Living a boring life

[oberkeat]

I'll be turning 30 in six months, no gf, no kids, in graduate taking night classes, and I have a full time job. outside of work, my main hobbies are going to the gym and doing yoga on the weekends. I have my sh*t together pretty much.

 

Problem is I'm extremely bored with my life. I feel like there just isn't much to excite me in life right now.

 

I think maybe part of the problem is most of the time I feel isolated. I do pretty much everything by myself, like going to the movies, etc. I haven't formed a group of friends really.

 

I only have two close friends who I keep in touch with every day, but they're both married and I'm not, so they aren't as available as I'd like.

 

Is life supposed to be this boring? What can I do to bring excitement to it?

[Myragal]

Learn to accept it. Find satisfaction in solitude, activities, etc.

 

Go back and read all of your previous posts. You are just not going to have friends or a partner if your posts are a reflection of your view of the world.

 

A musical instrument (solo). Reading. Meditation. running. Pursue things in which you don't require social interaction. Perhaps you will find peace.

[loveweary11]

Being a complete excitement junkie, I'd say:

 

Make it exciting!

 

Decide what you want to do and just do it.

 

Pick things that challenge you, even scare you and start doing them.

[hasaquestion]

I'll be turning 30 in six months, no gf, no kids, in graduate taking night classes, and I have a full time job. outside of work, my main hobbies are going to the gym and doing yoga on the weekends. I have my sh*t together pretty much.

 

Problem is I'm extremely bored with my life. I feel like there just isn't much to excite me in life right now.

 

I think maybe part of the problem is most of the time I feel isolated. I do pretty much everything by myself, like going to the movies, etc. I haven't formed a group of friends really.

 

I only have two close friends who I keep in touch with every day, but they're both married and I'm not, so they aren't as available as I'd like.

 

Is life supposed to be this boring? What can I do to bring excitement to it?

 

Do you have high standards in a friend? The reason I mention it is because you mentioned two close friends.

 

People generally operate in circles. They have closest friends, and then have a slightly less close, lower commitment circle, and then another more distant circle, and so on. And they reach out to their more distant circles once a month or so to meet up or 'get drinks'.

 

But, if your nature is a more black-and-white view of it, to whom this kind of networking-ish socializing is inherently awkward, and you expect a higher level of mutual commitment in friendship.... you might end up a victim of it and not having many friends. After all, you have a life - you don't have much time to be cultivating super tight friendships.

 

Perhaps you need to do a better job of maintaining peripheral friendships?

[oberkeat]

Do you have high standards in a friend? The reason I mention it is because you mentioned two close friends.

 

People generally operate in circles. They have closest friends, and then have a slightly less close, lower commitment circle, and then another more distant circle, and so on. And they reach out to their more distant circles once a month or so to meet up or 'get drinks'.

 

But, if your nature is a more black-and-white view of it, to whom this kind of networking-ish socializing is inherently awkward, and you expect a higher level of mutual commitment in friendship.... you might end up a victim of it and not having many friends. After all, you have a life - you don't have much time to be cultivating super tight friendships.

 

Perhaps you need to do a better job of maintaining peripheral friendships?

 

I think there is a lot of truth to this! I think I did always think of true friendships more as intense relationships. I guess my concept of friendship is more all or nothing, based on lots of earned trust. I don't know much about how to handle or maintain casual friendships or acquaintances. The core couple of friends I have are very loyal and close to me. But I wish I had more of them. I'd like more of a cluster of close friends.

[AspenBaldwin]

Go bungee jumping.

[lino]

If you live near the sea, take up surfing. It'll genuinely change your life, no joke.

It did mine

[MGX]

At least, you have no drama or chaos.

[shoplocal]

Do you have high standards in a friend? The reason I mention it is because you mentioned two close friends.

 

People generally operate in circles. They have closest friends, and then have a slightly less close, lower commitment circle, and then another more distant circle, and so on. And they reach out to their more distant circles once a month or so to meet up or 'get drinks'.

