I don't think men will ever approach me

[BustedUpInside]

It is so weird. Now that I am in my 30's, my self esteem has never been better. I like myself so much better than i did when i was in my 20's. Unfortunately, my self confidence doesn't seem to get any validation in the dating world.

 

Men just don't seem to like me. All of my female friends always tell me that they think I am really smart, nice, funny, outgoing, sympathetic and fun. They also say I am pretty or have attractive features. My male friends rarely mention my looks. They usually just say I'm cool. I don't usually fish for compliments though so I don't know what they would say if I did.

 

Here are some of the things I think that men don't find attractive about me:

 

I am very tall (5'11'') 180 cm

I am overweight; well fat really (most of that is due to a disease that I have little control over, but some of it, is of course my fault as well)

I can be sarcastic, which might make me seem standoffish

I don't really ask people out

 

I was just wondering if men out there had any opinions on this. What I am asking is if you have a female friend or if your friends suggest a woman that fits into these criteria, what would be your reasons for not wanting to date her or approach her?

 

I know that everyone has a type, but I bet that most people would want someone with a good personality and I am pretty sure that mine is nice.

[DannyMason]

Are you sure you can't lose the weight? If you can, then you have something you know you can work with from the get-go. Nothing else you listed honestly sounds like a major hindrance although I'm 6'4" so shorter guys might have different opinions about your height.

[sillyanswer]

Here are some of the things I think that men don't find attractive about me:

 

I am very tall (5'11'') 180 cm

I am overweight; well fat really (most of that is due to a disease that I have little control over, but some of it, is of course my fault as well)

I can be sarcastic, which might make me seem standoffish

I don't really ask people out

 

I was just wondering if men out there had any opinions on this. What I am asking is if you have a female friend or if your friends suggest a woman that fits into these criteria, what would be your reasons for not wanting to date her or approach her?

 

 

If my friends suggested a woman that I might date but the only things they told me about her were a list of the things she finds unattractive about herself then I probably wouldn't be very interested.

 

As to your specific list, I don't want to date someone who is fat, but that's just a personal view. (Sorry, but you did ask.)

[KathyM]

You need to lose the weight. No getting around that. 5'11" is a very tall lady, but would not be a dealbreaker for tall men if she is slender or average weight. Overweight and tall would just make you look too big to most men. Work on losing the weight. That's what is going to make the most difference in your ability to attract men.

[Maleficent]

I agree with Sillyanswer. Attitude is everything. Instead of saying 'here is what I think is unattractive about it' work with what IS attractive and look at what you can change from the unattractive list.

 

As far the weight goes - lose the portion you do have control over.

sarcastic is fine...but make sure you don't come off as downright mean

start asking people out?

[Treasa]

I agree with Sillyanswer. Attitude is everything. Instead of saying 'here is what I think is unattractive about it' work with what IS attractive and look at what you can change from the unattractive list.

 

As far the weight goes - lose the portion you do have control over.

sarcastic is fine...but make sure you don't come off as downright mean

start asking people out?

 

I love you.

[BustedUpInside]

Yikes, I thought it might be the weight Unfortunately, with my disease and medication it really isn't a matter of just eating right and working out, which I do for the most part. I cheat every now and then, but doesn't everybody? I am never going to be average or thin. I will always carry extra pounds, unless I was willing to engage in liposuction every 6 months or something.

 

Well, I guess I will just have to try to ask people out myself. There's got to be at least a few eligible men out there who like fat women and aren't total weirdos or something.

[Maleficent]

Yikes, I thought it might be the weight Unfortunately, with my disease and medication it really isn't a matter of just eating right and working out, which I do for the most part. I cheat every now and then, but doesn't everybody? I am never going to be average or thin. I will always carry extra pounds, unless I was willing to engage in liposuction every 6 months or something.

 

Well, I guess I will just have to try to ask people out myself. There's got to be at least a few eligible men out there who like fat women and aren't total weirdos or something.

 

Talk to your doctor? Maybe he knows something you can do to lose the weight?

[BustedUpInside]

Talk to your doctor? Maybe he knows something you can do to lose the weight?

 

My doctors are the ones who told me that I will always be heavy. I really am not making excuses here. I know that a lot of people who are heavy will say that it is glandular, but in my case, that is actually the truth

 

Like I said, I could lose some weight on my own and I have been working on it. However, I will never be thin, trim, svelte, athletic, skinny, average. I am thinking the adjectives I can realistically shoot for would be thick or chubby.

