scotch Posted January 30, 2003 Share Posted January 30, 2003 I met and went out with a guy that went to stanford and duke. he is doing his residency and will be a doctor --or is a doctor. I got my ba from a state school. i really liked him but convinced myself that because of the educational differences- that it would never work! Now, i realize that i sabatoged myself. OR did i? do you think it makes a difference? any doctors out there? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 30, 2003 Share Posted January 30, 2003 I'm not a doctor but, yes, you screwed yourself with some crazy thinking. People are not defined by what they do. What logic did you use to decide this wouldn't work because of educational issues??? Every person everywhere in the world, no matter what their educational background, knows different stuff. Doctors don't want to be married to somebody who wants to talk about blood, guts and diseases when they get home from work. Where was your head??? I guess it doesn't make much difference now with this guy because you have already rejected him. But from now on use some bit of logic before you decide you aren't compatible with somebody. Now, if you didn't have a college degree at all, it might be difficult...but I have several lady friends, one a teacher and one a housewife with a college degree, both of whom are happily married to medical doctors. You may have missed your ship! Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted January 30, 2003 Share Posted January 30, 2003 I did my undergraduate studies at one Ivy League school, and am currently a doctoral student at another. In between I spent years working at publishing houses and in music production in New York City. I've been surrounded by extremely well-educated people my entire adult life (and, I suppose, I am one myself, although I grew up in a poor, rural area and went to the completely undistinguished local high school). In my experience being educated DOES make a difference in how one sees the world, and thus the type of people one gravitates toward. While the top academic institutions generally turn out well-educated people (but not always, after all GW Bush went to Yale), they are not the only ones who can do so. A person who never went to college, but who reads widely and frequently, who engages her brain on issues not only in her immediate environment but in the larger world, and who is generally curious, and ready & eager to learn would be able to hold her own at a cocktail party full of Rhodes Scholars. She might not have the bravado and arrogance that some of the educated elite have, and that might make her feel like a lesser being, but anyone who's interested in more than just hot air would not look down on her. After the introductions are made, it's the content of your conversation that matters. If that guy was overly impressed with his own credentials and was very conscious of your lack thereof, then yeah, it might not have worked out. That would have nothing to do with him being an Educated Person, it would be about him being a Snob. But if that were the case, why did he want to date you in the first place? Don't get hung up on labels. At the same time, if you feel like you need to stretch a bit beyond your current environment in order to expand your mind, do so. Sadly, not all colleges & universities really encourage students to think for themselves. If you weren't educated in such an environment, it's never too late to start broadening your horizons. Read a good newspaper with strong national & international news bureaus, like The Wall Street Journal or The New York Times. The New Yorker magazine is another excellent source. Check out local art exhibitions. There are lots of ways you can further your education if you feel it's lacking. I try to whenever I can, because there's always something new to see and learn. In short, it matters only if you think it does. If you think that having a degree from a prestigious institution makes someone more desirable, and you less so because you don't, then yes, it matters. But it shouldn't. Well-educated people are just as capable of messing up their lives, and other people's too, as anyone else. And not-so-well educated people are just as able to find success and happiness as someone who attended prep-school, Princeton, and Harvard Law. Link to post Share on other sites
Kylie Posted January 31, 2003 Share Posted January 31, 2003 I am in my final year of medicine at an Ivy League school and I have found that in general, the guys in my course do not like dating intelligent, well educated women. They prefer instead to go for the blonde cheerleader-types that hang around at our parties hoping to pick up a "future doctor". It's pathetic. So yeah, perhaps you don't have the career potential of this guy but chances are he would have much preferred to go out with someone who provided less of a challenge than the work he faces every day. I personally could never date someone below my intellectual level, but I guess women want different things out of relationships than men. