irc333 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 There was a post somewhere either in this area or the "dating" forums where someone posted about asking the same woman out on more than one occasion and then finally getting them to go out with you. Usually it's spaced apart though as to not appear to psychotic in nature, but I have heard of situations like this before, even though I typically move on after one attempt, two tops. Then when I was at a Meetup, a woman had found a new boyfriend, brought him to the party. I knew who she was as she had dated a male friend of mine for a while and didn't attend meetups for a while and then popped up at a BBQ party. New man by her side. I catch her at the food table and she's telling me, "Yeah, he asked me out like 4 or 5 times until I said yes." Now how is a guy able to pull this off without getting a restraining order filed against him? LOL Unless she's just embellishing?
OwMyEyeball Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 There was a post somewhere either in this area or the "dating" forums where someone posted about asking the same woman out on more than one occasion and then finally getting them to go out with you. Usually it's spaced apart though as to not appear to psychotic in nature, but I have heard of situations like this before, even though I typically move on after one attempt, two tops. Then when I was at a Meetup, a woman had found a new boyfriend, brought him to the party. I knew who she was as she had dated a male friend of mine for a while and didn't attend meetups for a while and then popped up at a BBQ party. New man by her side. I catch her at the food table and she's telling me, "Yeah, he asked me out like 4 or 5 times until I said yes." Now how is a guy able to pull this off without getting a restraining order filed against him? LOL Unless she's just embellishing? "Hey, you wanna go out later?" "No? Are you sure?" "Really? Sure you don't?" "Super sure?" "Guy 'sure' or girl 'sure'?" "Sure as sugar?" "Great, pick you up at 7"
newmoon Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 i had a guy ask me out at least one a month for YEARS. (we worked together). it didn't come across as weird because the guy was genuinely interested, i could see that clearly. i had a bf at the time and always said no. three years later i finally said ok. some women find persistence a turn-on. it's nice to have a guy pursue you to such an extent because it really shows how much *you* are the one he is interested in, and persistence is a good trait for other things as well, someone who just doesn't give up easily. that's a great trait for a partner actually. a guy who gives up on the first try? i'd be bummed and question if he even liked me. it's flattering when someone asks you out several times, and wouldn't bother me if a guy kept trying. it shows genuine interest. 3
andilyn1 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I kinda like it when a guy asks more than once. Like newmoon said, it shows genuine interest. If I flat out tell a guy no, then I guess I wouldn't want him repeatedly asking. But if I say I'm busy or can't for whatever reason, and he comes back and asks again, I think it's sweet. But I don't think I would want a guy asking me 5 or 6 times. By that time I would have either accepted or just told him no thanks. I'm not about wasting my time or his But some persistence on a mans part isn't a bad thing. Until it turns stalkerish lol. 1
guest569 Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I know whether I want to date a guy or not. Doesn't matter how annoyingly persistent he is 3
gaius Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 You just get a sense with some women irc. They're into you on some level but saying no for whatever reason. And you do it in a way that isn't needy. You want her but don't need her pretty much. 1
MidwestUSA Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 In that case, I'd say she knows she going to go out with him, but she's playing a game. Coy, hard to get, whatever you want to call it. You can bet her answers of 'no' were in no way adamant. Sort of a cat and mouse game, if you will. And probably some embellishment as well when she tells the story. 1
Author irc333 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 i had a guy ask me out at least one a month for YEARS. (we worked together). Surprised he wasn't written or fired for sexual harassment. It didn't come across as weird because the guy was genuinely interested, i could see that clearly. A guy wouldn't ask you out if he wasn't interested. i had a bf at the time and always said no. three years later i finally said ok. And how did your boyfriend feel about that? (You made no mention of you haven't broken up with him. LOL some women find persistence a turn-on. it's nice to have a guy pursue you to such an extent because it really shows how much *you* are the one he is interested in, and persistence is a good trait for other things as well, someone who just doesn't give up easily. that's a great trait for a partner actually. a guy who gives up on the first try? i'd be bummed and question if he even liked me. it's flattering when someone asks you out several times, and wouldn't bother me if a guy kept trying. it shows genuine interest. Chances are you are into game playing. I find most women who do this are someone who like to play mind games by throwing out some sort of "test" to see if he's interested. "I'll say no the first 10 times, affording him the risk of getting fired from his job". I ESP. wouldn't repeatedly ask a woman at WORK out. Once, yes, but numerous times can land your arse in Human Resources.