jma500 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Is the struggle for life, relationships, love, work, etc., really worth it? Lately i have had a philosophical debate going on in my mind if any of it matters at all. I am 44, never had a girlfriend or even sex. Never believed either was possible which was the result of years of verbal abuse by a alcoholic parent. I continually struggle financially. Been out of work this time for roughly seven months through no fault of my own. New owner for the property i managed kept me just long enough to put the tenant info on their system. Which means i am stuck living with at home, paying weekly rent to do so. I bring my own food in, do my own laundry etc. Putting up with verbal abuse. If it wasn't for photography and the group i belong to plus working out at the gym with my cousin, who is more sister than cousin, i would have lost my mind years ago. At 44 a person should have his life together. I can't seem to attain this goal nor a relationship or a family of my own. Is the struggle really worth it?
Babolat Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I agree with the previous poster, and yes, you are worth it. If you cannot afford to get into counseling, pick up some self help books. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 Is the struggle for life, relationships, love, work, etc., really worth it? Lately i have had a philosophical debate going on in my mind if any of it matters at all. I am 44, never had a girlfriend or even sex. Never believed either was possible which was the result of years of verbal abuse by a alcoholic parent. I continually struggle financially. Been out of work this time for roughly seven months through no fault of my own. New owner for the property i managed kept me just long enough to put the tenant info on their system. Which means i am stuck living with at home, paying weekly rent to do so. I bring my own food in, do my own laundry etc. Putting up with verbal abuse. If it wasn't for photography and the group i belong to plus working out at the gym with my cousin, who is more sister than cousin, i would have lost my mind years ago. At 44 a person should have his life together. I can't seem to attain this goal nor a relationship or a family of my own. Is the struggle really worth it? I'm sorry about that. That is definitely a very unique and unfortunate situation. People with rough childhood and financial issues don't always struggle to attract others, though they may attract bad relationships. I'm interested in your story. I don't think I've ever heard it. Why don't you tell me more.
Author jma500 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 I'm sorry about that. That is definitely a very unique and unfortunate situation. People with rough childhood and financial issues don't always struggle to attract others, though they may attract bad relationships. I'm interested in your story. I don't think I've ever heard it. Why don't you tell me more. Thanks. I basically gave all the details i am comfortable with. As you can tell i do a lot of thinking. Some say too much.
Author jma500 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Which struggle are you talking about? Maybe you should get therapy ,heal etc help before you bring woman and child in your life. Because you can be a hand full to deal with if you bring yourself in peoples lifes having a lot of childhood issues drama. Start taking care of your issues, and once you are moving forward and taking care of the issues you will see that its worth it to live By staying in the same condition you will not progress If i could get back to work i could start.
Author jma500 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Which struggle are you talking about? Maybe you should get therapy ,heal etc help before you bring woman and child in your life. Because you can be a hand full to deal with if you bring yourself in peoples lifes having a lot of childhood issues drama. Start taking care of your issues, and once you are moving forward and taking care of the issues you will see that its worth it to live By staying in the same condition you will not progress I think a lot about bringing a woman into my life and worry if i met her today would it be fair to her to bring her into this mess. Which makes me think i should stay alone.
yessy21 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 YOU are the one survivor... the smartest sperm that got through... the fastest swimmer... you were given the gift of life. because it is a gift to be able to wake up every morning and breathe in oxygen, to be given eyes... to watch a sunset, to be given ears to hear the crickets, to be given the gift of touch... to feel... yes it all comes with a price... due to EGO, and Greed... but to answer it yes it is all worth it. 1
Author jma500 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 YOU are the one survivor... the smartest sperm that got through... the fastest swimmer... you were given the gift of life. because it is a gift to be able to wake up every morning and breathe in oxygen, to be given eyes... to watch a sunset, to be given ears to hear the crickets, to be given the gift of touch... to feel... yes it all comes with a price... due to EGO, and Greed... but to answer it yes it is all worth it. I love this response!! Thanks. 1
Author jma500 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 Its the truth. Yeah, I know. The way its written also appeals to my artsy, creative side. 1
Author jma500 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 I would have committed suicide a long time ago before reaching your age and still being single I have a stubborn streak that always keeps me going and moving forward. 1
yessy21 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I have a stubborn streak that always keeps me going and moving forward. ' Thats the same streak that made you the winner of the race for life.
Author jma500 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 (edited) ' Thats the same streak that made you the winner of the race for life.[/quote Yes. The ultimate win would be an ltr and kids of my own. Oh and have my images hung in an nyc gallery. Edited June 11, 2013 by jma500 1
Author jma500 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) I am going to use my stubborn streak to push me to talk a very cute young woman who works at the gym i go to. We usually just smile and say hello to each other. Yesterday however , as i was coming in, she was coming of the room where the kids are left while their parents work out. She saw me and immediately flashed her biggest smile that i have seen and began waving at me. I waved back, smiled, and we both said hi and went about what we were doing. I am going to talk with her, introduce myself, and see what happens. It can't leave me any worse off than i am now? Right? I have got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Edited June 13, 2013 by jma500 1
yessy21 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 ' Thats the same streak that made you the winner of the race for life.[/quote Yes. The ultimate win would be an ltr and kids of my own. Oh and have my images hung in an nyc gallery. You can do it. Just WANT it.
