Am I missing the signs?

[twinkly84]

Hi,

I'm a SWF, never married, no kids, college-educated, straight, work FT.

My personality characteristics are quiet, reserved, introverted & yet, fun, loyal, friendly.

 

I've been online dating I won't lie, for quite a while now, on several paid & non-paid sites.

 

I'm also a member of meetup.com where I've attended groups yet, nothing has "happened" in regard to meeting a good man or being in a LTR. Mind you though, I've been in several LTRs in the past it's just that my "dry-spell" has now been these past few years.

 

Bottom line, ok... on the paid sites, specifically, match.com, I keep receiving winks, likes, favorites. Yet, no man has "asked me out".

Then, I've received e-mails from men on there (& the other paid sites) but, not one man has "asked me out" either.

 

Am I missing something?

Why are they e-mailing then, they either disappear or only just want to talk about little things.

Not ONE date has come from them.

What is going on here?

What am I doing wrong?

What could I do to improve myself or change so that, I'll at least get a date?

Should I change myself in any form either physically or personality characteristically?

 

It's like all of this is dead-end, it's like spending $ for nothing but, e-mailing.

 

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks very much.

[hasaquestion]

Hi,

I'm a SWF, never married, no kids, college-educated, straight, work FT.

My personality characteristics are quiet, reserved, introverted & yet, fun, loyal, friendly.

 

I've been online dating I won't lie, for quite a while now, on several paid & non-paid sites.

 

I'm also a member of meetup.com where I've attended groups yet, nothing has "happened" in regard to meeting a good man or being in a LTR. Mind you though, I've been in several LTRs in the past it's just that my "dry-spell" has now been these past few years.

 

Bottom line, ok... on the paid sites, specifically, match.com, I keep receiving winks, likes, favorites. Yet, no man has "asked me out".

Then, I've received e-mails from men on there (& the other paid sites) but, not one man has "asked me out" either.

 

Am I missing something?

Why are they e-mailing then, they either disappear or only just want to talk about little things.

Not ONE date has come from them.

What is going on here?

What am I doing wrong?

What could I do to improve myself or change so that, I'll at least get a date?

Should I change myself in any form either physically or personality characteristically?

 

It's like all of this is dead-end, it's like spending $ for nothing but, e-mailing.

 

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks very much.

 

Do you specifically want a long term relationship? And do you state that, or not?

[preraph]

Sometimes you have to just look at the situation and realize that it is exactly as it seems. They are not looking to have real dates. They're looking for easy hookups and/or naked photos to amuse themselves with. Don't cave.

[shet]

Someone has to ask here - you aren't just sitting back waiting for men to ask you out are you? These winks, you send a message back? These messages they send, you reply? You ask the ones you like the look and sound of if they want to meet? The way you worded the post doesn't confirm or deny that you are doing these things.

[ZipperZapper]

Hi,

I'm a SWF, never married, no kids, college-educated, straight, work FT.

My personality characteristics are quiet, reserved, introverted & yet, fun, loyal, friendly.

 

I've been online dating I won't lie, for quite a while now, on several paid & non-paid sites.

 

I'm also a member of meetup.com where I've attended groups yet, nothing has "happened" in regard to meeting a good man or being in a LTR. Mind you though, I've been in several LTRs in the past it's just that my "dry-spell" has now been these past few years.

 

Bottom line, ok... on the paid sites, specifically, match.com, I keep receiving winks, likes, favorites. Yet, no man has "asked me out".

Then, I've received e-mails from men on there (& the other paid sites) but, not one man has "asked me out" either.

 

Am I missing something?

Why are they e-mailing then, they either disappear or only just want to talk about little things.

Not ONE date has come from them.

What is going on here?

What am I doing wrong?

What could I do to improve myself or change so that, I'll at least get a date?

Should I change myself in any form either physically or personality characteristically?

 

It's like all of this is dead-end, it's like spending $ for nothing but, e-mailing.

 

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks very much.

 

Well, at least now you know what most men have to go through with online dating: tons of messages sent, lots of money spent, only to go nowhere and get nothing, nada, zilch, and no dates. Unless you are 6' tall, and look as good as George Clooney does. In my case, I had a profile on match.com and pictures that were taken by a professional photographer, and got professional help writing my profile. Guess what happened? Over 1000 women viewed my profile, and none bothered to write. If I wrote to the women who viewed me, my emails would go off into the ether, or more rarely, I'd get the old "Thanks, but no thanks" brushoff.

 

You could try turning the tables and asking out the men who approach you online. I find it odd that you're not doing this. You have a natural advantage here, because OLD generally works for women, and works against men. Don't tell me you're afraid of rejection and won't ask.

Men usually have to do all the work in relationships and bear the brunt of rejection too. Considering that you would probably find it easy

to get dates if you just asked men out, I would say you have it pretty

easy compared to the way 99% of men have it. And therefore you have nothing to complain about.

 

Notice that nobody is telling you to change how you look, your personality, etc. 'Change your look, your personality' is the standard advice given to men who are not having any success online, because it's automatically assumed that they must be defective in a number of ways and must change themselves to remove those defects. In other words, men are generally told, over and over again, that they're not fine as they are, they have to meet some totally arbitrary standard of attractiveness or success in order to be considered worthy, i.e. dateable.

 

If you're a woman, you are allowed to be yourself. If you're a man, you have to be Superman. And perfect to boot.

[twinkly84]

Someone has to ask here - you aren't just sitting back waiting for men to ask you out are you? These winks, you send a message back? These messages they send, you reply? You ask the ones you like the look and sound of if they want to meet? The way you worded the post doesn't confirm or deny that you are doing these things.

 

Yes, I make is premise that every contact a man makes to me, I respond with a thank-you e-mail back. Call me old-fashioned but, I don't care. I just think it's respectable.

 

I just do not ask men out. I will admit I'm old-fashioned this way. So, I wonder if I am missing something here then?

[hasaquestion]

Yes, I make is premise that every contact a man makes to me, I respond with a thank-you e-mail back. Call me old-fashioned but, I don't care. I just think it's respectable.

 

I just do not ask men out. I will admit I'm old-fashioned this way. So, I wonder if I am missing something here then?

 

OK, well I think you might want to reconsider the "not asking men out" part. A certain percentage of men are not going to be aggressive with you and take the lead. That's why they are single after all.

 

You don't need to "hit on them" necessarily. Just say something to get the ball rolling. Throw in a smiley face if that's you. That's enough of a rope that if they're worth their salt at all, they'll take advantage of it.