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Contradictory feelings


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Hello, guys. Recently i went through very tough breakup with the only gf i had, where i was incredibly deceived, cheated on and betrayed. After it happened i got very heavy depression and right now im starting to crawl up from it. By the way, im trying to formulate my position against beautiful girls of my age. Part of me can't help but despise and resent them, be bitter around them and avoid any interactions with them by all cost because they bring me nothing but pure suffering and misery. And another part of me can't help but feel extreme attraction towards them and desire to get new relationship by all means. I can look at them for hours, im stalking their social network accounts, im constanly dreaming of being with some of them, in sexual and romantic way. I don't know which part of feelings is more intense and important. What the hell is wrong with me? What should i do?

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Frank2thepoint

Why do despise and resent women, because of the actions of one girl that did not respect you? You can't blame an entire gender just because of one confused and lost girl's behavior towards you. She did the betraying because she doesn't know how to handle her conflicting emotions and thoughts. So she lashed out against you, and will lash out at others in the future. These women that you are stalking via social media did nothing toward you. You should try to confront your poor view of women, and learn to appreciate them, because there are good women in the world. As for what you should do, I suggest for you to stop stalking women on social media. Find something productive to focus your energy on. Revisit a satisfying, and non-threatening hobby, or discover a new one. Maybe you like sports, or art, or music, or whatever. The importance is for you to nurture your self-worth and stay positive.

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>Why do despise and resent women, because of the actions of one girl that did not respect you? You can't blame an entire gender just because of one confused and lost girl's behavior towards you.

I don't blame entire gender. Im talking only about beautiful and attractive young ones. When it happened with me, i wanted to do a research to find out if i am the only one who got fooled so badly. I have read approximately 250 similiar stories on this site and many others, when girls cheated, lied, manipulated their long-term boyfriends and husbands. And this is only internet. Who knows how many of those girls hurt men all over the world? Its about 40% of the men suicides related to the result of girls slutty manipulations.

>She did the betraying because she doesn't know how to handle her conflicting emotions and thoughts.

She did because she was attractive and young. After all this time, i came to conclusion that its the very nature of the young and attractive women. They don't know loyalty, they don't know dignity, they dont want to work on relationship, they lie and cheat and use power of their appearance just to gain maximum of materialistic wealth. No matter how good boyfriend is, they always will find some flaws in him to justify their desire to cheat on him. They think since they are so beautiful it means they are wasting their precious time if they sticking with just one boy when they can get new man every day. And they probably becoming good women only after they reach late 30-s and starting to raise kids. At this point, they are no longer attractive, they are tired of cock carousel that they been riding their entire life, they using all the wealth they collected from life-long manipulations to establish luxury they always wanted. Thats how it works. And i dont blame anyone as you accused me. How can you blame a dog for urinating at corners? Its their nature. Same thing with attractive girls. They cant control themselves. And also, i dont say men are perfect. There are many of male scambags out there. But even decent guys have this curse of sexual pressure which push us to go for shallow attractive girls because they work like magnet on us. I hate all of this sexuality that keep making the people miserable.

>These women that you are stalking via social media did nothing toward you.

To me they didnt. But every one of them using the men weaknesses to manipulate and deceive them. As i said, its their nature. And my feelings are contradictory because i want to be with them so badly and at the same time i realize that i should avoid them like plague they are.

 

>You should try to confront your poor view of women

Im trying to do that. Thats why i created the thread.

 

>As for what you should do, I suggest for you to stop stalking women on social media.

Its the only way i can look at them and not get hurt.

Edited by mefisto
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Now people here see me as some stupid misogynist and ignoring me. Believe me, im not like that. I never hurt any women in my life and probably never will. I treated my ex very well. This confusion took over me. I know that what i wrote earlier is wrong and not girls are like that. Its my fault for having such pessimistic conclusions. After the relationship i have been infected with some virus that got me addicted from pretty girls. Its obvious that i should not bother them with myself since i didn't achieve much in life and in result i don't have much confidence. Even if i would get some pretty girl in relationship with me, she will see what a low-status male i am and she will cheat on/dumped me very fast. And she probably will be right to do so, since i am not confident enough to be in relationship and compete with other men. But how to give up completely? Its so sad that people of my age constantly having romantic and sexual experiences everyday, while i struggle for way in life. It would probably take many years for me to achieve financial success and full independence that attract girls. How to give up on them for a very long time until i would become successful?

Edited by mefisto
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You seem to believe that you can read people's minds and know what they will do or how they will act / treat others, based on irrelevant things like their gender or how attractive they are. Then you judge them and feel anger towards them for the thoughts and plots you have decided they must have.

 

That is how crazy, dangerous people think.

 

What should you do? Get a therapist.

 

No judging or teasing here. You need a little help before stalking women turns into a bigger problem. Don't be afraid or ashamed of getting some help.

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>You seem to believe that you can read people's minds and know what they will do or how they will act / treat others

No, im using my own experience of contemplation. Its possible that i might be wrong. And honestly i want to be wrong. But all things that i saw in life telling me otherwise.

