Therapy and getting what one wants

[ZA Dater]

<< Moderator note: The following posts have been moved from another thread as an off-topic discussion. This discussion may continue here. Link to original thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/571903-what-do-you-do-when-you-want-love-but-can-t-have

 

~6 >>

 

 

I see once again therapy is trotted out. Just because someone cant find/have what they want does not apply they need therapy, I can never understand how people connect those dots.

 

I agree with the poster who says find things to occupy your time because stewing on this is really not nice and I speak from experience. Doing things helps distract the mind, sure you will probably think about it but a whole lot less.

 

Meeting people is a simply concept but not so easy in reality, in my opinion you are best off doing things you like doing.

Edited March 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

I see once again therapy is trotted out. Just because someone cant find/have what they want does not apply they need therapy, I can never understand how people connect those dots..

 

Therapy could be of use if a person's attitude is what prevents them from getting what they want.

[ZA Dater]

Therapy could be of use if a person's attitude is what prevents them from getting what they want.

 

In all honesty how many times is that actually the case? Very seldom I would wager. Therapy is just a conveniently trotted out solution here for which there is no basis nor conclusive evidence it has ever helped anyone get a date.

[road]

In all honesty how many times is that actually the case? Very seldom I would wager. Therapy is just a conveniently trotted out solution here for which there is no basis nor conclusive evidence it has ever helped anyone get a date.

 

 

Based on appearance alone I have seen some men and women that you would find it hard to believe that they are married, let alone had a 1st date.

 

 

Yet they are happily married with kids. Whatever negatives they had they used their positives to get a mate.

 

 

So when a man or a woman can not get a date there has to be issues that are keeping them single.

 

 

Now some people can overcome such issues on their own. IE, time to stop being shy and ask women out. Some can't get pass being shy on their own and need a counselor's help. Then there are issues that some people do not see or can not admit to themselves having. They never will make the changes needed to get a mate without professional help.

 

 

When a man can not get a woman there can appear to be legitimate reasons. Bad timing, she just ended a relationship, not her type, religious difference, and so on.

 

 

The thing is there has to come a time when the realization is that when a man is striking out all the time there has to be a cause.

 

 

Thus those reasons really are excuses he is hiding behind to not place the blame on him where it belongs.

[ZA Dater]

Based on appearance alone I have seen some men and women that you would find it hard to believe that they are married, let alone had a 1st date.

 

 

Yet they are happily married with kids. Whatever negatives they had they used their positives to get a mate.

 

 

So when a man or a woman can not get a date there has to be issues that are keeping them single.

 

 

Now some people can overcome such issues on their own. IE, time to stop being shy and ask women out. Some can't get pass being shy on their own and need a counselor's help. Then there are issues that some people do not see or can not admit to themselves having. They never will make the changes needed to get a mate without professional help.

 

 

When a man can not get a woman there can appear to be legitimate reasons. Bad timing, she just ended a relationship, not her type, religious difference, and so on.

 

 

The thing is there has to come a time when the realization is that when a man is striking out all the time there has to be a cause.

 

 

Thus those reasons really are excuses he is hiding behind to not place the blame on him where it belongs.

 

I disagree with all of this for the simple reason its this generation which seems the feel the need to run to counsellors, if one goes back to the 1960s and 70s people seemingly didn't need to go to therapists to learn how to date, in the 1930 it was unheard of.

 

 

Furthermore how many people who go for therapy actually get what they want. For reference I went to therapy when I was younger because I had no friends and didn't fit in, guess what I still have virtually no friends and I still don't fit in.

 

 

My point here is there may be nothing wrong with the OP at all, sending him to therapy is just a way to relieve him of money and not find a meaningful solution.

 

 

I personally do not think people are so transparent they can be dissected in 20 session and if therapy is the be all and end all why is it that there is never consensus between therapists?

 

 

I also really do not see how a counsellor is going to make someone less shy, perhaps we need some counsellors to contribute to this forum.

 

 

Please, we all know guys who cant ever get dates, its always their fault, never anyone else's this has been done to death on this forum time and time again.

