LookAtThisPOst Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Finally an excuse to approach women in public and you actually have a REASON. With the recent Pokemon GO craze that's been bringing people together (Of course some here may not touch it with a 10-foot pole, lol) But I tend to be interested in the psychology behind the crazes and social interaction. But this is an example of a woman that takes issue with men approaching her in public. Not sure if you can read it, but it's a print article scanned in and uploaded... She's an actual journalist sadly and now the public sees the person for who she is and I don't think she's apologizing for it either because on Twitter she's receiving countless messages from men in disagreement with her article. So she doesn't make any apologies and stands by what she says and reminisces of the "good ol' days" when people were video game shut-ins. Yet she berates those that attempt to use a video game to get out of the house and meet people. Of course, this could be a publicity stunt *shrug*
Imajerk17 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 (edited) LATP, I must admit, I do find myself wondering just *how* you manage to come up with all this stuff. The point that the author of the article is trying to make, is hardly a mystery though. It's been discussed on this forum quite extensively already. While some women do like to be chatted up, some women do not. Especially if they already have boyfriends, as the author herself says she has. This holds true at the fair, at the beach, in line at Starbucks, even playing Pokemon Go. It doesn't make them "wrong" (as it seems you are implying), it just makes them not right for you. There are women who are receptive to being chat up, go find them. Edited July 17, 2016 by Imajerk17 13
GemmaUK Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 The crux is - with that article and the fact she has a bf - I take it you would be perfectly happy with your own gf being open and receptive to a stranger approach whilst she is playing a phone app game? To me that would be sorta weird but if you are OK with that or would be then that's your choice. Personally I don't see a phone app game as a reason to approach someone. Surely you have your focus on your phone - so you're not looking out for prospective dates? Heck! The kids who are playing it round here aren't even noticing cars and trucks!!! 5
MidwestUSA Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I didn't see any 'berating' and her reference to the 'good old days' was tongue in cheek. It was a light hearted article based on her limited experience with the game. She's right, it's not an invite to chat, and she has nothing at all to apologize for. Why do you take others' points of view so seriously? Why do you find it sad that she's an 'actual journalist'? People are seeing her for 'who she is'? No, only you are, and that's YOUR perception. You may be in luck if you're a Pokemon, but that's about it. 9
MGX Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Personally I don't see a phone app game as a reason to approach someone. Surely you have your focus on your phone - so you're not looking out for prospective dates? Heck! The kids who are playing it round here aren't even noticing cars and trucks!!! Pokemon Go is an icebreaker. Just like Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, a Marvel Movie, etc. If you're out catching Pokemon and you see someone else doing it, you have an immediate and obvious common ground. You compare notes and discuss where and what you've caught. If a conversation is particularly compelling, it could lead to seeing that person without any Pokemon involvement. 1
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Personally I don't see a phone app game as a reason to approach someone. Surely you have your focus on your phone - so you're not looking out for prospective dates? Heck! The kids who are playing it round here aren't even noticing cars and trucks!!! Pokemon Go is an icebreaker. Just like Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, a Marvel Movie, etc. If you're out catching Pokemon and you see someone else doing it, you have an immediate and obvious common ground. You compare notes and discuss where and what you've caught. If a conversation is particularly compelling, it could lead to seeing that person without any Pokemon involvement. Have to agree with MGX here, it's a great reason to approach, to think otherwise is presumptuous, snobbish even. I mean, it's not like it's completely COLD turkey, right? That's kind of like seeing a woman reading a book in the bookstore and asking her what she's reading, as you both share a common interest in reading. But since Pokemon Go is a HOT thing, one shouldn't be surprised if someone engages in conversation with her. 1
Els Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Can a woman not turn down a man anymore without being called all manner of nasty things? 12
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Can a woman not turn down a man anymore without being called all manner of nasty things? The topic isn't about that, it's about doing the approaching and men being faulted for it.
