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Expectations- anyone?


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Old 18th January 2002, 8:24 PM   #1
boomerang
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Expectations- Tony, anyone?

This is compicated, but it's troubling me guys and I need your help. My ex bf (the only guy to ever knock me off my feet, in my early thirties!) seemed to like me back, I sensed though he was holding back: he was hot and cold all the time, withholding sexually (wanted to please me but wouldn't let me please him), didn't want his friends or acquaintances see us 'together' ...I was ignoring it for a short while. But six weeks into it I became very suspicious, so I started having 'expectations' from him- maybe my reaction to my suspicion that he's just killing time w/ me.E.g, he said I'll see you in two days. Two days passed, he didn't even called. I started wondering whether he confused me for another girl. When he called back I had accumulated so much suspicion, that I tried to (in a round-about way) figure out whether he has done 'anything exciting that week", I was kind of testing him, to see that he's still passionate about me, see how much he wanted to be with me (on our 2nd date he said: there's nothing I wouldn't do to be with you!). But he didn't say that. He had picked on my insecurity and said instead: I could be convinced to (go on an overnight trip with you this long weekend)! It was downhill from there. He'd just say things to make me jealous, he'd fake his ogasm....

I guess my Q is: when HE is not into it as much as you are. What do you do?

-wait to see if it gets better, if he becomes more 'into it' with time? or

-call it quits, no questions no expectations, just walk away?

Thanks!!
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Old 18th January 2002, 11:33 PM   #2
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Re: Expectations- Tony, anyone?

YOUR QUESTIONS:

1. "I guess my Q is: when HE is not into it as much as you are. What do you do?"

There is always one person who is into the relationship more, who loves more, who is more passionate about it than the other. The level of interest is never exactly the same. There is nothing you can do.

2.. "-wait to see if it gets better, if he becomes more 'into it' with time?"

What you are saying is you want him to be much more into it than he is. I think you need to set some time limits to this. If you don't think he's becomming more responsive in a reasonable amount of time you have no choice but to move on.

3. "-call it quits, no questions no expectations, just walk away?"

It's never good to have expectations because you open yourself up for disappointment. Just accept things as they occur, day by day. If you are not getting satisfaction out of a relationship after a reasonable amount of time, yes...you should walk away.

Don't allow yourself to be jerked around or manipulated in a relationship. If you don't feel good about being with somebody, if you don't feel their interest level is where it needs to be for you to feel decent about it...move on down the road.
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Old 19th January 2002, 7:07 PM   #3
boomerang
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Thanks Tony! -n/t

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