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Glad I'm not the only idiot

Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

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Old 1st February 2019, 12:47 PM   #1
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Glad I'm not the only idiot

Ha,ha, Well, I've been reading through a lot of these posts and glad I'm not the only stupid person out there. When I look back over that first year of dating I wonder why in the hell did I ever go through with it and marry her. There were plenty of signs that she wouldn't/couldn't make me happy. She was thoughtless, obtuse, and worst of all, asexual. Yet, here we are, 2 decades later, three kids, one gone, and when the other two fly the coop so will I.

I've really been hard on myself over the past decade or so. I've just wanted to kick myself in the behind for being so stupid and marrying someone like her. Really, what in the world was I thinking? And honestly it would have been better for her if she married someone else as well. Someone asexual like she is and just kind of in their own world.
And yes, she truly is asexual. I didn't even know something like that existed when I got married. I just thought everybody wanted sex but some just wanted to wait until they were married. That's what we did. Waited. ha,ha,ha,ha. So I thought I was doing the more righteous thing by waiting only to end up spending the past 2 decades hating.

If only I had known that she waited because she really had no sex drive! But still, the signs were there. I got upset with her before we were even married. She completely frustrated me at times. And that's why I write this post. For all of you contemplating marriage, if it isn't that great before you are married it only goes downhill from there. And from reading these posts a LOT of you are not happy with your fiance. Do you think getting married is going to fix that? Save yourself a lot of grief and end it now before you say those two words you'll regret forever. I do.
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Old 1st February 2019, 1:17 PM   #2
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No your not the only one for I am the #1 biggest idiot!
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
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Old 1st February 2019, 6:23 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Nosexleadstodivorce View Post
And that's why I write this post. For all of you contemplating marriage, if it isn't that great before you are married it only goes downhill from there.
I was the other side of the coin, married someone smokin' hot with whom the sex was crazy good but really not compatible in most other ways. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd that didn't work well either.

So while physical chemistry is great, it's certainly not everything...

Mr. Lucky
Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct -

Eleanor Roosevelt
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Old 3rd February 2019, 5:35 PM   #4
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Man, I only feel badly that you didn't get out 10 years ago when you knew it was over. I think kids know whether or not there is fighting when their parents are in a loveless marriage and it imprints them subconsciously, so they seek out emotionally unavailable partners or mirror that connection in some way. I wouldn't even wait for the other two to fly the coop. At some point you need to love yourself first. Did she just stop the sex altogether? Does she try to compromise on any of the physical connection at all?
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Old 6th February 2019, 2:11 PM   #5
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Same as Mr. Lucky, my first wife was hot and ready to roll any time night or day. She was described as the proverbial “could suck start a Harley” and wanted action as many times per day as I could perform. I was totally blinded by the quantity and quality of sex. (It was like that year in college that I bought and installed a keg cooler for draft beer in the apartment. No self control and good judgement when out the window LOL .)

Then, we got married.

Sex dropped off to just a few days a month, and for those few days it was a frenzy. I found out later that she had stopped all BC and was telling everyone she was trying to get pregnant. At the time I was too stupid to connect the dots to see what was going on. The whole dating and engagement thing was a setup. After some time of not getting pregnant, she started running around. That soon led to divorce and she went through who knows how many more men and at least two more husbands that I know about.

So, no you’re not the only idiot and I was right there in your club. Different reasons for entering the clubhouse but nonetheless just as qualified to be there.
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