Online vs. Real Life

[irc333]

Someone stated in my previous posts that it's best to get away from online dating altogether...regardless I still do it, but have been good about not relying on it completely as I am building good rapport and good flirting opps with women.

 

Last night a nice looking waitress that's familiar with our Meetup group that goes there regularly has caught my eye. ;-) Next time I'm there, I might hit her up, but I usually assume women in small towns are not without boyfriends...didn't see a ring on her finger...but she was quite touchy feely with me.

 

But, I'm kind of getting off on a tangent here.

 

The Meetup groups vs. the online world. I have indeed encountered the SAME women at Meetups and seeing their faces as well. However, they are pretty much "No Shows" to the Meetups are become the one of many people that join Meetups, but hardly ever go to the events or become regulars of the groups.

 

Chances are, they much PREFER the online dating scene because the handful of people they've seen at the events were not too their liking.

 

I've heard this one woman at a Meetup, had a few drinks to her, so she was quite vocal about the selection of average joes at the events. SHe said she won't go to Meetup events unless that RSVP has some good "eye candy"....and thus much prefers the online dating realm because she increases her numbers of meeting men she WILL be attracted to.

 

If you're at a Meetup full of men who aren't that great looking. Which is true...I meet cute women at the Meetups and the men are quite average looking in appearance.

 

I have a friend in a Meetup that has another social circle of good looking women (he's married)...and I'd see him and his wife hanging out with them. Apparently he had some kind of outdoor BBQ event going on and he invited his "Average looking people" to the event, but I was like "Hey, what's the deal with those other ladies....how come you didn't invite them?"

 

He said, "Well its not their thing, they're more into the nightclub/nightlife ..watching bands...that's about it".

 

You'll rarely see 9s or 10s at Meetup events, only because those 9s and 10's won't touch those venues with a 10 foot pole.

 

Though on Facebook, there is a MIX of said circles that wind up intermingling with one another. Friend of mine from a Meetup got to chatting with a woman...wasn't hitting on her, was keeping it light but she really had her B***ch shields up with him.

 

I think I may have mentioned a woman in the past that had been dateless for FIVE YEARS, and said she decided to take the online dating route as she has no men she's ever been interest in in her area. She lives in a major city, partakes in a lot of social activities, volunteerism, avid church goer and attends the nursery at her church...but not man was ever good enough she plops a profile up online.

 

Now for those who advise against ONLINE dating as a primary way of meeting people, but unfortunately I think it has come to that for some. Esp. if...when you're out and about...you DO have a FINITE amount of people in your town that you would encounter on a daily basis.

 

Sometimes you may go through an entire day and not encounter ONE single person.

 

That being said do you think ONLINE dating has had a reverse or perhaps damaging effect on the ability to build rapport, let chemistry happen, face to face interactions and so on from even working?

[El Brujo]

Online, anyone can pretend to be smart, rich, good-looking, etc.

 

Having an online dating profile is like having a business card... you can be a doctor, a lawyer, or an Indian chief, if your business card says you are.

 

But at meetups, it's harder to get away with that, unless you're a really good actor and you're a master of disguise.

[VeronicaRoss]

I met my husband through match.com.

 

Online is a great way to get introduced but my rule was 2 email exchanges to see if there was enough worth meeting for and then meet up. Another rule was they had to live close enough we could meet after work. This killed any opportunity for fantasy to get in the way of reality and when you want a real relationship, you need all the information that comes from being able to see someone in their daily lives.

 

No phone calls even, just meet for coffee or tea (rarely a meal, too much of a time investment).

 

The problem is online and real life are two totally different things. I discovered I had great rapport with men online yet mysteriously there might be nothing in real life, so I didn't even bother trying to get to know them online after I realized it was a waste of time.

[ZipperZapper]

Someone stated in my previous posts that it's best to get away from online dating altogether...regardless I still do it, but have been good about not relying on it completely as I am building good rapport and good flirting opps with women.

 

Last night a nice looking waitress that's familiar with our Meetup group that goes there regularly has caught my eye. ;-) Next time I'm there, I might hit her up, but I usually assume women in small towns are not without boyfriends...didn't see a ring on her finger...but she was quite touchy feely with me.

