wisdom. We compliment each other in many ways, we have a similar childhood, we have similar life goals/values, we have the same sense of humor, some of the same interests... You are a diamond, whether you meet someone to love, or not. But, hopefully you will... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Ahhaaa , nice B , l'm really happy for ya. But yeah funny how people can take something like that isn't it , when the friend is really just trying to remind them and help them feel better and stuff. A lid to every pot , must remember that one. My mum had some classics too. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 I think taking a break from actively looking to meet someone is a good idea. That doesn't mean you ignore it if someone interesting comes along while you're on your break, but stop trying for just a bit. Spend time doing things you enjoy, things that make you happy. Your mood and outlook really do have a lot to do with attracting other people, whether just as friends or romantically. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 it is when you're actively not looking that Mr. Right will show up Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dodgersfan11 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 Dodgersfan, I am saying this with kindness... You really need to take a break from dating. Find your own happiness, and then see what happens. Speaking as one who has been down this road and learned the lesson, your self-esteem should not be tied to whether you had a good/bad date. You have such unrealistic expectations about dating/men (see the post, "will I meet someone at a concert" as if you can go to a concert and the perfect man will somehow magically appear on demand). It just doesn't work that way for most people... And then, to be so emotionally reactive "I'm giving up. He has rejected me. I'm never doing this again..." It's not healthy for you. It's not reflective of an emotionally healthy person. My advice, step away from dating for a while and gain a little more perspective on dating and life. Just my opinion, I do wish you well... Its hard to find your own happiness when I go out and see couples holding hands and kissing or be surrounded and hearing talks about happy married life at work. Those are impossible to avoid. What do I have to be happy about? People who are in relationships are looked at like they achieved the greatest thing in life, "love." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dodgersfan11 Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 what age range of men are you dating Dodgersfan11? There really isn't any dating range, just anyone that comes my way I guess Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Its hard to find your own happiness when I go out and see couples holding hands and kissing or be surrounded and hearing talks about happy married life at work. Those are impossible to avoid. What do I have to be happy about? People who are in relationships are looked at like they achieved the greatest thing in life, "love." You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you let your own happiness hinge on whether or not you're in a relationship. Relationships should add to happiness, not be the lone source of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you let your own happiness hinge on whether or not you're in a relationship. Relationships should add to happiness, not be the lone source of it. You are also setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you compare your own life to others... You have no idea what is happening in those other lives - how many years that woman waited to find the love of her life, how many blind dates that man has been on, who has been through a bad divorce or lost a spouse and this is their second chance at love, which couples have been struggling with infertility or infedelity, which couples are bored of each other, struggling with a chronic illness, or depression, or substance abuse... Do you see my point. Focus on your own life. Find your own happiness. I heard a good quote this afternoon and I thought of you - "People who are happy create their own happiness within. Those who are unhappy search for it outside." Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 What do I have to be happy about? People who are in relationships are looked at like they achieved the greatest thing in life, "love." Are you telling us that your life is 100% miserable? You have absolutely nobody in your life who's company you enjoy and zero enjoyable interests? If this is the case, you'll are undatable in your current state. When people look for a partner, they want someone who's got a well balanced life, interests and friends. A partner is something that makes a good life better - not something which is the only good thing in your life. A partner also needs to know that you'll be OK if things don't work out. If they think that you'll crumble and fall apart (which will happen if you have nothing good in your life other than them) they won't be prepared to take the risk of being with you. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 There really isn't any dating range, just anyone that comes my way I guess Ok, so how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 I agree. You need a break from dating. Right now it's too painful, too stressful & you are probably unconsciously projecting more of a desperate vibe then you relalize. Its hard to find your own happiness when I go out and see couples holding hands and kissing or be surrounded and hearing talks about happy married life at work. Those are impossible to avoid. What do I have to be happy about? People who are in relationships are looked at like they achieved the greatest thing in life, "love." Happiness does not come from being part of a couple. You find happiness in yourself 1st. Once you achieve that you seek out another happy person to share your happiness with. Yes being in a relationship is fun but that comes after you find peace in yourself. Forget dating for the rest of the year, seriously. Focus on yourself. Spend time with friends & family. Make some new GFs. You always talk about doing things by yourself. While I admire you independence, everybody needs a connection. Where are your BFFs in all of this? Find some new ones if you don't have any. What makes you happy? Do more of that & less time man hunting. When you don't need a man that is when a good one will come into your life. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 DF is 36. Her friend base has shrunk due to being single with no kids in a coupley/parenty world I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
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