 

I thought that the reason men don't approach me might be related to my weight and now that it is confirmed, I will try to do the asking out myself. I am thinking it has to be a numbers game. If I ask out 100 different men, at least some of them should be interested, right?

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi!

 

First of all, I'm glad you opened this thread, it's good to talk about this stuff. My reply is a bit all over the place and long, because this issue hits very close to home for me and is important, but at the moment I haven't got a lot of time to edit my post, but I wanted to post this as soon as possible. I

 

In case if it's a bit weird and confusin: I tried to convey the message that you shouldn't worry about what (most) people think of your weight, and at the same try tried to show how much I loved women who had more weight than "average". A bit confusing to write:)

 

There are a lot of guys out there who love tall, sarcastic women, who don't weigh what society deems "as average". But it's important that you try to look for us:) And it's important to not let the weight become a self-fullfiling prophecy!

 

///

 

Ok, several things:

I am very tall (5'11'') 180 cm

 

Not a problem for me, I dated briefly a girl quite taller than I was (I'm around 174), but it wasn't a problem. Heck, quite the opposite, I liked it Neither was it a problem for many guys I know, but yes, for some, especially those very short with low self-esteem, it sometimes was

 

I can be sarcastic, which might make me seem standoffish

 

I'm quite sarcastic, and it's my favourite type of humour, so I generally prefer sarcastic people to non-sarcastic:) And I'm sure there are many more out there. I'd recommend trying to attend events/etc. where there might be more sarcastic people than the general population (for example Monty Python projections, stand up comedy shows, social/board games evenings at your local gamestore ... , the options are limitless, we can talk more about it if you want).

 

I don't really ask people out

 

Like I said before, this was my problem in the past:) So I'm fairly confident there are a lot of cool guys who are shy, self-conscious about their looks as well etc., who would be interested in you, but since they don't really ask people out/are bad with flirting/don't flirt/are afraid of being rejected, it's up to you to meet them and take initiative:)

 

However, I will never be thin, trim, svelte, athletic, skinny, average. I am thinking the adjectives I can realistically shoot for would be thick or chubby.

 

I'm not sure what weight we're talking about. But I really like more curvy women than really skin/average ones.

 

My long-term GF was shorter and heavier than I was (I never was sure just how much - at some point around 75, maybe 80 kg - never really asked), and I thought she was beautiful, even though she kept saying she was too fat, ugly, chubby, obese etc. But to me she was beautiful and sexy:) And if she asked me, she could have gained more weight and she'd still look awesome. So curvy was/would be awesome with me:) There more she weighed, the more of her there was for me to love, and it was really a pleasant feeling when we wrestled around in the bed:) (btw, try to think positive! think curvy instead of chubby! you have to start believing yourself and your friends that you look pretty, nice, awesome,...!)

 

Now, if my ex'd have health problems because of her weight, I'd be worried.

 

And at some point I was also dating a girl much taller than I was, who was probably around 85-90 kilos (again, i never asked nor needed to know for sure) kilos, and I thought she looked fantastic. Like I said, I really liked that much better than some of the 45-50 kilos girls I see around.

 

////

 

I'm not sure if this would help or not, so I wondered for a while whether to include this or not, whether it would be counter-productive or perceived as hypocritical. So I'll put a SPOILER warning and you can decide for yourself if you want to look - here are a couple of links of women with a bit more weight who I (and many people) find absolutely hot and beautiful and I would considered myself lucky&happy to meet/approach/be approached by someone like them. And those are just the ones i found in literally first 5 minutes, and I'm sure there are many many others.

 

SPOILER:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/9b4b28807015e8380a47dddd6b8c46f6/tumblr_mmtbehn7ca1qmwr6wo8_1280.jpg

http://www.oddee.com/_media/imgs/articles2/a98119_rsz_moda-plus-size-modelo-tara-lynn.jpg

http://25.media.tumblr.com/0c86f798429da6f249282f0b5621a9e0/tumblr_mmtbehn7ca1qmwr6wo4_1280.jpg

http://www.oddee.com/_media/imgs/articles2/a98119_Barbara%20Brickner.jpg

http://www.oddee.com/_media/imgs/articles2/a98119_Fluvia%20Lucerda.jpg

http://www.oddee.com/_media/imgs/articles2/a98119_Silvia-Rho.jpg

 

////

 

And I'm quite sure there are many guys out there who'd want to date you, you just have to be more proactive in getting to know them, and fear not being rejected! I was rejected quite a few times in my life, especially early on when I was really low on confidence, but later on I found a lot of great girls who liked me.