 

But, I'm kind of getting off on a tangent here.

 

The Meetup groups vs. the online world. I have indeed encountered the SAME women at Meetups and seeing their faces as well. However, they are pretty much "No Shows" to the Meetups are become the one of many people that join Meetups, but hardly ever go to the events or become regulars of the groups.

 

Chances are, they much PREFER the online dating scene because the handful of people they've seen at the events were not too their liking.

 

I've heard this one woman at a Meetup, had a few drinks to her, so she was quite vocal about the selection of average joes at the events. SHe said she won't go to Meetup events unless that RSVP has some good "eye candy"....and thus much prefers the online dating realm because she increases her numbers of meeting men she WILL be attracted to.

 

If you're at a Meetup full of men who aren't that great looking. Which is true...I meet cute women at the Meetups and the men are quite average looking in appearance.

 

I have a friend in a Meetup that has another social circle of good looking women (he's married)...and I'd see him and his wife hanging out with them. Apparently he had some kind of outdoor BBQ event going on and he invited his "Average looking people" to the event, but I was like "Hey, what's the deal with those other ladies....how come you didn't invite them?"

 

He said, "Well its not their thing, they're more into the nightclub/nightlife ..watching bands...that's about it".

 

You'll rarely see 9s or 10s at Meetup events, only because those 9s and 10's won't touch those venues with a 10 foot pole.

 

Though on Facebook, there is a MIX of said circles that wind up intermingling with one another. Friend of mine from a Meetup got to chatting with a woman...wasn't hitting on her, was keeping it light but she really had her B***ch shields up with him.

 

I think I may have mentioned a woman in the past that had been dateless for FIVE YEARS, and said she decided to take the online dating route as she has no men she's ever been interest in in her area. She lives in a major city, partakes in a lot of social activities, volunteerism, avid church goer and attends the nursery at her church...but not man was ever good enough she plops a profile up online.

 

Now for those who advise against ONLINE dating as a primary way of meeting people, but unfortunately I think it has come to that for some. Esp. if...when you're out and about...you DO have a FINITE amount of people in your town that you would encounter on a daily basis.

 

Sometimes you may go through an entire day and not encounter ONE single person.

 

That being said do you think ONLINE dating has had a reverse or perhaps damaging effect on the ability to build rapport, let chemistry happen, face to face interactions and so on from even working?

 

I've seen this happen in a meetup group I belong to that is aimed at singles. The women drift away because they don't find any men who are sufficiently perfect enough to bother with, and I stress the word 'perfect'.

 

I met one woman at a meetup group, someone who was an elementary school teacher. Seemed fairly nice, maybe a '7' in terms of looks. I asked her if she wanted to get together sometime soon, she said yes and gave me her number. I've contacted her twice since then. She won't return my phone calls, but she'll send me a text to say she can't go - her kids or visiting, or she's having a tough time with her divorce, etc. I've been around the block enough times to know that if she was really interested in seeing me, she would have made the time.

 

Just another loser who wants to waste my time. I've not seen her at any other meetups since. I think she does have a OLD profile up somewhere.

 

If you ask me, I'd say online dating has been very damaging generally. It's made dating for men a lot harder than it needs to be, and it's made things for women so easy and successful, that they now think they can raise their standards to the stratosphere, be totally unreasonable about what they want, and get away with it. It's not a good time to be a man in our society.

[hasaquestion]

I've seen this happen in a meetup group I belong to that is aimed at singles. The women drift away because they don't find any men who are sufficiently perfect enough to bother with, and I stress the word 'perfect'.

 

I met one woman at a meetup group, someone who was an elementary school teacher. Seemed fairly nice, maybe a '7' in terms of looks. I asked her if she wanted to get together sometime soon, she said yes and gave me her number. I've contacted her twice since then. She won't return my phone calls, but she'll send me a text to say she can't go - her kids or visiting, or she's having a tough time with her divorce, etc. I've been around the block enough times to know that if she was really interested in seeing me, she would have made the time.

 

Just another loser who wants to waste my time. I've not seen her at any other meetups since. I think she does have a OLD profile up somewhere.