 

>based on irrelevant things like their gender or how attractive they are.

How its irrelevant? When person is physically attractive, he notices that people reacting to him more positively than to less attractive people, and use it for his own gain. Its obvious. Not all of the attractive people are shallow, but most of the shallow people are attractive. Because they don't need anything to back up their confidence around people. They don't need to value relationships because they know they can easily replace anyone. Its the same for guys, but with girls its much more common.

 

>Then you judge them and feel anger towards them for the thoughts and plots you have decided they must have. That is how crazy, dangerous people think.

I don't judge anyone. And only anger i feel is either towards myself of the two particular people that have betrayed me. Sometimes i feel resentfulness and despising when i see how pretty girls behave themselves. Its possible that im crazy, but definitely not dangerous.

 

>What should you do? Get a therapist.

I went 8 times already. He said that my feelings are normal reaction to what happened with me and i need time to grieve and mourn. We talk a lot, but he can't help me get my view on girls in order.

 

So, i will repeat my question for the last time and then i will abandon the thread if nobody will answer.

 

"How to give up on relationship completely? Its so sad that people of my age constantly having romantic and sexual experiences everyday, while i struggle for way in life. It would probably take many years for me to achieve financial success and full independence that attract girls. How to give up on them for a very long time until i would become successful?"

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Hello, guys. Recently i went through very tough breakup with the only gf i had, where i was incredibly deceived, cheated on and betrayed. After it happened i got very heavy depression and right now im starting to crawl up from it. By the way, im trying to formulate my position against beautiful girls of my age. Part of me can't help but despise and resent them, be bitter around them and avoid any interactions with them by all cost because they bring me nothing but pure suffering and misery. And another part of me can't help but feel extreme attraction towards them and desire to get new relationship by all means. I can look at them for hours, im stalking their social network accounts, im constanly dreaming of being with some of them, in sexual and romantic way. I don't know which part of feelings is more intense and important. What the hell is wrong with me? What should i do?

 

You shouldn't do anything with women because you're probably more hurt than you realize. When one woman, from the past, dictates how you interact with women in the present, you've got yourself a big problem. You haven't taken enough time to heal; it can be a long process depending on how devastated you are from the experience.

 

I wasn't cheated on or anything like that, but I still got heart broken; I'm taking as long as I need to recover. Being single, you learn a lot about yourself; so much that you start to enjoy being single because you know that if you do pursue women, it's just going to make your life more complicated, more emotional, than it needs to be. I can say this from experience, you're in no position to be pursuing woman (for any reason). You need to take this time to heal, my friend, and then once you get to a point where you can start considering dating again, that's when you can figure out your next step.

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You shouldn't do anything with women because you're probably more hurt than you realize. When one woman, from the past, dictates how you interact with women in the present, you've got yourself a big problem. You haven't taken enough time to heal; it can be a long process depending on how devastated you are from the experience.

 

I wasn't cheated on or anything like that, but I still got heart broken; I'm taking as long as I need to recover. Being single, you learn a lot about yourself; so much that you start to enjoy being single because you know that if you do pursue women, it's just going to make your life more complicated, more emotional, than it needs to be. I can say this from experience, you're in no position to be pursuing woman (for any reason). You need to take this time to heal, my friend, and then once you get to a point where you can start considering dating again, that's when you can figure out your next step.

You are right and im very devastated. But healing can takes many years. How to cope with complete lack of intimacy for such long time? After being in relationship its so freaking hard to enjoy single life.

Also, why there are so many advices in the internet that are pure opposition of your words? I have read so many threads on different sites that said that the only way to get over ex-girlfriend if to have sex with 10 others. If its true then im doomed, because i can't get even 1 nice girl to have sex with me right now. Can hookers help with that? Im afraid of infections though. If i will have sex with 10 hookers, i will catch something bad for sure.

Edited by mefisto
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You are right and im very devastated. But healing can takes many years. How to cope with complete lack of intimacy for such long time? After being in relationship its so freaking hard to enjoy single life.

Also, why there are so many advices in the internet that are pure opposition of your words? I have read so many threads on different sites that said that the only way to get over ex-girlfriend if to have sex with 10 others. If its true then im doomed, because i can't get even 1 nice girl to have sex with me right now. Can hookers help with that? Im afraid of infections though. If i will have sex with 10 hookers, i will catch something bad for sure.

 

Well, we first need to grasp the concept of women in our lives. Let's start off with the basics.

 

Women are just like you and I: the only difference is that some have bigger breasts than we do, some have vaginas, and most can have children. Us guys don't have everything that women do; nor does every woman have everything a man has. They're human beings just like us.

 

But if you and I are heterosexual males, why do heterosexuals view the opposite gender as so important as if we can't function without them?

 

We believe we can't function without a woman because we have desires that only a woman can satisfy. Often times, people are under the illusion that we're incomplete without them; like we're only "half" a person, and we need "another half" to complete our lives. But this is utterly false.

