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Do you have anything in common with GF/BF?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 3rd February 2018, 4:18 PM   #1
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Do you have anything in common with GF/BF?

When I was dating, I had little or nothing in common with my dates and GFs--even after a year. Maybe one thing that didn't matter. I never could find anyone I had much in common with even after I joined clubs of interest.
One thing like occupation was not enough. And I have many interests--from serious books to the 3 stooges, baseball, classic rock, etc.
.I realize that chemistry is more important! We had that.
Is this just me? Am I really so unique that I can't find a common strong interest? The girls I dated did not even have interests or hobbies, so there wasn't much to talk about. I was afraid of running out of conversation.
Then I gave up.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 4:38 PM   #2
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Do you have anything in common with GF/BF?

My girlfriend & I both like to read. We trade books back and forth and I enjoy selecting a book from her personal library. We have our own little "book club". She is a retired English teacher, so we also enjoy playing "Scrabble" and I get to expand my vocabulary.

We both enjoy Art Museums. One of her hobbies is painting, both oils and watercolors. She also enjoys working in chalks. She recently finished a painting that I have proudly hung in my home.

We both enjoy traveling and outdoor adventures. We do disagree about camping out. She requires a hotel/motel. If I tent camp, I have to go alone.

One of my hobbies is cooking, I think I was a frustrated chef in a previous life. I like to cook and she likes to eat. So she is my official taster, when I try a new recipe. She has discerning tastes and doesn't hold back on the criticism, which I need to hear. I screwed up on the lamb last weekend, but I'll do better next time.

In general, we like each other's company. We have been dating 6 years, so I guess it works.

There are things about me she doesn't like and there are things about her I don't like, but they are minor and we get past them easily.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 5:19 PM   #3
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I have almost zero in common with my GF, or any other woman I have dated for that matter. If your hobbies and interests are not exactly mainstream, you will have the same issue. All of the women in my area are into the same things and nothing else. I could write their online dating profiles for them without even meeting them.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 5:37 PM   #4
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My hubby and I have very little in common. When we started out, we found similarity in sex, eating out and the beach. That was it.

But we've still always had things to talk about. Perhaps the fact that both of us are good at conversation helps.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 5:46 PM   #5
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We have a great deal in common: mostly the same genres in books, TV and movies (sci-fi, comedy, history, adventure, etc.), many shared activities and interests (martial arts, hiking, biking, sailing, travel, fine art, wine), similar beliefs (atheism, Buddhism, Taoism), attitudes, and very high sexual compatibility.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 6:33 PM   #6
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I don't really have common interests with my boyfriend... he's a sensitive, introverted computer guy who likes MMA/UFC, the gym, long boarding, etc. And I'm an acupuncturist who loves the paranormal, crude comedy, cooking/nutrition (he can't cook so it's kind of like happy lemming's situation), local baseball, blah blah blah. We both love animals, both of us are more spiritual/not religious, and we like our space.

He is open minded enough to listen to my perspective on weird ****, haha, but we mostly click in terms of making each other laugh and the time we spend together is easy. We just flow. Not over text, but in person. I think we're more similar in what we don't like--neither of us particularly care for shallow people, materialism, or pop culture.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 6:41 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by healing light View Post
(he can't cook so it's kind of like happy lemming's situation)
Yes, my girlfriend can't cook either. In 6 years, she has cooked three meals for me and burned two of them.

One time I let her cook because I had out-patient surgery earlier that day. I should have ordered a pizza. Lesson learned.
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Old 4th February 2018, 10:17 AM   #8
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My husband & I have similar values & senses of humor. Beyond that we look different: I'm an extrovert; he's an introvert. He's brooding & quiet. I prefer people, but do like my space. I love to dance; he hates clubs. I love the beach; he gets PTSD flashbacks from his time in desert warfare & sunburns so easily. He loves video games, especially those ones with other people & the headsets (MMORPG . . .?); I play Scrabble against a computer once in a while. I love to shop; he hasn't set foot in a store since he got an Amazon account. Now that our local grocery store delivers he won't even go there.

Good conversation comes from asking Qs & really listening to the other person's response. It's about opening your mind & broadening your perspective.

I have had EXs who loved to cook; I can't boil water. One was an avid fisherman. I hate fish but I'd go & sit & read a book. It got so I could pack his tackle box as fast as he could (in my defense I learned out of self preservation because at some point I just wanted to ho home & this was the quickest way to achieve that).