 

 

Perhaps there is nothing wrong with people who cant get dates, its more a case of nobody ever having the guts to be honest and tell them why they wont date them, that's more valuable feedback than can be got from any therapist.

[PacMann87]

Suggesting that therapy and counseling is just a scam and way to get people to hand out their money without any clinical support behind it, is absolutely false.

 

You mentioned going to therapy yourself as a kid and referenced that no one can be dissected in 20 minutes enough to get a full picture of who they are.

In response to that .... Therapy isn't a one session solution. No one would ever claim that they could do that. Hence why psychologists clearly outline the fact that their patients need to commit to a recurring long term process with weekly sessions or however it's scheduled.

 

If you go to therapy once, or a handful of times and expect your problems to be fixed or even discovered...then you're the one wasting your own time and money. I suggest rethinking your view on this matter and holding off on forming an opinion until you spend a substantial amount of time with a qualified and credible therapist.

Contrary to your beliefs, countless people have found therapy incredibly beneficial to their lives across a wide range of areas. It's scientifically proven as being an industry that works. The only factor that can risk it being otherwise, is the patients willingness to listen or attend.

 

If your comments were in fact true, then how would you explain the legal system and courts ( all over the world) sentencing court ordered psychological visits, or counseling to those with various issues. Marriage counseling, anger management, substance abuse, bi polar disorder, social disorders. The list goes on.

[preraph]

Pretty much anytime you think you're right and the rest of the world is wrong and is conspiring to keep you from happiness, you need therapy to at least find out if it's you or if you're just the unluckiest SOB in the world. And I tend to think people have more control over life than that.

[ZA Dater]

Suggesting that therapy and counseling is just a scam and way to get people to hand out their money without any clinical support behind it, is absolutely false.

 

You mentioned going to therapy yourself as a kid and referenced that no one can be dissected in 20 minutes enough to get a full picture of who they are.

In response to that .... Therapy isn't a one session solution. No one would ever claim that they could do that. Hence why psychologists clearly outline the fact that their patients need to commit to a recurring long term process with weekly sessions or however it's scheduled.

 

If you go to therapy once, or a handful of times and expect your problems to be fixed or even discovered...then you're the one wasting your own time and money. I suggest rethinking your view on this matter and holding off on forming an opinion until you spend a substantial amount of time with a qualified and credible therapist.

Contrary to your beliefs, countless people have found therapy incredibly beneficial to their lives across a wide range of areas. It's scientifically proven as being an industry that works. The only factor that can risk it being otherwise, is the patients willingness to listen or attend.

 

If your comments were in fact true, then how would you explain the legal system and courts ( all over the world) sentencing court ordered psychological visits, or counseling to those with various issues. Marriage counseling, anger management, substance abuse, bi polar disorder, social disorders. The list goes on.

 

I know people who have spent years with various therapists and guess what the person is exactly the same as they were before, they have the same issues as before.

 

I think most people would after a while like to see an improvement, my own experiences suggested the sessions had little to no value at all and it just became one big blame game where I was at fault all the time. Sorry but I'd rather spend money on something that gives me value as opposed to spending it to listen to someone who wont/cant trot out there own CV of success but expects me to do this and that.

 

Despite what anyone says here in my opinion therapy offers NOTHING to make anyone anymore successful at dating. I stand by my assertion it wasn't needed in the 1950's it shouldn't be needed now.

 

As for the fact its proven it works, OK, how many posters here have magically found a fantastic dating life after wasting money on therapy? I cant recall a single thread "therapy magically changed my life".

 

As for spending a substantial amount of time with a therapist, I'd rather spend a substantial amount of time at the office than hear the baseless opinion of someone who doesn't know me or understand me.

 

Is there any objective evidence that suggests therapy improves ones dating life? Is there?

 

I have said enough about therapy, people are welcome to try it, I however wont ever be trying it, I'd rather enjoy wasting my money on other things.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I disagree with all of this for the simple reason its this generation which seems the feel the need to run to counsellors, if one goes back to the 1960s and 70s people seemingly didn't need to go to therapists to learn how to date, in the 1930 it was unheard of.

 

 

Furthermore how many people who go for therapy actually get what they want. For reference I went to therapy when I was younger because I had no friends and didn't fit in, guess what I still have virtually no friends and I still don't fit in.

