No confidence to even talk to her.

[SamENG]

I've never had a girlfriend before or even kissed a girl. I mean twice I've had a long term crush who I've talked and flirted with both times I was told they liked me, but both times I couldn't gather the confidence to make a move in anyway. But that is in the past and nothing I can do about that, but I'm getting interested In another girl now, and I cant even bring my self to speak to her. Okay so I got this job about 4 months ago, it is at a supermarket and I work both Saturday and Sunday all day. I'm a painfully shy guy, I do speak to people, but it always takes so much effort for me. I speak to people at work, not more than I need to though. At lunch I will sit on a table which seems quiet, eat lunch and read the sports pages, listen to music or go on the internet on my phone.

 

So this ended up being a really long thing at the end Im going to sum it up! In a couple of sentences.

 

So I work on tills, which means I don't actually talk to many of my co-workers anyway, a lot of customers though! Any way A few weeks ago I noticed this girl at work, she works in the cafe. I remember seeing her around work and college. Not often once or twice at college, and every so often when walking around at work.

 

So the first time I really 'noticed' her was about 2 weeks ago it was just normal, I saw her and was like 'who was that' but I didn't really think about it, just moved on and forgot about it. So last week I was her again. I went to open the door but she opened it first from the other side, I kinda stood there awkwardly letting her walk through, she shyly smiled and said sorry, as did I. This really made me notice her like for the rest of the day I could not stop thinking about her. Like I couldnt het her out of my head she was there. So anyway after the weekend she went to the back of my week as I went about my self.

 

So I went to work yesterday and saw her again and instantly she was back in my mind. Then later in the day I went to go into the locker room (multi gender locker room) and I opened the door, I heard a little scream, and she was standing there shocked but kind of giggling and smiling, this time I said sorry and she did as well, we both then continued throuhg the door in opposite directions. And boom she was back in the forefront of my mind.

 

There is something about her. I mean I barely know her, not her name, age only that she works at the same supermarket as me and goes to college. I wouldnt say she was a stunning girl, but to me she seems perfect, blonde hair and freckles, two things that never really appealed to me before. She also seems so sweet and shy just the way she smiles. she seems like a really happy person.

 

Anyway so after this encounter I was determined to speak to her which is hard for two reasons. One I never really see her and when I do we're passing in a hallway not the best circumstance. The second reason is because I'm so shy, especially when its a girl I'm interested in. I cant really expect her to start talking to me. I dont even know if she is interested in me, if she noticed me, if she even remembers me.

 

So today, I had saw her this morning and did the normal smile which she returned. Then itcame to lunch, I didnt expect to see her, I've never really seen her in the lunch room at the same time as me. But I walked throught the door and the first thing I noticed was her, sitting at the far back table by herself (These tables seat 8 people) second thing was that the TV was on, with football highlights. So I continue to get my food, then it comes to finding a seat. I think 'oh the TV is on thats an excuse to sit at the same table as her' (yes I feel like I needed an excuse to speak to her)

'and then I'll just spark up a conversation with her' If only it were that simple for me. I sit down diagonaly across from her, all the time avoiding eye contact without meaning to. A minute or two passes and I've barely ate anything. It dawns on me, the best time to speak to her would have been as I sat down, a simple 'hey' would have been enough. As the minutes pass in the crouded break room no one else joins us at the table, which seems massive for some reason. I slowly eat my sandwich every so often looking up at the TV. Still no words exchanged, more time passes and in my mind Im thinking 'talk to her' 'say something you fool' Stop being a little bitch' but I cant. So the hour goes on a for what seemed like an eternity, eventually 5 minutes before the end of our lunch break she gets up and leaves I look up to her and give a timid smile, which she returns, as it dawns on me 'That was the best chance I had to talk to her, to get to know her, to find out her name. I mean we could have talked and not really got on had little in common and then I could have moved on.

 

But now its now 2am in the morning and I cant stop thinking about her and lunch. Have I missed the chance, maybe she doesnt know I'm interested and didn't think anything off it. But for some reason I feel like she knows that I like her. Prehaps she thought I was interested but after lunch doesn't, I mean she probably does not know how shy I am so doesn't take that into account. Maybe she didn't even notice anything, just someone eating at the same table as her watching the TV.

 

The thing is in a few weeks my shift pattern is chaning when I go back to college so I may not see her as often, never get a chance, never find out.

 

And I just dont want this to end up like the rest of the times I've been interested In a girl, never knowing.

 

I know this is quite weird, how can I like a girl I've never spoke to before. We may speak and find out we have nothing between us, but that would be fine then I would know the uncertainty and thought of missing the chance is eating away at me. I know no one can help me really, but if anyone has any tips I will take them graciously. Do not know how this has got so long just sort of came out without even thinking about it, for this reason the grammar and spelling may not be great.