 

I thought that the reason men don't approach me might be related to my weight and now that it is confirmed,

 

Other posters have made excellent points - it's all about attitude and tastes! Your weight is not a problem, and you shouldn't be ashamed of and think of it as an obstacle, because if you think of it like that, it will eventually become one, because you won't be confident etc.

 

There are many people out there:

- to whom looks of other people aren't that important (especially perhaps if they are self-conscious of their own looks and thus know very well one can be different from societies definition of beauty and still be an awesome person)

- to whom looks are important, but who don't have the "mainstream fashion media" taste in looks and who like curvy women.

 

(With my ex, it really bothered me that she kept on saying how she was ugly, fat etc., even though I would tell her daily that she was beautiful. But at some point I said enough, and I asked her whether she wanted to convince me to start thinking of her like that? Honestly, if she would keep telling me every day for several years that she's fat, ugly etc., I'd either go crazy, get upset, start believing her etc. So not many good options. But even at the end, after almost two years, I still loved how she looked. Low confidence was for me a much bigger turn of than her weight would be, even if she continued to gain weight.)

 

///

My personal experience

 

Also, regarding confidence - I have a genetic condition which can be aesthetically quite unpleasing, and people made fun out of me when I was young, so I became quite self-conscious etc.

 

So I remember when I was in my early 20s I thought no girl would want to be with me and that I'd end up like Steve Carell as a 40 y/o virgin:) But at some point, things turned around, and when my confidence in myself shot up, I started seeing that people did like me, but that I had to be a bit more active myself as well in getting to know new people.

 

But my ex liked me physically, we would make jokes out of my genetic condition etc., and now I can actually go to the beach and feel great about myself, even when some people stare. Because I know I'm gorgeous and because I know I'm an awesome person, and also that many girls like me physically, even though perhaps there are a lot of people who don't and would make fun out of me. But if I'd still continue to be afraid of people's reactions, if i would not approach women and risk rejection etc., I would have less chance of finding someone. So I'm glad you decided to be more proactive in that!

 

 

So don't sell yourself short, don't think of yourself as damaged goods (like I did - I also considered a potentially life-threatening operation, which would in best case scenario render me immobile for 3+ months, when I was a teen, because I let the mainstream concept of "beauty" affect me so much. Luckily I didn't go for the operation, and like I said, I enjoy life now and have realized there are many people who like me. Sure, more people are physically attracted to people like Brad Pitt etc., but I don't need everyone to like me:). Even if it's just a small percentage of people, it amounts to a lot of people with so many people in the world). Don't let your weight become a self-fulfilling prophecy like my genetic condition almost did!

 

I know it can be hard, it was for me, but with baby steps and working on yourself, it gets better!

 

Btw, if there's a chance that you have certain self-esteem issues (like I had/still have due to my condition), have you considered going to counselling or support groups? It has done wonders for my self-esteem (coupled with my hard work and not giving up on myself)!

 

My doctors are the ones who told me that I will always be heavy. I really am not making excuses here. I know that a lot of people who are heavy will say that it is glandular, but in my case, that is actually the truth

 

I believe you! Also, it's great that you're doing your best to be as healthy as you want to be! I know it can be hard to go "against" your own genes... But yes, we can!

 

I really hope you have sought multiple medical opinions? If I had trusted the first (two) doctor(s), I'd probably have taken that operation...

 

Also, have you considered alternative medicine? It has done wonders for me and people that I know, when classic medicine gave up...

 

If you want to talk about it, let us know. And again, I'm not saying that you have to change, but I'm saying that just in case you do want to change, and foremost in case it will ever get to a point where it might cause objective health issues.

 

///

 

If you want, I can talk to you more about all this (perhaps in PM, if I'm clogging this thread too much).

 

But bottom line:

There are a lot of guys out there who love tall, sarcastic women, who don't weigh what society deems "as average". But it's important that you try to look for us:) And it's important to not let the weight become a self-fullfiling prophecy!