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Surprised he wasn't written or fired for sexual harassment. Generally he'd only face repercussions of he'd be reported by her or overheard by someone else who reported it on her behalf. A guy wouldn't ask you out if he wasn't interested. I disagree. Some guys will ask a woman out if the curve of her lips hints that she might give a good BJ. Asking someone out doesn't automatically mean genuine interest. 2
Author irc333 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Generally he'd only face repercussions of he'd be reported by her or overheard by someone else who reported it on her behalf. I disagree. Some guys will ask a woman out if the curve of her lips hints that she might give a good BJ. Asking someone out doesn't automatically mean genuine interest. So asking a woman out multiple times indicates genuine interest while a man who asks you out once, you say "No", and if he moves on, you think he only wanted for sexual means? I can retort back, "Just because a man asks you out once, doesn't mean he's interested in a BJ in the workplace broom closet with you." I get a kick out of how some women THINK they got it ALL "figured out". SO are you saying that if a man doesn't pursue relentlessly, he ONLY wants you sexually?
xxoo Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I can retort back, "Just because a man asks you out once, doesn't mean he's interested in a BJ in the workplace broom closet with you." Every man is interested in a BJ in the workplace broom closet, duh! If a woman shows interest, ask her out. If she says no, but continues to show interest, ask her out again. If she doesn't show interest, don't ask her out. Simple. 1
Author irc333 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Every man is interested in a BJ in the workplace broom closet, duh! If a woman shows interest, ask her out. If she says no, but continues to show interest, ask her out again. If she doesn't show interest, don't ask her out. Simple. I don't forget to able to read a woman's mind. Simple. ;-)
preraph Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Persistence is good in making a living and all that, but when it comes to persistent people who won't take no for an answer, that's a big red flag psychologically. It means they won't accept reality and don't care if they're making the other person uncomfortable and care only about getting what they want. So I strongly disagree with anyone who thinks it's endearing. And even if the woman is worn down and gives in, that is no foundation for a relationship and I'm certain most people who came together in that way *when there were no other impediments at the time of the first asking like already having a bf or are still maturing in age* do not end up truly happy. What kind of woman doesn't already know whether she is attracted enough in a general sense to want to go out? That's a person who doesn't know herself. And a woman who gives in to pressure is a weak woman who will attract bad people, in general. And yes, of course, there will be the odd unlikely exception, but it's not a good idea to live your life hoping to be that one in a million exception.
Author irc333 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 You'd be surprised ob some of the " How we met stories" that started off like this. It would even be a topic od conversation at social gatheringa. "Oh I remember when Steve asked me out! He was so nervous. I must've turned him down 3 times before I said yes. **Laughter** Persistence is good in making a living and all that, but when it comes to persistent people who won't take no for an answer, that's a big red flag psychologically. It means they won't accept reality and don't care if they're making the other person uncomfortable and care only about getting what they want. So I strongly disagree with anyone who thinks it's endearing. And even if the woman is worn down and gives in, that is no foundation for a relationship and I'm certain most people who came together in that way *when there were no other impediments at the time of the first asking like already having a bf or are still maturing in age* do not end up truly happy. What kind of woman doesn't already know whether she is attracted enough in a general sense to want to go out? That's a person who doesn't know herself. And a woman who gives in to pressure is a weak woman who will attract bad people, in general. And yes, of course, there will be the odd unlikely exception, but it's not a good idea to live your life hoping to be that one in a million exception.
