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The Pain Of Rejection...


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 27th February 2018, 7:31 PM   #1
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The Pain Of Rejection...

In my three years of attempting to date, iv'e been rejected a lot. Every ghost and flake on Tinder, every empty message box on POF, every "I never saw you that way" from girls I befriended, failure has always been my greatest teacher and at the same time, my biggest threat to happiness.

It is hard to describe the pain of rejection from women. It's like temporarily stripping away whatever energy you have in your body from you and you are left with a sense of emptiness, a loss of vitality. Your energy is sapped from you.

Rejection can make you feel absolutely terrible about yourself. You look at yourself from a pessimistic point of view, complaining about your greatest flaws, feeling hopeless and helpless about your situation. Maybe you're tired of being passed over, being told no before you're even given a chance. You know you would be a great boyfriend/girlfriend, but people never see you for who you are. Every rejection, every failure, every flaked date, only makes these feelings grow stronger to the point of contemplating whether to fight or flight, whether to give up or keep going.

Rejection is like punching a brick wall, no amount of anticipation can numb the pain because as soon as your fists hit that wall, it's going to hurt.


But why does rejection hurt? Is it because you want a boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it because your self-worth is based on the approval of the opposite sex? Is it because in our society, we are viewed as losers if we don't date?

I don't know...


Perhaps rejection is simply a state of mind. Getting rejected and feeling rejection are two separate entities, neither are linked together. You can get rejected without feeling rejected.

Last edited by GuitarGuy7; 27th February 2018 at 7:46 PM..
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Old 27th February 2018, 9:09 PM   #2
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It hurts because we're human. We all need love and acceptance.
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Old 27th February 2018, 9:44 PM   #3
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Really good questions GG. It got my interest piqued and so I started looking it up. Found this excellent piece https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...bout-rejection This certainly explains a lot of the anger we see online from some permanently single posters.

I think a lot of the angst is because as humans, we are programmed to belong. So when we can't fit in like we need to, we become distressed. I would hazard a guess that the people who don't feel rejection when they get rejected have enough belonging in other parts of their lives. They've probably got a solid group of friends and have had enough romance in their lives to know they can achieve what they want if they get the right person.
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Old 28th February 2018, 12:04 AM   #4
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Rejection hurts me too as a woman. It hurts real bad. And I know why...because I want to be loved. You aren't alone in this. It sucks to not be wanted, plain and simple.
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Old 28th February 2018, 12:32 AM   #5
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facing rejection is a fact that we all have to live with in everyday life
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Old 28th February 2018, 12:32 AM   #6
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I would hazard a guess that the people who don't feel rejection when they get rejected have enough belonging in other parts of their lives. They've probably got a solid group of friends and have had enough romance in their lives to know they can achieve what they want if they get the right person.


You're right about this. Some people arne't mentally phased by rejection because they know that they can find somebody else. "Well if Sally over here doesn't like me, not a big deal. I know Sarah, Rachael, and Jane would probably say yes"

But for some of us who are rejected by pretty much everybody, passed over by pretty much everybody, rejection feels like absolute trash.

I'm sick and tired of dating and all the crap it's brought me my whole life. Next year i'm going to either go The Phillipines for a week and try to date there, or go to Nevada and lose my virginity to a prostitute. If I don't have any success here by 2019, I swear to God i'm going to go. No regrets...
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Old 28th February 2018, 7:23 AM   #7
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I think pain through rejection is normal and human and the reasons behind it can vary for each individual. For me, I don't get rejected that often because I don't put myself in situations where I can be rejected. I fear it because I have been rejected in the past and it really hurt. For me, that pain comes because, why me?? Or rather why not me? I find it tricky to find someone I like and if they don't like me back, it is a blow because I never know when the next will come along.

I see everyone else getting coupled up and wonder what is so awful about me that means it doesn't happen for me. Realistically, I know there isn't anything so awful about me, but I have to consciously remind myself about that. I'm so afraid of rejection I have sky high walls protecting myself and really have to push through them and put myself in vulnerable situations that I hate. I'm happier now than I have been in a while so hopefully it's working!

