longlegzs80 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Question for all you men: When someone is attractive to you, do you find them intimidating? I been told by one guy friend that he was intimated by me at first because I am an attractive women, strong and very independent. Just wondering what your ideas on that is. Another thing, what things could women do to get your attention without lifting up her shirt or taking off her clothes? I get eye contact, maybe the occasional hello, but after that nothing. Sometimes I get alot of eye contact but nothing, so what's up with that? Link to post Share on other sites
LN99 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Good question. I get a lot of the same as well, but nothing much beyond. It's fustrating!! Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 re: Longlegz: " When someone is attractive to you, do you find them intimidating? .....guy friend...intimidated by me at first because I am.. attractive...strong....very independent..... what could women do to get your attention without..taking off her clothes? " I think the best answer to this comes from two main perspectives: who *you* think you are and how *you* think you appear to others -and then what others actually do see, and how they compare that to their past experiences, current knowlege and information, and what their future expectations are -for the ever-changing moment. Fodder for a lot of discussion and, certainly, screaming for explaination. (Smile) At any given time in our lives we are operating on the fuel of past experiences that have shaped our thoughts and perceptions of who we are, where we fit into society and, generally, the results of a life (good or bad) that "grew" us to this point. Some of those experiences appear as obvious details which influence our personality, appearance, and other things like our views on morality, ethics of all types, and the developed (actually "developing") set of standards we use to generate all kinds of routine behavior. The results of these accumulated experiences work kind of like a computer program -always running in the background identifying and defining our core individuality, as well as telling the rest of the world loads of information about us. So with the core engine of who we are built, we expand with *current* info. Current info is *active* and ever-changing -which, in turn, "feeds", influences, and changes (hones, reshapes) our steady core. With all that info combined to our core -and the resulting nature of our "self", we add "expectations". Future expectations couldn't exist alone -they're dependent on all the accum. And they (expectations) can be realistic, fantastical, or "on hold" -surpressed- in a veritable state of "limbo". With all that said, this is what you expose -sometimes, without even realizing it- to others when you meet. A fair for instance: if you've just experienced a traumatic emotional break-up or other event, you may be in any a state of "repair" or "recovery". How your background experiences lead you to deal with the trauma, and all the changes you have experienced so far, may have created an individual that appears unusually cautious and strong (in a rubber-band stretched too tight sense), or in a state of desperate weakness, or living in a state of temporary "insanity" where you are unusually "happy" (in serious denial about your true state of emotions). And these appearances -whichever category or state of being you happen to fall in- is what you bring to the table when you encounter new people. And it's all the information about you that's available for them to use in their evaluation of you. If you are not the *you* that you could be, want to be, or usually are -then, of course, the info they have is wrong, but it may cost you the opportunity to have formed a new friendship. There is one very important "other side" to this explaination I want to point out: it is not only *you* who is responsible for the outcome of new encounters -but the *other person*, as well. As human beings dependant on the nature of this same behavior, they are also operating with the same basic set of developing, evolutionizing, personality and individuality-forming "rules" and patterns -subject to them- just like you. Throw in a crash-course on chemistry and it's place in forming human relationships -and you've got a fleeting moment of clarity into the complicated "whys" and "wherefores" of all of a lot of what we do, why we do it, -and how. So, back to your original question, " what could women do to get your attention without..taking off her clothes? " Well, (Smile) -I guess it's like the US Army says, "Be all you can be." -at any given time. At least, if you are rejected (or happen to be the one who does the rejecting) -it'll be based on the sound knowlege of *who you really, truly are*. (Smile) Hope this helps. (Overlook the typos -it's early. Now, where's my coffee?) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Dadaal Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 HHh.. crash course for women!! Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Question for all you men: When someone is attractive to you, do you find them intimidating? I been told by one guy friend that he was intimated by me at first because I am an attractive women, strong and very independent. Just wondering what your ideas on that is. Another thing, what things could women do to get your attention without lifting up her shirt or taking off her clothes? I get eye contact, maybe the occasional hello, but after that nothing. Sometimes I get alot of eye contact but nothing, so what's up with that? I don't find women intimidating if I am attracted to them. However, when I was a lot younger and less confident, I did to some extent. The main thing a woman can do to get my attention is to start talking to me. If I find her attractive, I can take it from there But if I have no idea she is interested, and there isn't an easy way to strike up a conversation, then I might not make a move. Also, once you get talking, be touchy/feely and positive/flirtatious with your body language. Not many women can do this, but the ones who can do it make a very big impact. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 As a man I can't give you a canned, one size fits all response. On a personal level I would tend to be more challenged than intimidated but it would certainly not be based upon lookls alone. If a woman carries herself well, appears confident and has a certain look in her eyes that says she's fun, compassionate, adventuresome, interested and engaged in life in general and hers in particular, I would find that very enticing. If I found you attractive in all those respects I would pursue conversation beyond a mere "hello" and hope to be responded to in turn. Mere physical attractiveness is nice to look at but certainly nothing beyond that if the other elements are missing. Link to post Share on other sites
Dadaal Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 It all depends on agood eyes contacts from both " PARTIES". I am turned on by women who look sexy and flirtitious ,besides , it is difficult to strike a talk with any woman without any particular uniqueness. Link to post Share on other sites
crosswordfiend Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 If you are asking about how to attract men in public, don't forget that proximity is a major factor. A seemingly short distance between tables at a cafe or restaurant can amount to a large psychological barrier. Tables represent closed off spaces in a sense. I'm fairly decent at talking to random people in public. However, I tend to confine my probes to people waiting in line next to me, milling around in the bar area, or seated at an adjacent table. In these cases, simple eye contact or less is all that is required. On the other hand, if the person is far away and I have no natural excuse to be closer, something more obvious such as a wave or a hand gesture to get my butt over will be necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 re: MentalTraveler: " women intimidating....when I was a lot younger and less confident.... The main thing a woman can do to get my attention is to start talking to me." So it takes *warmth* to get your attention, enough reciprocated devotion to the conversation or contact (interest) to affirm the meeting offers promise, and (what a surprise!) > your own self-confidence. Good answers, MT, Curmie. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Thank you for all the responses. I'm still not sure what to do, but thank you for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
MattSavage Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I think we are missing out on something big here. I don't think intimidation is really the factor but more so of fear. The fact is, many men get what is called approach anxiety (basically the fear of approaching and talking to an attractive woman because they might get rejected). It is actually very common and it is a huge problem in our society. Even if you do send out the signals that you want a guys attention, it usually isn't enough. Men aren't as good as picking up on eye contact and other flirtatious behaviour. I think if you really want to get a guys attention then I think initiating the conversation with a simple "hi" ought to get the ball rolling. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Signaling interest is a tricky situation. Some women are friendly flirts and still have no interest in a guy, and the ones that are interested could even fall into this category if they don't send out the proper signals. People in general can tell a lot about a person just from appearance. Several other posters made good points so i'll just add to it - Have open body language (dont cross your arms) Smile and make EC (smiling immediately makes anyone appear attractive, friendly, and sociable) Kino (short for kinesthics), is also a subtle positive touching of another in a friendly/interested manner. such as the arm and shoulders for starters. Play with your hair, throw your hair back....I dont know how to explain this, but it's probably an innate instinctual action women do when they are nervous/intimidated of a guy they are interested in who are within their proximity. I dont know about other guys, but this is my number one attention grabber, especially when i havent noticed the girl until she does do it. People dont realize it but body language and physical appearance (clothing) play a major subconscious role in attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 As Rio said, it depends on the man in front of you. Less confident men are going to be in awe of someone they find attractive and will tend to put you on a pedestal, which will probably leave you less attracted to them when you pick up on it. You might be meeting men who don't have a lot of confidence. On the other hand, if you're dating men who do have some degree of confidence, it could be anything...maybe it's nothing more than just a run of bad luck - it happens. Or, perhaps you're giving off bad body language (arms crossed, aloofness, not smiling etc). If you look cold and unapproachable, well, you're less likely to be approached. For me, I think I can honestly say I'm not really all that intimidated by women anymore. I pretty much take my cue from the woman and try to read her body language. I want her to look at me in the eye and smile for a good second or two. Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Okay, very good advice. Thank you! What happens if I don't mean to be cold looking, aloof, not smiley when I see someone at work I am attracted to because I am having a bad day but they keep looking at me and when I look up I have the deer in headlights look? I don't know. I find that if I have a good day or a not so bad day, I can smile but I don't see him often so, when I Do see him I get the deer in headlights look or I am so thrown off by him starring at me that I blush and look away. When someone blushes, what does that say to the opposite sex that your blushing at? Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 When someone blushes, what does that say to the opposite sex that your blushing at? Definitely a sign of fertility! hah. but it would definitely imply shyness/interest. Link to post Share on other sites
icebreaker Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Okay, very good advice. Thank you! What happens if I don't mean to be cold looking, aloof, not smiley when I see someone at work I am attracted to because I am having a bad day but they keep looking at me and when I look up I have the deer in headlights look? I don't know. I find that if I have a good day or a not so bad day, I can smile but I don't see him often so, when I Do see him I get the deer in headlights look or I am so thrown off by him starring at me that I blush and look away. When someone blushes, what does that say to the opposite sex that your blushing at? It says you might be intimidated by this individual. You say you don't see him often enough to smile, which gives you that deer in the headlights look. My guess is you don't smile enough wherever you are. Start smiling at whoever comes your way. Postman, taxi driver, old lady on the street, etc. It doesn't matter. And when people respond, you will eventually be more open to their response. This will make it natural for you to smile and appear approachable when he walks in on those rare occasions. Also, a compliment can go along way. If you notice anything different from the last time you saw him. Tell him. Just break the ice and let him run with it. Take Care! Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 re: Icebreaker: "Also, a compliment can go along way. If you notice anything different from the last time you saw him. Tell him. Just break the ice and let him run with it. Take Care!" The above post -and the fact you conveyed earlier that when you see him it just seems as if it's always the wrong time, or that your day is in such a mess- you might try the following: For instance, you could say, " I'm having a terrible day -but seeing you just makes me smile." I think that would be a perfect way to break the ice and set things straight. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 I appreciate the helpful advice everyone has given me about this. I'm lookin forward to seeing if all the smiling I will be doing and should be doing will pay off. Will see. Thanks again... Link to post Share on other sites
hardknocks Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 all a girl generally has to do is look or smile at a guy and they come running! I'm suprised at this thread. The feeling I get 99.9% of the time is that women are sick of being flirted with and chased by guys. A lot of times when women say this it is because it isn't the "Right" guy... and therin lies the problemo. Is it guys in general you can't get attention from .. or is it particular guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Author longlegzs80 Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 all a girl generally has to do is look or smile at a guy and they come running! I'm suprised at this thread. The feeling I get 99.9% of the time is that women are sick of being flirted with and chased by guys. A lot of times when women say this it is because it isn't the "Right" guy... and therin lies the problemo. Is it guys in general you can't get attention from .. or is it particular guys? From one particular guy, I get the stares when I do see him, or the looks, the eyebrow flashes, and when he does smile, he blushes which is kinda cute. I just get so nervous that I can't seem to speak to him. But when it comes to getting attention from other men is where I have problems too. But I have noticed when I am alittle bit smiley, or feeling good, I get more of a positive response. So, I will work on the smiling thing more, especially around this one particular guy, because he does keep staring when I do see him. I always wonder what is he thinking? Thanks again folks. Link to post Share on other sites
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