 

But, if your nature is a more black-and-white view of it, to whom this kind of networking-ish socializing is inherently awkward, and you expect a higher level of mutual commitment in friendship.... you might end up a victim of it and not having many friends. After all, you have a life - you don't have much time to be cultivating super tight friendships.

 

Perhaps you need to do a better job of maintaining peripheral friendships?

 

I think there is a lot of truth to this! I think I did always think of true friendships more as intense relationships. I guess my concept of friendship is more all or nothing, based on lots of earned trust. I don't know much about how to handle or maintain casual friendships or acquaintances. The core couple of friends I have are very loyal and close to me. But I wish I had more of them. I'd like more of a cluster of close friends.

 

 

This!

 

Having tiers of friends is so key to having a really robust social life. I used to think it was wrong of me to engage people who I didn't feel totally and passionately (platonically) committed to -- until I realized all the popular people I knew of, did that. And no one thought they were terrible people.

 

Once you get used to it, it's actually kind of nice to have people you can hang out with and it's not that serious -- as opposed to your really close friends, where sometimes you get bogged down in really serious conversations when you get together, whereas with your lower tier friends it's all about having a good time in the moment. Also, sometimes casual friends become good friends, and good friends need to be downgraded. None of this is set in stone, it's always based on what you need and what's best for you.

[burnt]

I'll be turning 30 in six months, no gf, no kids, in graduate taking night classes, and I have a full time job. outside of work, my main hobbies are going to the gym and doing yoga on the weekends. I have my sh*t together pretty much.

 

Problem is I'm extremely bored with my life. I feel like there just isn't much to excite me in life right now.

 

I think maybe part of the problem is most of the time I feel isolated. I do pretty much everything by myself, like going to the movies, etc. I haven't formed a group of friends really.

 

I only have two close friends who I keep in touch with every day, but they're both married and I'm not, so they aren't as available as I'd like.

 

Is life supposed to be this boring? What can I do to bring excitement to it?

 

Reading your post, it sounds to me that at the heart of it all it's the loneliness that's getting to you, not the boredom, or perhaps the loneliness manifesting itself into a form of depression that's revealing itself in the form of boredom.

[Redfisher]

Is life supposed to be this boring? What can I do to bring excitement to it?

 

One word.. Pu$$y.....It can brighten the dullest day... cheers

[oberkeat]

Reading your post, it sounds to me that at the heart of it all it's the loneliness that's getting to you, not the boredom, or perhaps the loneliness manifesting itself into a form of depression that's revealing itself in the form of boredom.

 

I think that's exactly it. But what to do about it? It's a big problem for me, but I have not figured out how to solve it.

[Myragal]

I think that's exactly it. But what to do about it? It's a big problem for me, but I have not figured out how to solve it.

 

read your other threads. There isn't any means of you solving it unless you get some help in doing so.

 

You are not capable of figuring it out. Again, read your postings. You are in some type of deep depression and need outside help.

[anika99]

Learn to accept it. Find satisfaction in solitude, activities, etc.

 

Go back and read all of your previous posts. You are just not going to have friends or a partner if your posts are a reflection of your view of the world.

 

A musical instrument (solo). Reading. Meditation. running. Pursue things in which you don't require social interaction. Perhaps you will find peace.

 

Why would someone who is feeling lonely and isolated seek out activities that don't require social interaction? Am I missing something?

 

I live much the same life as the OP but I'm a lot older than him/her. I've had lots of excitement in my life and now I really do enjoy the solitude and peace of my quiet boring life. It also helps that I'm a true introvert who has always enjoyed my own company. However I don't think the OP needs to just accept and embrace their boring life of solitude. They are far too young and it sounds like they desire more than their own company. I would advise the opposite and suggest that the OP put themselves out there and look for activities that do require interaction with others.

[burnt]

I think that's exactly it. But what to do about it? It's a big problem for me, but I have not figured out how to solve it.

 

Haven't got the foggiest clue, I'm afraid.

Isn't it lovely of me to point out the problem, but not a solution?!?