In the end, rejection ain't all that bad - you may as well give it a go. But that's easier for some people more than others. What is there really to lose? I really admire people who can do that!
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Old 28th February 2018, 7:37 AM   #8
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Rejection sucks for sure, which is why it important to surround yourself with caring people who will accept you for who you are, and nurture these non-romantic relationships.

Prioritise slowly building a strong support system over finding a romantic partner, one person at a time; and be as supportive to them as they to you. A girlfriend is not the only (or even the best) solution to cure loneliness.
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Old 28th February 2018, 8:00 AM   #9
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Yep, it is a for sure, a real, everyday, part of life thing. My pain with rejection comes from sexual trafficking which I believe I became a part of unknowingly when I was in my 20's and didn't know that a "friend" of mine introduced me to biker/street gang members...I thought they were just average 20 yr. old rich kids who played x-box all day and partied all night. Well, they did party all night, apparently I wasn't awake most of the time to join in...never has improved much since then...and I later found out my ex from a year or so back knew these people and told me they would contact me...which happened on social media...so, I guess I don't get to choose my partners--so I quit dating altogether...I recently met a guy at a local church I was invited to this past weekend--looked him up on social media--tied to the same group of friends my ex hung out with every day--who associated/knew of the gang members I mentioned above...I refuse to be used anymore.
So...for those of you in pain because you can't find a date--it could always be worse...trust me...you could get passed around without ever knowing it...
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Old 28th February 2018, 9:13 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tribble View Post
I'm so afraid of rejection I have sky high walls protecting myself and really have to push through them and put myself in vulnerable situations that I hate.
And so Paul Simon wrote and sang in The Sounds of Silence
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What is there really to lose?
Speaking for myself, depending on how much emotion I've invested in the relationship, for a time I lose the optimism, motivation, and commitment to keep trying.
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Old 28th February 2018, 9:22 AM   #11
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You have to learn from our mistakes and move on!
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Old 28th February 2018, 9:38 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by GuitarGuy7 View Post
You're right about this. Some people arne't mentally phased by rejection because they know that they can find somebody else. "Well if Sally over here doesn't like me, not a big deal. I know Sarah, Rachael, and Jane would probably say yes"

But for some of us who are rejected by pretty much everybody, passed over by pretty much everybody, rejection feels like absolute trash.

I'm sick and tired of dating and all the crap it's brought me my whole life. Next year i'm going to either go The Phillipines for a week and try to date there, or go to Nevada and lose my virginity to a prostitute. If I don't have any success here by 2019, I swear to God i'm going to go. No regrets...
Quote:
Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
Really good questions GG. It got my interest piqued and so I started looking it up. Found this excellent piece https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...bout-rejection This certainly explains a lot of the anger we see online from some permanently single posters.

I think a lot of the angst is because as humans, we are programmed to belong. So when we can't fit in like we need to, we become distressed. I would hazard a guess that the people who don't feel rejection when they get rejected have enough belonging in other parts of their lives. They've probably got a solid group of friends and have had enough romance in their lives to know they can achieve what they want if they get the right person.
Exactly what I was telling someone else. This person thinks I should just get over getting dumped. He has a bevy of women. Ok, some of them aren't around him for the right reasons. Yet, he has someone to go on trips with, girlfriends when he wants...He doesn't understand what it's like to be unwanted.

Also, if he gets turned down in a cold approach, he has a lot of other positive experiences to life his self esteem.
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Old 28th February 2018, 9:51 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by GuitarGuy7 View Post
You're right about this. Some people arne't mentally phased by rejection because they know that they can find somebody else. "Well if Sally over here doesn't like me, not a big deal. I know Sarah, Rachael, and Jane would probably say yes"

But for some of us who are rejected by pretty much everybody, passed over by pretty much everybody, rejection feels like absolute trash.