 

If you ask me, I'd say online dating has been very damaging generally. It's made dating for men a lot harder than it needs to be, and it's made things for women so easy and successful, that they now think they can raise their standards to the stratosphere, be totally unreasonable about what they want, and get away with it. It's not a good time to be a man in our society.

 

 

If they "got away with it" what are they doing wrong?

 

If I can tell everyone I'm holding out for Ariana Grande, and then snag a hot date with Ariana Grande next weekend... wh would that be something to feel guilty about? I'll get a slap on the back when I tell my friends about it.

 

 

If you get what you want, its inherently NOT unreasonable. What you bring to the table was enough to justify what you wanted in return.

[irc333]

Right, there was a time both were mutually exclusive, but since the Meetup site or even real life social outings at networking functions are now kind of mingling together.

 

Chances are if you see them online AND on Meetup, they don't stick around Meetup and become a regular.

 

I met this one woman, would Meetup "Hop"....we had this great outdoors Meetup at a local park, picnic, volleyball, BBQ, bring your own dish, all the fun activities. She was barely there till 11 am until she said, "Yeah, I have to get going in about an hour, I have a pool party I gotta get to"

 

And that party was on the OTHER side of town, chances are she didn't see any dudes that tripped her trigger for the 2 hrs she's been there, so decided to go cruising the other Meetup for someone worthy. Kind of sad.

 

The Meetup groups here don't necessarily have to be labeled with the "Single" on it for there to be singles there...I see the same faces of single people in both singles and non-singles related groups. So it's kind of moot.

 

I've seen this happen in a meetup group I belong to that is aimed at singles. The women drift away because they don't find any men who are sufficiently perfect enough to bother with, and I stress the word 'perfect'.

 

I met one woman at a meetup group, someone who was an elementary school teacher. Seemed fairly nice, maybe a '7' in terms of looks. I asked her if she wanted to get together sometime soon, she said yes and gave me her number. I've contacted her twice since then. She won't return my phone calls, but she'll send me a text to say she can't go - her kids or visiting, or she's having a tough time with her divorce, etc. I've been around the block enough times to know that if she was really interested in seeing me, she would have made the time.

 

Just another loser who wants to waste my time. I've not seen her at any other meetups since. I think she does have a OLD profile up somewhere.

 

If you ask me, I'd say online dating has been very damaging generally. It's made dating for men a lot harder than it needs to be, and it's made things for women so easy and successful, that they now think they can raise their standards to the stratosphere, be totally unreasonable about what they want, and get away with it. It's not a good time to be a man in our society.

[hasaquestion]

Right, there was a time both were mutually exclusive, but since the Meetup site or even real life social outings at networking functions are now kind of mingling together.

 

Chances are if you see them online AND on Meetup, they don't stick around Meetup and become a regular.

 

I met this one woman, would Meetup "Hop"....we had this great outdoors Meetup at a local park, picnic, volleyball, BBQ, bring your own dish, all the fun activities. She was barely there till 11 am until she said, "Yeah, I have to get going in about an hour, I have a pool party I gotta get to"

 

And that party was on the OTHER side of town, chances are she didn't see any dudes that tripped her trigger for the 2 hrs she's been there, so decided to go cruising the other Meetup for someone worthy. Kind of sad.

 

The Meetup groups here don't necessarily have to be labeled with the "Single" on it for there to be singles there...I see the same faces of single people in both singles and non-singles related groups. So it's kind of moot.

 

Why's that sad? She went to the meetup and didn't find anything. Why not turn over some more stones?

[irc333]

Why's that sad? She went to the meetup and didn't find anything. Why not turn over some more stones?

 

Because entirely focused on looking for a boyfriend and not really going with the flow. There's just something disingenuous about it. It looks desperate.

 

Keeping things organic. I've recently discovered this in a few of the recent Meetups I've gone to. In fact, I've developed some pretty good friendships by attending events, some of which where women have been kind of gravitating towards me more..whether it be some kind of attraction in one form or another.

 

IN fact, said organizer of our group made it a policy not to co-mingle with other singles Meetups.

[Disillusioned]

I think whoever invented OLD back in the early 90s really thought they were going to change dating behavior.

 

I mean, for OLD to be really effective, the women would have to initiate contact with the men at least half the time. IRL it's more like only 10% of the time (and even that is a very generous estimate).