 

 

My point here is there may be nothing wrong with the OP at all, sending him to therapy is just a way to relieve him of money and not find a meaningful solution.

 

 

I personally do not think people are so transparent they can be dissected in 20 session and if therapy is the be all and end all why is it that there is never consensus between therapists?

 

 

I also really do not see how a counsellor is going to make someone less shy, perhaps we need some counsellors to contribute to this forum.

 

 

Please, we all know guys who cant ever get dates, its always their fault, never anyone else's this has been done to death on this forum time and time again.

 

 

Perhaps there is nothing wrong with people who cant get dates, its more a case of nobody ever having the guts to be honest and tell them why they wont date them, that's more valuable feedback than can be got from any therapist.

 

Right. In earlier times , Women made it easier on the men when it came to dating. Rarely flaking happened and the game playing. Back then people, especially women , didn't have a long laundry list of unrealistic expectations.

 

So if you think about it, the party that does need to seek some kind of self improvement are those who I spoke of in the aforementioned. I ask that they seek to cancel out on flaking on a guy or whatever games they play.

[road]

Therapy does not work when the therapist is bad.

 

 

Problem people do not fire bad therapists.

 

 

Number one reason why the bad therapists are bad is the will tell the client what the client wants to hear verses what they need to hear. Because the client stops going, which means therapist loses clients meaning they lose business.

 

 

Dollars to doughnuts when a person says it's not me it's everyone else that's wrong that is the person that is wrong. They are living in Egypt. The land of denial.

[scorpiogirl]

Right. In earlier times , Women made it easier on the men when it came to dating. Rarely flaking happened and the game playing. Back then people, especially women , didn't have a long laundry list of unrealistic expectations.

 

So if you think about it, the party that does need to seek some kind of self improvement are those who I spoke of in the aforementioned. I ask that they seek to cancel out on flaking on a guy or whatever games they play.

 

So basically, what you two posters want when you yearn for the 1950s is a woman that can't and won't put herself first. You long for a time when women were second class citizens and their worlds revolved around men who defined who they were. You want a puppet.

 

In The 1950s, Wives Were Expected To Do THIS For Their Husbands. This Is Crazy!

 

You basically want a hostage situation with meals thrown in because you won't fix what's wrong with you.

 

What you and ZADater have in common is that neither of you even like the women you meet. You want them to settle for you. You have nothing to offer but you feel you're owed a chance. For what??

 

To the OP, I am actually in therapy. And it is working. It doesn't magically give me what I want. It has helped me to organise my thoughts, to put my situation into perspective, to adjust my expectations and align them with my abilities and capabilities. Maybe my definition of love isn't yours, and a good therapist will help you unpack all of this if you're ready.

 

It's hard work. It's difficult and sometimes unpleasant and there are many things I don't want to look at. But if my desire for things in my life to change is great enough, I'll look at myself first and accept the help that a good therapist had been giving me.

[ZA Dater]

So basically, what you two posters want when you yearn for the 1950s is a woman that can't and won't put herself first. You long for a time when women were second class citizens and their worlds revolved around men who defined who they were. You want a puppet.

 

In The 1950s, Wives Were Expected To Do THIS For Their Husbands. This Is Crazy!

 

You basically want a hostage situation with meals thrown in because you won't fix what's wrong with you.

 

What you and ZADater have in common is that neither of you even like the women you meet. You want them to settle for you. You have nothing to offer but you feel you're owed a chance. For what??

 

To the OP, I am actually in therapy. And it is working. It doesn't magically give me what I want. It has helped me to organise my thoughts, to put my situation into perspective, to adjust my expectations and align them with my abilities and capabilities. Maybe my definition of love isn't yours, and a good therapist will help you unpack all of this if you're ready.

 

It's hard work. It's difficult and sometimes unpleasant and there are many things I don't want to look at. But if my desire for things in my life to change is great enough, I'll look at myself first and accept the help that a good therapist had been giving me.

 

Lets go in order.

 

1: No I don't want puppets, there are many of them walking around, apathetic ones at that and here I mean males and females.