I'm sick and tired of dating and all the crap it's brought me my whole life. Next year i'm going to either go The Phillipines for a week and try to date there, or go to Nevada and lose my virginity to a prostitute. If I don't have any success here by 2019, I swear to God i'm going to go. No regrets...
This. Its scarcity!! We don't have options, so rejection hurts a million times more than for other people. Even if they don't rush into a relationship, having the option to do so in itself is enough.

"Oh I got dumped, let me feel sad for two weeks and just find another one. Or you know what I'll choose to stay single for a while, but I know when I want a relationship I can find one in an instant" That doesn't happen for people like us.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 28th February 2018 at 10:00 AM..
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Old 28th February 2018, 11:32 AM   #14
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I will go into this post like this. I think having no friends is way more depressing, than not having a major love life.

Rejection is a part of life. How could it be different. At some point all of us have to accept ourselves. We cannot look under a microscope all the time at why we are single all the time. How is it supposed to be anyways. How would we all get to date who we want to all the time anyways.

My EX. Her name is DD. In the last 12 months. She is on guy #3. She wants to get pregnant and have a kid. She misses the point. She comes off to me as wanting a child more, than gelling with a guy. Once having a child comes into play, I feel like because she is not gelled with the guy. The relationship will fall apart and a child will now have to grow up with not seeing their parents together.

Most of my male friends that are in stable LTR's. They did nothing at all to make it happen from my point of view. None of them were ladies men. To this day, most of them have no female friends and don't have women coming on to them.

Reality is that its not about rejection. Its basically we here on this site are frustrated that our love lives are not going the way we want it to. I think a lot of us on here, esspecially myself are way too invested in our love lives, which really is bleek and semi non existant.

What I really think is that most of us need to let love find us. I doubt that we will all be single and loveless the rest of our lives.

Its up to us to be confident in our lives and not let being single/getting rejected get us down. I have a great life. Without a major love or even when a major love drops in my life. I want love as well, but I am not begging for it.

I had a dream last night. I think in my dream. My higher self was saying that it will all work out in the end. Don't sweat being single. I think the same can be said for everyone here. For me. Its not like the ideal situation has dropped into my lap and I rejected it.
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Old 28th February 2018, 11:36 AM   #15
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I will go into this post like this. I think having no friends is way more depressing, than not having a major love life.

Rejection is a part of life. How could it be different. At some point all of us have to accept ourselves. We cannot look under a microscope all the time at why we are single all the time. How is it supposed to be anyways. How would we all get to date who we want to all the time anyways.

My EX. Her name is DD. In the last 12 months. She is on guy #3. She wants to get pregnant and have a kid. She misses the point. She comes off to me as wanting a child more, than gelling with a guy. Once having a child comes into play, I feel like because she is not gelled with the guy. The relationship will fall apart and a child will now have to grow up with not seeing their parents together.

Most of my male friends that are in stable LTR's. They did nothing at all to make it happen from my point of view. None of them were ladies men. To this day, most of them have no female friends and don't have women coming on to them.

Reality is that its not about rejection. Its basically we here on this site are frustrated that our love lives are not going the way we want it to. I think a lot of us on here, esspecially myself are way too invested in our love lives, which really is bleek and semi non existant.

What I really think is that most of us need to let love find us. I doubt that we will all be single and loveless the rest of our lives.

Its up to us to be confident in our lives and not let being single/getting rejected get us down. I have a great life. Without a major love or even when a major love drops in my life. I want love as well, but I am not begging for it.

I had a dream last night. I think in my dream. My higher self was saying that it will all work out in the end. Don't sweat being single. I think the same can be said for everyone here. For me. Its not like the ideal situation has dropped into my lap and I rejected it.
Good points..

I also think ego plays apart in it..We all want to be attractive to the opposite sex and when we feel unattractive and unwanted it can hurt.

I'm trying to get over the ego part somehow..
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