 

Ok, seriously though, my answer to your question is: I don't know, because I'm looking for an answer to the same exact question myself. I guess the purpose of my post was to say "I recognize and can relate to what you're feeling".

 

I do know one thing for sure:

Being in love with someone who's in love with you would solve all the problems in life, but that's what's missing.

But how do you get to that point in your life? Well, that's the darn source the problem.

[WaitingForBardot]

Haven't got the foggiest clue, I'm afraid.

Isn't it lovely of me to point out the problem, but not a solution?!?

 

Ok, seriously though, my answer to your question is: I don't know, because I'm looking for an answer to the same exact question myself. I guess the purpose of my post was to say "I recognize and can relate to what you're feeling".

 

I do know one thing for sure:

Being in love with someone who's in love with you would solve all the problems in life, but that's what's missing.

But how do you get to that point in your life? Well, that's the darn source the problem.

100% disagree. The problem is in thinking that some other person, regardless of how close they are or how much they might care about you, holds the key to solving your problems. This kind of attitude/feeling can be detected by others with good choosers (Yes, for chrissakes people, it's chooser not picker! ..lol..) and they will steer clear.

[burnt]

100% disagree. The problem is in thinking that some other person, regardless of how close they are or how much they might care about you, holds the key to solving your problems. This kind of attitude/feeling can be detected by others with good choosers (Yes, for chrissakes people, it's chooser not picker! ..lol..) and they will steer clear.

 

Perhaps, then, I have the WRONG thoughts, but it's just the way I feel. So allow me to be wrong in my own terms. Yes, even if it means that all the good choosers will steer clear.

 

I guess what I really meant to say was that when you love and your love is reciprocated, the 'problems' in life don't seem to be so problematic--you feel complete enough to tackle challenges in life. Life feels tolerable and enjoyable.

 

When you're feeling lonely, feeling unloved, life feels heavy, like you're carrying the weight of the world all by yourself.

 

See what I'm saying is: imagine a day with horrible work stress and you come home and feel that you can just let it off your chest by talking about it with the person you love and are loved by, the stress dissipates.

 

Now imagine, being lonely--all the time, and you come home and know that even the simplest stress is all yours to carry and deal with. Suddenly every little bad thing in life just becomes a monumental problem.

 

I'm not saying the person you love holds the key to your happiness, I'm saying the happiness that person brings to you adds to your own strength to tackle problems in life.

[GemmaUK]

I think there is a lot of truth to this! I think I did always think of true friendships more as intense relationships. I guess my concept of friendship is more all or nothing,

 

I get the drift that you are all or nothing with dating also from one of your recent threads.

Be less stipulated, have less expectations, go with the flow.

Friends are great but can flow in and out. The best friends are those who are there 4 years after you last spoke.

[SwordofFlame]

Perhaps, then, I have the WRONG thoughts, but it's just the way I feel. So allow me to be wrong in my own terms. Yes, even if it means that all the good choosers will steer clear.

 

I guess what I really meant to say was that when you love and your love is reciprocated, the 'problems' in life don't seem to be so problematic--you feel complete enough to tackle challenges in life. Life feels tolerable and enjoyable.

 

When you're feeling lonely, feeling unloved, life feels heavy, like you're carrying the weight of the world all by yourself.

 

See what I'm saying is: imagine a day with horrible work stress and you come home and feel that you can just let it off your chest by talking about it with the person you love and are loved by, the stress dissipates.

 

Now imagine, being lonely--all the time, and you come home and know that even the simplest stress is all yours to carry and deal with. Suddenly every little bad thing in life just becomes a monumental problem.

 

I'm not saying the person you love holds the key to your happiness, I'm saying the happiness that person brings to you adds to your own strength to tackle problems in life.

 

I agree 100%. I work long hours sometimes and also live by myself. Having someone there makes a world of difference...

[Imported]

Travel, for an extended time. Not a week or two, but a month or two. If you can.

 

I feel like I can reinvent myself when I take myself away from all the people that already expect me to be who they think I am and instead I learn to be who I want myself to be.