You can also find things you can do together & build from there.
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Old 4th February 2018, 10:39 AM   #9
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We have a few interests in common... We both love to cook, we have similar tastes in music and some television shows, we love to play board games, we love to golf and bike, and we love to travel. But as I think about it, we have some very different interests too... And trying to find a movie that we both like -- it shouldn't be so hard!

But, we have a similar sense of humor and we have no lack of things to talk about. We genuinely enjoy spending time together.
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Old 5th February 2018, 3:43 PM   #10
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Back to my question, am I atypical? Does it sound like I have bad luck? Because I feel that way, most of my life. Not the worst luck but never felt normal or average in my dating pursuits.
Basically, it was a wild goose chase, a cul de sac, like a maze that goes nowhere. A loner with interests no girl cares about.
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Old 5th February 2018, 6:47 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by LuckyM View Post
Back to my question, am I atypical? Does it sound like I have bad luck? Because I feel that way, most of my life. Not the worst luck but never felt normal or average in my dating pursuits.
Basically, it was a wild goose chase, a cul de sac, like a maze that goes nowhere. A loner with interests no girl cares about.
Your hobbies aren't the problem. Relationships really don't spend much time talking about hobbies. My husband loves sport (playing and watchign) but I'm far more interested in domestic arts. We both have zero interest in each other's hobbies. Sure, we both ask about each other's progress/wins, but it's a three sentence discussion. Instead of hobbies, we talk about life. We talk about current events. The kids, our animals, work, events and random other stuff.

What you need to do is be a good conversationalist. Good conversation consists of far more than just discussing hobbies.

Now, I reckon that you have far more topics than just your hobbies. I've got this game I pull out now and again to prove it to you: I want you to write yourself a list of topics starting with each letter of the alphabet. You don't need to be an expert, you just need to have a thought or experience related to the subject. Don't think, just write. Doesn't matter how silly your answer is - this is about thinking on your feet to keep conversation going.

I'll start - you finish.

A - Apples (Got to find time to go get fruit today)
B - Birds (I'm currently introducing a new bird to my existing one)
C - Cars
D - Drinks (endless discussions here from the latest pub you've tried to the best place to buy coffee/tea
E - Exertion. (need to go the the gym shortly)

You keep going with the list
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Old 5th February 2018, 7:30 PM   #12
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My husband and I have a bunch of common interests.

We like the same genre of music (kinda how we met, his band was playing a party I was going to).

We have very similar political, social and religious beliefs.

We are outdoorsy in similar but not identical ways, both of us like to spend a lot of time outdoors, me on my horse, him on his mountain bike.

Speaking of, we both train for and compete in those sports and there is a lot of overlap. A lot of understanding training, competition schedules, even the supporting roles in each are very similar, we are each others pit crew.

We both are into cars, and during my years with out a horse, we would buy vintage cars, work on them together, and flip them. We each had different strong suits - he would be rebuilding the engine, while I re-wired and did body and interior work. We are a great team when it comes to trouble shooting mechanical issues.

We have similar personalities, both of us are out going and extroverts who enjoy having very active lives.

We both love road trips, and still go on them often like love struck teenagers, out exploring the open road.

We have a bunch in common - I think the list of interests we do not share is much shorter than the one of things we share in common (like I dropped him off to watch the super bowl - and went and rode my horse for the second time in the same day!).

He really is my best friend, and I believe him when he says I am his best friend. I don't share so many interests with any of my friends, and the same is true for him.
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Old 5th February 2018, 7:30 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyM View Post
Back to my question, am I atypical? Does it sound like I have bad luck?
Atypical, no ==> Back Luck, its possible.

We ALL go through dating slumps. We ALL meet the wrong person from time to time. We ALL have had failed relationships. Its part of the human experience.

I'm convinced there is a lid for every pot, you just haven't found your lid. You will, though... keep looking.

Just my two cents.
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Old 5th February 2018, 11:37 PM   #14
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I never was interested in anyone I didn't have a lot in common with. I mean, most of the time, music was the bond I had with not just guys but also a lot of my friends. Same type lifestyle. And I zeroed in on guys who liked the same bands as me. It was very important to me. I'd be totally bored with anyone I had no interests in common with. I didn't even like it if they liked a genre I didn't like.
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Old 6th February 2018, 12:00 AM   #15
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I'm adaptable. I really can get along with almost anyone.

We enjoy dancing, we enjoy music (but she says mine sucks), we enjoy exploring new places. We like hiking and being outdoors. Being near the water. We both get paid to think but COMPLETELY different fields. We like words. But she refuses to play scrabble with me anymore. She can't stand losing to a boy. We talk for hours into the night even after all this time. We are anything but bored when we are together. Plenty of difference but enough going on to keep us involved in each other's lives.
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