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Any missed opportunities?

In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 16th December 2017, 9:38 PM   #1
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Any missed opportunities?

I feel like this has been an issue in my life recently.

A few months ago I asked a question on here about talking to a girl I see at the subway on my way to work in the mornings. Just as I was working up my nerve to finally say something, I don't see her anymore. She just fell off the face of the earth. Now more recently there was a very attractive girl that works at my gym and if I may be so bold to say, I've notice checking me out from time to time and thought why not take a chance because I never take any chances with women. But just as I was working up my nerve to start talking to her, she's not there now. This last one really stabs at me. I fee like I'm having too many missed opportunities when it comes to possible love in my life.

Anyway without rambling, to the question: has anyone had any missed opportunities that you really regret?
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Old 16th December 2017, 10:25 PM   #2
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Missed opportunities...

It's something we all deal with whether we are consciously aware of it or not. Every single person you talk to and you interact with has the potential to be someone significant in your life so by not talking to them, you are having a missed opportunity even though you may not be aware of it. In a way, we have missed opportunities every single day of our life. Every person you talk to, every decision make, there is another option that could have drastically altered your life but we are not aware of these most of the time. Hence these are missed opportunities.

See that cute girl in your class? Maybe it turns out she's single, that you two have a lot in common, and that she actually think you're cute. But you come up with an excuse to not talk to her, you let her walk away out of your life so you will never know what could have been.

And let's just say in an alternate timeline, you do talk to her. You find out she's actually pretty cool, you two have a lot in common, you guys begin a relationship.

What holds many of us back from taking opportunities is fear, fear of the unknown, fear of rejection. Rejection from women hurts because you place your value on being succesful in dating. If women don't like me, then there must be something wrong with me. And the belief you are low in value contributes to low self-esteem, hence low amounts of confidence hence you are too afraid to try because of the ingrained belief you will fail anyways.

Rejection hurts, but regret hurts even more. Rejection hurts for a couple days, but regret can hurt for many years because you'll be asking yourself what if? What if I had the courage to talk to her, to ask her out? You'll be asking yourself these questions for a long time.
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Old 16th December 2017, 10:34 PM   #3
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I agree with GuitarGuy. When I miss an opportunity to meet someone i'm interested in it bugs me for weeks. I'd rather deal with the initial sting of rejection. Reward yourself every time you give approaching her a shot.
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Old 16th December 2017, 10:42 PM   #4
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And believe me, rejection does hurt especially if really want to find someone and you don't have a lot of experience in field of dating.

Good advice I can give you is pursue multiple women. Never get in the mindset where you're only crushing on and pursuing one girl, it never goes well. For men, dating is a numbers game. You may only get a date with 1 in 5 or 1 in 10 women that you're interested in. And this isn't even counting online dating where the rejection rates are far higher. So be sure to pursue multiple women, talk to multiple women. Make sure the girl is interested in you and wants to get into a relationship with you because you start developing big feelings for her.
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Old 16th December 2017, 10:50 PM   #5
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If you've decided you're going to make the approach eventually, then just do it straight away. The risk (of rejection) is the same no matter when you do it, but by doing it sooner you spare yourself the weeks of getting worked up and stressed about it, and you minimize the risk of missing an opportunity!
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Old 17th December 2017, 2:56 AM   #6
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Years ago, when I was a teenager, I was at a local arcade with a buddy of mine. They had video games, pool tables, and I think they served snacks. While we were there playing pool, we met this really cute, down to Earth girl who was there playing pool with her brother. We hung out there for hours and that girl and I just kinda clicked. We were joking, laughing, and really just obviously very into one another. Since I was hanging out with my buddy that day, his dad came to pick us up. I made plans with the girl to meet her at the arcade the following weekend. I was really looking forward to seeing her again.

Fast forward to next weekend. Try as I might, but I just couldn't find a way to that arcade. I was still a teenager. No car and no friends who wanted to hang out there. I was supposed to hang out with that same friend but that fell through too. Basically, I stood her up.

After that weekend, I hung out at the arcade as much as I could but never saw her again. I always wondered if she showed up to see me that day and was hurt that I stood her up. Who knows. I don't even remember her name anymore but I think I will always remember hanging out with her that day.
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Old 17th December 2017, 9:15 AM   #7
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Unfortunately what the OP described is not even an opportunity. It is just the thought of an opportunity, as the woman on the subway might have zero interest in him. I may sound very harsh, but it is all in a guys head unless to talks to a woman.

