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Frustrated being Single


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 14th February 2018, 10:03 PM   #1
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Frustrated being Single

I don't know why lately this is happening. I have retained a friendship with my Ex DD for about 5 yrs or so. We are both frustrated with the dating scene. Her thing is that she wants to have a bio kid. I don't because I am more focused on gelling as a couple first.

I feel if the woman and I are not gelled. Then we break up and then a kid may comes out of that. I think DD would not care. Sh is on guy #3 so far in the last 12 months. She will be 41 soon. So her clock is ticking.

In my head. If a woman wanted to have a child with me. She is going to have to put in the fun work of getting to know me to the point, where I don't feel like I have to do major leg work and do all the planning of everything under the sun with her. She a minimum is going to have to be single/childless or one child at most. Warm/loving/sweet to me with a lot of verbal/physical affection between us. If that can be maintained for 2 yrs. I would lean towards having a child with her. Not a couple of months of fun and then straight to having kids.

I feel strange, that for whatever reason DD and another female friend JC seem to have way more luck with meeting men and having relationships than I do. Even though I feel that I am way more sociable than both of them combined.

Its not like I want them to be single and I be the one having dates galore.
I wonder if its the way of the world now. More women have more oportunity to date/mate than men. The last two women I was interested in for me were both married so it never got off the ground. Thats by me not knowing their status.

I just don't feel at ease making every single interaction with a woman romantic in nature. I don't want to get a rep of being on the hunt all the time. I wonder if this is a hormone thing.

I really just wish it was easy. Friendship is easier for me, but dating and meeting a woman for a romantic relationship. Harder hands down. I am at a crossroads. It feels like when I try, there are no obstacles. When I don't try it may come, but I don't have any control when it happens.

Thats my frustrations about being single.
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Old 19th February 2018, 2:15 AM   #2
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DD = dear daughter

Makes for a very odd reading of your post until it becomes clear you're using initials!

No other comment. Just saying it in case others read this and were thinking you had a relationship with your own daughter.

Well, maybe one comment because I am trying to avoid going to bed. Life doesn't go as planned for most of us. So if you have a really firm, clear plan that hasn't come to pass, it might be time to put it away (or at least back burner it) so that whatever is going to happen, happens.
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Old 19th February 2018, 4:12 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by shoplocal View Post
DD = dear daughter

Makes for a very odd reading of your post until it becomes clear you're using initials!.
Yeah.. I read that with banjos playing in my mind.
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Old 19th February 2018, 6:34 AM   #4
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My keyboard has some problems with certain letters not punching up. Anyways. My Ex GF her initials are DD.

I looked again and I will restate my thing with dating and being frustrated.

I have a clear vision of what will work, not work based on my observations of family and friends around me. I am a man, so I can only look at it in the context of a man. So any female counterpart can't relate to me in the same way in dating.

Just from my view point. Anytime a romantic relationship will sprout up for me, is when I don't care about anything romantic with a woman, and I am not doing anytype of probing or asking a woman out on a date. I don't know why that is.

If I do make that effort. Then the woman is Married/has a BF/can't get over and Ex or she is overly single, where relating to a man is strange for her in a romantic context.

My preference is that a woman comes into my life and makes a romantic connection with me and does the fun legwork to explore what could be a great life together. I am not heavy in how I come across.

For me in my head. I am basically going to have to come off as alooff and distant, if I want to make a romantic connection. Not on the ball and making a obvious effort. So in other words. Play games.

I feel at my age of 46 turning 47 in March. I should be at a certain level, where I have a strong romantic connection with a woman, where we spend time together and have a bond, beyond just sex. I have female friends and I think that I should be shaper when it comes to women romantically and I still feel its hard and should not be.

All my Ex's except for DD, where it was mutual romantic interest, due to us being on E harmony. The other women basically made the moves on me. We were to young to make it work long term.

Its very hard in this day to just be bland and nothing and not have a romantic relationship with a woman for me. I am not going to die without one, but as I read hear on Loveshack. One thing is becoming apparent with all our love woes. Making a romantic effort as a man towards a woman is basically futile. They either look at you that way, or they don't and if they really like you. They will make a move on you. So for the men on here. Its a waiting game. You can interact with women, but if you want the hassel free way, you are just basically going to have to wait it out.

