LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > In Search Of...

I No Longer Need A Girlfriend To Be Happy


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

Like Tree29Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 4th February 2018, 2:27 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 137
I No Longer Need A Girlfriend To Be Happy

For the past 2 in a half years, I desperately wanted to know what it was like to have a girlfriend. I watched as others seemingly hooked up and got into relationships and heard people talking about their past success with women, and I desperately wanted to know what that was like. But I was constantly getting ignored; every rejection, every ignored message on POF, every left swipe on Tinder sunk me into a deeper level of depression. I had a lot of things in life going for me, but what was always missing was someone in my life and this is what was holding me back.

The truth is, my self-esteem and self-worth was based upon whether women liked me or not, no wonder I was never truly happy. I did everything I could to make myself more appealable; I tried working out, dressing better, becoming more socialable but I was still getting rejected and ignored.


But then something happened... I came to the realization that I just wanted to be happy.

You see, iv'e been chasing women for these past 2 in a half years that iv'e been anything but happy. I sunk to a low level of loneliness and depression because I based my self-worth on the approval of women when I should have based my self-worth on the approval from myself.

Forgive my cynical view but my jaded opinion of love is understandable given my circumstances. Iv'e come to the realization that a woman isn't going to make me happy, I need to learn to be happy on my own because if I base my worth on the ability to find love, then I will die a bitter old man.


I want a girlfriend but I no longer need one to be happy. I'm happy on my own, happy to be single, happy to finally be a free man.
GuitarGuy7 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 2:50 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 2,001
Glad to hear it but yaknow , when you want something that bad especially things you can't just go and do , not like it's earning more money or hobbies or something, sometimes wanting it too much actually pushes it away in life.
So backing off and just living your thing will do you good and who knows what might happen along the way.
Besides , all those things you mentioned , they're all very very artificial ways of hoping to meet somebody real anyway, if ya lucky at that. But getting back to real life instead is still the way most worthwhile relationships happen.
Read that somewhere haha.
Chilli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 3:18 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 11,314
I am not sure how old you are but I will tell you a secret. You don't have to try or do a thing.

Once you hit early 30s, or better yet 35+, your market value will skyrocket. You will suddenly have your pick of women. I have seen this happen time and time again to men that couldn't get a date to save their life in their 20s. All married to hotties now.
__________________
Sometimes there is no lesson. Thatís a lesson in itself.
Eternal Sunshine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 3:27 AM   #4
Established Member
 
FilterCoffee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 526
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
Once you hit early 30s, or better yet 35+, your market value will skyrocket. You will suddenly have your pick of women. I have seen this happen time and time again to men that couldn't get a date to save their life in their 20s. All married to hotties now.
Hey ES. Iíve heard this before but couldnít understand why. Even women in their 30s are inundated with interested guys right? So wouldnít they have lots of options?
__________________
Attraction is a reflex, not a choice.
FilterCoffee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 3:47 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 11,314
Quote:
Originally Posted by FilterCoffee View Post
Hey ES. Iíve heard this before but couldnít understand why. Even women in their 30s are inundated with interested guys right? So wouldnít they have lots of options?
Not really. Early 30s women still have some options but they are on the decline, especially once they hit 35 or so. The problem is that women have a biological clock and a small window to have children. Most want marriage and children so if they are still single at that age, they start to panic and greatly lower their standards. Men on the other hand have all the time in the world to have children.

Also many men in their mid-late 30s show a strong preference to dating 20 something women compared to women their own age. This is because younger women tend to look better (on average), they can brag to their friends that they have scored a younger woman and they also have more time to date them and have children later (if they want to). So win-win-win. This leaves women their own age left in the cold and more desperate than ever.