 

2: Again no, I simply want someone capable of thinking on their own instead of having a laundry list of what society thinks a guy should be.

 

2.1: What wrong with me? Nobody can say, so I'd be surprised if you have the definitive answer based on my posts here.

 

3: Untrue, there have been around three of four I have genuinely liked, the rest, well I tried, at least I gave them the benefit of the doubt which was more than the three or four I liked gave me.

 

4: You are right I have nothing to offer, just that I am nice honest, giving caring, supportive, slim, athletic guy who has actually achieved something in life, I guess none of those are things women in 2016 actually want, no sorry, they want Casanova who sits down with his mates at the pub, talks the biggest load of BS, fits in well with her friends, has arms the size of tree trunks, a goofy smile and look and has about the level of general knowledge that would do a 5 year old proud. Bonus points if I he has super amount of material wealth.

 

5: Best of luck with your therapy but just think about all the lovely things you could have treated yourself to if you weren't paying someone to listen to your troubles. Glad you think sitting in a room talking to a stranger is help and meaningful. Personally I'd rather do things where I pay and can actually see some meaningful improvement.

[ZA Dater]

Therapy does not work when the therapist is bad.

 

 

Problem people do not fire bad therapists.

 

 

Number one reason why the bad therapists are bad is the will tell the client what the client wants to hear verses what they need to hear. Because the client stops going, which means therapist loses clients meaning they lose business.

 

 

Dollars to doughnuts when a person says it's not me it's everyone else that's wrong that is the person that is wrong. They are living in Egypt. The land of denial.

 

So tell me what makes a good therapist? Do those ones charge more? Do they give guarantees, perhaps a certificate after you have attended 50 sessions.

 

How many does one need to try before finding a supposed good one.

 

I exaggerate purposefully.

[scorpiogirl]

Lets go in order.

 

1: No I don't want puppets, there are many of them walking around, apathetic ones at that and here I mean males and females.

 

2: Again no, I simply want someone capable of thinking on their own instead of having a laundry list of what society thinks a guy should be.

 

2.1: What wrong with me? Nobody can say, so I'd be surprised if you have the definitive answer based on my posts here.

 

3: Untrue, there have been around three of four I have genuinely liked, the rest, well I tried, at least I gave them the benefit of the doubt which was more than the three or four I liked gave me.

 

4: You are right I have nothing to offer, just that I am nice honest, giving caring, supportive, slim, athletic guy who has actually achieved something in life, I guess none of those are things women in 2016 actually want, no sorry, they want Casanova who sits down with his mates at the pub, talks the biggest load of BS, fits in well with her friends, has arms the size of tree trunks, a goofy smile and look and has about the level of general knowledge that would do a 5 year old proud. Bonus points if I he has super amount of material wealth.

 

5: Best of luck with your therapy but just think about all the lovely things you could have treated yourself to if you weren't paying someone to listen to your troubles. Glad you think sitting in a room talking to a stranger is help and meaningful. Personally I'd rather do things where I pay and can actually see some meaningful improvement.

 

I make enough money to do both. AND I date. Between you and me, which one has a good social life, And which one is moaning about a lack of people around them.

And you don't really sound "nice" in your posts. unless I have some weird dictionary that jumbled up definitions.

I don't think it's nice that you constantly make disparaging comments about women who take a chance in showing an interest in you because they're fat/ divorced/ single mothers.

Just look at your point 4 and how you talk about people ( men who clearly have been interesting enough for someone to date them).

You don't think much of people and your disdain is evident. If you're not going to make an effort then stop moaning about your not being given a chance.

Why be such a downer and insert your experiences onto the first poster, who probably is nothing like you. Yet you paint him with the same brush as yourself.

[ZA Dater]

I make enough money to do both. AND I date. Between you and me, which one has a good social life, And which one is moaning about a lack of people around them.

And you don't really sound "nice" in your posts. unless I have some weird dictionary that jumbled up definitions.

I don't think it's nice that you constantly make disparaging comments about women who take a chance in showing an interest in you because they're fat/ divorced/ single mothers.

Just look at your point 4 and how you talk about people ( men who clearly have been interesting enough for someone to date them).