I guess I thought the road to dating would be fun, but I think that its coming to an end. I will wait till the next romantic situation sprouts up, but the next one, I will be leaning towards marriage by yr 2 of us being together.

If I am being honest. The best situation is a woman that is single, childless like me. A pet at most. We live in the same city. We meet. Romantically click, work out any problems and enjoy each other, as we should. I don't want to be here 10 yrs from now and be trying to figure out whats going on with this woman or that. I don't want to be dating a lot of woman. I don't see them being all that fun to date on a regular basis.

Looking at all my male friends that are attached. It feel like the women dropped into their lap and the men for the most part have no female friends. I don't know if the lack of female friends this is a big factor or not.

I just pray and try to do some soul searching and stay positive.
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Old 27th February 2018, 11:13 AM   #5
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Hey there,
At least you are trying...or were trying...
Paul tells us to, "Be of good cheer..." in the Word. I hope you do get some peace in prayer if you turn to that in your time of need. Remember that He wants all his children to have a good, prosperous life...that includes finding a woman who is exactly right for you, but our timing isn't always in line with His timing in our lives. I have waited almost a year for an opportunity to date a man after praying about the situation...it turned out he had little faith in anything other than his own self, so...I pray again--but have learned through these experiences to be much more specific about what I know would suit my personality...then again.. we don't always know whats best for us...that's where faith steps in and surprises us in good ways...but yeah, you are correct--it makes dating so much more pleasant when you find someone who values things that you do as well. I hope your prayers are answered quickly and that you find the joy and peace that a good relationship has to offer both partners!
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Old 28th February 2018, 11:59 AM   #6
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CKL. Thanks for the words of wisdom. Its not like I have had nothing. I guess I feel that at my age of 46 and the way I am. I thought things would have been different. Its not like I am a playboy and I want to date/have sex with a lot of women.

I have female friends and I think that I should be ahead somehow. I know how I evaluate myself in looks and personality.

I am Handsome/cute. Soft spoken/ Can Talk about anything. I have lots of friends and get along with my family. My dress style is either jeans-Rock -t shirt stylish jack/Leather jacket or Dress shirt/ jeans/ dress pants and dress shoes. So I go back and forth with that. I have straight white teeth. I am fit and striving to be in better fitness.

I just wrote in another post. I have to let love find me more, than seeking it out. We all have different paths. My friend MO lost his parents in 2001 8 months a part. He met his wife when he was young. I would never trade places with him. I have it well myself. We all have to accept where we are and strive to be happy.

For me. It will come when I really stop activley looking for it.
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Old 1st March 2018, 1:10 PM   #7
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Isn't it exciting waiting, wondering--looking forward to the future?! Do you feel excited for the future...because on some level, deep inside of yourself, you know that something REALLY Good is going to come your way...have faith in that concept...you get it. Most people never will or won't see it for what it is...a gift. Love is a gift. And gifts come from a person other than ourselves-by standard definition. I know it is hard to be patient--maybe this post will help renew your excitement--you know a gift is what you are waiting for--let it be a surprise from someone--I think a surprise gift from someone who cares is a great way to celebrate love. So, hard is it is, wake up daily with more excitement for your special gift--someone has one for you, that is for sure...don't you want to accept it when it finally comes to you with all the excitement and astonishment and gratitude that it deserves? The greatest gift a giver can ever receive is gratitude and the acknowledgement that their gift was received by someone who appreciates their time and attention. Don't be caught being ungrateful for your much anticipated gift of love! Be of good cheer, waiting hopefully, but not expectantly. Wait excitedly for it to show up...maybe you will find yourself happier and healthier when it does show up in front of you...shoot, I am excited for you! Almost every man I dated in life, blew it that first moment without ever knowing it--they weren't grateful or excited to receive my time or special interest and attention to them--that I was standing there before them giving them time because I thought they were worth it and I was excited to finally meet them and be around them...it is the sign of someone who isn't meant for me--we should be excited for the gift of love...make sure you are ready for that special woman...I am excited for your adventure!
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Old 1st March 2018, 1:17 PM   #8
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I can say is I feel ya. The dating pool around me is shallow and scummed over. I'd rather die alone then with someone I hate as depressing as that sounds.


7 billion people on this planet. The chances of there being a person out there for you is really good. Finding them is not. It's just one of lifes little things.
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Old 1st March 2018, 1:25 PM   #9
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P.S.
I think for some...outward appearance is or maybe should be relevant?