Author jma500 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 You can do it. Just WANT it. Thanks for the support. I appreciate it. 1
El Brujo Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Is the struggle for life, relationships, love, work, etc., really worth it? Lately i have had a philosophical debate going on in my mind if any of it matters at all. I am 44, never had a girlfriend or even sex. Never believed either was possible which was the result of years of verbal abuse by a alcoholic parent. I continually struggle financially. Been out of work this time for roughly seven months through no fault of my own. New owner for the property i managed kept me just long enough to put the tenant info on their system. Which means i am stuck living with at home, paying weekly rent to do so. I bring my own food in, do my own laundry etc. Putting up with verbal abuse. If it wasn't for photography and the group i belong to plus working out at the gym with my cousin, who is more sister than cousin, i would have lost my mind years ago. At 44 a person should have his life together. I can't seem to attain this goal nor a relationship or a family of my own. Is the struggle really worth it? Yes the struggle IS worth it. Some folks are just late bloomers. For years, women turned me down and called me a failure at life. Then I inherited the house, became unsatisfied with my low-paying daytime clerical job, and decided to kill 3 birds with 1 stone. I started a meetup group to be my own boss, to help other singles who've been around the block, and maybe to find the right woman for myself. I licked my depression in the bargain. Guess who's laughing now? 2
ltjg45 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 If i could get back to work i could start. You sound just like me. All you need is a job and you can make something happen. I can understand that fully.
J_L_C Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I would have committed suicide a long time ago before reaching your age and still being single That's a TERRIBLE thing to say!! If you cannot offer this person any VALUABLE advice then don't post. Clearly you have childhood issues too because you never learned that if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all!
hppr Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 IMHO if you are 'struggling' then you are doing something wrong. Not at the right place in your life, going after the wrong people, not truly ready for a relationship, whatever. For me it involved a lot of self-improvement before I could meet the kind of women I wanted to meet. It wasn't fun to admit it but it was something I had to do all the same. After I got that taken care of my dating life improved immensely.
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 OP, things don't just "come into your life." You MAKE them come into your life. You create your own happiness and opportunity. There is no such thing as luck. I love Oprah's quote: "Luck is when opportunity meets preparation." You are intelligent and capable, OP. You have the capacity to pull yourself out of the rut. One foot in front of the other. Step by step. Try not to view your goals of a wife, kids and stable finances as one giant unattainable blob. Break them down into steps. Get yourself working again, whether it is at your current job or in a new career. Get on some online dating sites. Spruce up your look. Your small victories will feel like giant steps in a positive direction and the more positives your life is made up, the closer you are to stepping back and realizing you have created the life you always dreamed of. It is not at all inconceivable to imagine that in ten years you could have financial stability, a wife and a child. NOT AT ALL
Author jma500 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 You sound just like me. All you need is a job and you can make something happen. I can understand that fully. Pretty much.
Author jma500 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 IMHO if you are 'struggling' then you are doing something wrong. Not at the right place in your life, going after the wrong people, not truly ready for a relationship, whatever. For me it involved a lot of self-improvement before I could meet the kind of women I wanted to meet. It wasn't fun to admit it but it was something I had to do all the same. After I got that taken care of my dating life improved immensely. You're right. What I am doing wrong is I don't go to places to readily meet women. There aren't many options for places to do this in RI either. I seem to meet people in my photo arts group though. So maybe someone will join that I will be interested in. This is why I was so surprised by the young woman at the gym.
Author jma500 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 OP, things don't just "come into your life." You MAKE them come into your life. You create your own happiness and opportunity. There is no such thing as luck. I love Oprah's quote: "Luck is when opportunity meets preparation." You are intelligent and capable, OP. You have the capacity to pull yourself out of the rut. One foot in front of the other. Step by step. Try not to view your goals of a wife, kids and stable finances as one giant unattainable blob. Break them down into steps. Get yourself working again, whether it is at your current job or in a new career. Get on some online dating sites. Spruce up your look. Your small victories will feel like giant steps in a positive direction and the more positives your life is made up, the closer you are to stepping back and realizing you have created the life you always dreamed of. It is not at all inconceivable to imagine that in ten years you could have financial stability, a wife and a child. NOT AT ALL I try to find work everyday. I have two very nice looks. One business and the other casual. I work at trying to improve my photography both digital and film. Which is why I joined the art assoc. / photo arts group. I will be with them tonight on a photo shoot. I get smiles and eye contact when I have my gear on and with other members of the group. Much more in NYC then home however. I have to learn to strike while the iron is hot so to speak. Not good at this at all. I just walk away feeling flattered without saying anything. This has to change. One other goal I have for the near future is to take guitar lessons and learn to play my three guitars. As for intelligent, yeah I am. Most of the time I am a whiz at jeopardy. You should see my bookshelves. I am well read in british , american, and world literature and history/British poetry/philosophy. Thanks for the support.
ltjg45 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 You're right. What I am doing wrong is I don't go to places to readily meet women. There aren't many options for places to do this in RI either. I seem to meet people in my photo arts group though. So maybe someone will join that I will be interested in. This is why I was so surprised by the young woman at the gym. My issue is that the good number of places I can meet women at is late enough at night that if I were to go, I would be stranded until tomorrow morning because the bus system is over by 8-9 PM. Most events don't end until 11 PM so I will be camping out at some gas station with no sleep until then. Not saying that it's impossible to pull off since I have done something like this before but that is quite the obstacle.
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