 

Best wishes&hope to hear more from you soon

[Calvin's wagon]

P.S.: I really hope my post helped, and that I didn't misspeak or was unclear. I would hate for you to settle for anything less than happiness, and for you to think that you're unattractive! There are so many women in the world who mistakenly think they're unattractive (due to their weight, looks...), but are to me and to a lot of people. Anyway, hope to hear from you soon.

[BustedUpInside]

P.S.: I really hope my post helped' date=' and that I didn't misspeak or was unclear. I would hate for you to settle for anything less than happiness, and for you to think that you're unattractive! There are so many women in the world who mistakenly think they're unattractive (due to their weight, looks...), but are to me and to a lot of people. Anyway, hope to hear from you soon.[/quote']

 

I really liked what you had to say. I think it is important to remind myself that my opinion is really the most important one and if I think I look pretty good, then that's how I look (perception is reality). It is just nice to get a perspective other than "try and be hotter" because I have never really wanted to conform to society's ideals and I like your approach more.

 

I don't need to be beautiful to everybody, I just need to be beautiful to the right person.

 

Again, thank you so much. Your kind words have really inspired me to feel better and act more confidently.

[Treasa]

P.S.: I really hope my post helped' date=' and that I didn't misspeak or was unclear. I would hate for you to settle for anything less than happiness, and for you to think that you're unattractive! There are so many women in the world who mistakenly think they're unattractive (due to their weight, looks...), but are to me and to a lot of people. Anyway, hope to hear from you soon.[/quote']

 

I love you. Why aren't you my next door neighbor or something?

[BustedUpInside]

I love you. Why aren't you my next door neighbor or something?

 

I was literally, word for word, just thinking this.

[pteromom]

I really liked what you had to say. I think it is important to remind myself that my opinion is really the most important one and if I think I look pretty good, then that's how I look (perception is reality). It is just nice to get a perspective other than "try and be hotter" because I have never really wanted to conform to society's ideals and I like your approach more.

 

I don't need to be beautiful to everybody, I just need to be beautiful to the right person.

 

Again, thank you so much. Your kind words have really inspired me to feel better and act more confidently.

 

You wrote yourself what I was going to say! LOL

 

You do not need to be beautiful to everybody - just to the right person.

 

However, it IS important that you make sure you are open to the right person. It doesn't mean you have to ask guys out, but it means you need to smile, listen, respond, and have open body language. Making sure you dress and style yourself to take advantage of your assets is good too.

 

You are tall, curvy, and sarcastic. Don't change who you are. If someone doesn't like sarcastic women, he is NOT the guy for you. I mean, you don't want to end up in a relationship where you are constantly hurting someone's feelings because he doesn't get your humor.

 

Cast your net wide. Tell friends you are looking (maybe someone knows someone to set you up with). Go out. Talk to men on the street, at stores, wherever. Do the online thing (just be ready to weed through LOTS of jerks and crazies.)

 

And don't settle for less than someone who appreciates you for exactly who you are.

[thefooloftheyear]

You need to lose the weight. No getting around that. 5'11" is a very tall lady, but would not be a dealbreaker for tall men if she is slender or average weight. Overweight and tall would just make you look too big to most men. Work on losing the weight. That's what is going to make the most difference in your ability to attract men.

 

 

As much as I hate to say this, but this is the answer....^^

 

A shorter "BBW" can be kinda cute if she isnt sloppy and over the top...But at that height, a weight problem is going to look really like too much for any guy...

 

You can do it...Just knock the weight off..You need not be a waif, just get it managed...

 

TFY

[BustedUpInside]

As much as I hate to say this, but this is the answer....^^

 

A shorter "BBW" can be kinda cute if she isnt sloppy and over the top...But at that height, a weight problem is going to look really like too much for any guy...

 

You can do it...Just knock the weight off..You need not be a waif, just get it managed...

 

TFY

 

I appreciate your input and encouragement, but my weight issues wouldn't fall into the normal category. It is not a simple matter of exercising more or eating less.

 

That being said, I don't think you can really speak for everyone. You may know what you like and you may know what your friends like, but that is not everybody's preference. My original post was mainly to see if there was some combination that stood out as barring me from finding more men to date.