I don't remember one time in my life where someone's outward appearance was what I was attracted to first...maybe there were instances--it is nice to get revved up physically--but also really uncomfortable when you can't stop sweating those first few encounters! Sweaty women look good in a gym--not in an office meeting--then you just look hungover or ill and then the man knows he has a strong affect on you, which is even more uncomfortable, he could be a total cad, ya know? anyways...lol

I know appearances matter a lot to some people...but I hope my future "gift" doesn't mind if I would enjoy just inserting myself into his healthy habits--it's something he can add to my life that I don't already have...maybe he will be happy and understanding to have me tag along on occasion if he jogs or works out and feels good that he is bringing good changes to my life just by being himself and being eager to be healthier in body...I hope he will be eager to see me get healthier too...possibly I can give him something in exchange that he doesn't currently make a priority in his life until I bring it around to him...what do you think of that? Or do healthy people just feel like a person should already be physically at their best?

The outside of a person can be dramatically transformed for the better in so many ways...and become attractive to even the highest regards after starting off in life as someone who was previously invisible and unattractive to others...so I am more open-minded to physical traits...but, some people don't see it that way, or look deep enough to see what could be...or want to waste time on getting that perfect result from a partner...what do you think?
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Old 1st March 2018, 1:44 PM   #10
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Cool

What if you could find someone, Mr. Me, who hit many marks for you, and was willing and excited to change the things that didn't work so well for you, because ultimately it was the one thing you could bring them that they did not have before you came along--then what would you do?
Would they become everything you dreamed of and hoped for in life?

I am going to be the change in my life that I want to see...I will share my best assets with someone who doesn't have them...that is what I want--I want someone who isn't my everything, but is just enough. That's all the odds I need. I want someone who is...(good) Enough for me. I can add to a relationship like that. I can share what I know is good and they can share what they know is good and add value to my life too.

Nobody has it all Mr. Me. What are you willing to share with someone in exchange for something they have that you don't? We should be helping others and thereby getting help ourselves.

The last shmuck I dated, it wenr right over his head--I told him early on--that I appreciated him because he was everything I was not...THAT IS A HUGE STATEMENT about my inner goodness and intelligence--my priorities in this world are on the right track for growth and goodness and morality...it's not finding someone who has everything--its finding someone you can exchange goodness with that you either are made of or have obtained and that they don't already have or are made of. We should be more open to imparting the good things we know/have with someone who could use it. Because they most definitely have something we likely don't that could be valuable...God gave us all that is Good from Himself--why on earth, would we not follow such a Good example and be inspired to share our Goodness with others as well. I follow God's example because it shows the ultimate appreciation and reverence for everything Good I have and have ever come across--I don't want anyone to ever be able to accuse me of not being appreciative of all that is Good in this world and beyond--I am grateful always because Damn--look at this world--at the universe--what a beautiful gift to be alive and to be given a chance to see/experience/feel/know what it means to be alive. I owe it to everything and everyone around me to provide whatever good I have in me to them/it if I see that it can make things better for them...Good begets Good...and Love never fails...don't fail to see love where it could exist if you added it to the mix yourself...love is both unseen, tiny and invisible, and grand, encompassing and the Creator of all things that exist and are Good...some of your time can be spent providing a tiny piece of love to others or a large piece to a special someone...quit looking for someone to always give it to you--be the change in the world that you want to see--give love...then maybe you will find love--it's EVERYWHERE--maybe you just aren't seeing it...get some new glasses--maybe your vision will improve...haha...
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Old 1st March 2018, 2:03 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
I don't know why lately this is happening. I have retained a friendship with my Ex DD for about 5 yrs or so. We are both frustrated with the dating scene. Her thing is that she wants to have a bio kid. I don't because I am more focused on gelling as a couple first.

I feel if the woman and I are not gelled. Then we break up and then a kid may comes out of that. I think DD would not care. Sh is on guy #3 so far in the last 12 months. She will be 41 soon. So her clock is ticking.

In my head. If a woman wanted to have a child with me. She is going to have to put in the fun work of getting to know me to the point, where I don't feel like I have to do major leg work and do all the planning of everything under the sun with her. She a minimum is going to have to be single/childless or one child at most. Warm/loving/sweet to me with a lot of verbal/physical affection between us. If that can be maintained for 2 yrs. I would lean towards having a child with her. Not a couple of months of fun and then straight to having kids.