If you think it sucks to be a 20 something dateless man, try being 35+ woman
Eternal Sunshine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 4:16 AM   #6
Established Member
 
FilterCoffee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 526
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
Not really. Early 30s women still have some options but they are on the decline, especially once they hit 35 or so. The problem is that women have a biological clock and a small window to have children. Most want marriage and children so if they are still single at that age, they start to panic and greatly lower their standards. Men on the other hand have all the time in the world to have children.

Also many men in their mid-late 30s show a strong preference to dating 20 something women compared to women their own age. This is because younger women tend to look better (on average), they can brag to their friends that they have scored a younger woman and they also have more time to date them and have children later (if they want to). So win-win-win. This leaves women their own age left in the cold and more desperate than ever.

If you think it sucks to be a 20 something dateless man, try being 35+ woman
Haha Iím guessing youíre the 35+ woman
You make an interesting point. Iím 26 and Iím considering doing a Ph.D. and my worry is that by the time I finish my program, which would be around 32, it would be too late to look for an ltr. However, if what you say is true, then that would be the best time to look!
FilterCoffee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 9:35 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuitarGuy7 View Post
.

You see, iv'e been chasing women for these past 2 in a half years that iv'e been anything but happy. I sunk to a low level of loneliness and depression because I based my self-worth on the approval of women when I should have based my self-worth on the approval from myself.

Forgive my cynical view but my jaded opinion of love is understandable given my circumstances. Iv'e come to the realization that a woman isn't going to make me happy, I need to learn to be happy on my own because if I base my worth on the ability to find love, then I will die a bitter old man.


I want a girlfriend but I no longer need one to be happy. I'm happy on my own, happy to be single, happy to finally be a free man.
Cheers!
a girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't bring happiness, sometimes bring a lot sadness and trouble, cos u care about a person u will worry and u will not able to sleep or eat unless u r sure they r safe.....
love is the biggest pain, but we need this pain, too, some day in future Lol
unit1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 10:14 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
I am not sure how old you are but I will tell you a secret. You don't have to try or do a thing.

Once you hit early 30s, or better yet 35+, your market value will skyrocket. You will suddenly have your pick of women. I have seen this happen time and time again to men that couldn't get a date to save their life in their 20s. All married to hotties now.
That post made me cry in joy

I'm in middle of my 20s and it's been a bad ride. But I think after reaching my goals in my career and hobbies, I will feel happier and more fulfilled. Also I think if I make more money, I will have the means to go out with more women.

Last edited by drakon12; 4th February 2018 at 10:22 AM..
drakon12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 1:44 PM   #9
Established Member
 
CptInsano's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: South of Lake Erie
Posts: 1,717
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
I am not sure how old you are but I will tell you a secret. You don't have to try or do a thing.

Once you hit early 30s, or better yet 35+, your market value will skyrocket. You will suddenly have your pick of women. I have seen this happen time and time again to men that couldn't get a date to save their life in their 20s. All married to hotties now.
It's not necessarily the case, but if as a guy you stay in shape, are somewhat social and have your life basically in order and haven't turned bitter, you are indeed correct. It may be perfectly enough to be out and about and look halfway friendly.

That change struck me again last night, and I was going out with somebody.
__________________
"The Durango-95 purred away real horrorshow." - Alex

Last edited by CptInsano; 4th February 2018 at 1:49 PM..
CptInsano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 1:57 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: east coast
Posts: 7,256
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
Not really. Early 30s women still have some options but they are on the decline, especially once they hit 35 or so. The problem is that women have a biological clock and a small window to have children. Most want marriage and children so if they are still single at that age, they start to panic and greatly lower their standards. Men on the other hand have all the time in the world to have children.

Also many men in their mid-late 30s show a strong preference to dating 20 something women compared to women their own age. This is because younger women tend to look better (on average), they can brag to their friends that they have scored a younger woman and they also have more time to date them and have children later (if they want to). So win-win-win. This leaves women their own age left in the cold and more desperate than ever.