Toodaloo Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 The topic isn't about that, it's about doing the approaching and men being faulted for it. The reason he was faulted for it was that he didn't pick up on her very obvious lack of desire to speak to him. Then continued to keep on and on making her very uncomfortable indeed... even then he didn't stop and carried on! The approach is fine but what was not and what has really put her off is that the guy simply DID NOT pick up on any of the very obvious social cues she gave. There is NOTHING she has said that you have not said about women that you were not interested in. Sadly many computer nerds/ geeks simply do not have social skills. Its a massive problem for them and many have their heads so far up their own backsides that they refuse to listen when told and refuse to do anything about it which in turn only harms their chances further and makes them into "creeps" and "weirdos"... Instead they bleat on about the "jock" who gets the girls while they are "over looked". The "jock" by the way has spent time developing those social skills and practising them from a young age hence why the women talk to him because he can do it with out seeming to be a creep and backs off when he gets the social cues too... I am sure many are perfectly datable and lovely chaps but I have been on dates where people like this have been highly insulting (unknowingly and also missed both social and verbal cues), they have talked non stop for over an hour before stopping then saying "your turn"... wow; well after all that I have nothing to say and just want to leave thanks... again I am sure he was a perfectly lovely chap but completely socially inept... The geeks are the absolute pits for having any kind of social empathy with others and are just completely socially retarded. Their IQ's may be through the roof and they may do many interesting things but they simply have no clue when to move forward and when to hold back... As I have said before some are so pompous because they know how bright they are that they also ignore the obvious and verbal cues as well as the more subtle non verbal ones. 9
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 The reason he was faulted for it was that he didn't pick up on her very obvious lack of desire to speak to him. Then continued to keep on and on making her very uncomfortable indeed... even then he didn't stop and carried on! The approach is fine but what was not and what has really put her off is that the guy simply DID NOT pick up on any of the very obvious social cues she gave. There is NOTHING she has said that you have not said about women that you were not interested in. Sadly many computer nerds/ geeks simply do not have social skills. Its a massive problem for them and many have their heads so far up their own backsides that they refuse to listen when told and refuse to do anything about it which in turn only harms their chances further and makes them into "creeps" and "weirdos"... Instead they bleat on about the "jock" who gets the girls while they are "over looked". The "jock" by the way has spent time developing those social skills and practising them from a young age hence why the women talk to him because he can do it with out seeming to be a creep and backs off when he gets the social cues too... I am sure many are perfectly datable and lovely chaps but I have been on dates where people like this have been highly insulting (unknowingly and also missed both social and verbal cues), they have talked non stop for over an hour before stopping then saying "your turn"... wow; well after all that I have nothing to say and just want to leave thanks... again I am sure he was a perfectly lovely chap but completely socially inept... The geeks are the absolute pits for having any kind of social empathy with others and are just completely socially retarded. Their IQ's may be through the roof and they may do many interesting things but they simply have no clue when to move forward and when to hold back... As I have said before some are so pompous because they know how bright they are that they also ignore the obvious and verbal cues as well as the more subtle non verbal ones. Yes, that is a good point...he did push and even followed her. Even I can pick up on something like that, though I wonder if men DO get the hint and leave, if women still take issue with it even if it's a first attempt.
Toodaloo Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Yes, that is a good point...he did push and even followed her. Even I can pick up on something like that, though I wonder if men DO get the hint and leave, if women still take issue with it even if it's a first attempt. If you read it she was dismissive but not all that rude when he approached. Then she altered her behaviour to get ruder and ruder and less subtle. She mentions she has a boyfriend and he then still goes on to ask for her number and a date! Come on... The guy went in with one intention, one only and refused to listen to anything else. I am afraid that MANY guys struggling out there are doing so because of this. Even pretty girls want to think you want them for their mind and not because they have a cute ass... It has happened to me before and I have literally had to scream at a guy to just F*** off and leave me alone. If men do get the hint and leave then that article would not have been written. It would have just been a shrug moment. 7
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 If you read it she was dismissive but not all that rude when he approached. Then she altered her behaviour to get ruder and ruder and less subtle. She mentions she has a boyfriend and he then still goes on to ask for her number and a date! Come on... The guy went in with one intention, one only and refused to listen to anything else. I am afraid that MANY guys struggling out there are doing so because of this. Even pretty girls want to think you want them for their mind and not because they have a cute ass... It has happened to me before and I have literally had to scream at a guy to just F*** off and leave me alone. If men do get the hint and leave then that article would not have been written. It would have just been a shrug moment. Do women really like being approached, at all...even initially, even if the guy doesn't push? Sometimes I think guys have a one-shot when it comes to public approaches. I personally don't try anymore because every time I did it, I'd get shrugged off and I wouldn't push...I'd just move on. That was before the Meetup site where it helped with developing friends and a social circle. That way women in these groups are open to being approached, because they are there for the same thing. Funny, how our fathers and grand fathers could approach and succeed. I recall reading print articles of Dear Abby about how some WWII vet said he pointed at a woman, said, "That's going to be my wife!" and years later, they have kids, grand kids, great grand kids, etc. Our grand parents made cold approaches look so easy. lol
MGX Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 (edited) If you read it she was dismissive but not all that rude when he approached. Then she altered her behaviour to get ruder and ruder and less subtle. She mentions she has a boyfriend and he then still goes on to ask for her number and a date! Come on... She didn't tell the guy that she had a BF. The guy went in with one intention, one only and refused to listen to anything else. I am afraid that MANY guys struggling out there are doing so because of this. Even pretty girls want to think you want them for their mind and not because they have a cute ass... It has happened to me before and I have literally had to scream at a guy to just F*** off and leave me alone. If men do get the hint and leave then that article would not have been written. It would have just been a shrug moment.She didn't tell him anything else. All she tried to do is nervously walk away. Something the guy either didn't catch onto or possibly thought she was busy looking for more Pokemon. Dropping subtle hints, like body language and eye gestures are things that can be missed. Just tell the guy that you'd like to be alone OUTRIGHT. No screwing that up. And those comments...ouch! Edited July 20, 2016 by MGX
