habits and patterns

[cat]

i'm frustrated.

 

i date a lot, i feel like guys are easy to attract and i do well in the flirting, initial meeting situations. i know i'm attractive, smart, etc. and i have a lot going for me. the thing is, all guys, even ones that should be "easy" for me to get, end up running after a short time. i don't feel like i put too much pressure as much as it is that i can't seem to open up and feel like i'm making more than a surface connection. i realize the problem yet i feel powerless to change.

 

my friends think it's the guys' fault and that i need to keep "testing the waters" but i internalize each ending as a failure on my part. as in, "why don't these guys ever really like me?"

 

this recently happened to me AGAIN with a guy that could have been good. he seems (and i was told by one of his friends that he is) emotionally closed off but i was hoping we'd be able to establish a connection. i'm not pushing too hard and even after we decided to just be friends, he's continuing to be nice and do lots of nice things for me, etc. he just can't seem to want to date, etc. i wonder if i make him somehow uncomfortable. basically i am sick of feeling like nothing ever progresses to something meaningful and that i am making the same mistakes over and over. any hints on how to be more "me" and establish something meaningful?

[katy_katt]

i date a lot, i feel like guys are easy to attract and i do well in the flirting, initial meeting situations

 

Maybe this is your problem. If you're really flirtatious, sometimes guys tend to think that your relationship is just harmless fun, and don't expect anything serious from you (I don't mean to speak for ALL guys, just taking this from my own experience). I like to flirt myself, but when I really want a guy, I tend to clam up just because I've had the same thing happen to me way too many times. When you flirt with somebody, you are usually not showing your true self, and then it's somewhat of a shock to see the other side of a person. What's the time period between meeting a guy and then sending him off 'running'? Maybe you're just pushing things too fast.

 

You say you notice you are making the same mistakes over and over again, then why can't you change them? Take a look at your habits and take note of the patterns that surface, write them down if necessary, and write down some ways you can go about changing them. And accept the rejections (although I know it's hard)! Don't look at each ending as a failure, but as an opportunity for you to see what you might have done wrong, and a chance to change things.

 

As a last note, things do or don't happen simply because that's the way it's meant to be. Perhaps your friends are right - you just have to bide your time and wait for the right person to come along.