 

We don't need women in our lives for any reasons. We are complete people; not halves. We don't need a woman to function, or contribute in society. We can get degrees without a woman, we can get a career without a woman, we can celebrate birthdays without a woman, we can laugh without a woman, we can spend time with people without a woman, and we can live without a woman. We can, if we choose to.

 

In the grand scheme of our lives, women are one of the least important things. There are a lot of things in our lives that serve more of a purpose than a woman does. The only reason why women become as important as society portrays their importance is because we sometimes forget the difference between "needs" and "wants." We say things like "I need a woman to be happy," "I really need this car in front of me to get out of my way," etc. Most of the things we claim to need, are really just desires based on things we want. We just get so caught up in our negative emotions that we don't take the time to think about what's really going on. Instead, we usually just feel bad about our circumstances.

 

There's people in my life I can share experiences with. However, the reason why I would want a woman to share experiences with, rather than a male friend, is because I want to share my experience with someone who has a vagina, and wants me to touch it. Our perception plays a big role in our desires. There's people out there who really want to murder someone. You and I might not have a desire like that, often at least, because our perception is focused on other things. Our desires change all the time based on our perceptions. You may come up to me crying, and I'll say "I really want to give you a hug right now." However, if you say "I just killed your mother," then I will lose that desire to hug you, and my perception will shift into different, more gruesome, desires. Our desires aren't always consistent; the desires that tend to stay the longest are the ones that we perceive as important, and we won't lose those desires until our desires are satisfied.

 

If you go to the park and watch couples make out and hold hands all day, you might have a desire for a relationship. If you go to a strip club, you might have a desire to get laid. However, if you have a group of friends, and you decide to go to the park and cook ribeye steaks on the grill while playing games, your focus isn't going to be on the couples walking by. In fact, those couples are probably going to have the desire to join you. Instead of them thinking "oh Jimmy, this is so romantic. Walks in the park. Ima wear that short skirt tonight, my big strong man," they're gonna be thinking "dang Jasmine, those Rib eyes sure smell good. Looks like fun, too. Why don't we do things like that with? You know what? Next weekend, we're inviting some friends over for a cookout." You don't need a woman to get friends, or buy rib eye steaks. You can do a lot with friends; you can't always do everything with friends, but you can do enough to where you can get opportunities to interact and spend time with people. It's okay to be alone because being alone can be quite relaxing; being lonely is something different. We feel lonely because we feel like we don't have anyone in our lives. If that's the case, we want to get people, and they don't need to be women (or people we're attracted to).

 

So if you believe it's difficult to be single; it's not because it is, but that's how you perceive the single life. You believe being single is difficult, and so being single becomes difficult. The self-fulfilling prophesy. Don't get me wrong, being single isn't my preferred choice. Yeah, I want a relationship that'll give me endless amount of poundtown action, and love from a woman, but being single isn't that difficult for me because I've recognized that we only feel bad about our circumstances because we choose to. Everything is based on a choice. Here's the thing though: not only am I single, but I'm not even watching porn or masturbating. I am not relieving any sexual desire even though it's clearly there. I'm not pursuing women because I have no interest in them.

 

At first, being single was tough. It's not easy to accept initially, but it gets better when you're aware of your surroundings and how you feel. It's why people say that you learn a lot about yourself when you're single; you're mind is clear and you can just sit down and think about why you feel the way you feel. And often times, the reason why we feel a certain way doesn't logically make sense. Blue balls will go away, erections will die down, desires for sex will go away; it's all just temporary. It'll last as long as you want it to.

 

People get over ex-girlfriends differently. Everyone is different, so why should we expect everyone to deal with circumstances the same way? Yeah, I went down that path too; thought "getting my tip wet" would help and, you know what? It did to a certain degree. However, using sex as a coping mechanism isn't the best approach because you begin to depend on it. Unfortunately, us single dudes won't always have that opportunity to get laid when times to get rough. If we depend on sex, times get rough, and we don't have that opportunity to get laid...guess what? Now you feel even worse because not only do you feel like garbage, but you may even feel like no one wants you. Like you're not good enough or something stupid like that. And then you get desperate; going for the hookers, risking your life all for measly 5 minutes of temporary bliss.

 

I'm doing all the things I'm doing (not pursuing women, not having sex, not watching porn, not masturbating, etc) because I want to get to a point where I can deal with my problems without having to rely on anyone else, or anything else. Because in the end, I'm the last line of defense; if I'm not able to deal with unfortunate circumstances by myself, then I'm setting myself up for a world of pain.

 

In recovery, it's always better to take as long as you can to heal. You're going to get better; it's just are you going to take the time to get better now, or a couple relationships down the road when you realize you're still in pain from the past? You're welcome to put yourself, and others, through bad situations, we all learn from our mistakes, but if you wanna be effective, you're gonna sit down and realize that the only person holding yourself back from getting better is yourself. I don't care if it takes me 2 or 16 years to get better. However, being single...I can take this time to get better without fearing like I'm going to lose a potential good woman all because I was too weak to handle a relationship. Being single, there are no regrets. But if you pursue women when you're not ready, I guarantee that there will be.

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