Imajerk17 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 (edited) She didn't tell the guy that she had a BF. She didn't tell him anything else. All she tried to do is nervously walk away. Something the guy either didn't catch onto or possibly thought she was busy looking for more Pokemon. Dropping subtle hints, like body language and eye gestures are things that can be missed. Just tell the guy that you'd like to be alone OUTRIGHT. No screwing that up. And those comments...ouch! Well, no. Why does a woman need to tell you directly that it's not happening? What if she doesn't like confrontation? You're a complete stranger--a short but polite response and then getting back to what she is doing is all she owes a guy. That she actually *walked away*...how much more clear can you get anyway? Meanwhile, think about how it feels to be badgered by a stranger who you don't know how he will react to things (except he seems socially clueless which is already a negative). It's not on the woman to give clueless males who cold-approach her a straight answer, it is on US doing the approaching to take the hints she is giving us and if she doesn't seem to be interested*, then leave her in peace. *If she is interested or if she thinks she could be interested, you'll know. At the very least, she'll give you her attention, and oftentimes, she will be putting effort herself to keep the conversation going. Edited July 20, 2016 by Imajerk17 3
MGX Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Well, no. Why does a woman need to tell you directly ANY of that stuff? What if she doesn't like confrontation? You're a complete stranger--a short but polite response and then getting back to what she is doing is all she owes a guy. She didn't even give him a polite response. That she actually *walked away*...how much more clear can you get? Maybe he thought that she was busy trying to catch something else nearby. She WAS so invested that she didn't see the guy. It's not on her to give clueless males a straight answer, it is on US doing the approaching to take the hints she is giving us and if she doesn't seem to be interested, then leave her in peace. To swiftly end the encounter of course! You want to crush any hope the guy has, so why not do this in the surest, most efficient manner? If the guy isn't getting these hints, the confrontation continues. Just end it right then and there and tell the guy "Sorry, but I'm not interested in you." Just that simple.
NewLeaf512 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Pokemon Go is an icebreaker. Just like Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, a Marvel Movie, etc. If you're out catching Pokemon and you see someone else doing it, you have an immediate and obvious common ground. You compare notes and discuss where and what you've caught. If a conversation is particularly compelling, it could lead to seeing that person without any Pokemon involvement. I have to ask, how old are you and what type of woman do you hope to engage with? I just can't see how 2 grown ups running hell bent for leather to catch a cartoon could lead to a date or even, rather, that it should. 5
AMJ Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Do women really like being approached, at all...even initially, even if the guy doesn't push? Sometimes I think guys have a one-shot when it comes to public approaches. I personally don't try anymore because every time I did it, I'd get shrugged off and I wouldn't push...I'd just move on. That was before the Meetup site where it helped with developing friends and a social circle. That way women in these groups are open to being approached, because they are there for the same thing. Funny, how our fathers and grand fathers could approach and succeed. I recall reading print articles of Dear Abby about how some WWII vet said he pointed at a woman, said, "That's going to be my wife!" and years later, they have kids, grand kids, great grand kids, etc. Our grand parents made cold approaches look so easy. lol Our grandparents made cold approaches look easy because the world was a smaller place back then. Talking to each other in person was the only way they could communicate. I agree that technology gives us so many new ways to communicate but we are worse at communicating as a result- case in point, how is pokemon a good way to approach a woman? I read this post title and thought- wow that is just lame. I think women still want to be approached in public. But do it well. Be charming, polite, interesting, engaging, considerate, original, confident, and convincing. Don't approach acting like you're doing her a favor or she's obligated to respond the way you want her to. I feel like our grandparents had better common sense and understood how to approach people better than we do. If she's grocery shopping, ask to help her with her bags. If she's standing in line at Starbucks, say something nice and then offer to buy her coffee. That's the type of thing our grandparents did, and that's not really what men do today. You guys approach with weird cheesy lines, with this attitude of being entitled to some ecstatic response, and then get irritated when we blow you off because we're unimpressed. 1
NewLeaf512 Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 If you read it she was dismissive but not all that rude when he approached. Then she altered her behaviour to get ruder and ruder and less subtle. She mentions she has a boyfriend and he then still goes on to ask for her number and a date! Come on... The guy went in with one intention, one only and refused to listen to anything else. I am afraid that MANY guys struggling out there are doing so because of this. Even pretty girls want to think you want them for their mind and not because they have a cute ass... It has happened to me before and I have literally had to scream at a guy to just F*** off and leave me alone. If men do get the hint and leave then that article would not have been written. It would have just been a shrug moment. In my world that behaviour borders on harassment 2
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Our grandparents made cold approaches look easy because the world was a smaller place back then. Talking to each other in person was the only way they could communicate. I agree that technology gives us so many new ways to communicate but we are worse at communicating as a result- case in point, how is pokemon a good way to approach a woman? I read this post title and thought- wow that is just lame. I think women still want to be approached in public. But do it well. Be charming, polite, interesting, engaging, considerate, original, confident, and convincing. Don't approach acting like you're doing her a favor or she's obligated to respond the way you want her to. I feel like our grandparents had better common sense and understood how to approach people better than we do. If she's grocery shopping, ask to help her with her bags. If she's standing in line at Starbucks, say something nice and then offer to buy her coffee. That's the type of thing our grandparents did, and that's not really what men do today. You guys approach with weird cheesy lines, with this attitude of being entitled to some ecstatic response, and then get irritated when we blow you off because we're unimpressed. I don't do the cheesy line thing, my approach had been related to whatever the activity was. If it's at a grocery store, it's about food. Bookstore, about the book she's browsing, waiting for coffee at a coffee shop, ask her about what flavors she enjoys.