You don't think much of people and your disdain is evident. If you're not going to make an effort then stop moaning about your not being given a chance.

Why be such a downer and insert your experiences onto the first poster, who probably is nothing like you. Yet you paint him with the same brush as yourself.

 

You say I am painting him with the same brush, that's not the case, painting everyone who cant get a date as needing therapy is painting everyone with the same brush. Its baseless to say because he cant get a date he must get therapy.

 

 

My disdain is evident and purposely so, simply put I no longer feel the need to sugar coat things with some false reality. I am sure you have a fantastic social life but HOW MUCH has therapy ACTUALLY contributed to it? Did the therapist go out with you and find you friends? I suspect not.

 

 

I have spent the last two decades thinking being a honest nice, generous guy actually counts for something, I have spent the same amount of time being mucked around by females who lack any sort of backbone, its easier to just ignore than confront.

 

 

People aren't born bitter they become it through experience, likewise they become cynical, I am both of those. I guess that's my fault for not trying to tell myself all the awful experiences I had were in fact nice.

 

 

Telling the OP he needs therapy isn't helpful, it doesn't give him any sort of reference.

 

 

Me, I'd say he needs to either try harder, accept more failure or simply find aspects of life to enjoy or alternatively depending on morals simply do what 99.9% of guys seem to do, chase sex only.

 

 

I have made enough effort and reaped the same rotten rewards each time, yet guys who simply show no interest in their gf's seem to do quite well. Must be what the lady of 2016 wants, oh what they all want what is written in whatever woman's magazine you care to mention.

 

 

Lastly I reserve the right to not have to settle with what I don't like, you go for the very best you can and if the best I can do are those types of people then I really don't want anything.

[PacMann87]

Lets go in order.

 

1: No I don't want puppets, there are many of them walking around, apathetic ones at that and here I mean males and females.

 

2: Again no, I simply want someone capable of thinking on their own instead of having a laundry list of what society thinks a guy should be.

 

2.1: What wrong with me? Nobody can say, so I'd be surprised if you have the definitive answer based on my posts here.

 

3: Untrue, there have been around three of four I have genuinely liked, the rest, well I tried, at least I gave them the benefit of the doubt which was more than the three or four I liked gave me.

 

4: You are right I have nothing to offer, just that I am nice honest, giving caring, supportive, slim, athletic guy who has actually achieved something in life, I guess none of those are things women in 2016 actually want, no sorry, they want Casanova who sits down with his mates at the pub, talks the biggest load of BS, fits in well with her friends, has arms the size of tree trunks, a goofy smile and look and has about the level of general knowledge that would do a 5 year old proud. Bonus points if I he has super amount of material wealth.

 

5: Best of luck with your therapy but just think about all the lovely things you could have treated yourself to if you weren't paying someone to listen to your troubles. Glad you think sitting in a room talking to a stranger is help and meaningful. Personally I'd rather do things where I pay and can actually see some meaningful improvement.

 

Wow. Baffling that you are still single.

 

When a female who is in therapy replies to your statement, explaining why and how it's helped her in varying ways... Your response is to tell her that it's meaningless and she's wasting her money and doesn't know what she's talking about.

 

People who can't accept anyone's else's opinions other than they're own usually don't have very many close friends or people around them. Which is probably why the people you meet don't enjoy being around you.

 

No one is advising therapy for people who just aren't having the best luck with dating or don't know how to approach girls and feel inept. There are a million suggestions and ideas that they can take and try or implement if they are mentally capable of changing their ways.

 

It's people who have tried everything, or in your case claimed to try or aren't willing to try, that force the suggestion of professional support.

 

It's incredibly naive and flat out uneducated to even suggest that therapy, counseling, psychology is a waste of time that doesn't help anyone. It's a proven fact that it works. That's not even a hard concept to grasp. Ever use google? Just type in "therapy" or "psychology" or "dating therapy" and then let us know how meaningless it is.

 

Everyone in the world knows that girls don't just like muscled up idiots who act cool and drive nice cars. I mean seriously? That's what you think.

 

You made this thread about yourself, which shows that you're unable to participate in any conversation without dragging your own ineptitudes, unfortunate experiences and sob story of societies crimes against you.