 

Okay so here is the summary:

There is a girl at work who I don't see much, but when I do she smiles at me and I do back. I'm really interested in her, but cant bring myself to speak to her and don't get the chance very often anyway. I've never got this interested without even speaking to her. But its got to the point where it feels like I will never be able to pluck up the courage to bloody speak to her.

 

So this is my first post or anything I just have a few questions, although I know nothing you say will give the the confidence I have to do it myself.

 

Do you think I missed the chance and kinda acted like a dick?

If I was going to speak to her in the hallway what do I say?

Any tips for gaining confidence?

 

If you read all of this thank you, just really needed to tell someone.

[preraph]

Do you have friends? Are you comfortable talking to friends? If so, then this is just a hurdle to pass, but if you're afraid to talk to friends or don't have friends, better start with just working on learning how to socialize with friends first. Plus you work with her, so if she doesn't like you, you are endangering your job.

 

Also, keep in mind that when you are at work, it is part of your job and everyone else's including her's to just be polite and somewhat friendly in a professional way with coworkers.

Edited August 18, 2014 by preraph

[MGX]

Just go ask her if she would like to go get some coffee or would she like to be treated to lunch. IF she accepts, when you talk at lunch, you'll find out about each other as a starting point. Maybe if it goes well, she'll give you her phone number.

 

Afterward, ask if she wouldn't mind going with you to dinner -- basically anywhere that would allow you to see her again.

[mightycpa]

Ladies, don't pile on because of this advice.

 

Young man, if you are going BACK to college (from summer break, I presume) and you haven't had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl, you are dangerously close to being weird. That day is not far off. You need to make some changes to bring you back into the mainstream of society.

 

Forget this deli girl you're fantasizing about. If she DOES go out with you, you'll be back on the boards in a couple of months after you return to college, wondering why she dumped you and why you feel so miserable. You're not ready for her, she'll just break your heart, and with good reason.

 

Confidence can be acquired by doing something over and over until you get good at it. I'm going to assume you have average looks, meaning that about 60% of all women your age will have no problem going out with you. Because you appear to be timid about the ladies, you should probably start with a girl who you'd never consider otherwise - one that has a difficult time getting dates because of her appearance. She doesn't have to be slovenly or grotesque... but you want to have good fortune with you, so pick a girl who looks like not many guys would date her, and ask her out. Don't worry, this isn't forever.

 

Gold help you if she says no, but even if she does, don't let that deter you. Find another one, and another until somebody says yes. Introduce yourself, tell her you noticed her, and ask her to do something fairly benign with you... get some lunch, get a drink, something during the daytime where you can talk. Treat her nicely, pay for everything, and when it is done, tell her you had fun, and ask her if she'd like to get together again. If she says yes, then get her number and tell her you'll call in a couple of days. Call her. Take her out, and do something fun. Again, I'd suggest during the day. Maybe small sailboat, a carnival, something fun. Make sure you can talk, so no outside concerts, no scuba diving.

 

When you take her home, kiss her. No tongue, but mouth slightly open so that you invite a French kiss if she wants to continue.

 

For the third date, ask her what she might like to do when you're making plans. Try to do that. Don't sleep with this girl either. That will just complicate things. You'll part the pink sea soon enough, don't rush it. At the end of the date, you'll have to gain another kind of confidence by telling her that you're not feeling a spark, and you're not going to ask her out any more. Compliment her, tell her you like her, but that you don't feel a romantic spark. Tell her you'd like to be friends, but you'll understand if she doesn't. If she's agreeable, be a friend. By that, I mean invite her and her friends to parties you throw, or that you can bring girls to (which should be just about every party you go to). Make her and her friends a welcome part of your group.

 

Why all this? For the accomplishment, of course:

 

1) You asked a girl out

2) You took a girl out

3) You did both three times

4) You talked to a girl and had to fill up a lot of conversation

5) You kissed a girl

6) You told a girl it was time to move on

7) Hopefully, you didn't burn any bridges, and now you have a new friend, which should be a source of to get party invitations and other girls.

 

This is the essence of dating, and with this experience, you will have dipped your toes in the water, jumped in, and gotten out quickly. Time to try again.

 

Step one rung up the homeliness ladder, rinse, lather and repeat. Once your confidence has risen sufficiently, try dating two girls at the same time. Continually expand your repertoire of things to do and try to save your virginity for somebody whose body and face will look good in your memory when you're old, and for whom the heartbreak was worth it. You will get your heart broken, so read the boards and while nothing can prepare you, at least you'll know it is coming.

 

Before you know it, you'll have both the confidence to ask the deli girl out, and the experience to keep her around for a while.

 

Or, you can do what you're doing right now, asking complete strangers to tell you if you should ask the deli girl out. I vote for change.