MGX Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I have to ask, how old are you and what type of woman do you hope to engage with? I just can't see how 2 grown ups running hell bent for leather to catch a cartoon could lead to a date or even, rather, that it should. Video games aren't just for children in this day and age. Here, this will help you. Pokémon Go Is the Dating App We Deserve | GQ I'll give an example: I'm walking my dog. A woman who also walks her dog comes across my path. Someone compliments the other's dog. We talk about our mutual love of dogs. We enjoy each other's company so much that we want to see each other more. It doesn't have to dogs. It could be shoes. It could be your car. It could be your perfume. It could be ANYTHING that serves as an icebreaker. In this instance, it's an enormously popular phone app.
Kamille Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 (edited) Do women really like being approached, at all...even initially, even if the guy doesn't push? Sometimes I think guys have a one-shot when it comes to public approaches. I personally don't try anymore because every time I did it, I'd get shrugged off and I wouldn't push...I'd just move on. That was before the Meetup site where it helped with developing friends and a social circle. That way women in these groups are open to being approached, because they are there for the same thing. Funny, how our fathers and grand fathers could approach and succeed. I recall reading print articles of Dear Abby about how some WWII vet said he pointed at a woman, said, "That's going to be my wife!" and years later, they have kids, grand kids, great grand kids, etc. Our grand parents made cold approaches look so easy. lol Studies of how people met disprove your theory that people used to be able to cold approach. Aziz Ansari cites studies in his most recent book that shows that older couples (people who are 70 and over) usually met because they lived close to each other, shared a social network or something like that. Older people are less likely to have cold approached than younger people. That "I saw her across the room" line is true. They did meet because they were in close proximity. But it might have taken grandpa months to finally become grandma's pretender. The geographical spaces people occupied were smaller, as were our social networks. Therefore, we would tend to run into people we knew more often. Turns out that was an integral part of how the older generation met and married. Edited July 20, 2016 by Kamille 5
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Okay...I'll just leave this here...LOL Pokémon GO Now Has A Dating Service It's called...PokeDates. So ladies, jump on the craze, get out there and go to town! Collect 'em all! lol 2
Kamille Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 Okay...I'll just leave this here...LOL Pokémon GO Now Has A Dating Service It's called...PokeDates. So ladies, jump on the craze, get out there and go to town! Collect 'em all! lol See, that makes sense. That way, people who actually want to use the app to date can do so. That being said, it doesn't mean women who use the app will be any less picky than women who use any other dating app. 3
AMJ Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I don't do the cheesy line thing, my approach had been related to whatever the activity was. If it's at a grocery store, it's about food. Bookstore, about the book she's browsing, waiting for coffee at a coffee shop, ask her about what flavors she enjoys. Ok, not cheesy lines, but also not that appealing. I don't want some guy to come up and ask inane questions about my favorite coffee flavor or brand of milk. You need to give compliments, offer assistance, do her a favor, buy her a coffee, tell her you know a really great recipe for the zucchini she bought. 4
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Ok, not cheesy lines, but also not that appealing. I don't want some guy to come up and ask inane questions about my favorite coffee flavor or brand of milk. You need to give compliments, offer assistance, do her a favor, buy her a coffee, tell her you know a really great recipe for the zucchini she bought. Well, I won't get into that until I ask those so-called "inane" questions as you would like to call it. This allows me to give her a look at my appearance and determine if I'm cute enough to talk to. Going right into the compliments is a turn off actually, as it seems disingenuous. Same with buying her coffee, it's desperate. Comes off needy.
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