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 31, 2003 Share Posted January 31, 2003 Originally posted by Tony I have several lady friends, one a teacher and one just a housewife with a college degree, both of whom are happily married to medical doctors. JUST a housewife! ! ! In my book intellect and intelligence does not always equal formal education. I am no different now that I have my degree (earned in my 40's) than before. The ONLY reason I went for the degree is because I took over a position formerly done by a licensed professional, but because I didn't have the degree I didn't get the salary. I breezed through college (4.0 GPA baby) because I had already lived and experienced most of what was being taught - I just had to learn the technicalities. Now I'm planning for my Masters and I'm sure that I will find that bit of education more challenging, because some of the subjects I'm taking are out of the realm of my experience. I'm not trying to gloat or say I'm super-smart -- I am no smarter than any of you. I have had different experiences is all. Every one of you know more about many topics than I do - because you are experienced or have specialized education -- such as in law - I don't know much about that at all and I probably would not have done as well in college in that subject, or in medicine (I once studied to be a paramedic and took all the requisite courses, including working in the morgue and going on ambulance runs, but in my last semester I witnessed an accident that horrified me and made me change my mind. I have a LOT of respect for people in the medical profession -- I just can't do that.) There are lots of people without degrees that I rely on because they are smart people. Our secretary is not college educated, but she was basically my teacher when I started this new job and now we are friends and help each other out. A lot of it boils down to respect and confusing respect (or disrespect) for a single act or opinion, for overall respect for a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted January 31, 2003 Share Posted January 31, 2003 I'm almost done my degree where I could be a rocket scientist if I so desire! Though the most important thing to remember is that intelligence does not come from what you know; it comes from your ability to learn. I laugh at people who think they are better than someone else just because of what they study or what school they are at. I hate when people say "I won't date anyone under my intelligence level". Your school and education do not make you intelligent, sorry. So what if I'm at the school that I am and majoring in what I am, I don't look down on anyone. Ignorance and intellgence are often confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Stuck Posted February 1, 2003 Share Posted February 1, 2003 Interesting. Scotch feels she's undereducated for someone with such a great collection of universities on his CV. Kylie, who attends an Ivy League school feels she can't date the men she studies with, although she is, at least on paper, intellectually equal. What does this tell us? The level of your education doesn't really matter all that much. For the record, I have a master's from one of the best schools in London. My boyfriend is a sub-contractor. I've dated extremely well- educated guys, but you know what? an Ivy League degree doesn't necessarily teach you how to love anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 Labels - are they good or bad, useful or not? Well, if they stop you from following your heart, prevent you from judging a person (including yourself) by what you see and feel and know about them then I guess they're bad. However, labels are (or should be) an indication of what's in the 'package' as it were, if your looking for oatmeal don't buy the box marked 'Cornflakes'. People who have had the opportunity to go to College and the intelligence to achieve something no doubt have a vision, a confidence and a field of knowledge that would make them interesting, but people aren't oatmeal (well, I've known a few that would have me wondering...). Some people have great talent and intelligence but lack a formal education. Some have drive and ambition, will go on to become millionaires before they're 30 but lack a formal education. Some have sterling qualities that make it a privilege to know them, but never have or will be able to spell (ahem.... modesty prevents). Point is, labels are as labels do, they are just an indication, with people (unlike cereals) you get to look in the box before you decide to take them home. Bottom line, someone who decides to pursue or not to pursue a relationship SOLEY on how many letters are following a person's name may well be shooting themselves in the foot. We're all looking for certain things in a partner, and financial security as well as intellectual stimulation are valid reasons for thinking that someone uneducated (or I guess over educated) might be unsuitable, but I'd have a peek inside the box just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
christin123 Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 Hi: Everyone, I think Different person has different intelligence. Educated people have specialized knowledge. This does not mean they are super in other feilds. Some over- educated people are lack of some kind of knowledge such as social skills. However, in general, educated people are more intelligent than those without education.?? Link to post Share on other sites
scotch Posted February 3, 2003 Share Posted February 3, 2003 thanks for the posts everyone. i think i made a mistake. he seems to be really humble and i can tell he is a good person. that is all that matters. i agree that it may be more of an issue if i had no degree but to rule people out- i am not giving myself the benefit of the doubt of pursuing feelings that i have for him. thanks and happy monday! Link to post Share on other sites
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