[scorpiogirl]

Wow. Baffling that you are still single.

 

When a female who is in therapy replies to your statement, explaining why and how it's helped her in varying ways... Your response is to tell her that it's meaningless and she's wasting her money and doesn't know what she's talking about.

 

People who can't accept anyone's else's opinions other than they're own usually don't have very many close friends or people around them. Which is probably why the people you meet don't enjoy being around you.

 

No one is advising therapy for people who just aren't having the best luck with dating or don't know how to approach girls and feel inept. There are a million suggestions and ideas that they can take and try or implement if they are mentally capable of changing their ways.

 

It's people who have tried everything, or in your case claimed to try or aren't willing to try, that force the suggestion of professional support.

 

It's incredibly naive and flat out uneducated to even suggest that therapy, counseling, psychology is a waste of time that doesn't help anyone. It's a proven fact that it works. That's not even a hard concept to grasp. Ever use google? Just type in "therapy" or "psychology" or "dating therapy" and then let us know how meaningless it is.

 

Everyone in the world knows that girls don't just like muscled up idiots who act cool and drive nice cars. I mean seriously? That's what you think.

 

You made this thread about yourself, which shows that you're unable to participate in any conversation without dragging your own ineptitudes, unfortunate experiences and sob story of societies crimes against you.

 

He makes every post about himself. At this point, I think people have just given up trying to provide perspective to him. He's even admitted his own friends won't set him up with anyone. Can't say I blame them.

Edited March 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ZA Dater]

Wow. Baffling that you are still single.

 

When a female who is in therapy replies to your statement, explaining why and how it's helped her in varying ways... Your response is to tell her that it's meaningless and she's wasting her money and doesn't know what she's talking about.

 

People who can't accept anyone's else's opinions other than they're own usually don't have very many close friends or people around them. Which is probably why the people you meet don't enjoy being around you.

 

No one is advising therapy for people who just aren't having the best luck with dating or don't know how to approach girls and feel inept. There are a million suggestions and ideas that they can take and try or implement if they are mentally capable of changing their ways.

 

It's people who have tried everything, or in your case claimed to try or aren't willing to try, that force the suggestion of professional support.

 

It's incredibly naive and flat out uneducated to even suggest that therapy, counseling, psychology is a waste of time that doesn't help anyone. It's a proven fact that it works. That's not even a hard concept to grasp. Ever use google? Just type in "therapy" or "psychology" or "dating therapy" and then let us know how meaningless it is.

 

Everyone in the world knows that girls don't just like muscled up idiots who act cool and drive nice cars. I mean seriously? That's what you think.

 

You made this thread about yourself, which shows that you're unable to participate in any conversation without dragging your own ineptitudes, unfortunate experiences and sob story of societies crimes against you.

 

No therapy was being trotted out in this thread well before any meaningful other advice, in fact that's the standard reply here to anyone battling, "oh go to therapy", rather than any other alternative advice.

 

 

I take exception to therapy being the default option as it is in this thread. Its plain rubbish, I cannot think of any situation whereby a person would need therapy because they cant find a date. Depression yes, tragic life events yes but not being able to date, that's plainly ridiculous and even so then one would reserve the right to see said therapists dating CV before taking any such advice, which is plainly ridiculous but you get the point.

 

 

You cannot seriously tell me what the ever increasing number of unsuccessful guys who log on here ALL need therapy, has it ever crossed your mind that its not them who are in fact at "fault", did you ever consider how often these self same guys all demonstrate alternative thinking from the norm on here, why should alternative be cured with therapy. No, its because society become in the last 30 years a throw away one, OLD means ladies can pick and choose like never before, the proliferation of the internet and magazines has preached

 

 

"This is your perfect guy".

 

 

Beyond being kind, honest, well spoken and taking an interest in people, what on earth should a guy be from a personality point of view which requires such drastic changes by a therapist.

 

 

Does not make sense at all.

 

 

Of course therapy helps SOME but NOT ALL, its success rate cannot even be measure in the dating department, in fact I'd go as far to say if you aren't meeting people therapy isn't going to magically help you meet people.