If you think it sucks to be a 20 something dateless man, try being 35+ woman
I think this depends on the woman. If she thinks she is gonna be treated like a princess the way she was when she was younger, hotter, and likely just all around more appealing, then she will have a rough time in her 30's. If she doesn't waste all of her time trying to go after guys that are no longer interested in her, she will be fine. Plenty of guys still date women 35+ but it might not be that rich, good-looking, successful doctor she has her eye on.
enigma32 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 2:01 PM   #11
Established Member
 
CptInsano's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: South of Lake Erie
Posts: 1,717
Quote:
Originally Posted by drakon12 View Post
That post made me cry in joy

I'm in middle of my 20s and it's been a bad ride. But I think after reaching my goals in my career and hobbies, I will feel happier and more fulfilled. Also I think if I make more money, I will have the means to go out with more women.
Trust me, it's not the money. The currency is confidence/courage and attention. And while it may get easier, there is no reason to wait or simply hope for better times. There is no shortage of women in most western countries, and you really don't know what time will bring. Or as Auden said it:


ĎIn the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.
CptInsano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 2:03 PM   #12
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 4,241
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuitarGuy7 View Post


I want a girlfriend but I no longer need one to be happy. I'm happy on my own, happy to be single, happy to finally be a free man.
Aren't you in your early twenties? You definitely need to enjoy your time as a free man before settling down . You've plenty of time to find a mate!
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 2:09 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Jj66's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 1,121
Do not know about 35 since I was married then but by the time the upper 40s arrive men are almost in complete control of the dating scene if they are willing to date women their own age.
__________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."
George Eliot
Jj66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 2:38 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by CptInsano View Post
Trust me, it's not the money. The currency is confidence/courage and attention. And while it may get easier, there is no reason to wait or simply hope for better times. There is no shortage of women in most western countries, and you really don't know what time will bring. Or as Auden said it:


ĎIn the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.
To me, it's about money. If I had money, I wouldn't still live with my parents, I'd have my own car, I'd attend to activities that would fasten my personal growth. For example, people really like my voice. They say I have a deep and soothing voice. I'd really like to take a professional dubbing training and see where it'd go. I'd take professional help in just about anything I need, be it going to a therapist or working with a dietitian and a personal trainer. I'd dress better. But I can't afford these things and I think it's hindering my growth.
drakon12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th February 2018, 2:54 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Happy Lemming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Sunny Southwest
Posts: 676
Quote:
Originally Posted by drakon12 View Post
...working with a dietitian and a personal trainer. I'd dress better.
I can't speak to all of the items on your list, but I know you can get a book on fitness, weight loss and a low calorie/carb cookbook at a used book store for cheap. As for personal trainer, all you need is a good pair of walking shoes to lose weight. As far as weight training there is a lot of used equipment out there for that, and maybe a DVD could be your personal trainer.

In regards to your wardrobe, I've NEVER purchased a new suit. I've always found them at used clothing or consignment stores. I found this great Italian suit that fit, for cheap!! I doubt the previous owner wore it twice. When I worked in an office that required a suit, no one knew where I purchased my suits. Last week I found a new dress shirt (at a thrift store) for a couple of bucks and it was name brand. Wander into these stores and just look around, I bet you'll find something for pennies on the dollar!!
__________________
All of my posts are my opinion based on my own experiences. Feel Free to disagree with me, this rodent has thick skin.
Happy Lemming is online now   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
No longer attracted to girlfriend introuble1818 Dating 16 9th March 2015 11:55 AM
Ex girlfriend says she is no longer in love with me lastking Breaks and Breaking Up 17 2nd June 2014 2:54 AM
Been with my girlfriend for 4 years, maybe not for much longer TepiMonster Dating 5 15th May 2014 11:33 PM
I am no longer attracted to my girlfriend bananacake Dating 71 23rd April 2009 2:41 AM
men's opinion: how can i tell my bf that i am no longer happy with our relationship? krizza Friends and Lovers 4 18th August 2004 5:33 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:26 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.