You will need to talk to a decent number of women, or date a decent number of women online, to have actual opportunities.

What Enigma described, the girl at the arcade, that is an actual opportunity.
"The Durango-95 purred away real horrorshow." - Alex
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Old 17th December 2017, 9:21 AM   #8
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Everybody misses some opportunities. It just happens.

As for working up the nerve to talk to strangers, don't over think it. You don't need sparkling conversation. Say hi. Talk about the weather if that is all you got in the moment. It's about breaking the ice.
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Old 18th December 2017, 7:44 AM   #9
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I just turned 55 years old. Missed opportunities? How much time ya got?
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Old 24th December 2017, 1:39 PM   #10
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When I was a teenager, there was this girl who worked at her family's business (An amusement centre, with video games, pool tables, etc.).
Anyway, her brother was engaged to my sister, so never made any moves on her.
Fast forward a little, my sister broke up, and I had a serious relationship, so I again didn't pursue it.

But, a couple of months ago, we met during a club get together with friends.
We talked, and told me she's always had a crush on me (She was tipsy), and seen me on many occasions over the years, but never said nothing.

I also used to think about her, on many occasions.
But now that I've met her again, after so many years, the "What if" feelings come in again.

From all the women I have had in the past, she is the "Most" dangerous person, to my current relationship.
She is beautiful, intelligent, financially well of, and worst of all, recently divorced.
The 3 hours of talk didn't help either.

So, yeah, sometimes, I think about missed opportunities..

Never fear, Superchicken is here.
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Old 24th December 2017, 2:45 PM   #11
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OP, are you in Toronto?

Approaching random pretty women on public transit rarely ends well. Unless it was a woman you thought was very pretty and she was really giving you tons and tons of eye contact -- but then, hold on, if she was staring at you a lot and you dont know her -- wouldn't you be thinking, "why is she staring at me so much? is she crazy?"

i think a missed opportunity is someone you met and got to know well who was single and then you didn't act on it and she found and started dating someone else is a missed opportunity. random beautiful people you see on the transit or streets of a metropolitan city are just that -- random beautiful people.
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Old 27th December 2017, 6:01 AM   #12
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Nope. I'm not scared or risk averse like most males are nowadays. So I've got exactly who I want laying in bed next to me. Engaged to be married to her too.
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Old 29th December 2017, 1:23 PM   #13
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Firstly, accumulated rejections can and do hurt long after it occurs. Maybe a decade later. The cliche it doesnt hurt to ask is not true for me at least,

I agree with the poster that said that what you describe is not a missed opportunity. It was a mere chance. Unless you are very handsome and lucky, it is likely that the random woman will not be so interested in you. And even if she is, she may cautiously walk away. A bird in the hand...your ego is imagining how wonderful she would be for you.
Regret hurts sometimes, but a waste of time to obsess about some female in a subway or wherever. Remember, she might have said something unflattering or rude to you.

Trying to meet a girl in the fog is a mist opportunity!
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Old 30th December 2017, 2:47 AM   #14
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Hmm, I don't know about missed opportunities. Cause they have to be interested in you also. If they're not, then did you really miss anything? No, not really.
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Old 31st December 2017, 12:45 AM   #15
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There was this girl in high school who was rather fond of me. We shared several classes together and eventually developed a friendship.

Unfortunately, my young dumb self was too busy falling for someone else. Annnd little did I know at the was never going to happen.

As for the girl who actually DID like me...she never bothered to talk to me about her feelings, since she knew I liked another girl. The way she would get quiet when I mentioned said girl, and wouldn't really say much else until the subject changed....damn. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much of an oblivious prick I was in high school....

And looking back now....I probably could've liked her that way if I just gave it a chance. She was attractive, smart, and an all-around sweet girl. I didn't have many friends during high school, or people I could honestly say I enjoyed being around. So the few people I did hang out with stick out in my memories. This girl being one of them.

Well, after high school ended, we just slowly lost touch with each other. Our lives took us in different directions, and there ya go. No dramatic conclusions.

A part of me kind of wants to look her up and see what she's up to,, it's been several years. Would be pretty awkward. Hope she's doing alright though.

Do I regret not trying for anything other than a friendship? Yeah, I kinda do. There will always be 'what ifs' in life. But that's just how it is I suppose...
" will not wait. No matter how hard you hold on, it escapes you..."
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