WonderKid Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I'd say about a year or two ago I came to this conclusion. Maybe it is the city I am in--but also among other things. I am African-American. I have seem to only attract white women. With black women I rarely attract here. Most want black guys that have the swag or hugs the block. I grew up in the ghetto but it is not me. It is very rare to find black girls that are into what I am into: anime, games, art. They don't have to be into all of those things but it wouldn't hurt. I am fond of black women who don't mind rocking their natural hair too. It speaks a certain language to me. But when I talk to a black woman, I start speaking in ways they wouldn't comprehend or things they are not (and never will) be familiar with. So it is hard to relate. With white women I attract well. Only to the degree if some do not date black guys. Also, when I was OLDing, I realized that 90% of the profiles of white women included these things: mudding, fishing, camping, four-wheeling, hunting, trucks. I felt too out of place. And then the women that where into anime, games, and art and things like that; they either didn't date black guys or probably just wasn't attracted to me. And a couple of them were hell-bent on a guy just wanting sex so that became annoying. I tried the single mom thing and that just never worked out. They just don't have the time for dating like they think so. I tried one more dating app. And noticed another thing. Like 8/10 women were stoners. And I have had bad experience with them. And I am like one of the 10%ers that don't smoke weed. So that is lame. Overall, I said **** it. I am just going to march to my own rhythm even though I don't fit in anywhere. Have anyone of you felt or feel like this? Or recognized it? Do you think that you could be into an opposite of you? Just wondering Chime in Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 There's nothing wrong with being someone that doesn't share your hobbies. You and your partner get to introduce each other to something neither of you would have enjoyed on your own. I understand the allure to be with someone that shares your interests, because both of you can relate to each other. But that is not set in stone. You have to be open to new opportunities and hobbies, otherwise you run the risk of becoming boring to others. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderKid Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 I get what you're saying. Because I thought that out. I don't want someone who has all my interests but at least being a little more open-minded wouldn't hurt. I am willing to try new things certainly. But I guess the persona I give off says otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 maybe the women (in those online profiles anyway) are just posting those things thinking a guy will find it attractive? like the mudding, fishing, camping, four-wheeling, hunting, trucks, etc...? you have to start a relationship with someone to really know who and what they are about and not base it on what they list or say. some people who list that stuff might still be open to your hobbies and interests too. although i hear you on the weed thing.. no thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mr_dave Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I feel pretty much the same WonderKid. Everything here in England seems to revolve around drinking and substance abuse, at least where I am. I'm a clean living guy, into soccer, weights, cooking, foreign languages and culture, nature etc. I'd much rather spend my weekend eating out, watching a film at the cinema and going on day trips. Most women want to go on nights out getting drunk, then spend the next day hung over. The ones that don't are all the bookworm types or ones who are similar to yourself, enjoying anime, art etc. I don't think many of them would be into a muscular, sporty guy. Most people assume I'm the typical, heavy drinking 'lad' to go with it, but I'm not at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderKid Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 I'm open-minded though. I never thought of it that way: like, women putting those things in their profile to attract the guys. There's a big country/city schism where I stay and it's like city guys are a no-no. Lol I've talked to some country girls and when I mentioned some of my interests they knew squat about it. Lol But football was very common. I understand because in the longrun you'd find a person that's into what you are in more to pursuit than someone who isn't. With the weed. I mean I grew up around drugs all my life. I don't judge. But I am starting to not consider dating (whenever I start dating again) to not date any lady that does weed. It leads to some problems. One is, if they cannot support their habit, they are willing to smoke with any random guy. And, in many cases some cannot have a good day without getting high. It's a snowballing effect. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladybeanandcats Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Hi there! I stumbled onto this post because the title really suits my own situation. Just wanted to say as a white woman I am surprised you are having this issue. I do not know where you are but in Philly or NYC you'd have a way better chance at this, trust me. I am into neither anime and the like nor rednecky mudding and football so cannot speak on those. Having lived in Lancaster, PA briefly I can see how this would be an issue in a city surrounded by a rural area. It's safe to say after reading this post and the follow up comments that to assume really does make an ass out of u-m-e. Seeing a lot of people here missing their chances because either they are making assumptions or others are. I do not smoke weed. I tried it once and did not like that I couldn't turn it off. Nor do I have any tattoos and everyone I meet who has one usually is cool with the other and doesn't want anything to do with a person who isn't into those. I do not have a problem with them but there seems to be a certain expectation to do stuff like weed or get inked that if you do not you're uptight and cannot relate therefore can't work. The only guys who would be attracted to me for being rather old fashioned and lady like and liking cultural things are usually the male versions of your book worm types. I am not into clean cut white collar guys who are nerdy. I like men who know how to build things, fix things, etc. They all seem to want what I am not. So it sucks. They assume because I look frilly and proper on tbe outside I am a prude and too nice to pursue so it sucks. Oh how complicated and ****ty people truly are. You could always look for a nearby convention, a comic con or something. Lots of people attend those and you just may be able to meet others. I used to know a black chick who was deeply into historical costuming, fantasy, books, etc and her husband was, too. they even dressed their baby girl up and took her to one of the overnight events so don't give up looking, you just need to look in the right places. You have a much greater chance at finding someone than I do. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sanctun Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 this is me to a t,the exact thing im going thru except im African not African American.where im at i get more love from white women where i can talk to them as compared to the black women,who dont give me any time,even tho really I want to be with black women.Just know that the struggle is real and that youre not alone.Remember, these are the same sistas who complain when they see us with women who arent black,complaining that we dont like them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I KNOW I don't fit in! I'm more of a lone wolf than a follower. Over time, I've made my unique qualities work for me. Wearing my geek qualities like a badge keeps the fake and superficial people away from me. I like controlling things, rather than being controlled by things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderKid Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Actually Utah would be the perfect state for me regarding anime and geekish things. One thing I tried once upon a time is going to bars or a club. And I'd go by myself and feel horrible afterwards. I am just not that kind of person. If some family or friends were around I'd feel more comfortable and loose, but still out of place. I am supposed to be moving out of state though. I don't know exactly when but it has been talked about among family frequently. Apparently, it will be southern bound. Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 maybe the women (in those online profiles anyway) are just posting those things thinking a guy will find it attractive? like the mudding, fishing, camping, four-wheeling, hunting, trucks, etc...? you have to start a relationship with someone to really know who and what they are about and not base it on what they list or say. some people who list that stuff might still be open to your hobbies and interests too. although i hear you on the weed thing.. no thanks! ^ Dude, half of Plenty Of Fish right there. Usually a pic of some chick caked in makeup in a tight dress claiming to like to dress down and get her hands dirty. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WonderKid Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 More like 80% of POF for me. Lol Like I can pull up 20 profiles and 18 will say those very same things. It's not a terrible thing it is just awkward for me. Plus I am not that fond of a lady that likes to do everything the guys do. A little more feminism doesn't hurt. But once they find out I am not driving a truck, it's game over after that Lol And my car is even limited edition! O.o Link to post Share on other sites
shoplocal Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 This is an old thread, but it speaks to me! I'm also an African/1st generation American who always sticks out like a sore thumb. It doesn't matter who I'm with, where I go, or what I do. My solution to this awkwardness is to accept that it's never going to change. I will always be weird. As such, I'll always have a motley crew of friends and I may end up doing lots of things I enjoy, alone. That being said, I know that my friends think I'm the bees knees because only genuine people who genuinely like you will stick around when you're kind of a weirdo. I know that I can always have a good time, because I'm willing to strike out and have experiences on my own, to ensure I have them. This sort of thinking may not do much for your love life, but it can do wonders for your quality of live overall. Good luck on your move! Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I never have fit in... anywhere. That's why I do my own thing & i don't worry about what others think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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