 

I travel by myself for work a lot or I use to since I recently retired. I would never go to the bar by myself at home, but on the road I do it all the time and it never feels weird. No joke, women are a whole lot looser when they're on vacation

[lino]

Perhaps, then, I have the WRONG thoughts, but it's just the way I feel. So allow me to be wrong in my own terms. Yes, even if it means that all the good choosers will steer clear.

 

I guess what I really meant to say was that when you love and your love is reciprocated, the 'problems' in life don't seem to be so problematic--you feel complete enough to tackle challenges in life. Life feels tolerable and enjoyable.

 

When you're feeling lonely, feeling unloved, life feels heavy, like you're carrying the weight of the world all by yourself.

 

See what I'm saying is: imagine a day with horrible work stress and you come home and feel that you can just let it off your chest by talking about it with the person you love and are loved by, the stress dissipates.

 

Now imagine, being lonely--all the time, and you come home and know that even the simplest stress is all yours to carry and deal with. Suddenly every little bad thing in life just becomes a monumental problem.

 

I'm not saying the person you love holds the key to your happiness, I'm saying the happiness that person brings to you adds to your own strength to tackle problems in life.

 

Your view isn't wrong, it is simply unpopular.

Most people don't know what extended periods of involuntary solitude means. And I mean solitude in the romantic sense, not literal solitude where one doesn't see another soul for days.

 

My first 27 years of life were very lonely and I agree with you 100% that now in a real relationship, life has a lot more meaning to it.

 

It takes a lot of time alone to realise what you feel and most never get there. They're fortunate amd should celebrate that rather than berate those who complain they're lonely.

[Grumpybutfun]

If people live a boring life, it is all on them.

Best,

G

[guest569]

It sounds like you have a very set, predictable routine. No wonder it is boring! Me, I have my routine plus a tonne of drama in my life, far from boring. I wish it could be more boring.

 

Anyway, have you taken any leave lately? I agree with Imported who suggested doing traveling. A change of scenery might be what you need.

[Els]

Perhaps, then, I have the WRONG thoughts, but it's just the way I feel. So allow me to be wrong in my own terms. Yes, even if it means that all the good choosers will steer clear.

 

I guess what I really meant to say was that when you love and your love is reciprocated, the 'problems' in life don't seem to be so problematic--you feel complete enough to tackle challenges in life. Life feels tolerable and enjoyable.

 

When you're feeling lonely, feeling unloved, life feels heavy, like you're carrying the weight of the world all by yourself.

 

See what I'm saying is: imagine a day with horrible work stress and you come home and feel that you can just let it off your chest by talking about it with the person you love and are loved by, the stress dissipates.

 

Now imagine, being lonely--all the time, and you come home and know that even the simplest stress is all yours to carry and deal with. Suddenly every little bad thing in life just becomes a monumental problem.

 

I'm not saying the person you love holds the key to your happiness, I'm saying the happiness that person brings to you adds to your own strength to tackle problems in life.

 

I agree with this. I don't think anyone should rely 100% on someone else for all their happiness and/or strength (and I don't think that would solve ALL of anyone's problems), but I don't know why it's so taboo here to admit that having loved ones by your side makes a lot of things easier to deal with, and brightens your life. I know my R certainly does.

 

That being said, I don't think the OP is sad/overwhelmed so much as just bored... and boredom is a lot easier to deal with. I second those who suggested traveling - even a domestic trip to somewhere you've never been can shake things up a bit and work wonders. If you don't want to travel, then try SOMETHING new, anything. New hobby, new skill, new class, new group, etc etc.

[MidwestUSA]

REAL MEN don't get bored.

 

 

Get a motorcycle, restore a vintage car, start collecting power tools, get into woodworking, or glass blowing. Build a house from the ground up. Get your pilot's license.

 

Get some tatts that you've designed yourself. Volunteer at an animal shelter.

 

And on, and on and on.

Edited December 12, 2015 by MidwestUSA