 

 

I'd love to line up two athletic ladies, two curvy ladies and two large ladies, then I'd being out 4 guys, one who is down on his luck but a great honest giving guy, the other ordinary with a failed marriage and the other hugely successful, good looking but not so nice from a personality point of view. Which one do you think will the ladies choose.

 

 

You know what, I have to enough parties and clubs to know the above is true.

 

 

I simply made this thread about the ridiculousness of therapy being suggest as even any sort of option.

[ZA Dater]

He makes every post about himself. At this point, I think people have just given up trying to provide perspective to him. He's even admitted his own friends won't set him up with anyone. Can't say I blame them.

 

 

Believe me I have a very good bitter perspective of dating. For that is the reality of if for me and many other here, glad its different for you.

Edited March 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[WaitingForBardot]

While I agree that talking therapies are not for everyone and agree they may be trotted out to soon sometimes...

 

...

Beyond being kind, honest, well spoken and taking an interest in people, what on earth should a guy be from a personality point of view which requires such drastic changes by a therapist.

...

Perhaps to keep them from tilting at windmills like...

...

I'd love to line up two athletic ladies, two curvy ladies and two large ladies, then I'd being out 4 guys, one who is down on his luck but a great honest giving guy, the other ordinary with a failed marriage and the other hugely successful, good looking but not so nice from a personality point of view. Which one do you think will the ladies choose.

...

While not always true, everyone know this is the way to bet. The issue is constantly dwelling on things you cannot change. And that is something therapy might help.

[Robert]

<< end of moved posts >>

 

Discussion may continue here. Thanks. ~6

[Alamo657]

<< Moderator note: The following posts have been moved from another thread as an off-topic discussion. This discussion may continue here. Link to original thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/571903-what-do-you-do-when-you-want-love-but-can-t-have

 

~6 >>

 

 

I see once again therapy is trotted out. Just because someone cant find/have what they want does not apply they need therapy, I can never understand how people connect those dots.

 

I agree with the poster who says find things to occupy your time because stewing on this is really not nice and I speak from experience. Doing things helps distract the mind, sure you will probably think about it but a whole lot less.

 

Meeting people is a simply concept but not so easy in reality, in my opinion you are best off doing things you like doing.

 

Therapy only helps people who are incapable of conceptualizing their problems, and only have mild psycho trauma.

 

For people who are smart enough to analyze their misery by themselves, therapy will feel like a huge loss of time.

 

Thus there is only one solution to one's problems : try to solve them slowly and one step at a time, and remove oneself from the environment that is making us feel inadequate.

 

People who advocate "therapy" everytime someone is expressing negative thought and emotions, just don't understand what it means to be truly in mental pain, and are trying to apply a generic medecine to very individual problems.

Edited March 5, 2016 by Alamo657

[TunaInTheBrine]

I have never received dating coaching from a therapist, but long-term therapy (4 years and still counting) has undoubtedly increased my self-acceptance and self-esteem level to the point where I am a total boss when I date now. I don't believe my life (love life included) would be turning out the same without it.

 

I disagree with the claims on here that therapy is not useful. It is not for everyone, but for those who want to get a deeper understanding of themselves over time and experience a therapeutic relationship where they will learn A LOT about themselves from, then I would recommend it.

[preraph]

I'm sure there are just as many people on here weary of being asked for a magic wand or magic words to use to override their deeper issues and get them a girl (or guy) as there are people on here weary of being told they might try therapy.

[road]

Therapy only helps people who are incapable of conceptualizing their problems, and only have mild psycho trauma.

 

For people who are smart enough to analyze their misery by themselves, therapy will feel like a huge loss of time.

 

Thus there is only one solution to one's problems : try to solve them slowly and one step at a time, and remove oneself from the environment that is making us feel inadequate.

 

People who advocate "therapy" everytime someone is expressing negative thought and emotions, just don't understand what it means to be truly in mental pain, and are trying to apply a generic medecine to very individual problems.

 

 

The problem with common sense is the people that say that because the answer/solution is so obvious and simple to them. They ignore that the person that they say it to is having problems because they can not see the solutions.

 

 

They can not see how they are shooting themselves in the foot.

 

 

They need guidance.