 

My opinion is that my weight may be keeping some men from approaching me, but I probably wouldn't want to be with someone who was so focused on that aspect anyway, because it is always going to be an issue.

 

I also think that the biggest thing I need to work on is my confidence in approaching men. If I want to talk to someone, I should just do it. It will be pretty obvious in the first couple of minutes if they are put off by something about my appearance.

 

Thank you again for your opinion and encouragement though

[spiderowl]

I'm not a guy but I'd like to mention one or two things if I may.

 

Your looks sound fine, striking even. Guys do care about looks but for long-term relationships are more attracted by personality. You mention that you are sarcastic. As a woman, I find sarcasm in a guy deeply unattractive as it's a form of aggression. I can only assume guys find the same thing in a woman. Why are you sarcastic? Do you feel that you aren't getting the guys and that this is why you are being sarcastic?

 

I think it's worth putting some thought into the manner in which you come across. Sarcasm can be aggressive, occasionally funny, but also very defensive. It's like saying 'don't come near me or you'll get bitten'. I suspect your looks are not a problem but you may be deterring guys in other ways, half intended. You deserve a nice guy too. Have a think about why you are wanting to encourage them and yet being caustic at the same time. What do you gain by putting them off?

 

If you find out what's causing you to be so prickly, you may find a solution. Good luck because you deserve to have the good things in life. At the moment, it sounds as if you fend them off.

Edited June 1, 2013 by spiderowl

[BustedUpInside]

I'm not a guy but I'd like to mention one or two things if I may.

 

Your looks sound fine, striking even. Guys do care about looks but for long-term relationships are more attracted by personality. You mention that you are sarcastic. As a woman, I find sarcasm in a guy deeply unattractive as it's a form of aggression. I can only assume guys find the same thing in a woman. Why are you sarcastic? Do you feel that you aren't getting the guys and that this is why you are being sarcastic?

 

I think it's worth putting some thought into the manner in which you come across. Sarcasm can be aggressive, occasionally funny, but also very defensive. It's like saying 'don't come near me or you'll get bitten'. I suspect your looks are not a problem but you may be deterring guys in other ways, half intended. You deserve a nice guy too. Have a think about why you are wanting to encourage them and yet being caustic at the same time. What do you gain by putting them off?

 

If you find out what's causing you to be so prickly, you may find a solution. Good luck because you deserve to have the good things in life. At the moment, it sounds as if you fend them off.

 

Hmmm, that is definitely something to think about. Most of my close friends say that they think I am funny, but maybe it is only because they know me a lot better than someone who would approach me in public.

 

I definitely have a nice side too, so maybe I will try to use that first and then see how it goes from there.

 

Thank you for the advice

[Beeblebrox]

It's hard to tell why you aren't getting much interest in your circle of friends without knowing more. Based on your and your female friends' assessment you are a wonderful lady.

 

Unfortunately, most of us guys are initially attracted to women of average weight, but it changes as we get to know the woman. I have many overweight female acquaintances - including my closest friend - whom I started to see as beautiful as I got to know them and about them: their admirable qualities, hopes/dreams, vulnerabilities. I stopped noticing their weight.

 

Perhaps try to be extra friendly with the guys you're interested in. They might have assumed that you were just being your normal outgoing self with them as you were with everyone else.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi

 

First of all, Treasa & BustedUpInside, thank you for those kind words, they've really made my day and left me speechless (hence the late reply )!

 

Haha, that would have been great, although I suspect, given how much I love how&what you write in your posts, your personalities that shine through them, and your great looks (Treasa, from your beautiful profile picture, & BustedUpInside from your description), that there's a big chance I'd end up wanting to go from "neighbour" to "something" else

 

(I spent some time in France, so I hope you'll excuse me for giving you both compliments at the same time It's just that you're both awesome, and I'd have, khm, how to put it, a hard time putting one before the other )

 

I would've written even more, but wouldn't want to risk either of you thinking I'm insincere.

 

///

 

And now for something completely different

 

I really liked what you had to say. I think it is important to remind myself that my opinion is really the most important one and if I think I look pretty good, then that's how I look (perception is reality). /.../ I don't need to be beautiful to everybody, I just need to be beautiful to the right person.

 

Wow, everything in your post(s) was exactly what I wanted to convey, you've summed it up perfectly. And I'm so happy to have read your response!