I feel strange, that for whatever reason DD and another female friend JC seem to have way more luck with meeting men and having relationships than I do. Even though I feel that I am way more sociable than both of them combined.

Its not like I want them to be single and I be the one having dates galore.
I wonder if its the way of the world now. More women have more oportunity to date/mate than men. The last two women I was interested in for me were both married so it never got off the ground. Thats by me not knowing their status.

I just don't feel at ease making every single interaction with a woman romantic in nature. I don't want to get a rep of being on the hunt all the time. I wonder if this is a hormone thing.

I really just wish it was easy. Friendship is easier for me, but dating and meeting a woman for a romantic relationship. Harder hands down. I am at a crossroads. It feels like when I try, there are no obstacles. When I don't try it may come, but I don't have any control when it happens.

Thats my frustrations about being single.
I wish men would get it out of their heads that it's easier for women to date. Sure, you can date anything that crawled out from under a rock just until they get what they want but finding a life partner these days is ridiculously difficult for everyone. I don't know why every complaint men have about finding someone includes "women have it easier". They don't know what it's like to be a woman and have no idea how hard it is.
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Old 1st March 2018, 2:03 PM   #12
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(GROANING, LOUDLY)...Is anyone in this world willing to give anything of themselves to make it a better place to live in????? Ugghhhh...people of this planet...how long will everyone sit and hold their good gifts inside of themselves---no, no, no...we are meant to share our good knowledge and help the people who don't already know or have these things...then they can pass it on...and so forth and so forth...doesn't anyone want to quit accusing and blaming scum bags for being bad people...and want to see someone who is doing badly, do better? Why don't people care when they see someone who is beneath them--doesn't anyone want to see their fellow human beings take those steps up in life???? I would like everyone to be happy and to know good things in life and how to share good things...I have much to learn still...will no one teach? Will people that have so much more goodness than I always walk past me...I could be lifted up too...just like you are in life...but, nobody cares...so just keep walking by people...sorry that you had to be exposed to my lowered state of existence...uuhhhggg, what hope is there in men/people anymore? That's why Jesus will have to come back for the reckoning...we can't offer ANY crumb of goodness to others...I'd come back and be pissed off too...we were designed by Good for Good, and Good always wants to see Good in/for/given to be Good.

Life is supposed to be like osmosis-where moving down a higher concentration gradient will always permeate a barrier to go to a places of lower concretion to create equality in a solution. Those of you with a higher amount of Good--move your behinds down to us lower beings and impart some knowledge of how to make ourselves more Good too...or not...but, you go against nature--against your design as an image of a God, and will most likely never be truly satisfied with anything just as Good as you...because there is no room to give to someone who is an equal that can be truly appreciated--well, maybe you can find that...but you will be empty until you fulfill your created role...to give...were you not "given" life? You became because it was given to you...it must be important to peoples lives--its how we all are created form birth--we are given life...go give...make it something good...what do you have that someone else doesn't--knowledge, ethic, time, money, ideas. tools. skills...love...just saying...I'm done for today...people make me crazy...
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Old 1st March 2018, 2:15 PM   #13
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For the record, I've always known of way more single women than single men. Men are always either attached or married with few exceptions.
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Old 1st March 2018, 2:19 PM   #14
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For me its the opposite. Most women I know are attached more than the men. If I could have all the women around me more single. I would have a different outcome.

Last edited by Mysterio; 1st March 2018 at 2:24 PM..
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Old 1st March 2018, 2:36 PM   #15
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Demographics. To ease my historical frustrations, remembering how things went before marriage, I used the power of the internet to seek out a demographic where women substantially outnumbered men. Result? The current split between locations is playing out just as I anticipated. I've already met far more single women in a community I hardly know than I did in decades living where I did before.

However, I'm no longer frustrated being single. Marriage taught a lot of lessons. One was reiterated last night around midnight. Don't miss that at all. Now such relations are just an enjoyable pastime without expectation.

Once the reproductive phase passes, I found clearer perspective on things. Perhaps someday I'll actually meet someone who likes and loves me rather than allowing me to like and love her. That'd be pretty cool. For now, the rain falls
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