Guest Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 My great friend "Tina" is getting married this summer. "Tina" and I "Tony" have been friends for five years. We've been really tight for at least a year. We can talk about anything, tell each other anything, good and bad. There isn't anything we wouldn't do for each other if we could. Her fiance says that once they get married, she's not allowed to hang out alone with friends of the opposite sex, even in public, unless he's there too. She says I'm the only male friend she's concerned with not being able to spend time with by herself. The reason is because we're just really good friends and we both agreed that it would be tragic if we couldn't just spend time together. I'm planning to go to her wedding three months from now. I understand that some things inevitably do change when someone gets married. Life changes, but our friendship doesn't. We have talked about the fact that we will be friends until we're old and moldy. We've never hooked up, talked about it, or even come close. Am I being unreasonable to expect that two friends should still be able to spend time together despite a marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 It sounds as though the groom is just a tad jealous of her friendships - he hates the thought of someone knowing her better than him and so he's putting his foot (somewhat clumsily) down. I really wouldn't be too concerned - if i were you i'd express my desire to get to know this guy and make an effort to be friendly towards him - if you two get on he'll feel more secure and after hanging out with both you and his bride a couple of times will probably be more than happy to leave you two to have time together when you want it. In other words, my best advice is don't get too upset and think he's trying to take her away from you - he's just feeling that way himself and is trying, albeit in a clumsy way, to establish himself as the prime male in her life. All you have to do is let him know yo are happy for him to be that becasue you are just a friend and would like to be with him too. Link to post Share on other sites
grateful Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 I don't think you are being unreasonable. I've run into this attitude before - had a male friend tell me while we were talking at a cafe that after he got married we wouldn't be able to hang out like this. I was very confused. I think the problem is with Tina's fiance. I hope the two of them can work it out because he needs to learn how to trust her. But Zara's advice is good - you do need to back off until the husband knows and trusts you too. Hopefully his attitude will change - - but in the end its an issue between Tina and her husband. If I were Tina, I wouldn't marry a man who tried to control me like that. But if she thinks it's reasonable then you'll have to get used to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 Since this is coming out of her mouth, not the future husband's, she may have overstated it, but if nothing else, you have to accept that he will be the important person in her life and that your friendship as it was will end -- there are some things that just don't happen anymore after someone gets married. My sense is that I'm not sure I'd be thrilled to marry someone who just needed/wanted to "spend time" intentionally with an opposite sex friend -- putting it that way is just a little odd. Link to post Share on other sites
LakeGirl Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 My great friend "Tina" is getting married this summer. "Tina" and I "Tony" have been friends for five years. We've been really tight for at least a year. We can talk about anything, tell each other anything, good and bad. There isn't anything we wouldn't do for each other if we could. Her fiance says that once they get married, she's not allowed to hang out alone with friends of the opposite sex, even in public, unless he's there too. She says I'm the only male friend she's concerned with not being able to spend time with by herself. The reason is because we're just really good friends and we both agreed that it would be tragic if we couldn't just spend time together. I'm planning to go to her wedding three months from now. I understand that some things inevitably do change when someone gets married. Life changes, but our friendship doesn't. We have talked about the fact that we will be friends until we're old and moldy. We've never hooked up, talked about it, or even come close. Am I being unreasonable to expect that two friends should still be able to spend time together despite a marriage? Sounds like she is marrying the wrong guy. If you 2 are that close, and communicate that openly with one another, why hasn't it ever gotten any further than that? Link to post Share on other sites
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