 

 

However, it IS important that you make sure you are open to the right person./.../ You are tall, curvy, and sarcastic. Don't change who you are. If someone doesn't like sarcastic women, he is NOT the guy for you. /.../

 

Pteromom's post is amazing! Yes, I totally agree with what she said.

 

I had to be ready to risk opening up to the wrong person, even though I tried to be careful and to take things slowly. It stings if/when one opens up to the wrong person, but c'est la vie. And getting over that is one of life's good/hard lessons I'll gladly accept and hopefully use to help others help themselves.

 

 

I think it's worth putting some thought into the manner in which you come across. Sarcasm can be aggressive, occasionally funny, but also very defensive. It's like saying 'don't come near me or you'll get bitten'. I suspect your looks are not a problem but you may be deterring guys in other ways, half intended. You deserve a nice guy too.

 

Yes, Spiderowl's point is really something to think about. I like sarcastic people, but I also try to keep it under control/moderate, at least until I see the other person likes it and feels comfortable with.

 

I also know that (especially in the past) when I was quite low on my self-confidence and self-esteem, I tended to sometimes confuse other people's sarcasm for thinly-veiled ridicule, as something directed at me, especially if I didn't know or they were new in my life. But even with my self-esteem issues, if the girl continued to show interest etc., I became more and more comfortable with/enjoyed her sarcasm and started to show my sarcastic sense of humour as well:) Nowadays, luckily I usually feel great around sarcastic people from the get-go, but I still am I slightly careful in the beginning. Not so much because of self-esteem issues, but simply due to being hurt in the past.

 

So just bear in mind that many otherwise great guys that would be great for you can be a bit shy/careful, especially in the very beginning. Perhaps because they've opened up to the wrong person too quickly in the past, were being ridiculed for their looks etc. But don't hide your sarcasm too much either:) If someone is way too shy/has way too much self-esteem issues, that's a red flag too. I know I/anyone would have a hard time dating myself from e.g. 6 years ago, I had way too many self-esteem issues, and it would take a lot of patience etc. from the other person, more than the other person could perhaps give at the time.

 

 

It's hard to tell why you aren't getting much interest in your circle of friends without knowing more. /.../ I stopped noticing their weight

 

Beeblebrox (btw, awesome username, Hitch hiker's Guide is probably my favourite book) raises some very good points!

 

First of all, I'd recommend talking to your friends a bit more about how you come across (personality-wise/behaviour-wise/looks-wise etc.), both to them and to new people. I remember that at some point, I realised that some of my friends sometimes didn't tell my of some of the things they didn't like about me, because they didn't want to hurt me etc. While I can understand their good intentions and friendly concern, I still preferred having the truth:) Because once I knew the truth, I could either do something about it or I could accept it:)

 

(This reminds me of one of my favourite Calvin & Hobbes comics - Serenity Prayer ? Calvin Edition - Best of Calvin and Hobbes )

 

Secondly, yes, that's true, in my case, as time went by, I noticed my ex-gf's weight less and less, and just became more and more in love with her personality, her je-ne-sais-quoi, and by extension (pun semi-intended ) her body as well, regardless of her weight. So I was really quite surprised sometimes when she or someone else would comment on her weight.

 

I'm not saying I stopped caring about her physical characteristics completely (unfortunately I'm not that mature...), it's just that my perception of her body started to change (if I recall correctly...). But I can only speak for myself here.

 

 

Anyway, gotta go, time to start plotting how to move to the Midwest J/k, don't worry Treasa, I shan't be stalking you

 

Hope to hear more from everyone, this thread is really interesting and nice to read, and I've learnt a lot from reading it!

 

Best wishes to all

[thefooloftheyear]

I appreciate your input and encouragement, but my weight issues wouldn't fall into the normal category. It is not a simple matter of exercising more or eating less.

 

That being said, I don't think you can really speak for everyone. You may know what you like and you may know what your friends like, but that is not everybody's preference. My original post was mainly to see if there was some combination that stood out as barring me from finding more men to date.

 

My opinion is that my weight may be keeping some men from approaching me, but I probably wouldn't want to be with someone who was so focused on that aspect anyway, because it is always going to be an issue.

 

I also think that the biggest thing I need to work on is my confidence in approaching men. If I want to talk to someone, I should just do it. It will be pretty obvious in the first couple of minutes if they are put off by something about my appearance.