sillyanswer Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I catch her at the food table and she's telling me, "Yeah, he asked me out like 4 or 5 times until I said yes." Now how is a guy able to pull this off without getting a restraining order filed against him? LOL Unless she's just embellishing? Sometimes people write on here about having "orbiters". I'm guessing that sometimes those people manage to score a date with their body of attraction and that sometimes it'll turn into a relationship. I wouldn't particularly recommend it as a tactic to get a date, though. 1
newmoon Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 Generally he'd only face repercussions of he'd be reported by her or overheard by someone else who reported it on her behalf. correct. no one is just going to be reported to HR for the heck of it. it has to come across - to the person - as sexual harassment, and in this case i knew it wasn't like that. it was just a guy being interested. i had to say no because of a bf, not games, but perhaps that is why some women do it. i do agree that some women can use it as a 'test' of 'does he really like me?' i think it's very common though, to hear that a guy asked out a woman several times before he got a yes - it isn't always love at first sight for some women and it takes a bit of time to see what you might be missing out on
Author irc333 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Rarely works in my case. Never really had a situation where I thought after asking her out the first time "Hm, maybe she's grown on me the past month correct. no one is just going to be reported to HR for the heck of it. it has to come across - to the person - as sexual harassment, and in this case i knew it wasn't like that. it was just a guy being interested. i had to say no because of a bf, not games, but perhaps that is why some women do it. i do agree that some women can use it as a 'test' of 'does he really like me?' i think it's very common though, to hear that a guy asked out a woman several times before he got a yes - it isn't always love at first sight for some women and it takes a bit of time to see what you might be missing out on
MissBee Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 (edited) I don't play hard to get so for me if I turn you down it's because I'm really not interested. If I'm interested I'm not gonna turn you down flatly, I'll suggest some other time and follow up with you on it. If I have halfhearted interest it's somewhat possible that asking me another time might lead to me saying why not. Then who knows...I might be surprised...or not. If you ask me twice and I say no I'm REALLY not feeling you so 4 or 5 times won't make a difference. If you're THAT charming then the first or second time would be enough for me to say "Awww shucks...why not..." 4 or 5 mean I'm as interested in you as I am a pile of rocks. But other women may feel differently, esp those who like the hard to get thing and the whole they want to see persistence. I don't care about persistence. I care about CONSISTENCY AFTER we've started dating, but persistence before dating doesn't mean shyt in my opinion. I'm from a culture where men are VERY persistent in pursuing women, even if they just want sex. The conquest and wearing her down gets them off so for me I just never assume persistence is equal to being genuine. American men can be just the same. I've experienced men who hounded me in the past and I gave in and nothing came of it after maybe going out a few times...so really..I don't care about the persistence of the pursuit as much as the consistency you show after we've gone out a few times. Edited November 19, 2014 by MissBee 1
Lernaean_Hydra Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 So asking a woman out multiple times indicates genuine interest while a man who asks you out once, you say "No", and if he moves on, you think he only wanted for sexual means? Where did I say this? I was simply disagreeing with the assertion that a guy wouldn't ask a woman out if he weren't interested. I get a kick out of how some women THINK they got it ALL "figured out". SO are you saying that if a man doesn't pursue relentlessly, he ONLY wants you sexually? I get a kick out of how you think you've got it all "figured out" yet are still wildly unsuccessful with women to be honest but hey, that's none of my business . Where on earth did I say a man had to pursue relentlessly? Where did I even imply that? 3
xxoo Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I don't forget to able to read a woman's mind. Simple. ;-) You don't have to read her mind. If she's flirting with you, ask her out. She can say no. If she continues to flirt after a "no", ask her out at again.
Author irc333 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 You don't have to read her mind. If she's flirting with you, ask her out. She can say no. If she continues to flirt after a "no", ask her out at again. I won't ask her out again because if continues. ... she's usually just baiting a guy for the fun of it. She has no intention of actually going out with him.
Author irc333 Posted November 19, 2014 Author Posted November 19, 2014 Didn't think I was quoting you, but was quoting xxoo BJ statement Where did I say this? I was simply disagreeing with the assertion that a guy wouldn't ask a woman out if he weren't interested. I get a kick out of how you think you've got it all "figured out" yet are still wildly unsuccessful with women to be honest but hey, that's none of my business . Where on earth did I say a man had to pursue relentlessly? Where did I even imply that?
xxoo Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 I won't ask her out again because if continues. ... she's usually just baiting a guy for the fun of it. She has no intention of actually going out with him. That's fine. No one said you should or have to. But some men choose to, and as in your example even have success, and this is because they can tell the woman is not baiting, but rather is clearly interested.
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