dating tips / interracial dating

[Necris]

I would describe myself as a nerdy nice guy, and I'm also Black. I'm not quite Steve Urkel nerdy but I'm into video games, anime, scifi movies/shows like Star Trek, I'm also into software programming, mathematics, biology, psychology and military science and I'm generally regarded as highly intelligent at least by my peers, but I have poor social skills just speaking to people can be quite difficult and on top of that I'm pretty bad at picking up on social cues (not autistic levels but I'm still not good at picking up those slight subtle hints) and understanding flirting is simply beyond me unless its extremely overt. Most people that I know would describe me as a "nice guy" since I always try to respect others and treat them nicely unless they give me a reason not to.

 

I'm not good with the ladies at all being a virgin and never having a girlfriend let alone really any dates. Being a virgin doesn't bother me in the slightest since I'm also a Christian so running around having pre-marital sex would be a sin, but I do want to have a relationship. So far I have had zero luck in that department. When I try to talk to girls I am either rejected immediately or put in the friend zone eternally. I am open to dating outside my race as I have no problem with it no use limiting my potential dates by such a useless factor as race. For me I'm usually rejected immediately by most of the Black women I come across and very rarely do I even end up in the just friends territory. Hispanic women also generally reject me but most of the time I just enter into the just friends territory. Asian women generally have nothing to do with me. Strangely I have had the most "success" (if you can call it that) with White women even though just like all the other women I'm generally rejected outright at least in some incredibly rare instances I'm able to go on an actual date. Unfortunately the only girls that ever seem remotely interested in me are either ugly/fat (not to sound rude but I have my limits and 300lbs+ is not healthy besides lets be honest attraction is an important part of a relationship) or crazy (I actually went out with a crazy white woman before I knew she was a little eccentric since she would dress awkwardly and would come up with some pretty bizarre conversations but she seemed a bit lonely and had many of the interests I have but the amount of crazy that happened on that date was just nightmarish) or the girl could just be playing me which has happened a few times to be honest I would rather be rejected than played since it wastes so much time and money plus it gets my hopes up for no reason.

 

So loveshack any advice?

[Necris]

How do I edit my post? I want to change the title and some other things but I'm new here.

[khele2k]

You should know that the majority of people aren't as smart as you. And the people you want to meet, social people, aren't the ones hiding in their rooms playing XBOX.

 

So a few tips:

 

Make jokes, have fun, have a sense of humor, especially about yourself. Nerdy people are way too serious and talk too much about uncommon things. Even if you say nothing and laugh you'll get along with people, but make jokes too. Pretty much everybody who goes out is just looking to have a good time and have fun. If nothing else, focus ONLY on having fun and get out of your brainy head when you're out.

 

Two: You're going to embarrass yourself. Shrug it off. Laugh it off. It could be worse, you could be blackout peeing on a cop car. If you say something weird and people disregard what you said don't worry about it. Just keep the smile on your face and enjoy whatever comes next.

 

Three: Don't drink too much. Five beers over the course of the night will get you through and avoid more than a shot or two of hard liquor a night.

 

Four: Don't worry about the approval of others. Disagree with people calmly and playfully. If you're the guy that agrees with everyone all the time you're not very respectable. If somebody says something stupid call them on it without embarrassing them. Especially girls. Don't EVER be mean about it, just joke with them.

 

Listen more than you talk, especially in one-on-one conversations.

 

There's a saying in Ocean's Eleven where Brad Pitt says "Never use 7 words when four will do." James Bond, John Wayne, Clint Eastwood; the strong silent types never talk much, but when they do people listen because its concise and to the point. That's how you sound cool.

 

But hey, have fun man. Joke. Laugh. Make small talk. Laughing, joking and having fun is always way better socially then talking about serious **** like politics and religion.

 

And if you want to flirt with girls start with one you don't find attractive and try flirting with her. Then gradually work on hotter and hotter girls until you're good at talking to all of them.

[khele2k]

The last and most important thing: Give people every bit of your attention.

 

This is huge. If you want to connect with people it's the number one way. Don't think about what you're going to say next. If something brilliant comes to mind and you want to talk - don't. Keep listening because the other person is talking. If someone comes in to talk to you and you're watching TV, turn it off (doing something like this will blow people's minds- they'll ask why you turned off the TV and you say 'because you're talking' and it kills). Even if they're done talking just keep quiet for a moment afterward. They'll start talking again and soon they'll be telling you things they don't ever tell anybody and they'll love you for it.

 

There's really no better way to get people to like you than to really listen to them. Most people don't. Be genuinely interested. You'll find that you will be.

 

 

So give people 100% of your attention when they're talking to you. Really work on this.