 

Thank you again for your opinion and encouragement though

 

I hope you didnt take offense to my posting...Frankly that was not my intention..Of course I dont speak for all men..I never implied that,,

 

I dont favor thin, or even women who are overy fit..While I myself am fit, I prefer a curvy woman that is "soft"...

 

That said, I still stand by my comments...A woman that is carrying a fair amount of extra weight, AND is unusually tall, is going to put a lot of barriers up when it comes to meeting those of the opposite sex... And while I agree with your point about not wanting anyone who is superficial about appearance, the reality is that no matter who or what a person is inside, that it will never be known if there isnt the immediate physical attraction..Its unfortunate, but thats the reality..

 

I wish you well

 

TFY

[BustedUpInside]

I hope you didnt take offense to my posting...Frankly that was not my intention..Of course I dont speak for all men..I never implied that,,

 

I dont favor thin, or even women who are overy fit..While I myself am fit, I prefer a curvy woman that is "soft"...

 

That said, I still stand by my comments...A woman that is carrying a fair amount of extra weight, AND is unusually tall, is going to put a lot of barriers up when it comes to meeting those of the opposite sex... And while I agree with your point about not wanting anyone who is superficial about appearance, the reality is that no matter who or what a person is inside, that it will never be known if there isnt the immediate physical attraction..Its unfortunate, but thats the reality..

 

I wish you well

 

TFY

 

You didn't offend me, and I think you are right that I, being a heavy person, will not attract the numbers of men right off the bat that more typically pretty women would.

 

I do accept the reality of that and I definitely agree that it would be nice if things were based on personality, but that is just not going to happen anytime soon.

 

thank you for wishing me well. I am going to try to be more confident and just talk to the men that I think seem cool. If they aren't into me, then I will just move on.

 

For future reference, don't worry about offending me. I use this forum because I appreciate the honest responses I get

[spiderowl]

You didn't offend me, and I think you are right that I, being a heavy person, will not attract the numbers of men right off the bat that more typically pretty women would.

 

I do accept the reality of that and I definitely agree that it would be nice if things were based on personality, but that is just not going to happen anytime soon.

 

thank you for wishing me well. I am going to try to be more confident and just talk to the men that I think seem cool. If they aren't into me, then I will just move on.

 

For future reference, don't worry about offending me. I use this forum because I appreciate the honest responses I get

Look, guys will say they are attracted to pretty, shapely and petite women - and yes they are - but there is another kind of attraction which grows on a person and is much stronger and truly inspires commitment and caring. Once a guy gets to know a woman, and falls for her, we are in different territory. I knew a guy who went out with a most odd-looking woman. He was good-looking, intelligent, charismatic, and had left a trail of disappointed women behind him. He was with her for a while and then she dumped him. He was incredibly cut up about it. He knew she wasn't a model, but he loved her and found her attractive to him. That's all it takes.

 

The women I've known who are most attractive to men tend to be pretty - yes, well that takes anyone a long way - but mostly, they are warm, loving, confident, interesting and inspiring. They are true characters who have their own personal power and strength. That is what men find attractive.

[BustedUpInside]

Look, guys will say they are attracted to pretty, shapely and petite women - and yes they are - but there is another kind of attraction which grows on a person and is much stronger and truly inspires commitment and caring. Once a guy gets to know a woman, and falls for her, we are in different territory. I knew a guy who went out with a most odd-looking woman. He was good-looking, intelligent, charismatic, and had left a trail of disappointed women behind him. He was with her for a while and then she dumped him. He was incredibly cut up about it. He knew she wasn't a model, but he loved her and found her attractive to him. That's all it takes.

 

The women I've known who are most attractive to men tend to be pretty - yes, well that takes anyone a long way - but mostly, they are warm, loving, confident, interesting and inspiring. They are true characters who have their own personal power and strength. That is what men find attractive.

 

That has actually been my experience with dating. One of my ex boyfriends told his sister, who then told me , that he said that when he first met me he didn't really think I was his type. We started hanging out and he said that one day it just struck him that he thought I was awesome and he couldn't remember why he thought I wasn't for him. Everything just sort of grew on him.

 

I probably won't be the type of person who goes on lots of different dates, but I bet the ones I do go on will be good because we will both already know that we like each others' personality.