 

IMO another reason why OLD turned out to be a dud is because there's really no way to make sure you are who you say you are, when you put up a profile.

[topaMAXX]

 

If they "got away with it" what are they doing wrong?

 

If I can tell everyone I'm holding out for Ariana Grande, and then snag a hot date with Ariana Grande next weekend... wh would that be something to feel guilty about? I'll get a slap on the back when I tell my friends about it.

 

 

If you get what you want, its inherently NOT unreasonable. What you bring to the table was enough to justify what you wanted in return.

 

It seemed to me that he was saying that OLD has significantly increased dating options for women, but significantly decreased options for the average guy.

 

He is correct.

 

Why do you seem to always side with women on these things? You're a man, right?

[topaMAXX]

I think whoever invented OLD back in the early 90s really thought they were going to change dating behavior.

 

I mean, for OLD to be really effective, the women would have to initiate contact with the men at least half the time. IRL it's more like only 10% of the time (and even that is a very generous estimate).

 

IMO another reason why OLD turned out to be a dud is because there's really no way to make sure you are who you say you are, when you put up a profile.

 

I think whoever invented OLD just wanted to make money. Looks as if they've succeeded.

[GemmaUK]

We have meet up groups in the UK. What I can gather is that they're just to meet new friends and do activities together.

 

I went with a female friend to her salsa class a couple for years back, just for a giggle and to see whether I could actually learn anything. I got swamped by 8 men giving me their numbers, offering me lifts home, dinner,,,etc.

They were pretty pushy and all much older than me.

 

It wasn't what I had gone there for and it put me off ever going back so I never did.

 

Maybe these ladies are experiencing the same thing.

[irc333]

I'm sure women at Meetups experience a lot of things. Chances are it was only a problem for them, because neither of the men that approached them were someone they were interested in or attracted to.

 

They give a Meetup a try..don't like it, then hop online and put up an online dating profile.

 

 

Funny, I recall having emailed some of the women I had met in Meetup....when I saw them online.

 

"Hey, small world...funny meeting you here!"

 

LOL

 

Chances are if one of those 8 would be a man you would actually consider dating, then it wouldn't be a problem.

 

'Tis the nature of the beast. Men do the approaching anyhow...so why fault the 8? ;-)

 

 

We have meet up groups in the UK. What I can gather is that they're just to meet new friends and do activities together.

 

I went with a female friend to her salsa class a couple for years back, just for a giggle and to see whether I could actually learn anything. I got swamped by 8 men giving me their numbers, offering me lifts home, dinner,,,etc.

They were pretty pushy and all much older than me.

 

It wasn't what I had gone there for and it put me off ever going back so I never did.

 

Maybe these ladies are experiencing the same thing.

[Disillusioned]

I think whoever invented OLD just wanted to make money. Looks as if they've succeeded.

 

Yes, for now.

 

But I suspect that behind the scenes, they're probably losing new cannon fodder---I mean, members---to meetups, and they're paying hush money to the media to say nice things about them.

[GemmaUK]

I'm sure women at Meetups experience a lot of things. Chances are it was only a problem for them, because neither of the men that approached them were someone they were interested in or attracted to.

 

They give a Meetup a try..don't like it, then hop online and put up an online dating profile.

 

 

Funny, I recall having emailed some of the women I had met in Meetup....when I saw them online.

 

"Hey, small world...funny meeting you here!"

 

LOL

 

Chances are if one of those 8 would be a man you would actually consider dating, then it wouldn't be a problem.

 

'Tis the nature of the beast. Men do the approaching anyhow...so why fault the 8? ;-)

 

'Why fault the 8?'

 

Because they were pushy and almost clambering over me.

 

A hot guy doing that would put me off too. It comes across as desperate.

 

Getting to know someone over time and 'familiarity breeds relationships and dates' works for women. This goes for the hot and the not so hot men.

 

This dance class was a weekly event. Had I not been hassled (and sorry but it was hassled) the first time I would have gone back.

 

There were a few more polite and much ore relaxed guys there too. Two of them I saw as dating material (for me that is). They simply enjoyed themselves, we acknowledged each other and I danced with one for a while too but the pushies made such a bad impression that I didn't want to go back for any more of it.